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RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 5:08:44 PM

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I am thinking I know where some disconnect happened, and a good part of this is Mine. I am going on the assumption that all the email traffic has happened already and we are moving to the next step. This may put some of My comments in a different perspective for some. Part of being literal is actually putting all the literal in there so confuzzlement doesn't happen. Apologies to those whom I offended because I didn't put this information in this discussion. I still stand behind My beliefs here though.

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 5:15:31 PM

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I wasn't offended in the least. I'm always open to hearing how others approach this whole process. Especially from the male D side.
I don't envision changing the way I handle first meetings. But I will certainly make sure I am forthcoming if any of them ask sincerely. (And I will try very hard not to judge them for asking.).

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to MisterP61)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 5:40:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tallandsweet16

hi!

i have a question...if you are going to meet a potential Dominant or two for lunch...how up front or honest are you with them both about meeting with the other, if one or the other were to ask if you're considering other Dominants? i know in the beginning, it's just a friendly get-to-know-you type of little lunch or coffee meet up, nothing serious or whatnot.....but how does one handle it? i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, you know?

also, has anyone ever asked a potential Dominant to lunch? for instance...what if your *feel* like there *could* be a connection w/ someone who hasn't asked you to meet up yet....that's new territory for me...just don't want to handle it inappropriately.

thanks for your thoughts/advice!

The truth is always best but I wouldn't volunteer the information.

Remember you are there to get to know each other and the Dominant may wish to keep it some what vanilla for the first meeting.

Or the Dominant may ask some more probing questions, one being; what is your relationship status?

At which time you should answer honestly, such as; I am not in a relationship at this time, although I have been conversing with other Dominants. ;-)

(in reply to tallandsweet16)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 6:33:03 PM

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I said earlier in this thread that I thought it was tacky for a Dom to ask if you're dating someone else. I think I had a picture in my head of the guy badgering the prospective sub for information wanting to know every detail of her dating life, which would be tacky. But to simply ask if someone is seeing others is acceptable. On the other hand, the sub does not need to spill her guts about her private life in this respect, either. As I said previously, a simple yes is sufficient.

I've talked to some men who start rattling off a checklist of questions like it's a job interview. It nicer if it comes up in a comfortable back and forth conversation, not a Q & A session.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Milesnmiles)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 6:54:08 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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I don't see anything wrong with simply getting to know more than one at a time. After all, this is a dating site and the purpose is to meet & get to know people, among other things. When I was a sub, I'd sometimes be getting to know more than one Dom at a time. Now that I'm a Domme, I sometimes get to know more than one sub at a time. I don't volunteer that I'm getting to know more than one at the same time but, if I'm directly asked, I will be honest. I will never lie about it.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 8:08:34 PM

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When I was single I had a few men ask me "what is your relationship status" if I met them in real life at a bar or such and I would just say "I'm single" whether I'm meeting more than one man or not. I mean I WAS single. I wasn't in a relationship or married. I was just getting to know other guys so I could decide if I was compatible with any of them.

I have never had someone ask me who I met from online. It was already in my profile in black and white for them to see. If they would have asked me I would have wondered if they even read my profile at all and how the hell did they get that by me before we ever met for coffee.

Online communication is just for me to decide if I want to meet you at all. Are you worth my time and effort to bother? It's just small talk online. Nothing more.

Master and I spoke for two years online before ever meeting. At no point during that time did we ever feel we were wanting to get together for a relationship or a date or anything. We were not an online couple or anything else. We just did casual small talk online. He was just someone who would message me when it was late and neither of us could sleep. I only met him because I figured I needed a mini vacation and hell, why not. At least I'd get a free coffee and a nice weekend in Baltimore by myself to relax. No big deal. Neither of us had any expectation other than coffee. Therefore, there was no need to divulge any information at all.

Maybe it comes down to how seriously you take online talking to someone. I don't put any weight at all in online. It's all about meeting in person. Until then you are the Easter Bunny for all I know.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/14/2014 9:24:52 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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Someone said mature women have to settle. That's wrong. Mature women are more choosy, and more likely to prefer to be alone rather than settle for something and someone that does not fulfill their needs.

If I wasn't with The Man, I'd have an assortment of vibrators and a couple of dogs for company. And I'd be very happy. And if I wanted to be tied, spanked and fucked, I could find that any night of the week on my terms.

As far as email leading to a d/s relationship. Nope. Until we met, we're equals. There's a story of two guys who emailed, thought they would be a perfect relationship. The bottom walked to the door of the bar they were going to meet in, saw that the guy with the carnation in his lapel was his fifth grade teacher, and walked on by. There's another horror story I remember of a woman meeting some guy who appeared to be perfect, she got there and discovered he was her third cousin.

