"I will only submit to a person I can respect"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

"I will only submit to a person I can respect"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> "I will only submit to a person I can respect"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

"I will only submit to a person I can respect" - 1/14/2009 7:08:27 AM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

I see this statement now and again and today it occured to me that respecting a person isn't a passive act, I don't think that someone can force another to respect them just by sheer power of will.

Instead if I want to respect someone, I have to be open minded to the possibility, I have to be willing to allow them to be who they are and I have to be in a place of mind where I can appreciate the person as an individual. I cannot have a closed mind about who I will respect or have a "make me" attitude because if I approach a person with negativity all I will see is negativity in them.

And once I do find someone that I feel I can respect, I have to maintain and nurture that respect. If that person has quirks that I don't appreciate it is my responsibility to communicate that with them rather then stuff it deep within me until it festers to a point where I loose all respect.

Respect, it seems to me, is an action verb and I need to be aware and involved in making it happen.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 8:43:30 AM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Omega, it seems like one of those trite things that people put in their profile that really doesn't mean anything. Goes right up there with "I won't submit to just anyone"... like that is such an unusual thing that it has to be said?? Seems like the reverse is true, if you would submit to someone you did not respect or submit to anyone, then THAT should be said.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 8:50:37 AM

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I don't think it's really that trite. This site is overflowing with so-called dominants who act as though they're God's gift to the world, and subs should be falling all over themselves to court them and serve them, for no reason other than they say that they're dominant. And a lot of subs seem to be so desperate that they're willing to do just about anything just to get someone to dominate them.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 9:26:00 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's more another version of the "Cross my gauntlet of submission to receive my wonderous GIFT and PROVE your WORTH!" deal.

Respect is an active process, but saying it like that is like saying "I'm not a doormat!" Well, if you aren't then it's obvious and you don't need to say it. It should really go without saying that you won't be in a relationship with someone you don't respect. Saying it just lets people know it's a sore spot they can exploit.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 9:43:10 AM

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I see this statement now and again and today it occured to me that respecting a person isn't a passive act, I don't think that someone can force another to respect them just by sheer power of will.

Instead if I want to respect someone, I have to be open minded to the possibility, I have to be willing to allow them to be who they are and I have to be in a place of mind where I can appreciate the person as an individual. I cannot have a closed mind about who I will respect or have a "make me" attitude because if I approach a person with negativity all I will see is negativity in them.

And once I do find someone that I feel I can respect, I have to maintain and nurture that respect. If that person has quirks that I don't appreciate it is my responsibility to communicate that with them rather then stuff it deep within me until it festers to a point where I loose all respect.

Respect, it seems to me, is an action verb and I need to be aware and involved in making it happen.

Courtesy and respect are different. I attempt to be courteous to all. However, respect is something I experience due to who a person is, how they conduct themselves and how they treat others. It's not something I automatically give simply because someone thinks they're entitled to it or they're a "dominant" or whatever. Respect is something for me that comes from a feeling of admiration for another. It's not something I feel for everyone. I can be courteous to all, I can be obligingly respectful, but not really feel respect for someone. For example I may have an employer that I don't particularly like or agree with. I may not truly respect him, but I will give respect to his authority, the authority that says - you act as I wish or you may find yourself out of a job." ha ha. I think I respect the least those who think they are just automatically entitled to everyones respect.

So in terms of submission, damn straight I only submit to one I respect. I also don't go to the supermarket for shoes. LOL

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 9:51:53 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

it is the other way around for this slave...as per usual.

this slave starts out having respect for folks, as fellow human beings on the planet.

they don't have to go out of their way to prove anything in order to receive that from this slave.

folks this slave has no respect for, have actually done or said something to earn that lack of respect.

the only other thing this slave would like to add is that desperation is not always the impetus for one who submits to everyone. it could just very well be the way they are wired.

