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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/17/2005 7:44:54 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
I myself am a little weary of how ppl continue to think that Dom = Sadist and Sub = Masochist.

Me too. Which is the point of my post :)

I'm glad there are many of us talking about this.

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/17/2005 9:28:32 PM

CalliopePurple

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My ex-girlfriend was a submissive sadist and the two of us talked a couple of times about how people don't usually think such a setup is possible.

It was pretty fun telling her to hurt me. Damn, now that's got me thinking about sharp fingernails and belts. *Runs off to fantasize.*

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hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
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boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/18/2005 6:47:35 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

My ex-girlfriend was a submissive sadist and the two of us talked a couple of times about how people don't usually think such a setup is possible.

It was pretty fun telling her to hurt me. Damn, now that's got me thinking about sharp fingernails and belts. *Runs off to fantasize.*

Submissive sadists are fun because they are their own worst enemies/best friend depending on your perspective. One of my ex-subs was very much a submissive sadist. She would always show up with toys for me to hurt her more with. How easy was that?

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/27/2005 7:34:23 AM

GentleLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I've mentioned this a few times on the boards. I will switch (to bottom) occasionally for S&M play.

I love it. I never have felt particularly submissive when bottoming in an S&M exchange. In fact, when I'm a bottom in an S&M exchange, I'm usually getting exactly what I want and I feel quite in control. It is usually the result of seducing a top into hurting me. I also tend to co-direct the scene. Note that the tops that I've played with are fine with this and love the interplay.

I'm curious how common/rare this is. I'm not trying to validate my desires nor try and pigeon hole myself. I'm simply trying to find others who might have a similar disposition and hear about how they live it out.

- LA

There are times that I ask Mine to take a flogger to My upper back and his instructions are to continue until it is a bright deep red. When I was growing up I constantly asked My mother to use her nails to scratch My back until it was almost bleeding. During the years inbetween I have asked many people to do this (and some refuse to do it long enough or hard enough). It provides Me a feeling of intense relief and comfort and I explain this every time I ask someone. When I do it Myself I usually end up drawing blood but that area can be hard to reach for Me so I try and get someone else to do it.

I have never identified the feeling as pain though so I not sure it qualifies for an answer to Your question. It cetainly is a deep physical and emotional need. I have not called this bottoming because it has been something I have actively sought for as far back as I can remember. There is also a much younger member of My family with the same physical need.

Gentle Lady

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/27/2005 7:41:55 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I have never identified the feeling as pain though so I not sure it qualifies for an answer to Your question.

So what do you identify the feeling as then if I may ask?

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/27/2005 8:09:00 PM

GentleLady

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Pure pleasure....*wicked grin*

Gentle Lady

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Post #: 46

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/27/2005 8:11:47 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

Pure pleasure....*wicked grin*

Gentle Lady

See sensual pain and pure pleasure are one and the same for me :)

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/27/2005 10:27:44 PM

SweetDommes

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Our new potential seems to be a submissive sadist ... now if only I could get him to not leave bruises in places where people will notice me wincing when I move .....

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/28/2005 5:15:28 AM

LadyAngelika

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Well then you are going to have to put restrictions on him!! Punish him for the bruises (with something he does not like of course!)

How fun that this is working out :) Is this the co-worker?

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/28/2005 8:46:08 AM

SweetDommes

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Yuppers.

He's not so sure about the whole poly/full-time D/s thing ... but then again, he's not going to be able to live with us for quite awhile, so it doesn't really matter yet about the full time D/s part. I have to call him in a little while to see if he still wants to go out tonight (and yeah, we have to go out ... if we go to his house, I'll probably end up with more bite marks *blush*)

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/28/2005 6:42:53 PM

GentleLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

Pure pleasure....*wicked grin*

Gentle Lady

See sensual pain and pure pleasure are one and the same for me :)

- LA

That is exactly what I meant. I know that the flogger is hurting intellectually and I know that it is interpreted as pain to someone else but the feeling is so good and so erotic that all I register is pleasure in the feeling. There are a couple of things that have this effect and occasionally I have damaged Myself doing them because they felt so good I did not stop in time. This is why I prefer to have them done by someone else. When I am feeling the sensation I do not want it to stop.

Gentle Lady

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 2:38:15 AM

wednesday

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Something I am curious about...

There's a lot of talk about dominant masochists... but the type of submissive sadism I'm curious about hasn't really been touched on.

