RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed?

RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (Full Version)

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servilecat -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 3:23:21 PM)
After ten years in the lifestyle i know i could never go back. i tried vanilla with my last marriage....note, last marriage...although he thought he was a Dominant, he was actually sadly, a vanilla submissive that couldn't take pain. i no longer have the strength nor the desire to train anyone. Life has definitely gotten better after 40 so i'm sticking with what i know i want and need. Daddy is 42 and i'm almost 42. As we age we may get a little more vanilla in the muscles, aches and pains and do a little less flogger play but we will never be vanilla or live vanilla. Personally i know i wouldn't survive..

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 3:25:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali [Much good stuff snipped] I had a "vanilla" partner between BDSM Masters but the D/s dynamic was still definately there, just the kinky stuff was missing. Do you mean that he was domineering rather than dominant (within the context of D/s )? quote: Sometimes I think about this whole dynamic... cause our inner workings really fascinate me, exploring the inner dynamics that go on inside me is better than watching the best movie ever created, better than discovering the light bulb to me, more fulfilling than climbing the highest mountain or traveling to the most remote location. Anyways, yeah I think about this whole process sometimes. I love it when people are introspective, question everything, and delve deeply into the psyche -- because the essence of one's life is truly all about the search for meaning, love and sprituality. quote: I ask myself the question "Ok, so I've had both, relationship with no kink, relationship with kink. I've been happy in both. The D/s dynamic is the common theme. ive come to the conclusion that I am submissive in relationship, that is what makes me happy. Yet between both kinds of relationships there is a difference "the play"..yet is that all it is? If its just "play" thats there or not, why is it that when my whole head gets into "being a slave" it awakens something extra that just falls asleep when the bdsm aspect isnt there..so its got to be about more than the "play". Like "play" itself is just the same as going skiing really. its thrilling, fun, exciting, an adult kinda playground to have fun with your partner in..that can't be the only difference.?? Can it? What is play to some is serious to others. Only you can make that distinction. But because of your deep soul-searching, I think what you will find, or already have found, is really what makes you happy. quote: I'm very good at relationship...but over the process of my relationships I have really noticed a remarkable difference in them within myself and what each relationship has been able to provoke in me. Personally, I have a strong belief that life is really all about growth and of the evolution of the sprit. -addicted2it

StellaByStarlite -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 3:37:28 PM)
The Mister and I have a vanilla core, the D/s is just an enhancement at the moment. Will we stay this way? I don't know. Will things "progress"? Don't know that either. What I DO know for certain is that our marriage comes absolutely first. I fell in love with the vanilla man. If he woke up tomorrow morning and told me that he no longer wanted to explore this, I wouldn't leave him. We'd work things out somehow, because we're committed to each other more then the dynamic. That's what marriage is all about, after all

kyraofMists -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 3:42:14 PM)
Like many others have stated, there isn't anything to go back to. I have been having kinky sex since I first started having sex. One of my very first consensual sexual experiences was a threesome with a very dominant man. From there my partners and I experimented with bondage. Then several years ago, someone accidently hurt me. He felt bad until he realized that it excited me and turned me on. One day I decided to dive into the deep end and now I am in a wonderful relationship with a very sadistic man. As far as D/s, I have not had a relationship where I have not wanted to submit to my partner. It is just who I am. This is no going back and nothing to go back to. Knight's kyra

yenlui -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 4:26:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM? I tried. I became one of those "close my eyes and think of something and someone else and hope my partner would shut up so I could enjoy my fantasy every time I had sex"-person.

