Is It Really All About Sex? (Full Version)

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ThatsMissBitch -> Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:06:47 PM)

I was talking to a vanilla friend the other day. She refers to my lifestyle choices as "kinky sex". I had to laugh and loved the confused look on her face when I explained for myself it has little to do with sex. For me it is about control, power, sensations, energy. I am sadistic and get high off causing pain to those who enjoy it. And sometimes to those that don't. I am also a masochist I get high from pain that most people can not even dream about.

So tell me is it really about sex for most people?



myotherself -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:16:09 PM)

I'm in a relationship with a man that encompasses all the areas that a "vanilla" relationship does. We spend time together talking, going to the cinema, going out to dinner, snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie, going for walks...all that stuff.

We also have great sex, which is very, very kinky.

Underpinning all the 'life' stuff and the sex is a foundation of M/s. He's in charge and his decision is final. He tells me to jump, I do it.

For me, BDSM is not the reason for having the relationship, but it's the reason the relationship works.



NuevaVida -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:25:54 PM)

I can't speak for "most people" but for the Mister and I, it's about everything.  Everything from driving his daughter all over the globe and back, to taking care of my mom when she needs it, to cooking together, going to shows, listening to music, sampling new wines (and being teased about my wine snobbery), to cleaning his house for him, to encouraging each other when life gets hard, to celebrating when life is good, to making sure his needs are met, to researching every cell phone on the planet for him when he couldn't decide what to get (sure glad that's over, lol), to having wild, amazing, kinky sex, to suffering for him, to dancing with him, and everything in between. 

We're life partners, not "kink partners" - I think of us as an awesome love affair in which he has authority over everything.  We're not limited to sex; but sex is definitely included in the greater scope.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:31:51 PM)

FR

I'd say that it was about all the things you listed.

But then so is sex.

So no, it's not all about sex; I just do it for a lot of the same reasons.



BitaTruble -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:32:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMissBitch

I was talking to a vanilla friend the other day. She refers to my lifestyle choices as "kinky sex". I had to laugh and loved the confused look on her face when I explained for myself it has little to do with sex. For me it is about control, power, sensations, energy. I am sadistic and get high off causing pain to those who enjoy it. And sometimes to those that don't. I am also a masochist I get high from pain that most people can not even dream about.

So tell me is it really about sex for most people?


When I top, it's about pain. When I bottom.. that's about pain, too. It's about sex when we are having some form of sex but it's about power and control all the time. I have no problem with it being about sex for anyone else though. If you are in the middle of fucking someone it's highly unlikely you're going to be shooting someone or robbing a bank. I truly believe that there would be less violence in the world if people spent more time fucking each other rather than fucking over each other.



Epytropos -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:34:42 PM)

This post-Reawakening obsession with "Sex" as distinct from everyday life is both wrongheaded and absurd. Sex is not a discrete act, it is not it's own classification. Just as cooking gives me pleasure both in the sense that I enjoy the feeling of cutting through vegetables and in the sense that it allows me to be creative, hurting people gives me pleasure in the sense that I am creating a kind of art (see my post under Palliata in the thread "Finding  ___ in sadism"), in the sense that it builds a unique emotional connection between us, and in the sense that it sexually arouses me. There is no dividing line between love and sex and art and violence and everything else. It's an arbitrary delineation that was brought about during the Reawakening to make sex "dirty" again.

So to answer your question more succintly, it is all about sex in precisely the same way that writing a novel or cooking a meal or knocking down a wall is all about sex.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:35:17 PM)

no. it is not "all about sex". it is, however all rooted in the sex drive, so it is an expression of sexuality. of course, any actual relationship will include a whole fuck of a lot outside of the dynamic, but the dynamic itself is sexual in it's nature. you can dress it up any way you want, but in the final analysis, it's a form of sex.



LittleMiss42 -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:37:00 PM)

It doesn't have to be about sex. A scene can be just floggers and paddles and play with out anything truly sexual.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:42:19 PM)

you're interpretation of what is and isn't sexual is way to fucking limiting.



crazyml -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/1/2011 11:50:01 PM)

I can't help thinking that your interpretation seems a little over broad.

