RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom

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RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:32:24 AM

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

Try making such a document yourself. Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.

Is there really even a need to do such a thing? I mean, really, the things most people need to either learn or remember when choosing to explore any new activity is, at a minimum, basic skill and safety information pertaining to the activity and common sense.

There are oodles of books available to teach a person new to bdsm or D/s the basics...Jay Wiseman's "SM 101" comes to mind as one example. In regards to people being "preyed upon", there is also information available out there that discusses abusive and co-dependent relationships. Whether or not a person chooses to become an informed participate is another story which plays strongly into the concept of common sense. Common sense ain't so common...just a quick read thought of some of the drama-filled threads currently going on these boards can show you that.

The funny thing about common sense, though, is that many times it doesn't develop without experience to draw upon. Telling a child not to touch a hot stove doesn't replace the feeling of pain for them to associate with why they shouldn't touch the hot stove.

If someone chooses to believe that D/s is nothing but abusive D-types who send cock/pussy shots and demand instant submission, then they just may need to learn from such experiences as to what works best for them and how they'll define whatever dynamic or activity they choose to experience.

For the record...it's not just submissive folks who "spend years (if not decades) in secret fantasy"....many D-types are equally guilty of that.

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:32:29 AM

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Joined: 3/22/2006
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I wrote this article ages ago after having dinner with a friend, a "new" submissive who wished to know if she should really meet a dom she met online in park, at night, in the middle of nowhere (his idea). This woman is no idiot. She is bright, attractive, educated, but had "the fervor" newness can often bring and was truly in dilemma whether to meet this man or not. It might seem foolish to some posting here, yet try and remember when you were new, and all the people who wished to tell you what was "proper," and the years it took to understand it might not be.

This man's plan to meet my friend both frightened and infuriated me.

So I sat down and wrote a document and posted it on Fetlife. Many had similar comments and taking none personally, I edited the document many times to cut, amend, and reword the text until the majority felt the document to be satisfactory. It took me many days in the effort. This was the final product but surely is not definitive. The words can do no harm, and have done many a service.

Again, I don't understand all the objections, or why such time hasn't been spent to simply write a document that objectors feel to be a more definitive document to help new people avoid such pitfalls.

Have a great day...

No clue why so many feel it to be offensive, but to each their own. If it helps only one stay out of harm's way, it's done what it was supposed to do.

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:35:00 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

Sit down, think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon), tell them what to look out for (as many red flags as possible), and offer them all the wisdom you feel was so lacking in my document.

I did.

I sat down and noted on red flags in both of your 'personas' and in doing so it inadvertently knocked your entire document's promise of you personally being someone of good character out the window.

The document isn't the red flag. You are. My decision was not surmised from thin air, it came from research and from my own wisdom.

quote:

think of all the new girls (who we all know are being prayed upon)

It is THAT in mind that I felt impelled to study further. You should be thanking me lol. I protected them from someone like 'you'.

Anyone with Google can give advice on skydiving, but would you trust them to attach your gear and pack your parachute? Sorry, I give an epic fail to the entire content when it comes from someone with so little class.

The document says nothing about me personally, and certainly made no promises of me being "of good character."

Again, I don't see why you yourself don't attempt such an effort. You seem to have strong opinion, why not sit down and make a guide you feel is of value?

Write it, post it, and in the effort you might be able to help a person avoid a dangerous situation.

Be well...

NocturnalStalker's Axiomatic Document For Females World-Wide:

Don't marry an asshole.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:40:16 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

This woman is no idiot. She is bright, attractive, educated, but had "the fervor" newness can often bring and was truly in dilemma whether to meet this man or not.

Sorry, but anyone who puts themselves in that position is 1. Really wanting to be hurt. 2. is in denial that she would ever become hurt. 3. really desperate 4. an idiot. or 5. All of the above.

quote:

This man's plan to meet my friend both frightened and infuriated me.

So instead of meeting this guy in the dark park yourself to kick his azzzzz, you write about it. Some savior you are. LOL. Thought doms were supposed to be protectors. Pftttt
tough guy.

quote:

It might seem foolish to some posting here,

I think it is foolish of me to even respond to someone who publicly wrote pages upon pages dissing this community's members, the content of their 'unfit ability to be genuine Doms or subs' while you blather on about how you have been created to be the ONLY twue Dominant on the planet. I am insulted and perhaps others should be also. If you don't like us or find us worthy, just what is your objective? oh I know. The sub you spoke of on the blog is now long gone and you need this joint to find (and save) fresh meat. Wow, ain't that like eating at the restaurant you tell all your friends to boycott?

quote:

Don't marry an asshole.

Butttt...I adoreeeee assholes!! Assholes need luvin tooooo lol!!

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/10/2011 6:49:11 AM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:41:30 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

Again, I don't understand all the objections, or why such time hasn't been spent to simply write a document that objectors feel to be a more definitive document to help new people avoid such pitfalls.

