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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 10:10:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW
Probably a repeat, but the thread is here:
Pretend you're a regular guy, pursuing a lady. I bet tribute wouldn't enter into conversation, if you say, hello, I like these things about you, and would you please join me for dinner this weekend? M
To me, it is the term "tribute" that I find distasteful. Along with "application," and "interview." Might be because I am relationship oriented and those terms do not fit into finding a relationship for me.

I have no issue with someone being a pro, but I do find them using the term "tribute" to be humorous and a way of them seemingly trying to deny they are in the sex worker trade to themselves. I mean, if you are a pro, you charge for your services, it isn't a "tribute," it is a fee. Don't try to turn it into some sort of charitable act where the sub gives you a gift for it.

My advice for the OP, is to approach a woman, like a regular guy to a regular lady would.
I understand you may find the word distasteful. As for me, even though I have never used tribute, outside of a live event, to mean the same as homage, I don't care if anyone else uses it, in any way that suits them.

If a person wishes to ask for anything, and receives said thing, as long as all participants are adults, without diagnosed mental deficiency, it's none of my business, and it's never been something I've heard men I care about, complain about. I do feel, that most men who encounter tribute, are the ones seeking a quick servant for their kink. Otherwise, there are men whose kinks may very well include financial service, and those aren't here complaining about tribute... And yes, they do exist. M

< Message edited by SexyBossyBBW -- 6/28/2011 10:50:13 PM >

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/28/2011 10:59:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: errantgeek
Those words task me, they really do.

They shouldn't.

When someone goes to the effort to show that they are probably incompatible right from the onset, you should be thankful rather than vexed.

I should have simply said ditto to this.

M

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/29/2011 2:27:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I have no problem exchanging money for kinky sex acts, though I don't offer actual sex or direct sexual contact. Let's not split hairs over pro domination not being sex work; it certainly is. And there's nothing wrong with that, if all parties are consenting adults and the transaction is honest and clear.

I have a big problem leading someone on and promising him the illusion of a personal relationship in exchange for money or gifts or "tribute". I'm just not willing to do that, even if it means I lose clients who would rather see a professional who says she is looking for a personal submissive, whether that's true or not. And in a lot of cases, I suspect it's not true. So what they're selling is in part an illusion, a falsehood, and I'm really not okay with that.

That's quite often what "tribute" means. It's offering the hope or pretense of a personal relationship when in fact it's a professional one. There is nothing wrong with a professional relationship; it can be ethical, mutually considerate and even caring. But if it is professional, it needs to be absolutely honest and transparent in terms of what you pay and what you get. Anything less isn't ethical, IMO.

Oh wow, I must have been living in a charmed world, because in most European dungeons (a few work different but they are known for it and dommes who are skilled will avoid them usually) that practise of leading on people is not only extremely frowned upon but can also lead to immediate dismissal. The whole reason is simply logic, you pretend to have a personal relationship, the guy will build his hopes up, in the end it leads to resentment, pretty often the guys get quite angry, to pretend a client is not a client is the best way to groom your own personal stalker.

Due to legalities most dungeons are not in residential areas and need to be licensed (including the rent, equipment and all considerable costs and if it's just one woman almost prohibitive), so somebody does build a dungeon and will have dominants working there, guys tend to prefer places with lots of different rooms, different equipment and more women working there (which is also better for the safety of the women, particularly if their are switches and subs on the same schedule), it usually works the way that the dungeons takes part of the session fee or tribute as rent. To make sure that there are not fights among the people working there, the dungeon has a set fee (may vary due to different activities, switches and submissives tend to charge more, a medical or rubber session usually is also more expensive due to the material used), so to make sure there are not fights about "She's underbidding the rest and ruining the prices" you have the same prices for certain activities, money is usually handled by a receptionist, it makes it all very clear cut.

As for personal relationships, yes, I was friends with some clients and spent time with them going to fetish parties, or sometimes meeting outside for a coffee or a meal, but they all knew I was in a relationship, I am not looking for another partner and we'll be just friends, if we played at a BDSM event, there was no money involved, just like there was no money involved when we went for a drink (unless them paying for my coffee and or glass of water counts as a fee), when they came to the dungeon it was clear that they came for a service and paid for the service, just like they'd pay any other professional they'd see, it had nothing to do with being friends as well. Yes, some got aroused by bondage or pain, some also made it clear that they wouldn't protest if I would jump their bones, but they also knew it wouldn't happen.

