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RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 6:15:38 PM   
rastermanblu


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How is it that you have all this time to see that she is 
quote:

is cruising CM like mad middle of the night, early am, all day in fact. 


Possessive? Paranoid? Id be wondering about your trust level.




Simple log on,  she's was my favorite so when I logged on I would that she was or what she had last been on.  I don't think that's snooping.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 6:47:31 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How is it that you have all this time to see that she is 
quote:

is cruising CM like mad middle of the night, early am, all day in fact. 


Possessive? Paranoid? Id be wondering about your trust level.




Simple log on,  she's was my favorite so when I logged on I would that she was or what she had last been on.  I don't think that's snooping.


Did you have a clear conversation with her where she agreed that your expectations regarding how she spent time on collarme were discussed? Were you agreeing that she would stop emailing others, viewing profiles, and would always respond to your emails first whenever she logged on?

You have to look at this kind of thing from all sides. I don't mean to come across as a bitch in this situation and I have no idea how your relationship was with her. However, I know it can be terribly annoying as a woman when you get those emails, hints or pouts from a guy, "You were online and read my message but did not reply- *cry* cry*" it is SO needy and very UNattractive. 

You can assume she was online picking up guys, ignoring you, lost interest - sure, that might be true. Or she logged on and left her PC, was on the phone, and something happened that got her attention and she did not have to respond to your email thoughtfully, before she received a follow up from you that said "Hey whats up, you read my email, but you didn't reply but you have been on"  - and then her annoyance level might have gone up. Then she waits to figure out what to say, only to get ANOTHER hint, or a call, and sense you are "fishing" for what is wrong but wont flat out say "Hey whats up, are you online at collarme checking out other profiles" but nothing, just the big elephant in the room. She's annoyed at your immaturity in your way of dealing with it so she never mentions it, and logs back onto collarme. Then you delete all her stuff and block her.

For all you know she reconnected with a long, lost female friend and had been chatting with her and didn't have time to respond in the timeframe YOU thought was appropriate.  The minute you start analyzing and watching when someone is online then getting irritated that they are not putting you at the top of the list is the minute you are dooming your own relationships.  Unless you both agreed on terms, its none of your business how she spends her time online. In the old days - with phones - would you be wondering why her phone was busy all the time and ASSUME she was having phone sex when she didn't return your calls but her line was busy? Is that how you operate? Is that healthy for you?

She could have been picking up new guys. Or she could have just been online.  When all else fails, communicate.  State your expectations, be clear, and if they are not met, you can move on. But to just make assumptions and get all upset about guessing is just defeating everything right out of the gate, isn't it?

Akasha
(who HATES it when guys whine, "You read my email but didn't respond in 1 hour, what's WRONG??" <-- hello, I have a LIFE! Sometimes I get busy and can't respond immediately, but I can promise you a follow up email WHINING about it will get you at the bottom of the list for sure.)




_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 6:59:56 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
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Rastermanblu
Yes it is a sign of maturity and being respectful to oneself to respond to emails in these cases and I agree. What I see differently is I just never assume people will do such. I think being a crone has taught me to get rid of expectations in general about people and their behaviors.

Blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:02:13 PM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
hello rastermanblu
yes , welcome to the world of cm, some real, some fake, some liars and some beautiful. i have fallen in the trap of opening up to much to people  and then realizing too late and that person was a wanker nothing more. but my Ma'am has helped me work thru all this bs and come to realize that even though i am a submissive i have feelings and i can say "NO" not interested. if someone gets too personal to quickly chances are they are not real or they do not want real time. so as She says- "live and learn". thank You for that Ma'am.

best of luck to You

jstmi

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:12:40 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline
You never really know if the person on the other end of the computer is married until you go to meet and no contact or 50K reasons why they can't do it. Better to have learned this now then to have arrived there and she not show. This for some reason is an acceptable way to act on the internet, it's sad but get used to it. I keep my meeting to local people only within an hour or so drive and only meet somewhere when I have something else to do in that area so that if it goes to south it's not a big deal. Also I don't really think anyone will show, so when they do it's a bonus.

Mike

(in reply to Voodali)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:12:59 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
Okay yeah, you got played. As soon as you made plans to go real, she bolted.

