RE: Being Dismissed!!

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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:10:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

I was thinking about this on the broader spectrum, noting that all who are arguing with me are women. I have not even gotten a response from the male to whom I originally addressed by comments. At first this was puzzling to me, but then part of it made sense.

We are often hardest on those that are similar to us and/or share a demographic with us. So it makes sense that I would go after his pathetic ass, while women would more often respond to her culpability in the situation.

But what I don't understand -- and I truly would like it if someone would explain it to me -- is why (apparently) a case that focuses on her must deflect from him and/or excuse his behavior. They are two separate -- and to some degree, unrelated -- issues. No matter how bad or wrong or whatever she turns out to be, that has no bearing whatsoever on the status of his behavior.

The only explanation that I can think of is a lack of genuine belief in the solidity of the case against her, and so obfuscation and misdirection are the order of the day. But I'd rather not think that dimly of others -- I have little enough faith in the human race as it is -- so I am genuinely hoping for another explanation.

No, it makes no sense at all. As you spend more time on the boards, you will see that us women have no problem going after someone's pathetic ass whether they be male or female.

We have given you an explanation multiple times. Both are culpable, as both made that initial mistake of asking and moving.

Your problem is that she says that one day he just told her that it wasn't working (with whatever reason) and handed her a plane ticket. You aren't some teenager who hasn't experienced life. Do you really believe that is all that happened? I, who have had much life experience, don't believe the day he handed her the plane ticket was the first time she was alerted of a problem. She admits that days before he spoke to her about things. She admits she has a mental health issue.

It's nice you have a white knight complex, but really it has no relevance.

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:10:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Excuse me? I haven't been licking anything, here!

FWIW, I did not have you in mind when I said that.

(in reply to EsotericLady)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:14:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Both are culpable ...

This is the first time that anyone arguing with me has come out and said that he has some culpability in the situation. Now was that so hard, bubeleh?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:22:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Oh please. He "cared for her enough?" They never even met or spent time together prior to this big move!

I'm assuming that this is an implication that he didn't care for her, but that he just asked her to move. If I am correct in this assumption, please just replace "fucking hypocrite" with "fucking insensitive narcissistic douche-bag".

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:23:15 PM

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I appreciate that, as well as making that public!
(I never realized you could actually get a sheen out of them though.....)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Excuse me? I haven't been licking anything, here!

FWIW, I did not have you in mind when I said that.

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 3:25:30 PM

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Joined: 1/26/2009
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Oh and just to be clear, my "antiquated view" regarding actually putting a bit of effort into a relationship is non-gender-specific. I'm sorry if my opinion that people ought to give a damn about each other offends your sensibilities.

ETA: And to be clearer, it's not that I'm sorry that I offended you. It's that I'm sorry that your sensibilities are so whack.

< Message edited by wannapleez -- 2/8/2013 3:45:50 PM >

(in reply to EsotericLady)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:03:44 PM

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Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

wannapleez: if someone would explain it to me -- is why (apparently) a case that focuses on her must deflect from him and/or excuse his behavior. They are two separate -- and to some degree, unrelated -- issues. No matter how bad or wrong or whatever she turns out to be, that has no bearing whatsoever on the status of his behavior.
. . . . . . I am genuinely hoping for another explanation.

The explanation is right in front of your face. She's the OP, asking for advice, consoling, etc. He's not a party to these forums. He's not engaged with us. You haven't even a clue what his side of the 'story' might be. Would HE (not she) say she blabbed to the neighbors? Let the bathtub overflow? Carried a knife while sleepwalking? Spit on the sidewalk? Snored. Vomited.
What's worse, that utter lack of information or perspective has not even fazed or deterred you from forming your rigidly-held whim, on which you fantasized acting violently against him. If I were ever on a jury with you, we'd either have a hung jury on day one, or you'd be ejected.

quote:

wannapleez: Let's be charitable and let him choose which nostril.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 2/8/2013 4:23:46 PM >

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:14:06 PM

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Extravagasm,

Just so you know that I'm not refusing to respond to specific accusations in your latest comment, please know that as hilarious as your first comment was, there is only so much breathless insanity that I can take, and so I had to put you on "Hide" (and therefore, I have not read your more recent comment).

So I'm not ignoring you; I'm just ignoring you.

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:20:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm
He's not a party to these forums. He's not engaged with us. You haven't even a clue what his side of the 'story' might be.

I agree with this. He has not spoken and I'm not going to insert motives that may or may not exist into what he did. For all we know, he could have had the best of intentions and it all got away from him. Or it could be that he thought it was all fun and games, then he realized it wasn't.

I will say that both hold culpability. They both went way too fast and she did nothing to put an exit strategy in place.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Extravagasm)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:23:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

Oh and just to be clear, my "antiquated view" regarding actually putting a bit of effort into a relationship is non-gender-specific. I'm sorry if my opinion that people ought to give a damn about each other offends your sensibilities.

ETA: And to be clearer, it's not that I'm sorry that I offended you. It's that I'm sorry that your sensibilities are so whack.

Putting effort into a relationship is a given. Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he knows he wants to be out of is what I question.

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:29:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Putting effort into a relationship is a given. Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he knows he wants to be out of is what I question.

Do you realize that your second sentence could be just as accurately stated this way:

Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he doesn't want to put effort into is what I question.

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:37:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
I have not even gotten a response from the male to whom I originally addressed by comments. At first this was puzzling to me, but then part of it made sense.

OK, I admit I'm exhausted but I went back through the thread and it appears the male in question is me. Assuming that is correct then I have a suggestion for you. When you are "puzzled" by someone you should consider asking them to gain clarification. Sitting back and speculating is unlikely to yield accurate results over the internet.

