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RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:50:51 AM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
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oooo i never thought of that! I might prefer women..... it would be a nice twist to my life, but i doubt it. I really get off on turning the man on..... I will be scared but il feel like iv ticked something of my list of things to do before i hit 40!
Its just really really hard to imagine going down a woman (to be blunt) although i enjoy watching men with each other.... ohhh this is going to drive me mad! Iv always wondered but more and more people seem to be trying it.... sorry im waffling now

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 21

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:52:48 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

I am enjoying getting to know a Dom who i like very much so far... but i have a question...
Is it ok to be told that you are to be Bi while under his rules etc? As a new, straight sub to date, i wondered if this is ok? He has explained that this is because he knows i will be out of my comfort zone and that he feels i need pushing (I can be bratty! lol) any feedback would be useful Ta x

I am sure I will sound a lot like what everyone else has said but hopefully I will bring something new...

As noted, you cannot be told that you "will be Bi". You either are straight or gay or bi. You can be told that you will perform bi scenes IF...you are O.K. with doing that for this particular dominant. Many submissives and many dominants put an awful lot of limits in place when they are first getting to know a dominant/submissive...even for those they like a lot. While I admit to a bit of surprise that he would so soon push you and that you would welcome being pushed in such an extreme way, it is your choice to make to do so.

It comes down then to whether or not this is something you would allow any dominant you were just getting to know to push or whether or not it would be something you would do for YOUR dominant.

(in reply to UntamedStar)

Post #: 22

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:55:04 AM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
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i have a hard time with putting this under hard limits...possible limit yes but not hard....just my opinion.

blue

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 23

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:57:41 AM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
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hell that parts easy...wear a blindfold.

(in reply to tangldupinblue)

Post #: 24

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:59:27 AM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
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dont imangine it...just feel it...you might even like it.

blue

_____________________________

Those who deserve punshiment, take it calmly.

(in reply to tangldupinblue)

Post #: 25

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 11:59:53 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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Without a doubt pussy has become the "new" flavor of the month...Oh to be a few years younger and truly be able to reap the rewards of whatever they have put in the Cicago drinking water that makes women long to catch a snack at the "Y."

When these women get a little older it takes a day or two longer to accomplish such lofty goals.

_____________________________

(in reply to tangldupinblue)

Post #: 26

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:03:01 PM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
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I dont think he was pushing me so soon, more testing my reaction maybe? I believe he now knows this is quite a hard limit for me...and i kinda like him for making me stop and think before continuing with him. I think (hope) i can handle anything else he requests because of this. Going with a woman is probably the hardest thing i would ever have to do, and everything else seems to pale in comparison....

(in reply to tangldupinblue)

Post #: 27

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:07:51 PM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
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concider yourself blessed if going with a woman is the hardest thing you will ever have to do....but on the other hand the most i have ever grown was from living thru and learning from the hard stuff.

i dont want to seem like i'm pushing....you need to decide if this is right for, i'd just hate to see you lose this chance just cause your scared.

blue

(in reply to UntamedStar)

Post #: 28

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:11:52 PM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline

I know that i would kick myself in years to come if i didnt 'try' it. I have to not just for him but for myself i think... Iv always loved women and i always admire them before i even see a man walking by! But iv also always known im straight. Il just make sure shes not slimmer or prettier than me!! lol ...kidding

(in reply to tangldupinblue)

Post #: 29

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:12:59 PM

pashun8flame

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/30/2004
Status: offline

i think every Master has fantasies of seeing his slave with other women. it's probably just a guy thing. i was approached upon the subject differently though. i was not told i had to do it; i was asked if i would do it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:20:52 PM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
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I think even though i was told, he knew i was capable of refusing. I also feel that he knows how 'precious' my decision is, and hopefully realise that by doing it for him, i am truly submitting?

(in reply to pashun8flame)

Post #: 31

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:24:38 PM

Mysia

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

That depends on two things and they both have to be based on you and not on him -- if your ideas don't match on this, consider a good piece of information about him before you get involved any further.

First, do you think sexual actions equal sexual orientation?

Second, is being with another woman sexually a hard limit for you?

I agree with Tammy.

My sub could never be bi because he has no sexual attraction to men. He can perform an act, sexual or otherwise, but it doesn't make him bi. It's acting, actually.

Think of what he's "telling" you already ...

Try asking him what sexual safety precautions he'd enforce during these bi encounters.

It can be hard to decide if a dominate has your best interest in mind or his own.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 32

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 12:30:35 PM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline

hmmm youre right about sexual safety.. i do need to ask him if he has my best interest in mind... I do tend to forget why he would ask this of me.

