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How do I get a man to submit?


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How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:47:08 AM   
MzPeachz


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress? How do I present myself? Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me? What should be the conversation topics? Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking? How do I seal the deal? I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:54:47 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 26887
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Welcome to collarme.

1. You're the Domme.  You're in control to at least some degree.  What are you looking for?
2.  A lot depends on what kind of relationship you're seeking.  If you're just looking for someone to meet and then beat, you should focus on what kinds of play you like and what he likes/is willing to put up with.  If you're looking for a LTR, then you should be asking about what kinds of food he likes, etc. - relationship stuff.  If you might be talking live-in, what are your rule for your place?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:55:55 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 840
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress? How do I present myself? Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me? What should be the conversation topics? Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking? How do I seal the deal? I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.


I would respectfully suggest you're approaching this from the wrong side. Finding submissive men doesn't entail a shake and bake formula or Konami code. What pleases you? That is the first question I'd consider quite deeply before embarking on finding a submissive male. Keep in mind there are many who don the mask, but seldom have the heart to live out submission past the liquidy pleasure of their gonads.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:58:36 AM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
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Just be yourself.  A guy who is worth your time is interested in submitting to a particular person, not to a series of poses and gestures.

You're not a superhero.  You don't have an alter ego.  You're a woman with a particular set of interests looking for a man with similar interests who wants a similar dynamic.  People, myself included, sometimes romanticize or philosophize the nature of the dynamic, but at the end of the day it's really two people sitting down together to see if they click personally, romantically, and sexually.

What seals the deal is being into each other, and what kills the deal is not being into each other.

There really isn't a formula or any unstoppable secret technique.  It's just a matter of experience (which means making mistakes as well as doing things right) and luck.

Also, wear sexy shoes.


_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 7:32:03 AM   
leadership527


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Assuming you are looking for a relationship, not a scene, then I agree with what Orpheus said.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 9:41:27 AM   
ReginaMirus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

Also, wear sexy shoes.



Ah, Christ. I'm out.

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 9:49:52 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 51848
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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What OA and DS said

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 9:54:19 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
If you are the dominant, then why are you trying to make the meeting all about what the submissive needs or wants to see and not about what you want? Dont worry about what they want to see, or how to present yourself. Be yourself, unless you want to have to keep an act going for as long as you are with a certain sub. They are going to see you for who you are, so you may as well be that person from the get go.

Do you want BDSM only, or do you want a relationship that has both elements in it? If you want both, then focus on a blend, if you only want one then focus on what you want. You will find someone who matches what you want and then thats what you will run with. Dont tailor yourself to someone else just os you have someone, wait for someone who matches you. Itll make you hapier in the end.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 3:28:35 PM   
slavekal


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I recommend taking a little control right from the start without going overboard.  Don't be shy about stating what your desires and requirements are, but don't expect total blind obedience right from the start.  Like a workout, you have to warm up first before you hit the heavy sets.  As a sub male, I love it when a domme begins putting me in my place right away.  Don't fall into the vanilla friend zone.  It can be hard to break out of it later.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 3:30:28 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3942
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress? How do I present myself? Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me? What should be the conversation topics? Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking? How do I seal the deal? I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.

Sorry but this reads like "how do I bullshit my way into a stranger's life?"....

Assuming you are on the level and sincere, my advice is to go and find *you* first, 'cause you're soooo not ready to be making decisions for another....

Errrrm...., and welcome to CM....

Focus.


_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 3:33:36 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
secretly, all males want to submit to a chick wearing white socks and a tshirt only, who hands him a beer and then sucks his dick as he watches the football game that is on tv.  if you dont say a word during all of this, and also make him a sandwich, he will be yours forever.

if that does not work, then try singing showtunes perhaps.....

_____________________________

yep

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 3:33:53 PM   
mikeyOfGeorgia


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

How do I get a man to submit?


take away his booze, his ESPN, his remote and his porn...he'll buckle after a few hours of withdrawal...LOL

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 3:55:45 PM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

if that does not work, then try singing showtunes perhaps.....


I know a little Cole Porter or Sondheim always gets me in the mood.  But no Andrew Lloyd, please.  Total mood killer.


_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 4:38:17 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 14142
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

What type of questions should I be asking?


Once you've both warmed up and if you feel easy with the question, then I'd recommend

'What does submission mean to you?'

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 4:48:08 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
You don't "get" a person to submit to you.  Either someone is submissive toward you or they are not.  If you aren't giving them an accurate picture of to whom and what they are expected to submit, then be prepared for a failure at some point.  This isn't a formula thing.  It's the part of chemistry involved in chemical reactions.  Two entities with various properies combine to produce a unique interaction.  Some will result in no reaction at all, weak ones, strong ones, massive explosions, and all manner else.  When you have added yourself to the experiment honestly and achieved the kind of reaction you desire, that is someone who is a good match for you and what you want out of a relationship.  So what DO you want out of a relationship?  What kind of response ARE you  looking for?  How are you presenting yourself?  As someone you aren't?  Or just as you are with no apologies for it? 

lovingpet

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 5:39:10 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
Feel your way.

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:25:58 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 26887
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus


quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

Also, wear sexy shoes.



Ah, Christ. I'm out.


Fake.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ReginaMirus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/18/2010 6:29:14 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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I know this is ask a submissive, but I think I can share some of my tips as I've gotten feedback on what worked from submissives that I've been involved with in the past.

First off, I never present myself as a Mistress, but that's me. I'm a woman first, a dominant woman as well as a sadistic one. But the list of qualifiers move on. I think that mindset helps.

I tend to prefer the pull technique to the push technique. I don't chase subs. I give them signs I'm interested and I let them find their way to me. This technique often takes a little longer but weeds out a great deal of the do-me boys. For example, you ask if you should act like you are in control. The key word in that question is *act*. I don't act like anything, I just am faithful to me. I let a man know in no uncertain terms that in my relationships, I take the lead and will be in control. Then, I wait for the moment where he expresses to me that he desires me to be in control of him. If I feel that this is authentic, it has great potential.

As for conversations, I avoid kinky conversations for a very long time. They know I'm into BDSM and that's enough in the beginning. It doesn't really matter what I'm into as they are going to be submitting to me and not my toybox. If they know me on Collarme or Fetlife, they can read up on what I like if they are that curious, but in the end, it's more important that we have chemistry to make things work on a more emotional level. I've never had issues making it work intimately once that bond was strong.

As for questions, I like conversations that flow. I'll ask questions to extracts points of views, ideologies, ways of thinking, etc. What is important to me is to find out if this is someone I can be with. I'm looking for an intimate and romantic relationship with a man so this is of the utmost importance.

And OrpheusAgonistes is right, sexy shoes do work in many cases, especially for initiating that initial spark of interest ;-)

- LA


< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 5/18/2010 6:50:05 PM >


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 3:35:28 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
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I suggest Louboutin :-)

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 4:21:19 AM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

secretly, all males want to submit to a chick wearing white socks and a tshirt only, who hands him a beer and then sucks his dick as he watches the football game that is on tv.  if you dont say a word during all of this, and also make him a sandwich, he will be yours forever.

if that does not work, then try singing showtunes perhaps.....


*Dons top and tails and a snazzy looking cane*

"There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know......"

If this doesn't work I'm screwed!


_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
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