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Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/28/2004 11:15:58 PM

dixiedumpling

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From: southeast Mississippi
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A reporter visits a dairy farmer who told her he could explain Mad Cow Disease in simple terms.
First he asks her if she sees the cows and she says she does. He says, "I milk them twice a day."
She says, "That's very interesting, but what does it have to do with Mad Cow Disease?"
He says, "Please be patient. I'm getting to it." Then he points to the bull and says, "See that bull? He services the cows once a year."
She is getting impatient and says, "What does this have to do with Mad Cow Disease?"
He says, "If I played with your titties twice a day and screwed you once a year, you'd be mad too!"

dingdang typos!

< Message edited by dixiedumpling -- 5/28/2004 11:17:40 PM >

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/28/2004 11:39:13 PM

Estring

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Which reminds me of this:
Question: Why is it called PMS?
Answer: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/29/2004 12:42:09 AM

inyouagain

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---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
US DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE OFFICIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To help in the prevention of another outbreak of Mad Cow disease we
ask you to be on the lookout and monitor your cows for any of the
following symptoms listed below:

1. Your cow insists on wearing a lil steak sauce behind her ears as cologne.

2. She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."

3. Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

4. Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

5. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

6. Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Arches Logo'.

7. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

8. Your cow thought Bruce Seldon would beat Mike Tyson.

9. Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

10. Your cow quits the family dairy and applies for a job at Burger King.

11. She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

12. Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, its already got a cool leather jacket.

13. Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

14. Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

15. Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

16. Your cow seems to actually enjoy being 'Hogtied'.

17. Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

18. Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells out "Bullseye"!

19. Your cow starts smoking the cowlick.

20. Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".

21. Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

22. Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out it's nose.

23. You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

24. Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

25. Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon, like in the nursery rhyme, if it got a really good run at it.

NOTE: If your cow displays any of the above listed symptoms,
we suggest that you try your chicken instead.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
US DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE OFFICIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Inyouagain

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Careful with that axe, Eugene

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/29/2004 6:34:36 AM

rain

Posts: 319
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Estring, since you opened the door

:
Enjoy these!

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Cheers,

~rain~

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/29/2004 9:20:13 AM

proudsub

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quote:

16. Your cow seems to actually enjoy being 'Hogtied'.

17. Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

This cow needs "slut" written across its teets

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/30/2004 8:06:42 AM

belong2u

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During the Mad Cow Scare:

A man and his wife sit down to eat in a restaurant in Calgary Alberta Canada.The waiter says to the man "What will you have?" The man says
"Give me the biggest steak on your menu" to which the waiter asks "Sir,What about MAD COW!?" The man replies "Oh, she will just have a salad".

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/30/2004 9:28:19 AM

rain

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belong2u,

nice nick! (that was my former username)

cheers,

~rain~

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RE: Mad Cow Disease Explained - 5/30/2004 1:15:17 PM

Estring

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Lol. Some great jokes here!

(in reply to rain)

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