Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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Sorry, I can't be bothered to post in this thread because I am in hot pusuit of someone in China. She must be capable of downloading a movie and sending it to me. It's called Innocent Blood. I swear, the website says you can only get it in mainland China. It's a documentary about a vampire broad who bited* this gangstar and when he doesn't die he uses his powers to do many bad things. My kinda folks.... But now this bitch is going to whack his ass just when he gets things eally moving. He turned most of his employees into vampires as well so I think they have a shot at making it big. I'd like to see them get as big as the government, like some people did in Chicago a long time ago. Hollywood disappoints me so much..........
So now I sit here with a beer, not enough of course. Damn weed ain't worth a shit. Now I have to try to get in here on my own merit.
Perhaps I'll recite some prose,
Then play guitar with my toes
Hear ye hear ye,
See me pee,
For free,
As shuoted by C. Olee,
From the belfry.
(that one is actually true)
Goddam motherfucking twoball bitch,
You Mother's in the kitchen making piles of shit,
Your brother's in jail,
Your Father's in hell,
Your sister's on the corner singin' titties for sale.
(mind you I see that as perfectly normal situation)
So with this severe lack of beer (I am down to one case) I find myself thinking about serious social and environmental issues. To wit :
"There's a skeeter on my peter, knock it off"
Now consulting the finest institutions of learning of course will reveal that a skeeter is a mosquito and a peter is a penis. Now unless you have skeeters in the house, the only reason for there to be one on your peter is because you are outside taking a piss. Most likely after drinking beer, so bring some over here.
However why ask someone else to knock it off ? I mean even the hottest chick that may have been with you cruising and boozing can't get there fast enough no matter how willing. Taking this course of action will obviously result in your getting a skeeter bite on your peter. The problem is that she won't be close enough because she will be relieving herself in the bushes nearby. No, not the Presidents, I mean the one's* with skeeters in them. In fact is was she who scared them out to land on your peter. Fucking bitch.
"There's another on my brother, knock is off"
Brother or no brother, that's his fucking problem. We don't even take baths together anymore. Besides, if she gets out of the bushes fast enough to knock the skeeter off of my peter she is not going to get to my brother fast enough. He will be bit, and not by her either.
But in further intellectual analysis it seems he would be bitten by "her", with "her" being the mosquito, because IIRC it is the female mosquito that does the biting. Hey, if the males don't really fertilize them, WTF do they do all day, and more importantly, how do they get off ? Do male mosquitos just have to jack off or what ? (I wonder if there is any human comparison here)
Which brings us to :
"There's a dozen on my cousin, knock'em off"
Well it's obvious that his part of the family has a slightly different blood chemistry than me and bro here. Either that or he was in the front seat and got out first. Well he called shotgun so fuck him, that is his problem.
" Them fuckers sure are buzzin' "
I'd bet. If we are pissing outside there is a reason. We are buzzed, so if they suck our blood.... HEY, they get high for free ! No fair.
See, in later life I am pondering those philosophical questions. Like if Jeremiah was a bullfrog, how did he get the wine ? But I knew a guy who went to college for philosophy, only saw him sober once. Nice guy, didn't leave much blood on the walls either. He was into that guy, Neiztche or however you spell it. Fuckit I don't know German.
But I have my dreams. I have made a carreer choice. You know how Willy Wonka's Dad had a job screwing the caps on toothpaste tubes ? Yeah, I never watched the movie, I actually read the book. They lived on cabbage soup until Dad got laid off because someone invented a machine that screwed the caps on automatically.
Well I want to be the guy who puts the toothpaste IN the tube ! I finally found an online correspondence course to learn that trade but it is very expensive. To persue this dream, I have stopped smoking and am saving money. Much better than a bank, I use a sock. Everone I know has told me that MY sock is indeed the safest place for large amouts of money. (I used to smoke ALOT) Lucky I have big feet. Actually my cousin's are bigger but not his.....nevermind.
But in the end I ask, just what is supposed to be so absurd about this thread ?
And I still want that movie, I missed the end of it about 20 years ago. It really really really has disturbed me ever since. I think she should've made her boyfriend a vampire, then they could take over the world. I wonder if vampires can have kids.
T^T
*fuck the spelling police, I have a courtesy card.
< Message edited by Termyn8or -- 10/22/2011 12:46:15 AM >
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RE: Who wants to be absurd? - 
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