What qualities does a partner need to have for you to submit?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What qualities does a partner need to have for you to submit?

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What qualities does a partner need to have for you to s... - 1/26/2010 4:01:38 PM

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I'm interested in the POV of both male and female submissives regarding what qualities (personality, emotional, mentality) a dominant must possess in order for you to feel compelled to submit to them?

Or alternatively, are there qualities a dominant might have that make it hard for you to consider submitting to them (for the sake of argument, assume you are generally attracted to them as a person, but.....) An example would be -- as a submissive, you are very fashion-oriented or aware; you meet a dominant that is pretty much a slob or doesn't dress up. Or, you are very careful about your nutrition, but your potential dominant eats a poorly balanced diet.

Are there personality quirks or aspects that strongly impact your perception of dominance and your capacity for submission, either way?

Akasha

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:06:44 PM

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I need someone who thinks like I do, who is compatible with me, who is a dominant personality, who understands me, who has similar morals, values, beliefs than I do....the same things that most people look for in a partner other than the dominant personality.

I could never submit to someone who is an atheist, who has no moral compass or beliefs, who is a slob, who does not take care of himself mentally, physically, spiritually, who does not care for his family or friends and so many other things, too many to list here.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:08:21 PM

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I have to have a connection with him. I have to enjoy his company and be able to carry on a conversation. The normal everyday relationship stuff matters a lot to me as to whether a D/s relationship will work or not.

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:11:33 PM

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He has to make me feel hot, cared for, be protective, make me think, make me laugh, make me scream, know how to communicate verbally, be in touch with his feelings, "get" me, have similar interests and generally be inspiring.

Being able to fuck for hours is also good.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/26/2010 4:12:40 PM >

(in reply to mc1234)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:11:58 PM

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My number one need is to feel safe. I'm not into humiliation or feeling bad about myself, so it is vital that I know that he won't make fun of me or my needs. Usually that translates into someone who is patient and a good listener, a person that doesn't hurry to push against my soft limits.

The rest is pretty much just extra, stuff that I can either learn to adjust to (differing styles, diets, etc) or eventually learn to overlook. No one is perfect. Cept my owner!

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:18:32 PM

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I like someone who will have me on edge, kinda scared and uneasy. Also, someone who makes me feel naked and bare, like I cant hide from them.

(in reply to camille65)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:34:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: humble75
I like someone who will have me on edge, kinda scared and uneasy. Also, someone who makes me feel naked and bare, like I cant hide from them.

I know where you live.
Your photos cover my walls, I have your high school yearbooks open on my homemade altar.
I paint your face with my semen and blood, filling entire notebooks with our names together.
I stand outside your bedroom window sometimes watching you as I snap my straightrazor open and shut thinking of how that blood pulses so beautifully beneath that velvet skin wanting to open you up and crawl inside you and wear you like a second skin as the voices shriek ever louder redrum redrum REDRUM!

Horny yet?

(in reply to humble75)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 4:56:06 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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Qualities that I would be in consistent pursuit of:

Intelligence is a major factor in my search. I know I need a lady with comparable intelligence to me. I tend to get bored with gossip of other people. I have enough drama. Let us talk of big ideas. While I am not the best when it comes to grammar or spelling, I cannot stand netspeak and neither should she. Exercise those verbose lips. :D

Consistency - If my partner says she is going to do something she does it. There is nothing like wondering why she did not call when she said she was and then have an excuse for why she did not do it. Honesty is a part of my attraction as well. I hate liars. I loathe terrible liars.

The ability to see outside and inside of the box (being open????). I tend to be floating right outside the box, so to speak. Yes, yes, I am a space cadet but being grounded is a wonderful thing. With the right person I am connected with reality. Ha, some may think I am strange now... if you were to meet me in person............. >_>

A wonderful laugh and an genuine smile is also important. I am going to make her laugh, on purpose and accident. Might as well be pleasant. Senses of humor and comedy need apply here. Spontaneity is a plus.

Hopefully, my Lady sees the silver lining in every cloud like I do. Knows that nothing is impossible... and searches for solutions rather than problems.

I am more to her than a booty call. I cannot stand that feeling of emptiness. I want substance in the few relations I have. Eagerness to connect with me on a plethora of levels. Having a decent size penis is not as cracked up as it should be...

