OttersSwim
Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gmikeisbad The heart of my question was ‘Do Dominant women like dressing up submissive men AND objectifying them?’ further, ‘Is a group gathering of this type ever likely?’ Yes. But the reality of how such a thing might happen is very different from the fantasy of it. I believe that the reality of it is always going to involve some other primary activity going on and while dressing and objectification may be things that occur, they will almost never the focus or the goal of the event. For example, there are kinky dinners and tea parties that occur where a variety of folk might get together to enjoy food, company, play, or a concept like "having tea". You might end up with cross-dressed males, sissies, or trans-folk there in a service mode and in that setting, an individual might find themselves being eyed, pinched, fawned over, or even played with by a Dominant. But you might just end up serving all day and no-one pays you any particular attention. And, you likely will have to have dressed yourself and be actively participatory (i.e., gonna have to actually work - there is a joke in BDSM circles that S&M does not mean "Stand and Model" ) If you are lucky enough to have found a Lady who is open or even interested in your being girlie (however that manifests itself), then She might be interested in participating in your getting ready and being girlie... I guess that what I am saying is that the fantasy seems to always involve multiple women getting together with the express purpose to feminize a boy. In the entire Denver Metro area, I could not put together five women interested in doing that to someone they would know and love, let alone some stranger or even an acquaintance. We know of one other couple in Denver, one in Boulder, and that is pretty much it for our entire region. It isn't that there are not Femdoms...it is that there are not that many Femdom's interested at all in that sort of play - the reasons for that are all over these forums if you search. And so that grim picture might evoke feelings of despair...however... I LOVE objectification. I want nothing more in the world to be -pretty- and to be -desired- and to be a certain someone's -sex toy-. Sound familiar? But those three objectives in and of themselves, do little to establish a relationship with another person, nor can they completely define the whole of my being or all that I want out of a kinky or girlie life. This is the mistake that I think many guys make - not totally thinking these things through and thus they come from a place where they are leading with their kink or fetish - the weakest link in the whole relationship chain. When you observe Dominant Ladies as a group, you can also gather some general things about them. And while this is a generalization, it holds true for most: Dominant women by and large are in or are looking for a primary -relationship-. Dominant women are looking for actual -submission-. Dominant women are looking for -service-. and Dominant women are -NOT looking to feminize men- And so when you look at that disparity of numbers and general lack of interest, I believe that one has to come to the conclusion that in order to have even a little of what drives us...we have to dig deeper - make ourselves more than just our desires for kinky girlie play. We have to embrace -the Other-, the Lady... When we start thinking outside of our own desires to what that Other might be interested in, we unlock a whole world. Hey, there's that Dominant Lady and suddenly you SEE that there is a fully realized person there who is more than just a life support system for our girlie kink. That person is most often a human first, a female second, and a dominant third...and a thousand other things that make a whole rounded kinky person with diverse interests... If you look at Kink, it is not hard to see that it is a reciprocal type of system - both parties give into it to make the whole of it work. And it is also an intentionally unfair system - SHE is in charge and the focus is (and should be) on Her - here's where that "submissive and service" stuff comes in and hopefully that is something a guy actually -feels- and -wants-...the pool of women becomes unbelievably smaller if you are just a girlie bottom... And so given that I know what I want, I can pretty easily find out what She wants (read her profile), and I know that She is more than just a life support system for my kink, and I know that I am going to be required to -put in- in order to -get out-... My first line is not going to be "I want to be girlie, how can you help me with that..." but "Hi, my name is Michael Sabene..." And things proceed from there, hopefully with the Lady being the focus, and the guy understanding that the best way to get what he wants, is by giving Her what She wants. I have seen that people will tolerate or even embrace almost ANY kink or desire from someone that they know, trust, and feel affection for. My Lady was not looking for a girlie boy. She was certainly -open- to one and that was essential, but it was not really on her radar. And she is not at all into concepts of forced fem, and yet she does some of that now with me because she loves me and wants me to be happy and she knows that sort of thing makes me feel good. And when you take the whole of what I have said here, and try to apply it to an online search...wow does that become next to freakin' impossible. And that is why I totally embrace getting out into your local community and meeting people face to face, making friends and building a whole -kinky girlie life- where you are not just some guy with a weird kink on the computer, but a real human being who has thought all this through, knows what he wants, is willing to -give- in order to -get-, and is actively engaged with other people to accomplish his goals. That to me feels so much better than the all too typical request from guys to Ladies to "take over my life" and "make me a girl". And I think it is received much better as well, and significantly increases our chances of actually finding someone who is willing to engage with us to achieve our goals. Hope that helps.
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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.
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