How does one exercise sadism if they have no desire to dominate? Hurting oneself doesn't feed that. So, is there a practice that rationalizes both aspects of that? I've been talking to a few people about this, who like to cause pain but don't want to really... interact, as such. There was one who expressed specifically that she didn't "want to be respected or worshipped or any of that, I just want to beat on the guy."

I'm not quite sure if that's the healthiest mindset, but it's not for me to judge. But aside from that, is there a way to go about satisfying the submission and sadism?

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 4:53:43 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

There's a lot of talk about dominant masochists... but the type of submissive sadism I'm curious about hasn't really been touched on.

About a year ago, dark~angel started a thread on Submissive Sadists and touches on it again on post 8 of this thread.

- LA

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Post #: 53

RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 4:40:29 PM

wednesday

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Right, I had read those but they didn't really answer my question... maybe I'm wording it badly.

What I want to know is how, other than in service to one's Dom/Master, does a sadistic submissive really exercise their sadism without embracing a Dominant role? Other than hurting themselves, that is. Is there something that reconciles that? I mean I guess there's the whole topping-from-the-bottom concept but I want to know if there is an alternative form of expression.

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 5:43:25 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wednesday

Right, I had read those but they didn't really answer my question... maybe I'm wording it badly.

What I want to know is how, other than in service to one's Dom/Master, does a sadistic submissive really exercise their sadism without embracing a Dominant role?

S&M doesn't have to exist within D/s. I understand what you are saying though... I guess I have to wait around for someone to answer this as a submissive sadist would be in a better position to answer.

I'd like to add however, that simply because one is sadistic, doesn't mean they have to act on it. I had an aquaintance who was a both a sadist and a masochist, like myself. However, she was submissive. In fact, when talking with her, at times I thought she was probably more extreme in her sadism then me. But she refused to act on it because she really feared that if she let herself go, she would hurt someone, because she didn't know if she would/could respect a safeword once she got into the zone. She did say however that it wasn't out of a desire to dominate. It was out of desire to see others suffer.

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 7:59:51 PM

wednesday

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quote:

But she refused to act on it because she really feared that if she let herself go, she would hurt someone, because she didn't know if she would/could respect a safeword once she got into the zone. She did say however that it wasn't out of a desire to dominate. It was out of desire to see others suffer.

Ah see that rings familiar because it's how I've handled myself for so long. I do little things here and there but I pretty much just have to suck it up.

It appears the consensus is either stuff it down and ignore it, or top from the bottom/top to please your Dom... Fair enough. I am willing to go with popular thought on this one

I was just curious if there were other answers.

Thank you so much for your help!

*edited once I got my thoughts together a little better!

< Message edited by wednesday -- 6/29/2005 8:57:22 PM >

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 6/29/2005 9:04:22 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

I was just curious if there were other answers.

There just might be... This thread is by no means an all encompassing authority ;)

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 7/5/2005 12:19:55 AM

Synchronicity

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I just re-entered a new profile here as a Switch because I found being a Domme is lacking in sensation (while the person I'm sessioning has an abundance of it!)
I enjoy being a Domme, and yes--Lady Angelika--you put it well--I am not into D/s--I find it hard to call myself a 'sub'. However, I want the S/M and will bottom for it.
I was afraid my profile sounded too 'toppy'--I just can't get into the 'master' stuff and protocol of D/s and warned potentials...but your posting has helped me out and I was correct in putting up a 'switch' profile. It's interesting though--I'm getting a combination of answers:
*Submissive men: can't see how the would find my Switch profile interesting--some of them seem very submissive to me--but they do)
*Doms :whenever a Dom started getting friendly with me as a Domme, it seemed they were looking for me to Switch. (an 'ego' thing?)
*Switches: can go one of two ways--they seem to want to Dom more, some are proposing a true 'switch' relationship

My profile is new and I'm interested in seeing where this is going.
Guess I'll find out ;)

--Synchronicity

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 7/5/2005 6:28:46 AM

LadyAngelika

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Excellent! Well I wish you the best of luck with this new profile. It's wonderful that you are letting yourself explore :)

- LA

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RE: S&M switch - but not D/s - 7/5/2005 7:58:19 AM

imtempting

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Well a little off topic but based sorta around the question. I had a friend that would submit to her Subs every few months. So she knows how much pain certain things would cause and how much joy others would bring.

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Post #: 60