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What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:37:54 PM

YourMistressDawn

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Joined: 8/28/2004
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I have been of the opinion that there are quite a few confused souls on CM; however, perhaps it is I who is confused. Through various discussions and responses to my profile, I have been introduced to several (ok a lot) of men who claim to be submissive and want to "serve" a dominant woman. Now by serving, they go into great detail about whippings, strapon play, CBT and various other delicious "tortures", so much so I can practically see them salivating on the other side of the computer. How is this serving me? I see this as sex play not submission. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but call it what it is. Nothing about how they intend to earn the honor of having their ass reamed with that large rubber cock they just happen to have on hand. Nothing about what lengths they would go to ensure that I desire to give them what they are clearly asking for. I think the term "submissive" as been severely diluted by those who are seeking kinky sex and have no true understanding of female dominance and what it entails. I see the repeated complaint of "fakes" on CF when referring to the Domme's but I'd like to counter by saying perhaps there are plenty of "fakes" in those claiming to be submissive and wishing to serve.

Or, again, perhaps it is I who is confused. Thoughtful, polite responses encouraged.

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:44:05 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Wow, you've been on CM since 2004.

WELCOME TO THE BOARDS!!!

Yeah it sucks, how many guys are more about getting their rocks off, than actual service- and yet seem so clueless about it. Frighteningly un-self-aware. makes you wonder how they survived into adulthood.

OP, please stay on the boards! You'll be a welcome addition to the fray!

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:45:18 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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Just FYI - the mods don't like cross-posting. All but one of the threads will be pulled and you will lose those replies so.. pay attention to them while they are still up I guess.

ETA - And my response in the "Ask A Mistress" section is gone. Seriously mods, couldn't you have pulled this one? *sighs dramatically*

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/14/2010 1:48:55 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:48:23 PM

YourMistressDawn

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Joined: 8/28/2004
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Thanks for the headsup on cross posting. I am not real clear how this works.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:51:41 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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Free forum advice - take it for what it's worth:

Everyone is allowed to post anywhere we want. I love this system as it allows you to get perspectives that, even if you didn't think you wanted them, can shine a different light on the subject. So the general rule of thumb is to determine your "target audience", be it everyone in general, masters, mistresses, subs/slaves or the fine folks in the gor forum and put the question there. There are a lot of people who float around between all the forums and at the top of the screen recent posts scroll by to catch people's attention.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:54:17 PM

YourMistressDawn

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/28/2004
Status: offline

There was a response in one of the other forums (note to self: cross posting not allowed) about the sub not belonging to me so he really doesn't have to say how he would serve. Perhaps that's where the confusion comes in. I am unclear as to what they want - sex or submission. Many profiles are bare of any details except to say "I'll do anything you want" Yeah, whatever. I guess my expectation of someone wishing to serve would not be the immediate and detailed list of all the things I could do for him . . . which is exactly how I read the "use me any way you want" responses.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 1:56:53 PM

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That was probably me. I mentioned that since the sub doesn't belong to you yet they may not feel they have to list how they would serve.

Probably you are encountering horny net trolls. But, just to play devil's advocate, they may be trying to avoid stepping on your toes by telling you how they will serve you. Instead saying what they want so that you can tell them how they can earn it.

Again, probably just looking to their rocks off but it's just a thought.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/14/2010 1:57:20 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 2:05:26 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Block and delete are your friends. I have pages of wankers blocked, and I don't wait for them to spam me multiple times. I block them immediately. Works for me.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 2:13:03 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Submission to mean means submitting my will to someone else, and allowing them authority over me. It certainly does not mean dictating how we'll play, or setting up I will do lists. I agree most the guys out there confuse submission with kinky sex. But then girls can do that too I guess.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 2:18:16 PM

OnlineFunForYou

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

The term "submissive" seems to be used with vary different meanings, so I can only tell what it means to me.

I tell a dominant my hard limits, leaving her with a large framework of freedom.

Then I tell a dominant that I don't expect her to find out what I like or to care about whether or not I like the ways in which she may want to use me for her pleasure, because my only desire is the satisfaction of her dominant needs and wants.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/14/2010 2:46:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourMistressDawn

...by serving, they go into great detail about whippings, strapon play, CBT and various other delicious "tortures", so much so I can practically see them salivating on the other side of the computer. How is this serving me?

Mostly... it's NOT! Many (both male and female) are simply seeking a "Service Top"... i.e., a dynamic where YOU are interchangable with any D-Type, as you're simply serving THEIR kink. Ignore and focus on the ones who "get" it.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/19/2010 10:58:00 PM

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To me it's pretty simple. I register a person as submissive when they follow the lead that I set frequently enough that it surfaces on my radar. For me in particular, that must be a very consistent behavior or I just see them as "normal". The term "submissive" to me has nothing whatsoever to do with sexuality.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/19/2010 11:23:16 PM

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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Great question OP. Yes, many men on here want to be sexually submissive.. a sex toy.

I can't wait to see more responses.

_____________________________

We all have baggage, the question is; Is it carry on or do you need a U-haul for it?

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/19/2010 11:24:18 PM

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Sure,they want to submit to getting thier rocks off.

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 1:27:12 AM

Tebo

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline

The term submission becomes a matter of perspective and in that context whatever one thinks it is is the right answer. For example, if I was to ask you to point up, most of us would look toward the sky and point in that direction. So the person standing on the north pole, are they more right or wrong than than one standing on the south pole, but they are in fact pointing in opposite directions, but still both pointing up.

