RE: "The Submissive lie"

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/26/2008 12:52:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marysboi

After almost losing my girlfriend of 4 years by being disrespectful, never telling her I loved her, never giving her any of the kind caring things/thoughts you would expect from a lover and a friend. We have started a fresh relationship with the Dom, Sub..relationship as a pattern for my behavior. Its like a weight has been lifted from me. I now call her daily and tell her I love her. ( required but done willingly). I was feeling ill the other day. (maybe the second or third time in years I didn't feel up to par). As I headed to the couch. She told me to fix dinner.I was shocked at her request but I did so with the knowledge that this was a sign of my new obedience to her and a sign of my sincerity in making our new relationship successful. This is a simple example but one that is repeated often. I love serving her and making her happy. I feel liberated, rewarded and (out of fear of losing this happiness) work day to day with her on top of the priority list. It also helps that I know she loves me and would not ask me to do something that wasn't beneficial to me,her our our relationship. I do it for love and our future.

I've bolded the parts that stuck out to me. Question: acquiring a collar now makes you willing and eager to do stuff that you weren't willing and eager to do as a vanilla couple? Now that you are "forced" or controlled or directed, you can love her and care for her the way you should have been all along? I don't get it. Where is the desire to care for someone you love? It almost sounds like a deal too good to be true: "When you buy this collar from CollarMart, you will receive loads of free gifts...romance, feelings, gestures of devotion, thoughtfulness, love and caring. All for the low price of $19.99. We'll even throw in the bonus bestselling book "How to think of stuff to do for the woman you love"." Dayum! Where do I find me one of dem dere collars?

Pardon my sarcasm showing but doesn't this tie in to The Submissive Lie? You weren't willing to put forth the effort before but now you'll do stuff you didn't like before just because it pleases your woman.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Marysboi)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/26/2008 7:05:59 PM

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Not totally a lie. While there is nothing inherently arousing about scrubbing toilets, a skilled domina can infuse a sexuality into any activity. She can use conditioning to make a slave excited at the prospect of doing household chores.

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/26/2008 8:12:07 PM

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Joined: 9/6/2007
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I was in a relationship for a year where the guy told me that I should get off on anything that pleased him. I tried, and I tried and I tried. And I do enjoy pleasing. I love 'good girl.' But it turned into a sort of expectation that I would be perfect housekeeper and secretary and everything else, and he would bascially ignore everything I did because I was supposed to get off on it, after all. It wasn't a submissive's lie. It was a dominant's unreal expectations, and it was really, really hard for me. I kept hoping that if I did it 'right' I would start to feel fulfilled instead of just hollow and dead and ignored and taken for granted. It never happened. On one level, it is how I know I'm not a slave. But the whole thing was just really difficult for me to deal with.

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/26/2008 8:35:11 PM

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From: new york state
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There's things I happily do for Master that I don't do happily for anyone else.

There's other things I enjoy doing that most would find boring or tedious but that doesn't have a whole lot to do with being submissive. I do like doing housework, and have been known to get kind of pissed off when I can't do it for some reason. I tend to enjoy any menial, routine task especially after I've done it a few times and can quickly get into a groove. Call me what you will, but I don't like taxing my brain all that much. But, I do want to emphasize this has nothing to do with being submissive.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/26/2008 8:55:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1
course, to help him out when he's not feeling well. But do I like doing housework? Never. Do I get horny and excited from being told to take out his trash? No. It is just a big fat lie that submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to.

Misdirection. It is possible to enjoy and be pleased doing something you actually don't like to do. The mind is complex like that. Likewise, just because you are pleased to do something, does not mean your nubbin is going to get hard because of it. Pleasure comes in different flavors and not all of those are sexual.

Six.

_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 5:27:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster
Misdirection. It is possible to enjoy and be pleased doing something you actually don't like to do. The mind is complex like that. Likewise, just because you are pleased to do something, does not mean your nubbin is going to get hard because of it. Pleasure comes in different flavors and not all of those are sexual.