I'm still in touch with some of them and there was never an issue, in fact when - what sometimes happened - the guys started to feel a bit romantic, I sat them down and gave them a good talk, everything else would simply have been stupid, you might encourage somebody to fall for you and you might get a few more sessions out of it, but it wouldn't be worth the trouble and a disgruntled guy who feels like he was taken advantage of is nothing anybody wants to deal with. Better let them have it straight from the start and not court problems!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/29/2011 7:34:27 AM

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I am still friends with some clients, too. Great guys. One of the qualities they share is that they saw all the pro doms they liked, had FUN with all of us, and understood what they were getting and giving. It was very easy to stay friends with them!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/29/2011 8:09:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Oh wow, I must have been living in a charmed world, because in most European dungeons (a few work different but they are known for it and dommes who are skilled will avoid them usually) that practise of leading on people is not only extremely frowned upon but can also lead to immediate dismissal. The whole reason is simply logic, you pretend to have a personal relationship, the guy will build his hopes up, in the end it leads to resentment, pretty often the guys get quite angry, to pretend a client is not a client is the best way to groom your own personal stalker.

I'm guessing that it's a lot more consequence-free to do it online. In America, a lot more pro doms are independents, so they can do as they like, I suppose.

quote:

As for personal relationships, yes, I was friends with some clients and spent time with them going to fetish parties, or sometimes meeting outside for a coffee or a meal, but they all knew I was in a relationship, I am not looking for another partner and we'll be just friends, if we played at a BDSM event, there was no money involved, just like there was no money involved when we went for a drink (unless them paying for my coffee and or glass of water counts as a fee), when they came to the dungeon it was clear that they came for a service and paid for the service, just like they'd pay any other professional they'd see, it had nothing to do with being friends as well.

I've had relationships of that nature, and I've also (very rarely) run into clients who were uber cool and shared a ton of my vanilla interests, and who ended up invited to be just friends and play partners. But unless you're a hardcore tabletop gamer geek, SCAdian, Rennie, filker, larper, Browncoat or active in another shared fandom, an invite to spend a lot of social time with me is not gonna happen. If you are, then chances are pretty good that I'll be happy to play on a friendly basis, and it would not be impossible to go further from there if you're a good fit for my existing poly family. But those chances are slim enough that I wouldn't want to advertise them as such to random clients.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 6/29/2011 8:35:05 AM

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As I said, it was always clear from the go what would happen and what would not happen in a session, I didn't advertise that we might be friends outside a session, it's just when you session, you're both having fun and you have a chat after the session, you find some stuff that interests you. First time it happened we went golfing, then another guy asked if I would come to a gallery opening as we had discussed the kind of art we both like it was just something that evolved, friendships tend to evolve naturally. One thing was outside the dungeon, the other was them going for the dungeon. Sooner or later somebody would ask if I like to go to a fetish party with him as he's uncomfy going on his own, I think we went there about 4 or 5 times until I mustered up the courage to ask him if he wants to play.

I didn't take every invitation that was offered, some I didn't feel good about and thought the guys would misread it, so I politely declined or said other plans or if I felt he was about to have a big crush, sat him down and thanked him for the invitation but mentioned my other half (anybody who's not completely dense will understand that it's a "Look, you're a nice guy but don't read more into this, I am taken") and as I said, outside the dungeon it was my time and my pleasure, I spent free time with them. There were 2 guys who I actually asked if they do want to play privately and stop being clients and we did, but sometimes they did want to have a special fetish itch scratched that only worked in the dungeon (revolting wheels, rubber and leather body bags, hoists and all that weren't part of my own personal tool bag) also some play I would only do in the dungeon due to safety, if that was the urge, they had to book a session.

I don't really care where I meet people I like, I made pretty good friends in vanilla workplaces, nice people are just that and if you're playing it straight and don't give them BS, it can work out just fine.

I know quite a few American pro-doms, the ones that stay on in the business for quite a while also don't encourage clients to fall in love with them or sell them false hope, simply because they are aware of the consequences, in the US you are in a legal climate that makes it even more risky, add to that all the message boards where guys can sign up with 10 names or more and trash somebody. There might be the occasional domelette who's thinking "Wow, that guy is in love with me and if I pretend that he could be more, I'm going to keep him as a client..." - my guess is their mentor will explain to them fairly quick, or they will learn when things blow up in their faces.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/5/2011 11:10:55 AM

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Personally, I don't have a problem with any of this. The reason is that by stating tribute required, they indicate to me all I need to know to avoid them in the future. I think what irks you is what irks a lot of people, and that's the dissolution of a fantasy you might have that involves the person you just happened to see and then realized you couldn't fulfull. That used to happen to me a lot, and it would upset me, and then I kind of grew out of it. The fantasy element was the arousing factor (oh wow, she's hot and does things I'm interested in) and then the realization that it's not real, but that it's actually part of a fantasy she constructed and in order for you to become a part of it, you have to pay for it. That, for a lot of people, can practically destroy the fantasy element. For others, not so much.

