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RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 3:23:21 PM   
servilecat


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		After ten years in the lifestyle i know i could never go back.  i tried vanilla with my last marriage....note, last marriage...although he thought he was a Dominant, he was actually sadly, a vanilla submissive that couldn't take pain.  i no longer have the strength nor the desire to train anyone. 

Life has definitely gotten better after 40 so i'm sticking with what i know i want and need.  Daddy is 42 and i'm almost 42.  As we age we may get a little more vanilla in the muscles, aches and pains and do a little less flogger play but we will never be vanilla or live vanilla.  Personally i know i wouldn't survive..

(in reply to ShadowWalker1031)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 3:25:15 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

[Much good stuff snipped]

I had a "vanilla" partner between BDSM Masters but the D/s dynamic was still definately there, just the kinky stuff was missing.


Do you mean that he was domineering rather than dominant (within the context of D/s )?

quote:


Sometimes I think about this whole dynamic... cause our inner workings really fascinate me, exploring the inner dynamics that go on inside me is  better than watching the best movie ever created, better than discovering the light bulb to me, more fulfilling than climbing the highest mountain or traveling to the most remote location. Anyways, yeah I think about this whole process sometimes.


I love it when people are introspective, question everything, and delve deeply into the psyche -- because the essence of one's life is  truly all about the search for meaning, love and sprituality.

quote:


I ask myself the question "Ok, so I've had both, relationship with no kink, relationship with kink. I've been happy in both. The D/s dynamic is the common theme. ive come to the conclusion that I am submissive in relationship, that is what makes me happy. Yet between both kinds of relationships there is a difference "the play"..yet is that all it is? If its just "play" thats there or not, why is it that when my whole head gets into "being a slave" it awakens something extra that just falls asleep when the bdsm aspect isnt there..so its got to be about more than the "play". Like "play" itself is just the same as going skiing really. its thrilling, fun, exciting, an adult kinda playground to have fun with your partner in..that can't be the only difference.?? Can it?


What is play to some is serious to others.  Only you can make that distinction.  But because of your deep soul-searching, I think what you will find, or already have found, is really what makes you happy.

quote:


I'm very good at relationship...but over the process of my relationships I have really noticed a remarkable difference in them within myself and what each relationship has been able to provoke in me.


Personally, I have a strong belief that life is really all about growth and of the evolution of the sprit.

-addicted2it




_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 3:37:28 PM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		The Mister and I have a vanilla core, the D/s is just an enhancement at the moment.

Will we stay this way? I don't know. Will things "progress"? Don't know that either. What I DO know for certain is that our marriage comes absolutely first. I fell in love with the vanilla man. If he woke up tomorrow morning and told me that he no longer wanted to explore this, I wouldn't leave him. We'd work things out somehow, because we're committed to each other more then the dynamic. That's what marriage is all about, after all

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 3:42:14 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Like many others have stated, there isn't anything to go back to.  I have been having kinky sex since I first started having sex.  One of my very first consensual sexual experiences was a threesome with a very dominant man.  From there my partners and I experimented with bondage.  Then several years ago, someone accidently hurt me.  He felt bad until he realized that it excited me and turned me on.  One day I decided to dive into the deep end and now I am in a wonderful relationship with a very sadistic man. 

As far as D/s, I have not had a relationship where I have not wanted to submit to my partner.  It is just who I am.  This is no going back and nothing to go back to.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 4:26:02 PM   
yenlui


Posts: 51
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it


I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there.  And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM?





I tried. I became one of those "close my eyes and think of something and someone else and hope my partner would shut up so I could enjoy my fantasy every time I had sex"-person.

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 4:49:12 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm....Going "back" to vanilla does not compute.  I was practicing self-bondage since my pre-teen years.  I've had more "vanilla" relationships, by far, than what i've had kink relationships though.  Mostly because things like BDSM and associated themes are only just now coming out of the dark ages in this area.  Because of the lack of people in this area with similar interests i HAVE tried to switch to being "normal" a number of times.  However, even in my vanilla relationships i have almost never reached a sexual climax without at least fantasizing about participating in kink activity.  So i guess i'm stuck here regardless of whether i try going vanilla or not.