(in reply to Mysia)

Post #: 33

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:13:06 PM

amiciaN

Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

I know that i would kick myself in years to come if i didnt 'try' it. I have to not just for him but for myself i think... Iv always loved women and i always admire them before i even see a man walking by! But iv also always known im straight. Il just make sure shes not slimmer or prettier than me!! lol ...kidding

I've taken the liberty of bolding part of your post. I think you have your answer right there. For bdsm interest list purposes, I think that would classify you as very hesitantly bi-curious on a just-to-say-I've-tried-it level. That would translate to a rather firm limit, though not set in stone. I would exercise extreme caution exploring this too soon though. You've said that you are new to this, so isn't any form of play going to be an expression of your submission to exploring new sensual/sexual experiences under his guidence? Trying to use "If you're really submitting to me you will do X" when there is no established relationship, is not one bit different than the high school jock trying to get into the head cheerleader's panties by saying, "You would if you love me", in my humble opinion. (established is measured by more than weeks or a few months)

When you are ready to explore this aspect of your own sexual curiosity, talk to your Dominant about exactly what He is looking for in terms of participation from all parties including himself. Talk to other women who have done this with their Dominants and try to talk to those who identify as bisexual and those who do not. Read threads here and in the poly forums about adding partners; in short do your homework. Approach it at your own pace, even if that means just dancing with another woman at first. The idea is to learn, explore and enjoy yourself, not freak yourself out. And who knows, you may just end up checking that little box that says bisexual one day, with a happy little knowing smile on your face.

The best advice I can give you is to savor each new experience, bisexual or otherwise. Explore each one before you race on to try the next sensation. You only get so many 'first times'; share them wisely.

May you have a wonder-filled and long journey.

As always, this is my opinion baased on my own experience, ymmv.

_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to UntamedStar)

Post #: 34

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:19:54 PM

UntamedStar

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/3/2006
Status: offline

Thank you for all your advice...i take it all on board. May see you on the other side

(in reply to amiciaN)

Post #: 35

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:26:03 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

It's a bit much to demand in a new relationship. Especially if you feel no interest in the other person. I'm curious as to how this works out. Is the other woman in a relationship and both of you test clean? Are you allowed to tell the other woman you have zero interest sexually in her or are you supposed to lie in order to get her into bed? What happens if you get to the day, take one look at her and announce you can't do it? Or do you freely admit you have no desire for her and you're just doing it because you being scared turns him on? And what if she doesn't want him there watching, are you still supposed to do it? What kind of aftercare will he give you and will that change if you can't go through with this?

If it were me I'd ask him all the questions first but I wouldn't approach this until I was comfortable with all the answers. I also look to do damage control first and I haven't much respect for doms who don't think things through.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 36

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:51:33 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UntamedStar

i do need to ask him if he has my best interest in mind... I do tend to forget why he would ask this of me.

If you need to ask if he has your best interest, in mind, you have other things to worry about than who your next play partner will be.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to UntamedStar)

Post #: 37

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:52:27 PM

MadameButterfly

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

I think this requires a great deal of reflection on any subs part... especially if they are unsure whether or not they are bisexual or not. Is it a curiosity? Is it goign to damage you emotionally? Is it a boundary in your life that simply cannot be crossed? The answers to the hard questions unfortunately have NO magic wand ... it has to come from you... choosing or not choosing to submit to the Master or Mistress' will is the power you have in the relationship.

Madame Butterfly

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 38

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:56:44 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mysia

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

That depends on two things and they both have to be based on you and not on him -- if your ideas don't match on this, consider a good piece of information about him before you get involved any further.

First, do you think sexual actions equal sexual orientation?

Second, is being with another woman sexually a hard limit for you?

I agree with Tammy.

My sub could never be bi because he has no sexual attraction to men. He can perform an act, sexual or otherwise, but it doesn't make him bi. It's acting, actually.

Think of what he's "telling" you already ...

Try asking him what sexual safety precautions he'd enforce during these bi encounters.

It can be hard to decide if a dominate has your best interest in mind or his own.

Yes this is how all of this is supposed to work...Always keep the subs interests above your own!!!

_____________________________

(in reply to Mysia)

Post #: 39

RE: Being told to be Bi? - 5/1/2007 1:57:51 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Suppose your Sir told you that you were going to be a man because it was out of your comfort zone.

You could pretend, and maybe, on a good day, pass for a man ... but a man you will not be. Same thing for being bisexual.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 40

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