Edited (Merc):
Fortunately, I balance out beth. I don't trust anyone, and I don't give away respect. I give courtesy to everyone and have appreciation for any honorarium, or 'title' they've achieved (i.e. MD); however, respect comes from being able to prove themselves by observed behavior and interactions with me and others. Respect doesn't come easy, but can be lost very easily. I don't give second chances to anyone but those who share my genetic material.

Same with people, 'lifestyle' notwithstanding. Call yourself anything you like. I can manage to verbalize the words 'master' and 'lord' and they will come out sounding like 'asshole'; if that's how your actions and attitude have disclosed.

This was one of our favorite discussion topics when we first met. There wasn't any attempt to try to change the other, but we made a little game of it. We kept 'score' of which of us, had a more accurate 'prejudice' (because that's really what it is, a pre-judgment) about respecting and/or trusting people. I think I'm 'wining'.

However the problem is, beth's been hurt, literally and figuratively, much more than I have over our life path prior to meeting. I'd am pleasantly surprised to have misplaced my skepticism. beth's openness is likely to have generated bruises, debt, and, at best, disappointment.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 1/14/2009 10:50:41 AM >

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 10:43:15 AM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

beth, I think that I am somewhat like you. I choose to trust and respect people until they prove to me that they don't deserve the trust or respect. For me, to be merely curtious to a person means that I have determined that they are not a person that I wish to associate with and I will treat them with the civility that I believe most humans deserve.

That is not to say that I am a pollyanny of any sort, I initially trust or respect with my eyes wide open and if a person reinforces that feeling then I will let down my guard somewhat.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 11:04:19 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline

I have met people who at least made me feel like respecting them was the only real option I had, because they were just that exceptional. I don't remember ever having to nurture or maintain it. It just was.

I'm sure that some people are just trying to fill their profiles when they state the obvious.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 11:14:30 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't feel I need to have an open mind about respecting someone. If they drink excessively, talk badly about their ex, mistreat their elder or younger generational relatives, steal from their boss etc then I'm not going to ever respect them.

Unfortunately I don't find that these sorts of people hide it well, so I usually know the first time I meet them if I am open to ever wanting to talk to them again.

Now if they don't do anything bad enough to make me cross them off my list, I may like them socially but respect takes a while to earn. You have to have a history with the person to really know enough about them in order to be sure you aren't making a mistake submitting. History meaning they don't pick you up for a date on time just once, but always. History enough to have them make multiple promises and keep those promises, and not make a promise they aren't sure they can keep.

Somehow the term open mind seems to indicate that you don't want to see them again yet feel for whatever reason that you ought to. I don't pick my personal relationships based on I ought to, that gets a little close to a pity fuck. I have to be inspired to submit; and a large part of that is them meriting my respect.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to iheartperverts)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 11:23:42 AM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't feel I need to have an open mind about respecting someone. If they drink excessively, talk badly about their ex, mistreat their elder or younger generational relatives, steal from their boss etc then I'm not going to ever respect them.

Unfortunately I don't find that these sorts of people hide it well, so I usually know the first time I meet them if I am open to ever wanting to talk to them again.

Now if they don't do anything bad enough to make me cross them off my list, I may like them socially but respect takes a while to earn. You have to have a history with the person to really know enough about them in order to be sure you aren't making a mistake submitting. History meaning they don't pick you up for a date on time just once, but always. History enough to have them make multiple promises and keep those promises, and not make a promise they aren't sure they can keep.

Somehow the term open mind seems to indicate that you don't want to see them again yet feel for whatever reason that you ought to. I don't pick my personal relationships based on I ought to, that gets a little close to a pity fuck. I have to be inspired to submit; and a large part of that is them meriting my respect.

I mean that when I meet someone, I don't have preconcieved notions about them. Your above example is of people who showed you their quality quickly so you have reasons not to respect them. Before you learned about the negativity that they shout out to the world, what were your thoughts about them?