igor2003 -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 4:49:12 PM)
Hmmm....Going "back" to vanilla does not compute. I was practicing self-bondage since my pre-teen years. I've had more "vanilla" relationships, by far, than what i've had kink relationships though. Mostly because things like BDSM and associated themes are only just now coming out of the dark ages in this area. Because of the lack of people in this area with similar interests i HAVE tried to switch to being "normal" a number of times. However, even in my vanilla relationships i have almost never reached a sexual climax without at least fantasizing about participating in kink activity. So i guess i'm stuck here regardless of whether i try going vanilla or not.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 4:51:23 PM)
I'm kind of almost there now. Bdsm hasn't really worked for me. It's been so much a part of my being for so long now, but it's never really been all that successful for me. Whatever the reasons for that, it's brought me to realize that perhaps all I'm ever going to find in life is a vanilla or platonic relationship. The difficulty is convincing myself that that is all right.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 5:02:08 PM)
I thought I'd post again, most of the issues I've encounted in vanilla based relationships appear to be based on self esteem issues my partner was having. These things can be nasty elements if not properly control or dealt with.

minnetar -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 6:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for. (Said with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.). I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM? -addicted2it aren't you basically denying your own qualities and your personality makeup? To me it is totally unfulfilling and settling. minnetar

Griswold -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:18:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for. (Said with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.). I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM? -addicted2it Uhmmmm.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

petdave -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:38:17 PM)
Tried, failed. Tried, failed. Threw away caches of toys, bought them again. Told myself i would never even bring up the subject again, brought it up. Tried associating fantasies with traumatic responses, had them anyway. Etc. Works about as well as dieting, i'd say.

MsCara -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:41:38 PM)
.. I have never known anyone that could walk away and stay away. It isn't about "what" you do .. it's about "who" you are. C.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:47:56 PM)
I thinking the question is this"Why would anyone want to go back vanilla"? To the dating scene ,the bland sex without excitment,Missing the thrill of ownership.. I could never go back I am 60 and have in some form or fashion been into bdsm since the age of 15...I guess it to each their own.I must admitt in this shark infested ls some just can't swim fast enough and get ate up..I believe those that test the waters early and can't cope then the bland ol" vanilla world awaits them...as always just the views of this OL" MASTER

smcontrol -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:49:28 PM)
I guess I've been very fortunate in that I don't see what it is about the lifestyle that would make you want to "go back" in the first place. I did read what LA said about outgrowing it and I guess I can understand that intellectually and can see that maybe D/s can be something like a new toy too and fade a little the day after Christmas. But I have yet to find out what part is it about a beautiful, intelligent woman devoting at least a good part of her life to pleasing me both sexually and emotionally that is such a burden I need a "break" from it. Having a slave in my life has never seemed all that much like heavy lifting I guess.

Asraii -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 7:58:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it quote: ORIGINAL: Asraii I could live without the kink; I could live without the D/s. AS long as I was happy with the person that I was with, the rest is just frosting on the cake. Love conqueres all. Spoken as a true romantic. -addicted2it Actually, there is nothing romantic in my thinking at all. Just a realistic outlook on things.

MasterGremlin -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 8:13:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for. (Said with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.). I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM? -addicted2it I spent the better part of my adolescent and adult life going from miserable unfullfilling vanilla relationship, marriage to another. The reason they were miserable is because none of them were "me". I could never be "me" with any of those "vanilla" people. I could never let the true me out and I was extremely unhappy. Since I have met my Master, I finally had a chance to let the "real me" out and the "real me" will never go back. I am finally happy, loved and accepted as the naughty little slut princess I am. [sm=whap.gif] Sincerely, minxy[:)]

Mystique567 -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 8:26:44 PM)
I have lived most of my life vanilla, I have no desire to go back. But I had a Master who released me to follow a vanilla relationship, he seems to be happy.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/27/2007 1:40:02 AM)
I would never go back to vanilla bf's no. We don't have to be Master slave, but I have to have some forms of kink to be fufilled. I just do.

jauntyone -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/27/2007 2:16:57 AM)
Greetings I have never considered the way Master and I live to be anything certain; meaning that a label has never been attatched to it. With that in mind, there is no 'going back' when I look at our relationship. I wish you well melissa

Lashra -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/27/2007 4:38:30 AM)
I am a dominant female and I have been that way in all my relationships, even the vanilla ones. I have to say that no I do not have any desire to go back to being vanilla. Many vanilla guys cannot handle the fact that I like being in charge and I refuse to try to "convert" them or dealing with the fights that come from him not getting his way. I'd rather stay single. ~Lashra

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