I know this is ask a submissive, but I think I can share some of my tips as I've gotten feedback on what worked from submissives that I've been involved with in the past.
First off, I never present myself as a Mistress, but that's me. I'm a woman first, a dominant woman as well as a sadistic one. But the list of qualifiers move on. I think that mindset helps.
I tend to prefer the pull technique to the push technique. I don't chase subs. I give them signs I'm interested and I let them find their way to me. This technique often takes a little longer but weeds out a great deal of the do-me boys. For example, you ask if you should act like you are in control. The key word in that question is *act*. I don't act like anything, I just am faithful to me. I let a man know in no uncertain terms that in my relationships, I take the lead and will be in control. Then, I wait for the moment where he expresses to me that he desires me to be in control of him. If I feel that this is authentic, it has great potential.
As for conversations, I avoid kinky conversations for a very long time. They know I'm into BDSM and that's enough in the beginning. It doesn't really matter what I'm into as they are going to be submitting to me and not my toybox. If they know me on Collarme or Fetlife, they can read up on what I like if they are that curious, but in the end, it's more important that we have chemistry to make things work on a more emotional level. I've never had issues making it work intimately once that bond was strong.
As for questions, I like conversations that flow. I'll ask questions to extracts points of views, ideologies, ways of thinking, etc. What is important to me is to find out if this is someone I can be with. I'm looking for an intimate and romantic relationship with a man so this is of the utmost importance.
And OrpheusAgonistes is right, sexy shoes do work in many cases, especially for initiating that initial spark of interest ;-)
< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 5/18/2010 6:50:05 PM >
Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove