RE: Being Dismissed!!

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RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/15/2013 5:37:53 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Using FR:

quote:

Often there are discussions on this board about how a dominant is responsible for their sub. Their health, welfare, emotional well being, etc. But exactly how responsible should they be? Again, dominants aren't therapists, nor should they act like them. Could he have tried to send her to some type of "Anonymous" group? Maybe. Should he have encouraged her to develop some kind of interest in her new town, like getting a job (even part time)? Maybe, but if felt he could support them, maybe not. Should he have considered her mental health issues before extending the invitation (and this is the big one)? Again, MAYBE. Why? Because we have no idea how she presented those mental health issues to him. He may have thought that they weren't all that bad. Until, of course, she was there and they began to really show.

In answer the question of 'how responsible *is* a dominant for his/her submissive" I have this to say:

If you are going to set yourself up as THE DOMINANT that little title comes with ultimate responsibility for all people involved and for the relationship in general. And no, that does not happen over night or in one month. Please do not misread my statement to mean submissives do not have or should not take responsibility. It's part of the dominant's job to make sure that they do.

See how that works?

A 'responsible' dominant would never have chosen such a co-dependent person, and would never have allowed her to give up her entire life when they had never met.

I agree with LW, these two never established a relationship, they had converging sets of fantasies and agendas. In the end it didn't work out, b/c that sort of thing rarely does.

As for fuqedupgirl -- hun the nick you chose says it all. You appear to be wallowing in your fuckedupness, and you know, that's fucked up.

You are looking for someone to fix you, when you need to fix yourself. As long as you see yourself as 'fuqed up' you will attract doms who want to fix you, but you should know by now that fixing another just is not possible.

You're telling everyone you meet on CM not to come to the message boards, how hysterical. You got great advice, and if you are extremely lucky and get some therapy, in the future you might even understand how great that advice was.

You take care now.

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Post #: 141

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/15/2013 6:34:16 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Yes, start posting terms of service violations, and they will likely delete this, but you may get banned or in trouble too, so it's not that great an idea.

The best thing to do is decide before you post what you can live w/ith out there on the net for the end of time for whomever to dredge up or use as fodder against you.

Mods won't delete threads usually just because the person now has buyers remorse about posting it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fuqedupgirl

Can Anyone please tell me how the hell to delete this thread??????????????????????????????????????

quote:

ties time. give her a little slack". However, once

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Post #: 142

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/15/2013 7:34:24 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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So you have never liked someone well enough to engage them and then found out quickly or in a months time that you can not stand them, or you don't like them any more, or some other thing that makes you want to, or need to not know them any more?

Sure it's crappy to move someone in then move her right back out in a months time, but that's a risk they took when they jumped into it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannapleez

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
But what if he just didn't like her or care for her enough to investigate other courses of action? What if he wanted to leave?

Then add "fucking lazy" to my list of pejoratives.

Oh, and "fucking hypocrite" too. He liked her and cared for her enough to ask her to move. But as soon as things became inconvenient for him, he suddenly didn't like her or care for her enough to investigate other courses of action.

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Post #: 143

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/15/2013 7:51:48 AM

kuntbr33der

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/12/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I don't mean to kick you while you're down, but really you need to acknowledge the mistakes you made and figure out how to not make those mistakes again.

You went into a situation with no exit plan at all. That's why you have nothing now.

Finding another Master because you have nothing is just expecting someone else to solve your problem. This is something that you need to take care of and not expect someone else to do it for you.

You clearly had some issues yourself for which you used BDSM as a crutch.

He's telling you that you're not safe with him. Trust him. You can't heal him. He needs help and that help will be more effective if he's not emotionally involved in a D/s BDSM relationship.

The fact that you think you can't function alone points towards co-dependency.

For you I would suggest counseling and time to heal yourself before you involve anyone else in your life.

Wow, a codependent slave, never heard of one of those before.

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Post #: 144

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/20/2013 4:58:06 AM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

OP fuquedupgirl . post 139: I tell ALL people that I meet on CM to not come to the message boards. . . a few of you women are just plain rude and cold, and a big F.U. right to you 'ladies' !!

But those posters weren't really worked up over her. They were worked up over 3 pages of incendiary posts from WP.

quote:

wannapleez . post 82: [Guy of the OP] needs his testicles removed via his left nostril.

quote:

wannapleez . post 84: others here basically licked his scrotum to a healthy sheen

quote:

wannapleez . post 93: Then add "fucking lazy" to my list of pejoratives.

quote:

wannapleez . post 121: I would be foolish to expect you [LafayetteLady] to give a damn any more than the guy in the OP

quote:

wannapleez . post 129: God knows the highly disposable humans in [CM Dommes] lives, sure as hell aren't going to find that.

quote:

JeffBC . post 126: WP spun a lot of reasoning out of my lack of rebuttal when in point of fact I just didn't see anything worth discussing. I didn't understand I was obligated to throw down any time some board warrior wanted to rumble.

LOL. . WP truth in advertising would be wannarumble. Consideration for next reincarnation.

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Post #: 145

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/20/2013 5:41:13 AM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
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I didn't read the thread. I read the OP. So, I don't know why she wants to delete the thread. Here is what I think.

You would feel a lot better if your were pissed off.

And this notion of being forcedto find another master ...now... is a prescription for ...problems... that will make the ones you got now seem pretty tame.

Get thee to the DSHS office and ask for some help. They can't fix everything, but they can help you to survive until you reorganize. Food stamps and insurance. Perhaps a bit of money. Perhaps some good advice. Perhaps a lead on housing.

Question. California? The best revenge is living well.

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Post #: 146

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/20/2013 7:40:53 PM

iwishiknewthen

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/17/2013
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I cannot speak to a lot of the post but this part, I can speak to: "just remember, Everyone has issues. Some of us can get help for those issues and others are left on the wayside looking for anything to escape our own demons and insecurities!"

There is a serious problem in this society when it comes to obtaining mental health services but do not give up and do not assume you cannot get any because you are not insured. If you have no health insurance check with your state health department and your local social services people. I work, I make enough money to live on and right now I have health insurance for me and my children. In the past that was not the case. I hated to do it but I applied for Medicaid and was accepted. I have never had better coverage for mental health services than I did at that time. It is quite likely that you can qualify for health care (including mental health services) through public assistance.

I hated the thought of applying for or taking any assistance but it came down to having no choice and I am so glad I put away my pride and any thought of politics and did so.

Check into what's available....you may well find that there is a program for which you qualify.

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Post #: 147

RE: Being Dismissed!! - 2/21/2013 1:10:55 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Wish,

The OP's statement is typical of people who don't really want to find help. Because you are right, help is there if you really want it and you look for it. Sometimes it can be very difficult to find and you have to push Social Services people for answers, but it can be found.

Just a side note about the insurance available through medicaid. You received a type of medicaid for families with children. Typically, the medicaid for single adults without children is quite different, and the availability of service providers is seriously scant. Usually there is a waiting list for mental health, which is very disheartening. Obviously people in need of help for mental health issues can't usually wait several months. The only way to get immediate help is to check yourself into a psych ward under the premise that you are suicidal or a danger to yourself or others. They will typically hold you for a week or two, get you on meds and then miraculously, there are programs you can attend and doctors you can see immediately.

Healthcare for the poor in this country is abysmal.

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Post #: 148