Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Theory of Evolution


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Theory of Evolution Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 3:06:48 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Over the years scholars have put forward various theories about why early man began to walk upright. What is known for sure is that walking upright lead to the development of more sophisiticated tools and dwellings, further leading to villiages, and ultimately cities, writing, art, music, the sciences, and civilization as we know it.

Since nobody really knows for sure why man began to walk upright, I would like to put forward my own theory that I like to call the "hey, nice ass" theory of evolution. As many of you may know, the glutes are the muscles primarily responsible for our upright stature. My theory, and I think it's a good one, is that the early humans who were born with slightly more shapely asses than their peers were able to walk upright just a little more. This was not only a trick that amazed and mystified their friends, it provided the perfect opportunity for them to show off their superior derriere. Any behavioral scientist will tell you that humans tend to notice difference. The upright walkers with the cute hineys were, naturally, in high demand when it came time to sneak off in the bushes for a little monkey-lovin'. Natural selection being what it is, the sweet-assed, upright walkers won out. This explains not only civliization as we know it today, but the behavior of construction workers who will stop what they are doing to enthusiastically admire a round-bottomed, upright walker when she passes.

So friends, I say to you, the next time you pick up that flogger, paddle, or cane, whack that pretty little hiney with a sense of reverence and respect. You may just be addressing yourself to the reason that we are what we are today.

Take care of yourselves.

Leonidas
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 3:25:44 PM   
dixiedumpling


Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline 		While you're on the subject, why did man evolve into something that requires shoes and clothes and toilet paper? Wouldn't like be simpler if those things weren't required?

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 3:29:20 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Makes sense to me .

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 3:48:00 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
As many of you may know, the glutes are the muscles primarily responsible for our upright stature. My theory, and I think it's a good one, is that the early humans who were born with slightly more shapely asses than their peers were able to walk upright just a little more.


1. You ever seen a horse's ass? Muscular and not upright.


quote:

The upright walkers with the cute hineys were, naturally, in high demand when it came time to sneak off in the bushes for a little monkey-lovin'. Natural selection being what it is, the sweet-assed, upright walkers won out.


2. Two out of three neanderthals think the "all fours" ass is more shapley and attractive (and inviting) than an upright ass.


3. Are you on vacation, Leonidas?


<--- dedicated to iwill.


January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 4:16:33 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		1. I have, but I find that horses asses don't inspire me much. Just wierd that way, I guess.

2. Exactly. Which is why, you will notice, Neanderthals are extinct now.

3. Nah, I'd be out sailing or something else outdoors if I were on vacation. Just sitting here writing for a client, bored outta my gourd.

Hmmm.... well, there goes my other theory, that I was bumming everyone out by being too heavy around here. Aw well, back to the serious stuff.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 6:38:05 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Mmmm....Horses....Mmmm

Seriously, if serious is to be used, I though our ancestors evolved upright stance to better see the tiger hiding in the tall grass when you could still run to the nearest tree. See him up close and it is too late. I also read how many human attributes fit moving to an aquatic nature (like manatees, but we stopped and came back ashore after developing as fat, waddling, upright, hairless apes.)

Oh dixiedumpling,

We don't require those things, they are just nice. You can live naked, shoeless, and using your left hand to wipe and your right hand to eat.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 7:25:02 PM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dixiedumpling

While you're on the subject, why did man evolve into something that requires shoes and clothes and toilet paper? Wouldn't like be simpler if those things weren't required?


I'm quite fond of toilet paper, actually. I don't really like to think of life without it:)


But my big arse is one reason I say people like to play with me (other than that I don't like pain and they do) - I've got more room to play on than a size 8 girl :)

< Message edited by kiki blue -- 7/30/2004 7:15:32 AM >

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/29/2004 10:42:51 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

While you're on the subject, why did man evolve into something that requires shoes and clothes and toilet paper? Wouldn't like be simpler if those things weren't required



It would definitely be messier.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 12:00:55 AM   
dixiedumpling


Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline 		I don't know.. how about dogs, cats and other animals? Although... I have seen a woman wipe her dog's butt with a bit of trash paper from off the ground. And then there's that very funny Lewis Grizzard story about being at the palace of St. Petersberg and no t paper in the restrooms. About how he scouted the court yard looking for ice cream wrappings.

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 10:20:39 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
This was not only a trick that amazed and mystified their friends, it provided the perfect opportunity for them to show off their superior derriere. Any behavioral scientist will tell you that humans tend to notice difference. The upright walkers with the cute hineys were, naturally, in high demand when it came time to sneak off in the bushes for a little monkey-lovin'. Natural selection being what it is, the sweet-assed, upright walkers won out. This explains not only civliization as we know it today, but the behavior of construction workers who will stop what they are doing to enthusiastically admire a round-bottomed, upright walker when she passes.


And if they were really smart, they would put on chaps like topcat's *drool

Other then that, I prefer seeing cute hineys as one bends over.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 10:24:12 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiki blue
But my big arse is one reason I say people like to play with me (other than that I don't like pain and they do) - I've got more room to play on than a size 8 girl :)


Yes, Cameron Diaz shaking her scroney ass to Baby Got Back in her first Charlie's Angels' film did nothing for me.

"Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round" - Freddie Mercury

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 12:03:08 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

2. Exactly. Which is why, you will notice, Neanderthals are extinct now.


Personally, I work with many people exhibiting all signs of being Neanderthal down on the docks so I take exception to this comment.

For example, their language is rudimentary, consisting of three phonemes only, Eff, Uh, and Ck, which are combined into a single morpheme which is used for all forms of speech, as an interrogatory, descriptor, etc.

They make strange grunting noises when forced to manipulate primitive tools and pull large iron bars from huge turnbuckles.

When not grunting or expressing their morpheme, they generally hunker down alone or in small groups and occaisionally one can see a fleeting thought cross their mind. I can only hope this thought will eventually lead to the development of the printing press so it can be shared with others, but this is a long way away. More so because they will need more phonemes to say the words "printing press."

They dress in very rudimentary attire, fashioned primarily of material of unknown origin that is, for some unexplained reason, day-glo orange with small scraps of reflecting cloth attached. I can only assume these reflecting adornments have some weird meaning that only they understand. This attire is washed at least once a year whether it needs it or not, and is generally slathered with strange designs in some odd grease of unknown origin. I have been unable at this point to decipher the meaning, but I am hopeful I shall be able to do so at some point.

Their primary activity during a day of high paying longshore work involves standing around and staring at objects, such as cranes, which are incomprehensible to their tiny minds, and making obscure hand gestures to each other. I have studied this for a long time, and apparently when they make a cutting motion accross their neck, that means it is time to depart and go hunt and gather elsewhere. When they wiggle their fingers in front of their mouth, that means it is time to forage for food at the vending machines. And when one of the strange clipboard carrying individuals expresses their morpheme, the general response is to hold one's thumb in a vertical position. When one puts both hands together and moves the outer sides down (as if breaking a twig) this apparently means that one can cease and desist from standing in the place designated by those carrying the clipboards, and relocating to a different location to commence standing for a short period of time.

I am not sure what it all means, but I hope that by continuing my study I will be able to empirically prove the existence of Neanderthal man. I have applied for several research grants, but have not heard back at this time.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 2:18:57 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		Sinergy -

I look forward to reading the continuation of your anthropological observations. Good luck on getting the grants. When you decide to publish, please let me know, I am an excellent editor/proofreader. Perhaps we can work a deal.

newflowers

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 3:24:58 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		i'm going to give an answer to the original question since my field of study was cultural anthropology and i've always held a fascination for the development of human beings. The current theory on why humans developed into walking upright is the environment they were living in at the time. Africa was originally covered with rain forests over most of the continent, but as the Atlantic Ocean widened, this changed its climate and eventually led to the huge savannah regions seen today. It's believed that certain primates (our earliest ancestors) began to acclimate to this environment, relying on standing upright so they could be alert to danger by looking over the tall grass or search for other areas to move onto next in their foraging activities.

Over time, they developed this bipedal stance and evolved into walking on two legs exclusively. This also freed the hands to do other things and eventually, the use of stones as tools was discovered. They probably used sticks at first but stones would prove more durable. Probably a chipped stone was recognized as being more effective and along the way...how to break or chip stones was developed to keep them in supply of a sharp edge.

Learning to chip a stone is credited with sparking or at least contributing to develpment of the reasoning process because stone tool making must be done in a certain order and teaching another how to do it would require a logical understanding of how to communicate the art. Perhaps this even stimulated the development of language. There's an excellent book out that explores the "chicken or egg" theory of cultural evolution titled, "The Axemaker's Gift" by James Burke. It explores how we have developed technologies over time and these same technologies have in turn helped to shape our evolution.

It's really a fascinating read for anyone who likes to explore what it is that we are.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to newflowers)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 3:45:27 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		In case anyone was unsure, this was supposed to be humorous, not a serious attempt at a theory of evolution. But, since nobody really knows for sure why we started walking upright, I like my theory better than the "lookin' over the grass" theory. It's just plain more fun. Come to think of it, since we appear to be the only primates that have sex for pleasure, maybe it is more plausible that the driver of our evolution was sexual, rather than purely practical.

Take care of yourselves

Leonidas

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 4:00:23 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think we started walking upright because God put the remote too high to reach.

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 4:07:33 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Yep. And beer in cans that require both hands to open.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/30/2004 6:54:10 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry about that, i've read several of Leonidas' threads and they generally go into great detail about whatever the topic may be. i thought that was where he was going with this one and it took a humorous turn instead. No biggie.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/31/2004 4:47:35 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

2. Exactly. Which is why, you will notice, Neanderthals are extinct now.


Apparently this is a quote of Angelika in Sinergy's post. I've read of a competing theory that they mated with us and are not realy extinct. (And Sinergy's post was not farfetched!)

Of course I read it via a SF novel so the usual blocks of salt may apply.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Theory of Evolution - 7/31/2004 8:19:40 AM   
panthersclaw


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline 		LOL ... I like your theory. In some strange, twisted way it makes since. Now ... I have a question for you: what do you think about the common belief that different groups of humans have particular attractions to different shapes of rear-ends? For instance, those in Asia like smaller hiny's, while those of African descent like larger ones. Am I incorrect with this assumption?

(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Theory of Evolution Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.139