Now, I use the hide feature a lot more than I used to do. I also use it to hide any woman who is looking for just women and has some statement about how much she dislikes being contacted by men. By hiding her, I don't have to think that there are women out there I'm attracted to who abhor me because of my gender. I did the same with anyone asking for money. Unless you're desire is to look at eye candy you'll never have, then ignoring is about the best thing you can do (or hiding, I mean).

(in reply to errantgeek)

RE: "Tribute required" - 7/5/2011 3:37:43 PM

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Think it all boils down to honesty being the best policy...

If the lady is upfront, then you can decide if you want to pursue further, and isn't that easier than a lot of wasted time? Either it disqualifies her in your eyes, maybe it disqualifies you in hers.... or in some cases.... maybe that is the qualifier.

I am both pro & lifestyle.. for instance my 24/7 alpha is the only one allowed any sexual contact with me... no one else will ever be permitted that honor. He isn't permitted to work outside the house etc. He is here for me, period. I keep slaves in other areas, but those slaves have no chance of that type of intimacy. That is something they must understand and accept before I consider them for personal service. I don't like to confuse anyone... I dont offer those opportunity

Thus my rule is if you seek me out, not knowing me from adam except an ad or an internet profile, and want me to serve your particular personal fantasy, within my limits, you will pay for my time. If I seek you out to join me & satisfy one of MY kinks, in an all about me sort of way... that will not have a price tag attached (such as the gentleman who has graciously offered to let me sew his eyes shut for 24 hours... (and yes, I've been trained to do that).

Serving me on a personal level, if invited to, after I have met you/played with you & vetted your qualifications... is strictly service...

Tho bringing a 6 pack of Strongbow or a bottle of wine is certainly encouraged ;)

(in reply to FriendlyMuppet)

RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 7:00:08 AM

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Smh

< Message edited by exquizit -- 7/12/2011 7:06:49 AM >

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 10:42:19 AM

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I have a question to the domme women
Should all submissive men need to make tributes to them? Should they need to give Mistresses/Goddesses access to their bank accountant's or credit cards?

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 10:46:12 AM

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Okay, the last two posts on this thread are threatening to push my snarkmeter into the red.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 10:47:34 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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Who could blame you LadyH? I'm submissive and they're threatening my walls from being head-banged!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 10:48:22 AM

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If you are dealing with a pro, you will probably have to pay her, just like any other professional.

If you are talking about a lifestyle Domme, and you end up doing all of the things that normal people do when they have a long term, serious relationship, you might be doing that, too. If we weren't talking about kinky people, it wouldn't seem terribly odd to you for a wife to have her husband's financial information, would it?

If you're talking about somebody that you just met, probably not. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger on the street and give them your account numbers, would you?

Common sense.

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 10:48:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuisFilipe49pt

I have a question to the domme women
Should all submissive men need to make tributes to them? Should they need to give Mistresses/Goddesses access to their bank accountant's or credit cards?

If you actually have an accountant, sure, he may be more than what you are.

Ron(ne)

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 11:51:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuisFilipe49pt

I have a question to the domme women
Should all submissive men need to make tributes to them? Should they need to give Mistresses/Goddesses access to their bank accountant's or credit cards?

Nope, I just send you to www.Wolford.com, stockings size S, bodystockings XS, dresses the same, thank you!

Sheesh, it is nice if somebody does offer something but seriously, a stranger giving me his bank account and credit card, I would be a bit spooked out and wonder about his IQ

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 12:14:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuisFilipe49pt

I have a question to the domme women
Should all submissive men need to make tributes to them? Should they need to give Mistresses/Goddesses access to their bank accountant's or credit cards?

Absolutely not! I may have done that eight or nine times, but after that, I learned my lesson!!!!

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 12:26:06 PM

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*snerk*

ETA: I just SO do NOT see you in a body stocking, Steven....

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 12:28:33 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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*snort*

Wouldn't we have to hold him down to get him into the body stocking?

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 12:28:44 PM

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OOOH WOLFORD!! But I have two dresser drawers full... isn't that enough?

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RE: "Tribute required" - 7/12/2011 12:48:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OOOH WOLFORD!! But I have two dresser drawers full... isn't that enough?

LOL, I have quite a few Wolford items but there can't ever be enough, my fave is still the one from the Catwoman collection, they come up with something marvelous every season, can't go wrong with them, and the clothes are marvelous for traveling...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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