Because all of us have written such a document type advice many times in the forums.

"Use common sense." Is one frequently repeated piece of advise to newbies.

"If you wouldn't recommend your mother/daughter/sister/best friend doing it, then don't do it yourself." This is another.

Both are much shorter and don't come with the implied suggestion that the only safe dom to meet is you. And that's what your document says, it says they should all submit to you because you're the only one, true, safe dom. That you are writing this to get yourself laid.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:41:43 AM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

In that case...how are you?

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to came4U)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:47:41 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

This woman is no idiot. She is bright, attractive, educated, but had "the fervor" newness can often bring and was truly in dilemma whether to meet this man or not.

Sorry, but anyone who puts themselves in that position is 1. Really wanting to be hurt. 2. is in denial that she would ever become hurt. 3. really desperate 4. an idiot. or 5. All of the above.
quote:

Yes, new people who after years of being in the closet often come out and become "really desperate." Coming to a place like CM is both enlightening and scary. A girl posting a profile is inundated with hundreds of suitors on day one. Suddenly, what was once a dream becomes very possible, and in the process often otherwise intelligent and cautious people become idiotic and careless. This does not mean they are idiots, it just makes them human and thus fallible. There is no reason such temporary insanity should end in, "They get what they deserve because of their temporary idiocy."

So, I offer them this document and you would do them service by offering them your own...

(in reply to came4U)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:49:17 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaceBannon

Again, I don't understand all the objections, or why such time hasn't been spent to simply write a document that objectors feel to be a more definitive document to help new people avoid such pitfalls.

Because all of us have written such a document type advice many times in the forums.

"Use common sense." Is one frequently repeated piece of advise to newbies.

"If you wouldn't recommend your mother/daughter/sister/best friend doing it, then don't do it yourself." This is another.

Both are much shorter and don't come with the implied suggestion that the only safe dom to meet is you. And that's what your document says, it says they should all submit to you because you're the only one, true, safe dom. That you are writing this to get yourself laid.

Where in the document does it state the above?

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:52:51 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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I think I am having a Bob-mare.

*shivers

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:55:40 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Somebody explain to Me what this new/resurrected MO of men creating threads and then finding the need to contact women who have responded through email? Participation on a thread is not necessarily an open invitation. To avoid that further, I'll post here what I have said privately.

Let me be perfectly clear. I took a look at the link that someone was kind enough to provide in the thread. The work is specifically attributed to a couple who have it on their blog and appears to have a copyright. It's been on the net for some time as far as I can tell and does not appear to be linked to you. If it was your original, written on Fet or otherwise, you could have shown the link to the piece as it was first put up. In truth, you still have the ability to do so and if you can show that your original was written prior to the other posting, feel free to do so. Very simple. If you wrote it, prove it.

To continue, I am on an adult site that is related to an adult lifestyle. Nobody needs to be instructed like a child, as they are not children. Especially with such self serving crap as "Dominant men are most likely to be good in bed". If you really believe that, or any other generality about a group of people that only goes to inflate their ego, you have some adjustments in your thinking that are needed.

If you really have White Knight Syndrome so badly that you feel the need to post such things, you might want to reconsider your methods. If you are meeting people new to the lifestyle that at so utterly lost, suggesting a purchase of "The Bottoming Book" or "Screw the Roses" would be much more in order.

Frankly, if the woman you had this discussion with was going to meet a man in a park in the middle of the night, I will correct you. She absolutely WAS and idiot. All you would have had to ask her is if she would have met a vanilla man under the same circumstances and she'd have (hopefully) used her common sense. THAT'S what people need to hear.

This is the end of the issue as far as I'm concerned.

Edited for spacing and I'm done here.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 2/10/2011 6:56:49 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 6:59:52 AM

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Joined: 3/22/2006
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"I think it is foolish of me to even respond to someone who publicly wrote pages upon pages dissing this community's members, the content of their 'unfit ability to be genuine Doms or subs' while you blather on about how you have been created to be the ONLY twue Dominant on the planet"

But you are responding, innumerable times. You point to a couple of posts on a blog that has many, many posts. My girl at the time wished to understand why so many had trouble finding mates online, so we made a CM profile, yes a fake one, and were downright flabbergasted at the mails received. We left the profile up for a few days. It was beyond enlightening and completely scary.

I see no difference in the way we dissed such mails and your objections to this post; they are one and the same. You be dissin' me and that's your prerogative, but in doing so while at the same time ranting on me for dissing others makes it seem you're throwing stones while living in a glass house, no?

< Message edited by RaceBannon -- 2/10/2011 7:00:42 AM >

(in reply to came4U)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:00:48 AM

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Joined: 7/7/2007
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No.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:04:32 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

All you would have had to ask her is if she would have met a vanilla man under the same circumstances and she'd have (hopefully) used her common sense. THAT'S what people need to hear.