The reason I didn't respond to your post was that I saw nothing to address in it. It was an alternate viewpoint -- strongly asserted -- no question or room for any discussion. I considered it a closed issue in a closed mind. There. Did that clear up my thinking for you?

quote:

The only explanation that I can think of is a lack of genuine belief in the solidity of the case against her, and so obfuscation and misdirection are the order of the day. But I'd rather not think that dimly of others -- I have little enough faith in the human race as it is -- so I am genuinely hoping for another explanation.

Really? If the only possible explanation you can think of is the one you listed above then you aren't interested in other explanations. If I had just asked my teenager the question and that's the answer they gave back then they'd be getting sent to their room to think further. If it helps you any, I'm rather astonished that you're thinking in terms of "cases" at all. Huh? I'm pretty sure my advice to her was ice cream and time. Is that a "case"?

_____________________________

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(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 4:46:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
When you are "puzzled" by someone you should consider asking them to gain clarification.

The fact that you specifically quote a post in which I am asking them for clarification and then scold me for not asking for clarification makes my hair bleed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
The reason I didn't respond to your post ... There. Did that clear up my thinking for you?

You mistake my noting a gender difference for a solicitation of opinion. And giving a damn.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
If the only possible explanation you can think of is the one you listed above then you aren't interested in other explanations.

Ah yes. Telling the other party what they are thinking. The height of rational debate.

< Message edited by wannapleez -- 2/8/2013 4:56:48 PM >

(in reply to JeffBC)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 5:05:17 PM

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Joined: 9/22/2004
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Is it a bird? . . . Is it a plane? . . . It's . . .

quote:

wannapleez: So I'm not ignoring you; I'm just ignoring you.

Narcissus fell in love with his image reflected in the waters

. . . of ever more entangled threads ;)

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 2/8/2013 5:06:09 PM >

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 6:06:20 PM

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Putting effort into a relationship is a given. Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he knows he wants to be out of is what I question.

Do you realize that your second sentence could be just as accurately stated this way:

Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he doesn't want to put effort into is what I question.

Yes. Please tell me I don't have to explain how they are essentially the same thing.

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 6:12:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

* The relationship encountered a problem.
* The only course of action that he even bothered to investigate was ending the relationship.

Maybe if people put an ounce of effort into a relationship, there wouldn't be "a million others" breaking up "on a daily basis".

There WAS no relationship! They talked online, had never met before. She moved in, they fucked for a few days or weeks or whatever. He got bored or realized it was getting serious when that's not what he wanted from the very beginning or realized she was a nutcase or found her unattractive or whatever.

There was never anything to investigate further. There was nothing there from the beginning except a fantasy in both their heads and then to find out that in real life it was what neither one had in real life together.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 7:01:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez
Do you realize that your second sentence could be just as accurately stated this way:
Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he doesn't want to put effort into is what I question.

Yes. Please tell me I don't have to explain how they are essentially the same thing.

Yes. They are exactly the same thing. I revised the sentence to better show the self-contradictory nature of what you were saying. Apparently though, it's still not clear. But I am at a loss as to how to make it any more obvious.

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 7:12:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
There WAS no relationship! They talked online, had never met before. She moved in, they fucked for a few days or weeks or whatever.

Ah, so living together and fucking for a month and engaging in incessant BDSM play does not constitute a relationship. Gee, I never knew that. May I quote you on my profile? That should have every woman on this site clamoring for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
He got bored or realized it was getting serious when that's not what he wanted from the very beginning or ....

"Move in with me. But I don't want anything serious." That's even funnier than "There WAS no relationship!"

Just when I think that you're disagreeing with me, you tip your hand by saying something so incredibly ludicrous that no sane person would ever truly believe. Fantastically funny stuff. You got me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 8:28:16 PM

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Putting effort into a relationship is a given. Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he knows he wants to be out of is what I question.

Do you realize that your second sentence could be just as accurately stated this way:

Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he doesn't want to put effort into is what I question.

Good Lord, but you are mixed up and dense.

First, they HAD a discussion. He told her he wasn't happy and that he wanted her to leave. It's his house, yet you expect him to say, "I'm really not interested in you, but let's talk and stick around for a while, because I know you don't want it to end."

Ridiculous.

So I get involved with someone that first month is wonderful. Then, as usually happens, the "real" person starts to pop in as the "honeymoon phase" ends. That desire to spend every moment with me that was cute before, I start to realize is due to his excessive low self esteem and insecurity. His "interest" in my day I realize isn't because he wants to know everything about my life, but because he is jealous and we rushed into the relationship, so there was no time to develop trust. I realize that what I assumed was a "wet look" to his hair is really because he can't be bothered to wash it.

I could go on and on, but I love that in your "whack" mind, I owe it to him to tell him to stick around and we can try to work it out? No, when I'm done, I've done all the reasoning in my head, and being an overly intelligent person, I realize that any changes will be short lived, so I'm not going to ask him to stick around.

Let me guess at something....you were burned this same way and your partner didn't give you "time" to adjust to the breakup by continuing the relationship because you weren't ready for it to end yet, right?

(in reply to wannapleez)

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/8/2013 10:51:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Putting effort into a relationship is a given. Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he knows he wants to be out of is what I question.

Do you realize that your second sentence could be just as accurately stated this way:

Being expected to put effort into a relationship that he doesn't want to put effort into is what I question.

Good Lord, but you are mixed up and dense.

Funny -- you're decrying this and yet the person who I was quoting agreed that my analysis was correct. So is she mixed up and dense too?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

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