I wouldn't deny for a second that sex and sexuality are powerful and basic forces, but I think it would be a real over simplification to boil it all down that way.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 12:07:58 AM)

i disagree. it, like most things in life, really is that fucking simple. people complicate shit way too much. people are simple things really. its only in the details that they get all fucking complex.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 1:33:18 AM)

I wouldn't say it's "all about sex" any more than ANY relationship is. Obviously, romantic and sexual connections/relationships are basically rooted to your sexuality, but at the same time it involves you as a person as a whole. But I don't think that's quite the question being asked here, so...

No, I don't think it's all about sex. For me, anyway. I mean, no shit, I like being ordered around, tied up or worshiping his body with my tongue for hours until he is satisfied. But honestly? Mostly, the way the rest of our relationship works is much more important--or rather, the rest of it is the basis for all of this. I consider him my Master not just insidethe bedroom--it extends to all things, from having dinner, to going for a walk, to deciding what we're doing that day, to what movie we're going to watch, to if we're traveling across the country the next day, etc. I love him, and I like his leadership, guidance, and control in all aspects of my life, not just the sex. Heck, most of the time our actual sexual interaction is pretty "normal."

So really, it's about the whole thing, the whole experience and the connection I hold with my partner--just like I would expect of any "normal" relationship, too.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 1:50:15 AM)

quote:

I consider him my Master not just insidethe bedroom--it extends to all things
why?



PetiteOralSub -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 2:19:44 AM)

Just as it is with vanilla relationships,
for some it is all about sex, no relationship desired;
for others, M/s describes the relationship structure they seek.

Know yourself, figure out what you want and who you want it with, go with it.
Ignore the ones who have a different committment level and needs than you.

It's convenient when the Master in question also knows Himself enough to know and be honest about what he is in it for.
Many do not know,
many waver from time to time,
many would fuck sub X casually in a heartbeat, but never consider her for ownership.
People grow, people evolve.

But A Master who cannot who cannot clearly communicate His vision of Mastery and ownership of you to you, is just here for the kinky sex. or brand new to this.
Exactly like the vanilla world.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 2:26:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

I consider him my Master not just insidethe bedroom--it extends to all things
why?

Why? Well, I've answered similar questions in other threads so forgive me if I repeat myself, but... It's just the way our relationship naturally fell into. He was the one in charge, the leader, and I was the follower. That's the way it worked out, and that's the way we like it. It was awhile before it became "official," but I gave myself to him completely, and that includes not only my body or my sexuality, but everything that makes me up as a person. I am not someone who, in normal circumstances, is content to socially "submit." But with us? It feels like my proper place to be, and I guess this sort of relationship is what I need--it fits in with my beliefs about how things should be, and it feels natural and appropriate, and so I like it.

(Also, off topic. I've noticed you're a regular around here and I haven't actually talked to you directly yet, so hi.)



0ldhen -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 4:39:05 AM)



Wellll.......the D/s part of it is about relationships for me. The bdsm aspect, yup, that part is all about sex for me.



DecadentDesire -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 4:41:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatsMissBitch
So tell me is it really about sex for most people?


Based on the videos, pictures, advertisements, discussion questions, and profile descriptions I regularly encounter on both Collarme.com and Fetlife.com, I would say, yes, it's mostly about the sex for most people.

However, there is plenty of people for who it isn't.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 5:17:36 AM)

For us...it is sexual. We don't casually do things with others.
We also have a complete, well rounded relationship where we do all kinds of normal, everyday things.
The only difference is the things we do are decided by him.
When he hits me or binds me or countless other things...it is sexual. Completely.
Submitting, for me, is like one big long sense of foreplay. But only with him.



Buzzzz -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 5:34:35 AM)

For me , it is very much sexual, yet not always sex is involved. For example, this past saturday, I played with a friend and she wanted an "intense" scene as she called it . I put her on the cross and started some english caning (no warm up). I didn't hit very hard but hard enough (she is a pain slut).. Just that action of her "taking it " turned me on and my *** got really stiff.

So, it is very much a sexual thing , just not always with sex involved.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/2/2011 5:40:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Buzzzz

So, it is very much a sexual thing , just not always with sex involved.


We like to avoid the frustration factor which is why we don't do anything publicly or with anyone else.



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