RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom

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RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 8:30:24 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
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From a Dominant point of view, this makes good reading and I wish more subbies would read this (it might mean my emails got read more often...).

For those of you that think this is common sense - it is. We aren't all blessed with common sense, however. Some people can't even figure out which key is the any key on a computer.

Equally although the definitions are broad (and the word 'likely' used a little too often) they do fit. I know I'm sane, truthful about my situation in my profile, in a stable job and in control of my life. I'm also damn good in bed (but you knew I was going to say that...). No penis pictures on my profile either ;) (Seriously, we all know what they look like and they are NOT pretty).

I have also never in my life sent a 'kneel bitch' introduction.

There is nothing wrong with having some good guidelines, and if it prevents one person from getting kidnapped and raped (in a non-consensual way, obviously) by the local psycho then who cares if people think it's too long winded!

Master R.

(PS: If you want consensual kidnap and rape, read my profile ;)

(in reply to agirl)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 9:02:10 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I could have said more succinctly and more accurately: A good Dom will have character, maturity, and others will think well of him. He will care about others. A good MATCH will also mesh with you specifically.

I can do it even more briefly than that: hold Doms to the same social standards you'd hold other partners to. And don't date douchebags.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 9:09:14 AM

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I can do it even more briefly than that: hold Doms to the same social standards you'd hold other partners to. And don't date douchebags.

Sunny??? I'd like to nominate that statement for quote of the day......

< Message edited by windchymes -- 2/8/2011 9:10:29 AM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 9:16:03 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

There is nothing wrong with having some good guidelines, and if it prevents one person from getting kidnapped and raped (in a non-consensual way, obviously) by the local psycho then who cares if people think it's too long winded!

Master R.

(PS: If you want consensual kidnap and rape, read my profile ;)

Do you really think your local psycho rapist is going to stop and read any set of guidelines? Or did you mean that the responsinility for stopping a rape taking place is the sole responsibility of any passing submissive woman?
See: I not only read guidelines but I can read between the lines as well.
And I can cross the road and chew gum at the same time.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 2/8/2011 9:17:20 AM >

_____________________________

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 9:23:56 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

us douche bags need slaves too

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 10:13:45 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Do you really think your local psycho rapist is going to stop and read any set of guidelines? Or did you mean that the responsinility for stopping a rape taking place is the sole responsibility of any passing submissive woman?
See: I not only read guidelines but I can read between the lines as well.
And I can cross the road and chew gum at the same time.

Firstly, the guidelines are for subs, not Dom/mes. No reading between lines required for that one. It's good for Dom/mes to read them, I don't doubt that (and it affirms many things about my approach). Equally a Dom/me puts themselves at risk by meeting as well.

Secondly, subs have a responsbility to not put their own lives at risk. They chose who, when and how to submit (this inevitably gives them power, but shh!). Chosing to rock up at a strangers house with no backup of any form is a very dumb move, whether you are sub or Dom.

I don't condone (non consensual) rape or anything else of that ilk. I also don't condone burglary but that didn't stop some ahole breaking into my house.

The point I'm trying to make is if every sub read guidelines like those (which exist on many bdsm-related sites I've been on or involved with in the past) then it would make this lifestyle a little safer. First time meets in a safe place, ideally with a friends knowledge and/or presence with a checkup call afterwards may sound like common sense to you or me, but not everyone would do that. Not everyone is blessed with the same foresight and mental acuity.

However as long as there is the combination of potential rapists and eager submissives there is a risk.

Regards,

Russell.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:01:26 AM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

The point I'm trying to make is if every sub read guidelines like those (which exist on many bdsm-related sites I've been on or involved with in the past) then it would make this lifestyle a little safer

you really believe that?

my very first BDSM meet was without safe calls, I met him at his house, spent the night, and played HARD. The guy in question flat out told me that he ws sadistic, that quite a few people wouldnt play with him because of that, and it was up to me ti decide if I wanted to dive in at that level.

yanno why it didnt go bad?