And so it states in the document, quite clearly.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:06:43 AM

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Yet the rest is nonsense that reads like a self advertisement.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:15:08 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Yet the rest is nonsense that reads like a self advertisement.

Ok, ok, people..take it ez.

I have to believe the above is in direct reference to: IT IS LIKELY a dominant will be good in the sack.

Well, so what is the objection? Are you all arguing it is NOT likely a dominant will be good in the sack, or it is AS likely that a dominant will be no better in the sack than his vanilla counterpart?

At CM and other BDSM sites sexuality and sensuality are most often the focus. I would assume those calling themselves "dominant" (or submissive, or switch) might have greater facility in such areas because of the intense focus on sexuality and sensuality. If they don't wish to excel in such areas but are constantly talking, posting, blogging, etc on sex and sensuality, what then does it say about them?

I'm going out on a limb on this one: I'm wagering dominant men and submissive women who are out of the closet and have spent sometime in "the lifestyle" have a better understanding of how to please a lover.

My opinion.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:15:56 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

My girl at the time wished to understand why so many had trouble finding mates online, so we made a CM profile, yes a fake one, and were downright flabbergasted at the mails received. We left the profile up for a few days. It was beyond enlightening and completely scary.

from your blog:

quote:

Of the 225 mails Missy received (yes, 4 more mails came as I wrote the above), guess what percentage of men or couples DID NOT use the word ‘punishment’ or ’strict’ either in email or on personal profile?

Zero.

225 mails is considered what? a study of the human behavior of the Common Dominantus Erectus via CM? LOL. Seriously. *rolls eyes.

You were (errr well, you were allowing her to downright play with people's mind and emotions). Some people have better things to do with their time AKA 'actually being single and looking for a partner' without the distraction of bogus profiles so you two can have some dork-fodder material to make your life seem so much brighter and consequential.

225 mails in a week. Wow, that is a lot of wasted broadband and wankin' fuckers that she stole from ME, cuz I'M SINGLE!

quote:

I see no difference in the way we dissed such mails and your objections to this post; they are one and the same. You be dissin' me and that's your prerogative, but in doing so while at the same time ranting on me for dissing others makes it seem you're throwing stones while living in a glass house, no?

I see a big difference. I didn't set out nor find by fluke your page in order to fuk wiff/diss ya, you fell into my lap, so to speak.

It ain't throwing stones. I don't go posting on public websites elsewhere how ridiculous the other members are here., nor do I waste other people's time by having more than this profile. It is beyond immature, it is flabbergastingly beyond childish not to mention time-wasting, irresponsible and downright cruel to those who are actively single and searching.

How sad it is that you (as a couple) weren't poly, weren't single, yet trolling here for chills and thrills. That is sadder than the so-called creepy doofuses that you claim wrote your gal.

quote:

I'm going out on a limb on this one: I'm wagering dominant men and submissive women who are out of the closet and have spent sometime in "the lifestyle" have a better understanding of how to please a lover.

If you have knowledge on the lifestyle in any fashion you would know that some Dominants (new or experienced) don't give a yoohaww about a sub's subsequent 'pleasure' since they are just as likely to be sadists and in turn 'who cares if she is pleased'. You are generalizing--a big mistake on your part and a big mistake to put out there as possible FACT.

quote:

If they don't wish to excel in such areas but are constantly talking, posting, blogging, etc on sex and sensuality, what then does it say about them?

on that note. Seems from the years of blog-posting you did, you did more blogging and soliciting of innocent bystander CM dudes than actually having any 'real sex'. THAT tells me a lot. lol

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/10/2011 7:21:26 AM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:18:03 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I don't go posting on public websites elsewhere how ridiculous the other members are here.

On the contrary, you are doing exactly that right now, to me. This is a public website, open to all.

(in reply to came4U)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:18:45 AM

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Joined: 7/7/2007
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I would argue that a dominant is just like any other person.

Even the exercise of dominance differs from one to another.

People have different attributes. The op was just a shitload of blather.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to RaceBannon)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:24:19 AM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

I don't go posting on public websites elsewhere how ridiculous the other members are here.

On the contrary, you are doing exactly that right now, to me. This is a public website, open to all.

Don't put words into my ...fingertips. You and everyone else knows what I mean by that. But, if you are going to play dumb I will sexplain it for ya.

I don't post in public (elsewhere) in that somehow/someway someone could find ME culpable of dissing members here personally nor as a group. I am NOT dissing you at all. Although, I am dissing your motives and the content--TO YOUR FACE.

< Message edited by came4U -- 2/10/2011 7:26:18 AM >

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/10/2011 7:30:09 AM

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

At request, the original post (or the closest to it) can be found here:

http://fetlife.com/groups/347/group_posts/94217

(in reply to came4U)

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