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RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 10:51:45 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StefanandLucinda

Wow! Some of the replies you received are so... just not applicable to the OP or nit picky or meanspirited. Who really cares if your grammer if not the best? Who cares if your profile does not contain a 1000 word essay all about you? Ignore those.
Lucinda

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Lucinda, you're fairly new, having only been here a month, so I'll clue you in to a little fact of life. If you're a male sub looking for a dominant woman on CollarMe and you come to Ask A Mistress to ask why you aren't getting any attention, the smart money is on paying attention to the Dominant Women who are regulars and know the site's culture. If we say "fill out your profile and use good spelling and grammar, then do it.

Why? Because the male sub to dominant female ratio does not favor the male sub and it's the little things that are going to kill your chances before you even get out of the gate. We went through the effort of creating a FAQ that deals with this question, including profile and email help. Because it really is important to put your best foot forward in order to stand out from the crowd.

The women here get bombarded with page upon page of email every single day. It makes no sense to choose the guy with the poorly worded profile over the guy who has an interesting profile. I met my Kitty here, and several other women who are regular posters in Ask A Mistress have met their partners here. So maybe, just maybe, we actually know what the fuck we're talking about and he should pay attention to what his target audience is saying.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to StefanandLucinda)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 2:46:20 PM

StefanandLucinda

Posts: 27
Joined: 11/27/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: StefanandLucinda

Wow! Some of the replies you received are so... just not applicable to the OP or nit picky or meanspirited. Who really cares if your grammer if not the best? Who cares if your profile does not contain a 1000 word essay all about you? Ignore those.
Lucinda

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Lucinda, you're fairly new, having only been here a month, so I'll clue you in to a little fact of life. If you're a male sub looking for a dominant woman on CollarMe and you come to Ask A Mistress to ask why you aren't getting any attention, the smart money is on paying attention to the Dominant Women who are regulars and know the site's culture. If we say "fill out your profile and use good spelling and grammar, then do it.

Why? Because the male sub to dominant female ratio does not favor the male sub and it's the little things that are going to kill your chances before you even get out of the gate. We went through the effort of creating a FAQ that deals with this question, including profile and email help. Because it really is important to put your best foot forward in order to stand out from the crowd.

The women here get bombarded with page upon page of email every single day. It makes no sense to choose the guy with the poorly worded profile over the guy who has an interesting profile. I met my Kitty here, and several other women who are regular posters in Ask A Mistress have met their partners here. So maybe, just maybe, we actually know what the fuck we're talking about and he should pay attention to what his target audience is saying.

Feel better now?

It matters not how long I've been here. He asked for advice in an open forum and I gave it by sharing MY personal opinion. It's his choice to take it or leave it. Why you even felt it was necessary to write a long,
smart-assed reply to me is not something I will waste my time contemplating.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 2:51:36 PM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Man... I dunno.... If I was looking for a female dominant I think I'd be very, very interested in the feedback of actual female dominants.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to StefanandLucinda)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 2:59:11 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Gotta love the n00bs.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 3:12:53 PM

Posts: 63
Joined: 3/24/2012
Status: offline

I tell people this pretty regularly, so I'll just sum up a thought quickly to go with the others here.

A profile and opening email are basically your first, best, and often times last, chance to make an impression and it's quite literally ALL anyone has to judge you by. If you give people almost nothing to work with, most women here (and anywhere really) aren't going to play Nancy Drew and try to discover the mystery behind the blank profile. Personally, a profile and generic text speak email tells me a lot about someone's lack of interest, effort, and attention to detail. In other words, I usually give a polite "thanks but no interested" and move on. To be clear, I'm not talking about the occasional typo, or not having a hundred pics or anything like that, but you have got to give us something to build on.

You might be a great guy and just unintentionally not putting your best foot forward. If you are serious about improving the responses you're getting, be serious about improving the factors you can control (your profile, your opening emails, choosing who you write to etc) because those factors directly influence the outcome.

Best of luck!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 3:25:00 PM

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
Dominant women are not vending machines you put submissive coins into until kinky sex falls out.

No. But I'll bet you anything you can put in care coins, love coins, consideration coins, thoughtfulness coins and a handful of others and THEN the kinky sex falls out :)

In a sense you ARE vending machines (and so are we all)... my question is usually whether the person is using the right currency.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 3:28:48 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

LOL, Jeff! Leave it to you to find a way to turn me into a "financial" domme.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: I dont get it. - 12/31/2012 5:12:00 PM

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Talon67

I realy dont get it. I put myself out there and message people that could be a possible Mistress and make sure to youse proper grammer, but I never get anything back. Its depressing. So I guess what I'm asking is, why?

I don't get it either Talon.

Why? Youse? Grammer?

(in reply to Talon67)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/1/2013 3:18:47 AM

Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline

It may not happen at the drop of a hat, nor should you expect it to. These things can take time, and wouldn't you rather take your time and choose the right woman to bow down to?

(in reply to naughtynick81)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/1/2013 5:40:21 AM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline

I like men who're witty and articulate, good conversationalists, who make me laugh. Therefore, a blank profile and a sloppily written message just doesn't cut the mustard. I don't care if you're pretty, if you have nothing to say.

(in reply to jay1371)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/1/2013 7:00:40 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Also, and perhaps this makes me a snob, I don't find it hard to use capital letters and full stops. I'm not perfect, but it takes little conscious effort to use reasonably good grammar. If someone defaults to using text speak or very poor spelling or grammar, that says it's too much effort for them to write properly, either because they are exceptionally lazy, or because they find it exceptionally hard. Someone who is at a very different intellectual or educational level than me might not be a good match. (Yes, I know, learning difficulties can mask this and I'm speaking only in very general terms)

I don't think it makes you a snob Athena.
I think it's a reasonable expectation for most initial contacts.