Six.

yes, that. i did laundry when i visited TheEngineer. sixteen loads of laundry. he'd been traveling and not home much, so he hadnt done it.

for me, it satisfied my need for submission knowing i was doing something needed...and the smile on his face and the thank you hug was enough reward for the action.

kitten...who was amazed that one man had 70 tshirts...not counting the one i "borrowed" (i was wearing it when he came to take me to the airport and he just laughed)

(in reply to SixFootMaster)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 6:14:10 AM

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quote:

ut I have never run into a real time dominant who thought everything ordered brings pleasure.

toserves,

A point right on target!

CP

(in reply to toservez)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 7:26:45 PM

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Joined: 1/18/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresssAria

Please forgive me for posting as a Domme in Ask a Submissive/Slave...........but it has always seemed to me that a "submissive" was more the type of person who had more specific interests/would seek out someone with very similar interests, while a "slave" - who is truly acting as a "slave" - would delight in anything their Master asked of them.

As a person who has chosen to be a slave to my Daddy I will say that I do not Love everything he asks me to do. I live for him and "get off" on pleasing him, but I don't enjoy every single thing I am instructed to do. There are times when darn it, i am human and I want to read my book. I don't want to get up and massage his balls while he bathes at that particular moment. But having chosen to be his slave I go, do as he wishes, and feel good after the fact. But that moment of "Argh" is still there.

_____________________________

"Though time refeather the wing, ankle slip the ring, the once confined thing is never again free."

Daddys Masochist

(in reply to MistresssAria)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 7:32:29 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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I'm curious why anyone would believe that a slave wouldn't seek out someone with similar interests, someone they liked and respected and enjoyed doing things with. Because in the choosing stage, we aren't subs or slaves, we're people looking for what we need. And usually finding that entails having a high percentage of compatibility.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasochistToy)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 7:35:41 PM

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Joined: 1/18/2008
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Very well said. Daddy and I have many similar interests and that is why we are so good together. He likes to say that we chose each other, because I wouldn't have chosen him if he were anyone else, and he certainly wouldn't have chosen me if I weren't who I am in chains and out of them.

_____________________________

"Though time refeather the wing, ankle slip the ring, the once confined thing is never again free."

Daddys Masochist

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/27/2008 9:02:04 PM

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Joined: 12/4/2007
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For me, the enjoyment of menial tasks isn't really a lie but I think that mostly comes from my being transgendered more than being submissive. Before I came out, I was just an average, bread-winning working male. I worked all day and came home to my gf expecting that domestic duties would be taken care of. Most people think of those chores as something a woman does and so, for me now, doing those things adds to my feeling feminine and has nothing to do with being submissive. The other reason I enjoy it is because I like having a clean house (though my computer desk is very cluttered at the moment). I would never go as far as to say, "I really like washing dishes and vacuuming". What I would say is that I like feeling feminine and "house-wifey". When someone has done something for their entire life, they may take their ability for granted. For me, I've worked on computers for longer than my adult life so I take my skills for granted. Many people would love to have my skills but I could care less. Working on computers doesn't make me feel feminine. Actually, right now, if it were possible to download and upload skills from the brain, I would sell my computer skills on ebay and use the money to buy sewing, cooking, makeup and fashion skills LOL.

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/28/2008 1:32:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm curious why anyone would believe that a slave wouldn't seek out someone with similar interests, someone they liked and respected and enjoyed doing things with. Because in the choosing stage, we aren't subs or slaves, we're people looking for what we need. And usually finding that entails having a high percentage of compatibility.

To answer your curiosity with my own experience, it was his power that drew me; something that touched a part of me no one had reached before. I didn't know what he liked to do, or his hobbies, or his idiosyncracies. I just knew I was drawn to him and couldn't turn away. I asked some key questions about how he goes about mastering a slave, and when satisfied I would be in safe hands, I knew I would adapt to the rest.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/28/2008 12:52:37 PM

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Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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Lovely comment, saradeanna469. There's lots of reasons for getting a kick out of housework besides submissiveness. I'm pretty selfish when it comes to housework.

For me, I enjoy houseworky things because it allows me to go into some kind of meditative state and provides me the satisfaction of a job well done, something I've never gotten in my academic work--the jobs in the acedemic world are too abstract to ever be done, let alone done well. The satisfaction is internal rather than being derived from my Master's pleasure. I enjoy it for its own sake and pleasing my Master doesn't really come into it--he provides me the opportunity for which I'm usually grateful. One of the reasons I was originally attracted to Master was because, having seen his and his wife's house, I immediately recognized that I had something to offer that they might find useful but I don't expect or need alot of pats on the head for doing housework. Just the opportunity to do it is enough.