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 4:51:23 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I'm kind of almost there now. Bdsm hasn't really worked for me. It's been so much a part of my being for so long now, but it's never really been all that successful for me. Whatever the reasons for that, it's brought me to realize that perhaps all I'm ever going to find in life is a vanilla or platonic relationship. The difficulty is convincing myself that that is all right.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 5:02:08 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I thought I'd post again, most of the issues I've encounted in vanilla based relationships appear to be based on self esteem issues my partner was having.  These things can be nasty elements if not properly control or dealt with. 

(in reply to servilecat)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 6:02:44 PM   
minnetar


Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it


Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for.  (Said  with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.).

I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there.  And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM?

-addicted2it





aren't you basically denying your own qualities and your personality makeup?  To me it is totally unfulfilling and settling.

minnetar

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:18:02 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it


Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for.  (Said  with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.).

I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there.  And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM?

-addicted2it
 
Uhmmmm.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:38:17 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Tried, failed. Tried, failed. Threw away caches of toys, bought them again. Told myself i would never even bring up the subject again, brought it up. Tried associating fantasies with traumatic responses, had them anyway. Etc. Works about as well as dieting, i'd say.

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:41:38 PM   
MsCara


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2004
Status: offline 		.. I have never known anyone that could walk away and stay away.   It isn't about "what" you do .. it's about "who" you are.

C.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:47:56 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I thinking the question is this"Why would anyone want to go back vanilla"? To the dating scene ,the bland sex without excitment,Missing the thrill of ownership.. I could never go back I am 60 and have in some form or fashion been into bdsm since the age of 15...I guess it to each their own.I must admitt in this shark infested ls some just can't swim fast enough and get ate up..I believe those that test the waters  early and can't cope then  the bland ol" vanilla world awaits them...as always just the views of this OL" MASTER

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:49:28 PM   
smcontrol


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		I guess I've been very fortunate in that I don't see what it is about the lifestyle that would make you want to "go back" in the first place.  I did read what LA said about outgrowing it and I guess I can understand that intellectually and can see that maybe D/s can be something like a new toy too and fade a little the day after Christmas.

But I have yet to find out what part is it about a beautiful, intelligent woman devoting at least a good part of her life to pleasing me both sexually and emotionally that is such a burden I need a "break" from it.  Having a slave in my life has never seemed all that much like heavy lifting I guess.

_____________________________

Michael

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills."


Ernest Hemingway, 1929




(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 7:58:55 PM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asraii

I could live without the kink; I could live without the D/s. AS long as I was happy with the person that I was with, the rest is just frosting on the cake.


Love conqueres all.  Spoken as a true romantic.

-addicted2it


Actually, there is nothing romantic in my thinking at all. Just a realistic outlook on things.

_____________________________

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness
Andre Gide

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 8:13:55 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it


Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for.  (Said  with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.).

I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there.  And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM?

-addicted2it





I spent the better part of my adolescent and adult life going from miserable unfullfilling vanilla relationship, marriage to another.  The reason they were miserable is because none of them were "me".  I could never be "me" with any of those "vanilla" people.  I could never let the true me out and I was extremely unhappy.  Since I have met my Master, I finally had a chance to let the "real me" out and the "real me" will never go back.  I am finally happy, loved and accepted as the naughty little slut princess I am. 
Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/26/2007 8:26:44 PM   
Mystique567


Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have lived most of my life vanilla, I have no desire to go back. But I had a Master who released me to follow a vanilla relationship, he seems to be happy.

(in reply to MasterGremlin)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/27/2007 1:40:02 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would never go back to vanilla bf's no. We don't have to be Master slave, but I have to have some forms of kink to be fufilled. I just do.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/27/2007 2:16:57 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings
 
I have never considered the way Master and I live to be anything certain; meaning that a label has never been attatched to it. With that in mind, there is no 'going back' when I look at our relationship.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried ... - 4/27/2007 4:38:30 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am a dominant female and I have been that way in all my relationships, even the vanilla ones. I have to say that no I do not have any desire to go back to being vanilla. Many vanilla guys cannot handle the fact that I like being in charge and I refuse to try to "convert" them or dealing with the fights that come from him not getting his way. I'd rather stay single.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 60
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