Maybe the problem we has is the lack of definitive terms in this community and maybe in life in general. I submit hundreds of times a day. Give someone the right-of-way or open a door or relinquish my place in a que and on and on. Therefore I characterize submission as a choice and can change from time to time. So maybe the terms should go like this.

1. Submission with ulterior motive is not really submission. "Oh baby, I'll do whatever you want", so long it's what I want to do.
2. Sumission in and of itself, but there may be days you will submit and then possibly the next day not to the same thing.
3. Unconditional submission without mind but not mindlessly aka slavery.

I've come to learn and especially as this medium being the internet and CM specifically requires a higher level of honesty in "Say what you mean and mean what you say", therefore YOUR definition of expectation is much clearer. As an example, when I see 24/7, I assume this to be a livin-in situation, but there are some and maybe even most Dommes, that this means be avaliable 24/7. Doesn't make them wrong or vise-versa, just that without more information the expectation is not clear due to lack of defniition.

I don't read men's profiles, but I have noticed over time, more and more women are starting to be much more descriptive and this is what I believe the essence of the questions should be YourMistressDawn, it's unimportant what submission means to us, but rather what does it mean to you and what are your expectations.

Your profile is very clear OP and simple to understand. Men that fish with a specific purpose in mind will read profiles and respond appropriately. Yours is not my cup of tea, but at least I understand your needs. There is little you can do for the drift netters that just hope by sheer luck alone they will land something and you have to be inconvieinced by reading mindless dribble, not unlike the occasional response I get where a 20 something year old will tell me how great my profile is and we have so much in common and I should come to Yahoo Chat.

< Message edited by Tebo -- 2/20/2010 1:37:44 AM >

(in reply to Smutmonger)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 2:01:13 AM

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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While I am a sub, I agree about the malleability of terms but what I've learned is dominant people dominate, submissive people submit, only masters own and only slaves are owned.

Next my man tells me and I agree, submission is inspired and from his experience from before the net and going back in history D/s and BDSM were all about the sex (same with deSade btw) and it is only with the net that we have decided for ourselves since, that sex has little to do with D/s ?

He told me and I agree, how did people determine any domination or submission ? Imagine meeting somebody on a date, there were no profiles, no toys, no fetishes no outward specific written desires for sex so no trolls. Think about finding a sub man at work, down at the local bar at the library. Would they be trolls if they wanted sex ?

So let's not get wrapped up in just how people are supposed to approach people on the net when you don't know how they are, until you meet. Without the net, there is very likely, nobody at all. Even with the net you still don't know somebody until you meet them.

< Message edited by Scheherazade -- 2/20/2010 2:02:10 AM >

(in reply to Tebo)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 6:48:47 AM

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From: Kentucky
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Just some general food for thought...

Some are drawn to WIIWD because it is a sexual turn on. The idea of bringing that fluttery, yummy feeling into the everyday moments of our life... of making the ordinary day-to-day routine charged with sexual energy... well, that is extremely appealing.

What if you could make the chores of living into something desired and longed for? Don't like washing the dishes? Need to exercise but hate making yourself do it? Add nakedness and the prospect of orgasm, and voila... instant fun to dilute the drudgery! That's the promise that D/s and BDSM holds for many people... finding a partner (or partners) who can help make those dreams come true.

Sounds selfish, eh?

Well... there's the kicker. Sub A get turned on by submitting... so he or she assumes Dom B to get turned on by dominating in the same way. What needs to be done gets done, and both have fun in the process.

The problem lies in communicating. If your dominance stems soley from an inborn desire to always get what you want in the way that you want it, then you aren't going to click with a submissive who is looking for a dominant who gets off on sexually dominating. Neither is wrong... they are just wrong for each other.

(in reply to YourMistressDawn)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 7:53:23 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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The same complaints that female doms have is the same complaint in some ways as female submissives... both complain about wankers that email them wanting sex talk. The thing both have in common, they are women seeking on a kinky adult-oriented site...

I agree with this:

quote:

The problem lies in communicating. If your dominance stems soley from an inborn desire to always get what you want in the way that you want it, then you aren't going to click with a submissive who is looking for a dominant who gets off on sexually dominating. Neither is wrong... they are just wrong for each other

It is not intrinsically wrong for a male submissive to want to find a domme that is interested in his kinks and wants him to submit the way he wants to submit. I want to submit the way I want to, why should a male be any different? If it isn't meeting my needs, then why am I there?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TreasureKY)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 8:12:20 AM

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I think the main issues here come from ones of selfishness and objectification. People in a consumerist society have an awful habit of searching for things from the point of "eating". They have a "need" and want to feed it.

But some have a particularly poor way of approaching this-since their needs also greatly desocialize thier initial contact methodolgies. So they come across as "I need a vehicle for my kink-you will probably do-total stranger."

Instead of at least trying a less intense ice breaker. Personally-I want a freind first-one I can also do vanilla things with that I have a passion for-not just something based on kink. I don't mind doing a little submitting to someone else's desires-it's part of the interplay.

When it looks unbalanced from the get go-I tend to back off and lose interest.

< Message edited by Smutmonger -- 2/20/2010 8:13:09 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: What does submissive mean to you? - 2/20/2010 8:34:07 AM

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quote:

since the sub doesn't belong to you yet they may not feel they have to list how they would serve.

They may also not know enough about her to know how they are likely to be able to serve her. Dommes often write things such as "tell me how you would serve me", when realistically, a sub needs to know what the domme needs and wants before he can answer such a question properly. He can list his skills and things that he thinks she might like, but if he's truly interested in serving as she would like, that's just shooting in the dark.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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