I was reminded of this thread today when I was cleaning Master's house, and he told me not to do the bathrom and to go easy on the kitchen because I had other stuff to do. It pissed me off, but I complied because, well, I'm his slave and my first job is to obey and its up to him how I clean his house, not me. I was actually kind of conflicted because I knew his telling me to go easy was an act of kindness and consideration so I had no real justification for being pissy. But I really did want to get the bathroom done because, well, his house is arranged in a circle in my mind, so if I start in the living room and finish in the bathroom, the circle is complete. Leaving the bathroom undone leaves the circle undone and its really bugging me. :) Maybe a bit ocd, here? Ya think?

Last week he interrupted me in the middle of dusting to go do something else with him. That bugged me too. Today I ended up snapping at him out of the blue (I'm a little sub-droppy) and after I appologized, he told me to go home, get some sleep, and come back in a better mood.

Maybe if I'm a good girl, he'll let me clean the bathroom.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to saradeanna469)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/30/2008 3:52:49 PM

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From: Croydon, UK
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Being submissive isn't about getting off on every little thing my Master asks me to do.. i didn't choose this lifestyle because it was easy.. or because i lay in bed on a night having orgasms at the thought of scrubbing His floors..

i enjoy doing the housework.. i love to serve Him.. but if i was having an off day (as i occasionally do) i wouldn't lie to Him about it.. and if i tried to.. He is observant enough to tell me that i'm talking shit anyway.

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 3/30/2008 3:55:09 PM >

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 4/16/2008 12:10:00 PM

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Joined: 2/18/2005
From: Rubberboot, Alberta, Ca.
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What i do is not always my choice. How i do it however, is always my choice. Whether one is a sub or a slave does not matter. What does matter is to make sure one finds someone who shares very similar interests, especially if one wishes to truly "act" as a "slave".

mis

"The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do." John Holt

(in reply to MistresssAria)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 4/16/2008 12:56:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lubegirl

Where is it written that everything we do for our Master has to make us wet? Personally i derive great satisfaction from having pleased him (or would if i had a Master) especially if it was something i didn't feel like doing.

To me, we don't get to pick and choose when and what we'll do, either we're submitting or we aren't...and that includes the less-than-exciting stuff.
Very well said!
I work hard at doing what ever my MASTER orders me to do even if I do not like it, because his pleasure is the only thing that really matters in the end his pleasure clearly becomes mine. I love being a slave to my MASTER and will happoly do ANYTHING he orders me to do with a smile, it makes me wett with desire to PLEASE, SERVE and OBEY.
So if doing his laundry is what he orders me to do I will do it as happily as when he takes me sexually..anything for MASTER.
Head Down ASS UP,
Lubegirl

Lubegirl,
Will you change your font color please? I can not read what you post, even my program can't "read" it to me.

Thanks! :)

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to lubegirl)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 4/16/2008 1:00:54 PM

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My comment is...great that she's figured out so much about herself, but it's foolish for her to assume that every sub in the world has the same attitudes that she does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1

Which brings me to what I call "the submissive lie." The submissive lie is that subs get off on doing whatever their Dom (or domme) tells them to, just because he/she tells them to do it. The idea that I'd be overjoyed to pick up my doms dirty laundry just because I'm sub. Now in some respects I do enjoy helping him, and I was glad, of course, to help him out when he's not feeling well. But do I like doing housework? Never. Do I get horny and excited from being told to take out his trash? No. It is just a big fat lie that submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to.

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 4/16/2008 3:10:00 PM

Lasciviouslady1

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Housework sucks...period.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 4/17/2008 8:13:35 PM

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I've never been a sub..but as a Dom I think I agree with msbehavin. I think a good sub helps to create the wu..the sub thu doing whatever it takes to keep the one happy..and in return..the one does whatever he can to make her happy. Not just once, but everyday day in and day out. What would I think when I come home to a clean place as a Dom..!!!!Or the dishes are in the dishwasher instead of the sink. I'd ook around and see all the little things that make up a Home instead of just a household..I'd sneak up behind her and nibble her ear....not cause I can..but because for everything she does..she makes me feel more like a Man than any other woman alive or dead.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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