Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed?

Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (Full Version)

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addicted2it -> Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:45:12 PM)
Within the BDSM community, it is often extremely difficult to find a person who you can connect with, and who has most or all of the qualities that you have been looking for. (Said with all due respect to those of you who have accepted who you are and have made a serious choice about being in this lifestyle.). I am wondering if anyone here has ever decided, for whatever rhyme or reason, to try to go back to being vanilla -- simply because there are more choices and opportunities to meet others there. And if you have tried, but were unsuccessful, what brought you back to BDSM? -addicted2it

MasterGremlin -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:52:49 PM)
I've always been very aware of the power dynamic in a relationship (not necessarily BDSM, but just the power structure as I come a family filled with Alpha personality types) and decided early on that I would have relationships where the power was clearly defined with me in charge. (side note: I then found out you get cool leather toys when you do this as an added bonus) so I don't think I was ever "vanilla" in my style of relationships. I also decided I would rather do without a relationship than go through the power struggles my parents had with each other. So I had no problem waiting around for the right people to have a relationship that I had pictured in my mind. MG

CrazyC -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:53:04 PM)
Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:53:41 PM)
Oh you'll constantly see people saying "I'm taking a break fromthe lifestyle" or even "I'm leaving the lifestyle forever" Usually it's because they are frustrated, heartbroken, or got a lot of their illusions shattered by reality. A lot of times they were running TO bdsm as an escape from life issues, discovered being kinky doesn't really solve anything, and then run BACK to vanilla in another attempt to escape. Some people do this pattern multiple times. Sometimes people really do "grow out" of being kinky or in the scene. Some of them stay with it, but in a mild or private way. Some rush back into the life with renewed vigor like any good born-again type. The reality is, the pool out there for everyone is very small once you get down to what really matters. You have the same issues here as you do there. Staying in or out of something to "better your odds" is a poor bet all around.

RavenMuse -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:57:09 PM)
If felt the frustration a few times, but I've nowhere to run to. I can't DO vanilla and I ain't cut out for the priesthood LOL I got over those feelings and kept looking.... it paid off [:D]

PONYSEEKER -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 12:59:36 PM)
I cant imagine going back to vanilla ... once I tried this it fit like a glove and solved so many issues I have had in the past... I dont think there is any kind of turning back.

sunfleur -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:04:38 PM)
i have not tried to go back to vanilla, however i have taken a break from time to time from the lifestyle for various reasons, a couple of times. when i've 'returned' it's been as a better submissive, i feel. sunfleur

WilliamWizer -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:06:03 PM)
I don't even want to try. I will fail for sure so why to waste the time? being vanilla simply is not made for me.

curiouslyseeking -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:06:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PONYSEEKER I dont think there is any kind of turning back. *Greetings Ponyseeker, and Everyone..* *I tend to agree....* *I truly don't understand how some can keep one foot in and one foot out..the life has enveloped my being.* *I just recently learned I don't even know how to flirt "vanilla" much less have a vanilla-based relationship. It would be extremely unsatisfying for me.* *always,* *~curious~*

justplainjava -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:08:04 PM)
Greetings i have to admit i have tried, but there a part of me that keep being drawing back, my slave side is very much a part of me, that does not like to stayed burry take care and be safe java

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:10:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterGremlin ...so I don't think I was ever "vanilla" in my style of relationships. You bring up a good point. I also do not think that any of my relationships were "vanilla" in the strict sense of the word, because either I projected elements of BDSM and/or D/s into those relationships, or they took on a power exchange by themselves. It was only they did not contain the overt and obvious elements of BDSM and D/s. -addicted2it

spanklette -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:15:35 PM)
When I first started out in the lifestyle I thought there was a clear line between vanilla and kink, but I've discovered that there are huge grey areas that get written off because they don't have the correct label. No, I am not vanilla...but, I don't think I ever have been, so there's nothing to go back to, really. I get tired of the drama, just like most people and will take a break from the kinky social set, but I can't take a break from being me. So, in answer...no.