Now there are people that I respect for their convictions, yet they are not compatible with me so I can respect them from a distance. Respect doesn't automatically mean that I need a relationship with a person.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 11:32:26 AM

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I don't think it's really that trite. This site is overflowing with so-called dominants who act as though they're God's gift to the world, and subs should be falling all over themselves to court them and serve them, for no reason other than they say that they're dominant. And a lot of subs seem to be so desperate that they're willing to do just about anything just to get someone to dominate them.

i agree with this, i don't think it's necessarily trite saying that you want to respect someone before submitting to them. and i can also agree with beth saying that she starts out respecting and then the loss is earned. people tend to show you reasons to not respect them pretty fast (atleast online)
i didn't go on a dramatic collarme quest to find my Dom, so i dunno how it really works on sites like this
i don't necessarily think i start out with full-on respect, or even trust. i start out with courtesy, and respect builds over time.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 2:11:41 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

''I will only submit to a person I can respect''...

Well, there's a fair few posts that suggest that people DO actually submit to people they don't respect or have lost respect for.

All the same, I agree with LA that actually saying it is stating the obvious. I can't imagine anyone adding ..* Open to submitting to someone I don't respect*..lol

agirl

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 2:33:15 PM

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

"I will only submit to a person I can respect"

See, that's sooo to-tall-y true for me. No matter how much respect I have for, say, sharks or your ursine mammals (bears for the lay folks), or even something from the badger family, for me it's gotta be a person. YMMV.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 2:38:31 PM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

See, that's sooo to-tall-y true for me. No matter how much respect I have for, say, sharks or your ursine mammals (bears for the lay folks), or even something from the badger family, for me it's gotta be a penguin. YMMV.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to subtee)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 2:57:27 PM

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Hey, NG, don't get your panties in a bunch!

I do, in fact, "harbor" a great deal of respect for the penguins. (Did you see their "March" flick?)
However, they do not inspire submission. They inspire shivering.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to NorthernGent)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 3:26:35 PM

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Hey, NG, don't get your panties in a bunch!

It's like untangling a rubix cube.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I do, in fact, "harbor" a great deal of respect for the penguins.

So you should. Me too. Have you ever prayed at the feet of a penguin for forgiveness? I know I have.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

(Did you see their "March" flick?)

My favourite film. Much better than "Penguin Love' with that Chinese bloke playing the main penguin.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

However, they do not inspire submission. They inspire shivering.

'Will take a good man to turn your head, Subtee, if a penguin can't do it.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to subtee)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 4:16:34 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

First off; giggling at subtee and NG.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG
I mean that when I meet someone, I don't have preconcieved notions about them. Your above example is of people who showed you their quality quickly so you have reasons not to respect them. Before you learned about the negativity that they shout out to the world, what were your thoughts about them?

Omega, haven't you ever met someone who you could judge immediately as not someone you want to talk to? Without even knowing anything much about them? Just immediate intuitive response that this person is seriously creepy or weird? Because I have. And I'm not going to keep an open mind when my intuition is screaming "Get the fuck away now".

I'm fairly good at judging immediately, and I've never been wrong about immediate creepiness factors. Or about arrogant people. Some personality traits come across without words through body language, we put it together long before we sit down to consider what we have learned about them. And that first instinct is always, IMO, to be trusted.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 5:59:40 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Works both ways. I don't want to have someone submit to me whom I cannot respect.

Strip away the D/s, and it's nothing more than a relationship, and who wants one of those with someone unrespectable?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/14/2009 7:02:19 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Yes for me it is true. I can't even fathom submitting to someone just to submit. I cant even fathom to be in any type of relationship just to be in one.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: "I will only submit to a person I can respect&... - 1/15/2009 7:52:31 AM

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I don't trust anyone, and I don't give away respect. I give courtesy to everyone and have appreciation for any honorarium, or 'title' they've achieved (i.e. MD); however, respect comes from being able to prove themselves by observed behavior and interactions with me and others. Respect doesn't come easy, but can be lost very easily. I don't give second chances to anyone but those who share my genetic material.

This would also be me. I extend courtesy to everyone but my respect must be earned.

To take it one step further there are folks i respect that i would never submit to but i must have a great deal of respect for the one i do submit to as well.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> "I will only submit to a person I can respect"

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.260