About the Total Honesty Thing ... (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 2:45:30 PM)

Sometimes I don't think it's a good thing. Have you insisted your partner (slave/or dom/mme) tell you the ABSOLUTE truth about something and they did.. and you wish you never asked because of what you were told?
 
Now I'm not talking about a relationship issue.. I mean. like "what actually did you DO at the strip club"
 
I've learned.. some things just don't NEED to be known.




StellaByStarlite -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 2:47:35 PM)

one question many women should NEVER ask"

" Do you think of other women while you're having sex with me?"

The truthful answer is most likely yes, lololololol



Nastgargoyle -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 2:53:59 PM)

The absolute worst fight I ever had with my ex-wife was provoked by her asking a question that she really didnt want to here the answer to.
I've personally never felt the desire to go after total honesty, I prefer open truthfulness becuase its a lot more productive, and much more effective in helping a relationship grow and keeping everyone involved secure and content.



missturbation -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 2:56:53 PM)

I've learnt not to ask questions that i don't want the answers to !!



LadyEllen -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 2:59:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Sometimes I don't think it's a good thing. Have you insisted your partner (slave/or dom/mme) tell you the ABSOLUTE truth about something and they did.. and you wish you never asked because of what you were told?
 


Absolutely, albeit in reverse. I should have kept my big mouth shut and dissembled like a politician is all I'll say about it.

Absolute honesty is something one perhaps ought to aspire to, but common sense about the hurt it can cause is a far nobler path to take.

E



mistoferin -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:08:25 PM)

I am one who appreciates total honesty....actually I won't settle for or give anything less. What I have found though is that there are many who say that it is what they want and demand.....and very few who can actually handle it.



Nastgargoyle -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:11:49 PM)

A lie is a lie, and a person can't lie without someone getting hurt by it, maybe they save the feelings of the other person, but they hurt their own integrity.
The better path for me is to just look back at the person asking the question and tell them if they ask me again, I'll answer with the truth, and they aren't going to like it.
Generally a person that asks a point blank totally honest question they are trying to put you 'on the spot', I just prefer to turn it around on them, put them on the spot by letting them know they are well on the path of finding out something they aren't going to enjoy and it's going to be their own fualt.



DommeChains -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:14:02 PM)

Yep.  Ignorance can be bliss.  If knowing he blew 20 bucks on something utterly silly is going to piss me off.....then why stress myself? 



LadyEllen -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nastgargoyle

The better path for me is to just look back at the person asking the question and tell them if they ask me again, I'll answer with the truth, and they aren't going to like it.
Generally a person that asks a point blank totally honest question they are trying to put you 'on the spot', I just prefer to turn it around on them, put them on the spot by letting them know they are well on the path of finding out something they aren't going to enjoy and it's going to be their own fualt.


Describes the situation I referred to well - exactly how it was handled, except it was all my fault, regardless of warnings, and hurt everyone.

E



Vendaval -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:16:10 PM)

I am less likely than the average woman to ask such questions,
because I already know too much about human behavior.
 
When someone asks me that type of question, the response is -
"Are you sure you want an honest answer to this?"
 
Of course, you can always plead the 5th!   [8D]



CuriousLord -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:29:06 PM)

I've always been for absolute honesty.  I give and expect no less (to and from those I'm in a relationship with).

People can lie to productive ends.  For instance, a wife may go on a drunken girl's night out and cheat on her husband while hardly even conscious.  She may correct her own behavior so that this never happens again and nothing comes of her affair- no outside relationship, altered feelings, or STD's.  Just one stupid night with one stupid mistake.  Lying about it can make things a lot easier.
For my own reasons- which I doubt are of any one else's concern- I would still, should I have been her husband, know the truth, and perhaps suffer the drama and divorce ensuing (should it lead to such events) than remain oblivious to what had happened.



SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:32:19 PM)

Personally I rarely ask a question I'm not completely sure I want to know the answer about to begin with. That being said, I would much rather be "hurt" by a truth than a lie. In the end, at least I still have the ability to trust that person. JMO



Nastgargoyle -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:46:42 PM)

I have to disagree CuriousLord becuase your analogy has one great gaping loophole in it.
If I'm the husband involved, and a year later I overhear the gent my wife banged that drunken night at the bachlorette party, bragging over it in a bar, I have just learned that I'm married to a woman that finds truth to be a matter of conviniance. She has proven, by deed of lying or misdirection, that she'll take an easy path that lets her keep the security of the relationship rather than take a chance that my faith in her truthfulness will let me believe that it was the tequila and not her choice that got her laid.
A lie is a matter of conviniance, a tool of cowards used to sidestep inconviniant consequences of an irrational act, or an accident, or a bad moment of judegement.
If I screwed up, I grit My teeth and admit it and take the consequences.
I may not want to, I may wish for a hundred other things I could do, but I wont live in a lie of conviniance justifying it to myself by saying 'oh but it was an accident and she would just be hurt so bad if she found out'.
If I ask her about the party and she says well I got drunk and something happened, but I'd rather not tell you, thats all the sign I need right there to tell Me I need to back away from the question and let her come to terms with it, and that until she does, I probably don't Want to know the whole open and honest answer.



LotusSong -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 3:58:54 PM)

Sir,
 
My OP was for the things of human nature that are "not necessarily needed to be known"  Those private peccadilloes we all might have that sort of have an unexpected squick factor :)   
 
For example:  "Now, why did you REALLY leave a large pacifier in your car"?
 
Perhaps I should have entitled this "Things You Wish You Never Insisted On Knowing"?  Things that would not be life altering  when discovered.



pahunkboy -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:16:19 PM)

i wonderred if there was a difference in the sexes on this.

jenny will get 1/2 of a story then fret over it the whole day. ill say why didnt you ask a direct question? she doesnt really have an answere.

but then she also lives in a fantasy world of sorts. thinking there is an "us" with tom dick and harry meanwhiole tom dick and harry all wnat binbo or a meal ticket.



gandalf0297 -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:22:22 PM)

If you can't handle the answer don't ask the question.



CuriousLord -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:28:01 PM)

Which of my points do you disagree with?  The point that lying can be practical or the point that, despite being practical, I am against it?

As response to your bit..

Lying is for convinence, typically- manipulation of another by altering the subject's view on something for a desired effect contrary to that of the expected common exchange.  I'll grant this as the common case situation.



pahunkboy -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:36:19 PM)

lets throw in- too- that there is a time and a place for some conversations. that is really isnt deception- unless time and place never occurred- if it has routinly been available then it leans toward decetion.

some questions- could get an answere" I want to talk to you about that- but I want to discuss it in private and when neiither one oof us is in a rush. I am willling to answer the questuion"



CuriousLord -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:52:40 PM)

I would argue against your point on the grounds that either:
-you're misapplying the "there's a time and a place" concept, or..
-I disagree with your intereptation of the said phrase.

Honsety, to me, is absolute.  A blind stranger on the street can give me one billion dollars to hold for him for a day.  He can count on me returning it to him, despite his lack of recourse (due to having no idea who I am or how to find me).

In my relationships, I expect the truth.  I have no reason to doubt my slaves in anything because of this.

In the past year, I've had over ten slaves.  This is a shameful number, considering I've only retained one.  It's not too hard to explain in simply saying that I disown them over lies.

I see lies as flaws in a system.  The ability to lie to and chance to be lied to seperate people, preventing a collective conscience from forming uncontestedly.  My slaves and close friends are partically part of me.  I suffer no lies from those I hold close or in respect- whether this respect be admiration or acknowledgement of an equal.



feylin -> RE: About the Total Honesty Thing ... (5/2/2007 4:57:03 PM)

I now have this odd anticipation for a Jack Nicholson imitation... (showing my age?)

For the OP, I am much too curious.  I actually would want to know the full dish on the large pacifier as long as it did not involve diagrams or charts. Apparently my squick factor is not affected by word but can be reached quickly by visuals.  Although, for the most part, I do not usually ask or push for answers....even at the sight of large pacifiers.  My standard answer to "Want to know a secret?" is  "No, thanks."  Because, if the secret is funny, I am totally going to use it at their next birthday party. 

Some people just blurt it out, though.  One co-worker's brother hit on (and whatever else) several other co-workers and each time one of the involved parties blurted out their secret to me privately, I had to act surprised.  I couldn't remember who told me first, who was with who first, and what was on second.  When they finally all got together and admitted all, everyone looked at me...at which point I just stated emphatically, "I never touched him." and walked away.

On the flip side, I have had many moments of  the deer-frozen-in-the-headlights look about me as the thought, "dear lord, they did not need to know that about me," finally breaks through my truthful moments and shuts me up.  So, in the end, it just all goes into a really good (funny) book one day.

(and I think that "Drama Whore" pic/icon/whatever is hysterical, LotusSong)





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