Consider yourself fortunate not to have wasted even more time on her, and change your practices so that its not so easy to do this to you in the future.

But I just want to point out that just because CM shows her as online, doesn't mean she is even at her computer. I can stay logged onto CM all day and night if I want to, while I go off to work all day, sleep all night, or whatever. Or I might even be sitting looking at other sites, while my CM window is minimized for hours.

_____________________________

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(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:42:10 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

I'm no fool and I don't want a relationship with someone who claims to be very interested in me but is still playing around.
You need to put this in perspective....this "someone" is a stranger. Someone that you don't know. And the reality is that there is no commitment to each other. It's the equivalent of someone that you're thinking about dating and having that someone talk to someone else that she may think about dating. 

Cyber is vapor and wires, you can't expect it to behave like real life.

So, the bottom line is that you need to decide if you're intrigued enough to meet her. 

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:44:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
I know I don't always answer every single mail Master sends me..there's just nothing to respond to. He doesn't respond to every single one I send to him. It's really not a big deal.

When others send me email I don't respond to every single one..again, there's nothing in the email to respond to. Sometimes it might take me a few days to respond to one because either I'm talking to others or I haven't figured out  how I wish to respond yet.

Either way..it's not a big deal. It's just an email! You apparently had her phone number. Why not talk to her that way if it was so extremely important? Call her up and say "hey are we still on for our date?". If she seems to be blowing you off then you have your answer. If she still agrees to meet you and then doesn't show up then again you have your answer. You shrug it off and say "NEXT!".

I get that you're newly divorced and fresh out on the racetrack again but slow down. It ain't the good ole days anymore. Don't expect it to be. It's a brand new world and women aren't just gonna drop everything on a moment's notice to make sure they get your attention. It just doesn't work that way anymore.

When she's good and ready she'll get back to you...or not.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: online gone wrong - 2/9/2009 7:50:11 PM   
flamingpuppets


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline
ugh, this happened to me this past wednesday.
I totally understand and it sucks dick.

(in reply to Voodali)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 9:37:45 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

Hi there,  I fell for someone on CM, a sub, great email dialogue, nice phone chats,  made travel plans to see her.  But then weirdness set in,  no responses to emails,  and yet I find that she is cruising CM like mad middle of the night, early am, all day in fact.  I'm no fool and I don't want a relationship with someone who claims to be very interested in me but is still playing around.
I don't know why but I am extremely hurt by this sad turn.  I guess I just need to vent and hope that someone in this community will help me figure this out... 

Welcome to the real world

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 11:12:37 AM   
vagabondduo


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

What is Dark Odyssey???


It's an easy Google....taking place this weekend

http://www.darkodyssey.com/

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 11:45:37 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
I feel for you.  Being played with in that  manner proves selfishness, lies, and deceit.  She obviously is a very unhappy person with low self esteem.  Thats too much baggage for anyone to handle.  And, if it shows online,  just think of what life with her would really be?  You would get more of a submissive relationship from an amoeba...at least they conform to any shape.  lol.  Good luck, and i truly mean that.

(in reply to vagabondduo)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 12:16:51 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
Wow.  Everyone thinks she was in the wrong, even though we got only one side of the story.  Maybe she was interested in him until she agreed to meet in real, and then he started acting like a controlling whackjob.

The posts of Akasha and littlewonder are worth reading a few times, I have to say.  I just don't see any grand show of disrespect here.  I see a man with little dating experience getting too invested in a woman he doesn't know, and the woman saying, "Holy shit!  This guy needs to back off, but I don't know how to tell him, so I won't say anything."


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 12:58:25 PM   
rastermanblu


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Wow.  Everyone thinks she was in the wrong, even though we got only one side of the story.  Maybe she was interested in him until she agreed to meet in real, and then he started acting like a controlling whackjob.

The posts of Akasha and littlewonder are worth reading a few times, I have to say.  I just don't see any grand show of disrespect here.  I see a man with little dating experience getting too invested in a woman he doesn't know, and the woman saying, "Holy shit!  This guy needs to back off, but I don't know how to tell him, so I won't say anything."