I tend to freak out at times. I panic. I can't help it. Nothing is worse than a person that adds to it. Except when I go outside and get terribly lost in my own backyard.

A sense of class and poise would be quite charming as well. One who takes care of her body.

I could go on...

In summation:

I am looking for my other half. I am incomplete.

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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 5:28:46 PM

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The man I submit to is extremely confident and self-assured, decisive, intelligent, well groomed, fit, funny, logical and brutally honest. He makes me feel good about myself. He "gets" me. We can talk about almost anything. We don't have a lot in common, though. He loves sports. I could care less. He's Catholic. I'm a nondenominational christian. He isn't monogamous. I'm pretty much a one-man woman. We're a bit of an odd couple, I guess. My submission to him is inspired purely by a gut reaction to the chemistry. He's attractive and makes me feel good, so I do the best I can to please him.

Things that make it impossible to submit are lying, being judgmental of me, being financially unstable, poor grooming, not understanding me at all, insecurity and sexual incompatibility.

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 6:03:02 PM

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I admire a great sense of humor. It's the sexiest thing about a man.

I would not be with a man who told me he was handsome or intelligent as I prefer to make that determination on my own. I would not be with someone who has done everything and is an expert on everything, in other words, a know-it-all.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 6:04:09 PM

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I need to be heard, validated, cared for. I need emotional vulnerability from him in order to be vulnerable to him. Ethical and moral compatibility. Kink and libido compatibility. Enjoys same kind of music. Understands that I'm an introvert and if not given any alone time I get squirrely.

I'm not compatible with a sadist, a person who has never had children, a person who abandons his children.

And I left the final decision up to my dog, although normally suspicious of strange men, she took to him right away. If she hadn't that would have been a red flag.

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 6:09:56 PM

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Apart from an emotional connection and a desire to develop and maintain a relationship the only two qualities I look for in anyone are authenticity and personal integrity.

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 6:25:30 PM

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Definitely confidence, first and foremost. Then compatibility (likes, dislikes, etc.) would be next and that's for both of us to possess.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 6:26:00 PM

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Other than being dominant... Integrity is the most important for me. Someone who enjoys learning, likes to be the best person they can be. They have to have their own sense of honour, some compassion and the ability to say "No". They have to be willing to do what is right for them no matter what the rest of the world or even those who are close to them think; they have to walk their own path and not do what is cool or what the masses think they should do. I have also found that I really like a little bit of a sadist in my partner. I like that he is so open and expressive with his emotions. I like that he can be harsh when it is needed and gentle and loving when that is needed.

There are some things that I need in a dominant partner and other things that after having them in my life for the last five years, I don't want to do without.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 7:11:56 PM

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wow, thats a rather complex question...simple yet complex, i like that...so to try to awnser

i need a Man who first and foremost i can take around family and friends as i am very family oriented
i need a Man who is in charge of his own life (if He cant control His life how will He be able to control mine)
i need a Man who is intelligent someone who can keep my mind occupied
i need a Man who is honest (honesty is important)
i need a Man who can talk to me about anything (just because he is Dom dont mean he dont have feelings too)
i need a Man who is clean ( i cant stand ppl who dont bathe)
i need a Man who is able to with one word or look can stop me dead in my tracks and correct me

the lst goes on and on but those r important

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 8:48:07 PM

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To submit? Honesty, honour, consistency, valour.

To leave? Dishonesty, deceitfulness, slovenliness, wishy-washy, arrogance.

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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 9:00:22 PM

osf

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i need someone with feathers

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

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RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 9:02:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i need someone with feathers

Looks like you already got her eating out of your hand <grin>

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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to osf)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 9:03:32 PM

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Among many other things--most of which are what I'd look for in a partner, not just a dominant--what I need most to submit is to feel that he is as capable or more capable than I am in the area(s) in which I'm ceding control. For example, if I'm to hand over control of my finances, he needs to be better at making and sticking to budgets. If I didn't feel I was better off giving control up, I'd do it myself.

Of course, there's always that initial leap of faith moment where my anxieties are running high, but once I realize the world isn't coming apart at the seams I can relax into his control.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

RE: What qualities does a partner need to have for you ... - 1/26/2010 9:12:38 PM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i need someone with feathers

Looks like you already got her eating out of your hand <grin>

she is demanding grape tribute

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

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