I trusted my gut

granted, I have fairly well developed sefl preservation instincts, and I know that not everyone does, but that 'guideline' the OP posted, IMO, diminishes the need for a submissive to USE their instincts by painting "tw00 dominants" with some romantic nionsense, as if dominants are soemhow immune to being fucktards, abusers, etc.

Look at how many serial killers were described as being gentlemen/charming/etc.

just sayin.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:08:02 AM

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

From a Dominant point of view, this makes good reading and I wish more subbies would read this (it might mean my emails got read more often...).

Ohhh, I'm gonna add one to the "likely" list;

IT IS LIKELY a dominant individual won't feel the need to call a person who identifies as submissive a "subbie". They understand how silly and condesending it sounds and would feel equally ridiculous in being called a "dommie".

Seriously, though, there's always going to be someone wanting to offer advice on finding Mr. or Ms. Dominantly Right. It doesn't matter if it's D/s related or good old mainstream relationship advice....just have a look in your local bookstore in the "dating and relationship" section.

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:10:26 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Do you really think your local psycho rapist is going to stop and read any set of guidelines? Or did you mean that the responsinility for stopping a rape taking place is the sole responsibility of any passing submissive woman?
See: I not only read guidelines but I can read between the lines as well.
And I can cross the road and chew gum at the same time.

Firstly, the guidelines are for subs, not Dom/mes. No reading between lines required for that one. It's good for Dom/mes to read them, I don't doubt that (and it affirms many things about my approach). Equally a Dom/me puts themselves at risk by meeting as well.

Secondly, subs have a responsbility to not put their own lives at risk. They chose who, when and how to submit (this inevitably gives them power, but shh!). Chosing to rock up at a strangers house with no backup of any form is a very dumb move, whether you are sub or Dom.

I don't condone (non consensual) rape or anything else of that ilk. I also don't condone burglary but that didn't stop some ahole breaking into my house.

The point I'm trying to make is if every sub read guidelines like those (which exist on many bdsm-related sites I've been on or involved with in the past) then it would make this lifestyle a little safer. First time meets in a safe place, ideally with a friends knowledge and/or presence with a checkup call afterwards may sound like common sense to you or me, but not everyone would do that. Not everyone is blessed with the same foresight and mental acuity.

However as long as there is the combination of potential rapists and eager submissives there is a risk.

Regards,

Russell.

I keep hearing about the safty factor in this "lifestyle" as far as meeting someone, can anyone show me numbers backing up how unsafe it is

I don't think it is any more unsafe than meeting in a bar or any other pickup means

we had the craigslist killer in the news, where is the cm killer in the news?

my point being if it was all that dangerous it would be news

gees i try to be unsafe but I get no cooperation, let alone respect

< Message edited by osf -- 2/8/2011 11:12:11 AM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:10:27 AM

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
Look at how many serial killers were described as being gentlemen/charming/etc.

just sayin.

"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. " ~Lana Turner~

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:16:47 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

The point I'm trying to make is if every sub read guidelines like those (which exist on many bdsm-related sites I've been on or involved with in the past) then it would make this lifestyle a little safer

you really believe that?

my very first BDSM meet was without safe calls, I met him at his house, spent the night, and played HARD. The guy in question flat out told me that he ws sadistic, that quite a few people wouldnt play with him because of that, and it was up to me ti decide if I wanted to dive in at that level.

yanno why it didnt go bad?

I trusted my gut

granted, I have fairly well developed sefl preservation instincts, and I know that not everyone does, but that 'guideline' the OP posted, IMO, diminishes the need for a submissive to USE their instincts by painting "tw00 dominants" with some romantic nionsense, as if dominants are soemhow immune to being fucktards, abusers, etc.

Look at how many serial killers were described as being gentlemen/charming/etc.

just sayin.

But I suspect you had already chatted quite a bit before rocking up at his place? And maybe told a friend when you would be back??

They are guidelines - not rules.