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:15:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them. Please excuse. How can anyone change or convert someone from being vanilla into someone who is kinky? If you did, they must have had a propensity for it lying dormant within their psychological makeup, and perhaps you consciously or unconsciously picked up on this, and then pushed the right buttons. -addicted2it

LadyPact -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:17:01 PM)
Yes, I did go back to vanilla for a period of time. At least what would be considered vanilla from a BDSM standpoint. The reason for it is rather personal, and I'm not especially sure it is a good idea for Me to post the particulars in the general forum. While I tend to be an exhibitionist Myself, I'm not sure that I'm ready to be that kind of naked for all of the world to see. Suffice to say, I left the lifestyle for a while. Did the vanilla thing. Married a vanilla man. Put that part of Myself "away" and went along quite content for a while. Through some non vanilla/non BDSM exploration We decided to do as a couple, We met up with a submissive last year that brought Me right back in. When that part of Me was woke back up, it wasn't exactly easy to hide it. There were just too many things that I "knew" that an ametuer wouldn't and it showed pretty quickly. It's kind of comical looking back at it now, since I hid that part for so long, but was such a bad actress at hiding who I was once it started coming back out. Anyway, after My husband and I got through the "Why didn't you tell me" phase, he accepted it as who I am. He knows I'm happier in the lifestyle rather than not, which makes a lot of sense. After all, isn't anybody happier being who they really are? Present date, since My husband isn't submissive, he still wants that part of Me to thrive. He's very interested in My activities with My "boys" and learns what he can. He finds the whole subject fascinating. We've even discussed becoming a poly household at some point in the future, if We find what We are looking for. There are quite a few holes in the story, since I don't want to bore everyone to death with My personal bio, but I hope it answered your question.

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:18:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Oh you'll constantly see people saying "I'm taking a break fromthe lifestyle" or even "I'm leaving the lifestyle forever" Usually it's because they are frustrated, heartbroken, or got a lot of their illusions shattered by reality. A lot of times they were running TO bdsm as an escape from life issues, discovered being kinky doesn't really solve anything, and then run BACK to vanilla in another attempt to escape. Some people do this pattern multiple times. Sometimes people really do "grow out" of being kinky or in the scene. Some of them stay with it, but in a mild or private way. Some rush back into the life with renewed vigor like any good born-again type. The reality is, the pool out there for everyone is very small once you get down to what really matters. You have the same issues here as you do there. Staying in or out of something to "better your odds" is a poor bet all around. I agree completely with you. You seem to have covered it all. -addicted2it

CrazyC -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:19:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: addicted2it quote: ORIGINAL: CrazyC Since just this weekend I made a man change from being vanilla to BDSM, I doubt i have a choice of ever going back. I'll just be converting them. Please excuse. How can anyone change or convert someone from being vanilla into someone who is kinky? If you did, they must have had a propensity for it lying dormant within their psychological makeup, and perhaps you consciously or unconsciously picked up on this, and then pushed the right buttons. -addicted2it That would be correct, and brought to light many of his misconceptions of what BDSM was.

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:20:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse If felt the frustration a few times, but I've nowhere to run to. I can't DO vanilla and I ain't cut out for the priesthood LOL I got over those feelings and kept looking.... it paid off [:D] Yes, you cannot deny who you are, and am happy to hear that there was an eventual payoff for you. -addicted2it

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:22:37 PM)
I have tried - well, kind of - in the past, but always found myself coming back to one degree or another. And usually my attempts at going vanilla were full of frustration and unmet needs. Personally, I blame the internet. Damn you Al Gore!

addicted2it -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:29:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact [Some good stuff snipped for brevity} Suffice to say, I left the lifestyle for a while. Did the vanilla thing. Married a vanilla man. Put that part of Myself "away" and went along quite content for a while. Through some non vanilla/non BDSM exploration We decided to do as a couple, We met up with a submissive last year that brought Me right back in. When that part of Me was woke back up, it wasn't exactly easy to hide it. Anyway, after My husband and I got through the "Why didn't you tell me" phase, he accepted it as who I am. He knows I'm happier in the lifestyle rather than not, which makes a lot of sense. After all, isn't anybody happier being who they really are? It is always reassuring to hear that there are success stories, and that everthing does work itself out in time. You are very lucky to have a husband who understands your needs and is supportive. I wish all stories could turn out as well as yours did. -addicted2it

KatyLied -> RE: Going back to vanilla. Would you? Have you tried and failed? (4/26/2007 1:32:16 PM)
It would depend on the guy. I can live without D/s, I think I need to have some kink though. If you are talking a completely vanilla with no kink at all existence, I couldn't do it.

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