I don't think so.  And I have plenty of dating experience,  but not online.  I read their posts and took their thoughts seriously.  There was no grand show of disrespect I agree,  but there was enough that made my interest simply dwindle.  But in the end I still was a bit hurt by her seemingly duality,  everything is fine on the phone and then on line silence.  If I were a controlling dickhead I would be phoning her and messaging her,  but I choose not too.  Silence is my response.  I think what I'm doing here is simply venting my disappointment and looking for advice.  Which I have gotten and am grateful for.  The criticism is as welcome as is commiseration.  And I do wish her nothing but happiness,  my complaint is that she wasn't open enough to make her thoughts honestly known.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:01:27 PM   
rastermanblu


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

I feel for you.  Being played with in that  manner proves selfishness, lies, and deceit.  She obviously is a very unhappy person with low self esteem.  Thats too much baggage for anyone to handle.  And, if it shows online,  just think of what life with her would really be?  You would get more of a submissive relationship from an amoeba...at least they conform to any shape.  lol.  Good luck, and i truly mean that.


Maybe your right or maybe I am an ass-I don't think so-but thank you for your most kind comment.  Best....

(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:03:33 PM   
rastermanblu


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eponavet

Your strength will get through this rough patch and allow another into your heart.

Just don't hold this last person's behavior against the next girl...


I won't superimpose what happened on next,  but I will certainly be a lot more guarded.

Thank-you, R.

(in reply to eponavet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:07:13 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Wow.  Everyone thinks she was in the wrong, even though we got only one side of the story.  Maybe she was interested in him until she agreed to meet in real, and then he started acting like a controlling whackjob.

The posts of Akasha and littlewonder are worth reading a few times, I have to say.  I just don't see any grand show of disrespect here.  I see a man with little dating experience getting too invested in a woman he doesn't know, and the woman saying, "Holy shit!  This guy needs to back off, but I don't know how to tell him, so I won't say anything."



I don't think so.  And I have plenty of dating experience,  but not online.  I read their posts and took their thoughts seriously.  There was no grand show of disrespect I agree,  but there was enough that made my interest simply dwindle.  But in the end I still was a bit hurt by her seemingly duality,  everything is fine on the phone and then on line silence.  If I were a controlling dickhead I would be phoning her and messaging her,  but I choose not too.  Silence is my response.  I think what I'm doing here is simply venting my disappointment and looking for advice.  Which I have gotten and am grateful for.  The criticism is as welcome as is commiseration.  And I do wish her nothing but happiness,  my complaint is that she wasn't open enough to make her thoughts honestly known.


If things seemed bad online but good on the phone, why not ask directly on the phone what the disconnect was? 

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:09:01 PM   
rastermanblu


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu

I'm no fool and I don't want a relationship with someone who claims to be very interested in me but is still playing around.
You need to put this in perspective....this "someone" is a stranger. Someone that you don't know. And the reality is that there is no commitment to each other. It's the equivalent of someone that you're thinking about dating and having that someone talk to someone else that she may think about dating. 

Cyber is vapor and wires, you can't expect it to behave like real life.

So, the bottom line is that you need to decide if you're intrigued enough to meet her. 


I was intrigued enough.  We had planned to meet, I had even arranged my flight.  And I do believe we are all strangers until we meet.  Thought that even at the peak of  my cyber relationship.  Still when I share myself and when I talk with you and then that person shuts down, it does tend to leave me with a bad taste.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:22:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rastermanblu
And I have plenty of dating experience,  but not online.

Yeah, well, I've met at least 45 women with CM profiles in real life, although 30 or so were Platonic at the wedding over the weekend.  That includes the time I shut off my profile because I was in a relationship.  And Akasha has more online-to-real experience than I do.  So you can talk about your experience all you want, but I'm telling you that I see red flags in what you are writing.  You are seeing offense where there may be none, and you are not seeking clarity in a calm, level-headed way.  Why not just frikkin call her up?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rastermanblu)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: online gone wrong - 2/10/2009 1:27:32 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
I do so adore your voice of reason... its *uhm... * so familiar... oh!  maybe cause it mirrors what I'd say.. *grin*

in any case, sometimes people don't want reason.. but rather they want either answers they want to hear, or answers that tell them exactly what to do...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 60
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