It wouldn't be the first time I've turned someone down because it is obvious they couldn't be assed to put in any effort.
Although punctuation, spelling and grammar isn't the be-all and end-all of everything, it certainly helps that they are either intelligent/articulate enough to spell reasonably well or to have taken the time (and effort) to make it look reasonable.

Another thing that really urks me is slang-speak.
When you finally get to chat on IM, you ask a question and you get "yer" as an answer.
It just shows how uncouth and uneducated they are.
I don't consider it as 'cool' but rather as uncouth and very unnecessary.
And to be honest, if something like that, no matter how irrelevant it seems to some, is something that is going to grate on your nerves every time, then perhaps it is just as important as many other things.

Maybe I'm just too old fashioned to expect anyone to make any effort these days.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/1/2013 8:04:29 AM

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

Just my personal opinion, but I think a well written, articulate and informative profile makes all the difference in the world to prospective play partners for the following reasons

1) Information - It cuts an awful lot of time wasting if you can see exactly what the other person is into / not into
2) Personality - You can learn an awful lot simply by how somebody writes out something as simple as their profile on here
3) Intelligence - Again, rather like personality it can be very easy to gauge a person's intelligence by the way they have constructed their profile .

I would totally agree with freedomdwarf1 here. The use of punctuation, spelling and grammar is important to me, we have a beautiful language, why not use it properly

Zara

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/1/2013 8:19:37 AM

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: MD/DC/VA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressZaraUK

Just my personal opinion, but I think a well written, articulate and informative profile makes all the difference in the world to prospective play partners for the following reasons

1) Information - It cuts an awful lot of time wasting if you can see exactly what the other person is into / not into
2) Personality - You can learn an awful lot simply by how somebody writes out something as simple as their profile on here
3) Intelligence - Again, rather like personality it can be very easy to gauge a person's intelligence by the way they have constructed their profile .

I would totally agree with freedomdwarf1 here. The use of punctuation, spelling and grammar is important to me, we have a beautiful language, why not use it properly

Zara

Agree completely - and while nobody's perfect, that's pretty much my criteria as well! I would also add that profiles (or introductory emails) coming on "hard" or "extreme" also discourage me. IE, the week I came back to CM I received emails from dominant women that began "SLAVE I WILL CONTROL YOU" or "Listen Boi, you need to be controlled". Maybe I am looking for that, but I won't let anyone 'control' me until I know them and trust them as a person first....I can't instantly flip into subspace with someone I don't know. And "Slave"? Ummm, where did I say I was a "slave?"[1]

[1] that ties into another thread here talking about perceptions regarding D/s, T/b, and the terminologies/assumptions therein.

< Message edited by aldorax -- 1/1/2013 8:23:06 AM >

(in reply to MistressZaraUK)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/2/2013 5:07:58 AM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline

Thinking about it, while it's true that I don't enjoy pretty airheads, there's got to be an attraction as for me it's a sexual relationship. You may be dazzling, kind and excellent company, but if I don't fancy you, it's not going to happen.

(in reply to aldorax)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/2/2013 9:10:46 PM

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Talon67

I realy dont get it. I put myself out there and message people that could be a possible Mistress and make sure to youse proper grammer, but I never get anything back. Its depressing. So I guess what I'm asking is, why?

It took me a little time to figure it all out but...in your photo, you're using an iPhone3....women want someone that can take care of them in the style they've become accustomed to.

One word: Upgrade.

(in reply to Talon67)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/2/2013 10:45:28 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Man... I dunno.... If I was looking for a female dominant I think I'd be very, very interested in the feedback of actual female dominants.

This! ALL of it!!!! ^^^^

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/3/2013 6:33:29 PM

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Talon67

I realy dont get it. I put myself out there and message people that could be a possible Mistress and make sure to youse proper grammer, but I never get anything back. Its depressing. So I guess what I'm asking is, why?

Grammar.

(Dictionaries are our friends)

(in reply to Talon67)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/11/2013 7:32:34 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/15/2011
Status: offline

I wouldn't rely solely on this site to meet up with fellow kinksters. Get involved in your local fetish community, go to a munch, meet people.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/11/2013 11:58:47 PM

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

Please add to DarkSteven's list the fact that the photo attached to the profile shows someone dressed in a dirty(?) wrinkled, torn shirt with a quirky look on their face.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Talon67

I realy dont get it. I put myself out there and message people that could be a possible Mistress and make sure to youse proper grammer, but I never get anything back. Its depressing. So I guess what I'm asking is, why?

1. Based on your misspelling of "use" and "grammar" in a one line post, I suspect your writing is not as good as you think it is.
2. I estimate women respond to 5% - 10% of well written messages. Nature of the beast.
3. Your profile says you don't like to write and are proud of your tattoos and your cock. That may not be what Dommes look for.
4. Your post here says you're messaging Dominant women. Your profile says you're a switch and you're looking for all kinds of women - Dommes, subs, and switches. They may think that you're not looking for a Domme as much as any woman.
5. Saying that you "put yourself out there" by sending a single message makes me think that you're attaching far more importance to a message than you should.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: I dont get it. - 1/12/2013 12:18:27 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 1/12/2013 12:28:42 AM >

(in reply to naughtynick81)

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