Anyway if they were rules then subs would be much more likely to break them....

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:21:30 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2.

the irony is that not until youve been at this for a while do you realise that in terms of finding someone here its no different to finding a vanilla - except - for those colours.

Now this is where I disagree. It's very different finding someone whose power dynamic dovetails and whose kinks are in parallel. ...in my experience anyway.
All other aspects of a relationship are negotiable. My kinks are non negotiable. Now that's a tough order.
Finding a bland tasting, washed out, watered down vanilla example of my turn on are easy as almost everyone seems to want to dabbble in the bedroom. There are SO many straight relationship sites that I could have a date a night if I settled. Even sites with fairly palatable so called personality tests who can promise me not just a relationshoip but love! Someone indeed who I can be in eharmony with, or match etc.
But I don't want someone the same. Indeed I want smeone entirely polar opposite: someone deemed on the other side of the kneel to me.
See: so to me it is entirely different and I don't want that person prescribed, described, idealised or sterotyped as that gives the very false hope that that is the way I am going to 'get real'.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lally2)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:23:00 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/28/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I keep hearing about the safty factor in this "lifestyle" as far as meeting someone, can anyone show me numbers backing up how unsafe it is

I don't think it is any more unsafe than meeting in a bar or any other pickup means

we had the craigslist killer in the news, where is the cm killer in the news?

my point being if it was all that dangerous it would be news

gees i try to be unsafe but I get no cooperation, let alone respect

There are no numbers I can find off hand - but logic dictates it's much more unsafe than a bar pickup - you aren't letting the guy tie you up in a bar pickup.

Collarme is by definition anonymous - who knows how many people have gone 'missing' with collarme profiles?

The probability may be frankly low, but why take the risk? I don't know if the sub I've been chatting to is a real woman until I meet her - she might be a 40 stone bearded truck driver with stolen photos or a tabloid journalist.

It's like anything, common sense and gut feeling are important. The risk might be exciting but why take it when you don't HAVE to....

(in reply to osf)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:25:17 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, girls, here's the quick and sure method:

measure up your mouth, send me the measurements, and if we are a good fit, I'll get back at ya.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:25:53 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Do you really think your local psycho rapist is going to stop and read any set of guidelines? Or did you mean that the responsinility for stopping a rape taking place is the sole responsibility of any passing submissive woman?
See: I not only read guidelines but I can read between the lines as well.
And I can cross the road and chew gum at the same time.

Firstly, the guidelines are for subs, not Dom/mes. No reading between lines required for that one. It's good for Dom/mes to read them, I don't doubt that (and it affirms many things about my approach). Equally a Dom/me puts themselves at risk by meeting as well.

Secondly, subs have a responsbility to not put their own lives at risk. They chose who, when and how to submit (this inevitably gives them power, but shh!). Chosing to rock up at a strangers house with no backup of any form is a very dumb move, whether you are sub or Dom.

I don't condone (non consensual) rape or anything else of that ilk. I also don't condone burglary but that didn't stop some ahole breaking into my house.

The point I'm trying to make is if every sub read guidelines like those (which exist on many bdsm-related sites I've been on or involved with in the past) then it would make this lifestyle a little safer. First time meets in a safe place, ideally with a friends knowledge and/or presence with a checkup call afterwards may sound like common sense to you or me, but not everyone would do that. Not everyone is blessed with the same foresight and mental acuity.

However as long as there is the combination of potential rapists and eager submissives there is a risk.

Regards,

Russell.

Load of bollox.
(Can't spell it out anymore poetically than that bruv).

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:29:48 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I keep hearing about the safty factor in this "lifestyle" as far as meeting someone, can anyone show me numbers backing up how unsafe it is

I don't think it is any more unsafe than meeting in a bar or any other pickup means

we had the craigslist killer in the news, where is the cm killer in the news?

my point being if it was all that dangerous it would be news

gees i try to be unsafe but I get no cooperation, let alone respect

There are no numbers I can find off hand - but logic dictates it's much more unsafe than a bar pickup - you aren't letting the guy tie you up in a bar pickup.

Collarme is by definition anonymous - who knows how many people have gone 'missing' with collarme profiles?

The probability may be frankly low, but why take the risk? I don't know if the sub I've been chatting to is a real woman until I meet her - she might be a 40 stone bearded truck driver with stolen photos or a tabloid journalist.

It's like anything, common sense and gut feeling are important. The risk might be exciting but why take it when you don't HAVE to....

if it was all that unsafe it would be sensationalized in the news

I'm not saying don't use common sense but dam you're scaring all the newbees away from me

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:31:46 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

I keep hearing about the safty factor in this "lifestyle" as far as meeting someone, can anyone show me numbers backing up how unsafe it is

I don't think it is any more unsafe than meeting in a bar or any other pickup means

we had the craigslist killer in the news, where is the cm killer in the news?

my point being if it was all that dangerous it would be news

gees i try to be unsafe but I get no cooperation, let alone respect

There are no numbers I can find off hand - but logic dictates it's much more unsafe than a bar pickup - you aren't letting the guy tie you up in a bar pickup.

Collarme is by definition anonymous - who knows how many people have gone 'missing' with collarme profiles?

The probability may be frankly low, but why take the risk? I don't know if the sub I've been chatting to is a real woman until I meet her - she might be a 40 stone bearded truck driver with stolen photos or a tabloid journalist.

It's like anything, common sense and gut feeling are important. The risk might be exciting but why take it when you don't HAVE to....

OK here's spelling it out:
a bar is a power-over situation, embued with stereotypical codes of behavious.
A consensual bdsm relation is a power exchange.
I know where I feel safe/safer/safest/
In other words you are still talking bollox.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MasterR36)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 11:50:18 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR36

From a Dominant point of view, this makes good reading and I wish more subbies would read this (it might mean my emails got read more often...).

IT IS LIKELY a dominant individual won't feel the need to call a person who identifies as submissive a "subbie". They understand how silly and condesending it sounds and would feel equally ridiculous in being called a "dommie".

I never get high blood pressure except when I hear the word "subbie"

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 2:08:41 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Actually in my own experience, often times the dominants that seemed dangerous in a number of ways were men that presented as the all-knowing-all-caring-mentor types that set out to show the world how all-everything they were so that the silly bunny newish submissives that were born yesterday, didn't get caught by big bad wolves... that were wolves of another sort.

Many of the dangerous predators have been known as regular, friendly and average people... that had a side that no one could see, even those in close contact with them and they fooled many people. Comparing a site like this and a bar... and the site more dangerous is faulty from the things I have read and seen in the news. I would say they are about the same. How many mass murderers... and you are talking people that disappear... are from bars and how many from online? How many lived next door or worked someplace someone came into or how about being locked up safely doing all the right things for a good nights sleep and some ass hole interrupting your sleep?

There are no sure fire rules, guidelines or anything else that will protect you in every situation and the moment you think there are... you better hope you don't get a rude awakening and might become dangerous yourself if you are teaching that only the ones that do bad guy trollish things are the dangerous ones. Many mass murderers were very gentlemanly and polite. Suspect everyone, trust yourself and build something that protects you from people until they are not suspect. Even then, you better have your fingers crossed and a prayer or two at the ready. A year long friendship isn't protection from a predator... hell, some will invest all sorts of time into playing with their game and the hunted. A one night meeting isn't always a thing that is dangerous. Sometimes you can do it all the way it is considered right and still get your ass hurt or killed.

And to single out submissive women as the clueless... that need this type of thing... wow...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: For new(ish) girls: A Guide to Finding That Ideal Dom - 2/8/2011 2:46:29 PM

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

What makes you think that's not his site?

... I'm just killin' time giving a snoop's guess.

Honestly, I found the few posts made here by the OP to be very consistent with the blog you linked.

Maybe you didn't snoop very well?

(in reply to came4U)

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