The fact that you may only want a d/s relationship doesn't mean her needs don't matter. If she doesn't like you, doesn't find you copacetic or sympatico, doesn't feel turned on by you, nothing is going to happen. And if all you want is a beat and fuck, then why would she want more than that? Why would she be willing to load and unload your dishwasher at all, let alone change her dishwasher habits to match yours, or your wife's?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

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(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 4:11:42 AM

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When I was dating, I was ( to the admiration of my coworkers) dating four men at once. The issue of if or how many men I was seeing never came up with any of them, until it did, and he said he would wait until I chose him. And I did.

The only time it was ever an issue was an online conversation I had with a man over several weeks( in violation of my own policy of meeting quickly). He realized that I was dating, got quite het up and abruptly cut off communication. And my reaction was confusion - and a bit butt hurt. We hadn't even met and he was trying to dictate to me what I should do, without ever explicitly talking about the issue.

If you get to the point that you want to talk about "going steady", then presumably your relationship has progressed to the that point, where you want it and need to see if he does too. Just don't put all your eggs in one basket - he may not be at that point.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 4:47:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I am thinking I know where some disconnect happened, and a good part of this is Mine. I am going on the assumption that all the email traffic has happened already and we are moving to the next step. This may put some of My comments in a different perspective for some. Part of being literal is actually putting all the literal in there so confuzzlement doesn't happen. Apologies to those whom I offended because I didn't put this information in this discussion. I still stand behind My beliefs here though.

I was not offended either.

And I still stand by the belief that even if you have months of email traffic between the two of you, that until you meet, you are strangers.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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(in reply to MisterP61)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 5:16:02 AM

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FR:

There are those who begin a long email or cam or phone or all three courtship and enter into a virtual dynamic before they ever meet. (I don't know why, I don't do that.) But for those who do, obviously when they do meet it isn't just coffee or just as friends. There is a dynamic present. So under those circumstances, I think an awful lot of disclosure needed to be done before the two got to that place.

But there are many of us who don't do that. I really don't have expectations beyond a mild friendship until I meet someone in person. Someone who is barely more than an acquaintance is not entitled to know who else I might be meeting. He or she is of course entitled to know I'm married, poly, not offering sex.

All that's in my profile, and I've been amazed at those who blow by it. People just don't read profiles. Even if I ask them, did you read my profile? they say yes, then act surprised when they learn no sex. So I make sure and have a phone conversation about this so they are clear about what I am and what I am not offering.

_____________________________

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 6:25:22 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

I am thinking I know where some disconnect happened, and a good part of this is Mine. I am going on the assumption that all the email traffic has happened already and we are moving to the next step. This may put some of My comments in a different perspective for some. Part of being literal is actually putting all the literal in there so confuzzlement doesn't happen. Apologies to those whom I offended because I didn't put this information in this discussion. I still stand behind My beliefs here though.

No offense here!

I used to do the long distance courtship thing, but after two disappointments, decided to email/talk just long enough to see if I wanted to meet for coffee. After we established that there was indeed chemistry, then we'd move on.

It sucked to get emotionally invested and then meet and find there was no chemistry or that he wasn't like his long distance/online persona.

(in reply to MisterP61)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 11:53:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Why would she be willing to load and unload your dishwasher at all, let alone change her dishwasher habits to match yours, or your wife's?

Hey, now. Let's not bring My crazy dishwasher habits into this.

I've been reading this thread for several days, and truthfully, I've never seen so much debate about coffee and/or lunch. You know the old joke about why you ask somebody to lunch? It's because you don't even know if you like them enough to ask them to dinner.

To the OP. You basically answered this for Me in your original. You said, "it's just a friendly get-to-know-you type of little lunch or coffee meet up, nothing serious or whatnot." That's exactly how I'd treat it.

Sure. If I was asked outright by My lunch companion on Wednesday if I had any other meetings planned for that week, I'd be honest about it. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel the need to tell somebody that I was meeting for the first time what else was going on in My life other than what I already bring to the table. My established relationships are a part of that. Not some guy who I have a tentative meet with on Saturday who, for all I know, might not even show up because he's a flake waiting to happen.

As to your other question, I generally don't ask people "out". If anything, I'll ask if they'd like to meet Me at a munch or local BDSM event. One of the reasons for that is the fact that I am poly and I realize that most people are not. I'm not one of those poly types who are out to 'convert' monogamous type people. Whomever I'm dealing with has to either already have acceptance of that or decide they are ready on their own terms.

Please enjoy your day. Good luck with your potential meetings.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 12:30:29 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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As I said, I don't care how they load the dishwasher. I care how they unload it. And yes, I rearrange the cabinet after they put the glasses in the wrong spot.

But I think that Mr P is basing his attempts to find a sub on how you do it. And that he doesn't really understand that this is not a good model for a male dominant. We like him, so we would like him to be successful, so we're trying to wake him up to the exigencies of a guy in this situation.

Women, sub or dominant, have more in common with each other simply because we must always think first of our safety. And that's why nobody has said they recommend submitting through email. Because we need to have a personal interaction or ten in order to tell us if it's safe to be alone with the guy. Especially a guy who is a foot taller than you and trained in unarmed and armed combat. And until the time comes when we feel safe and we trust him, we're not submitting.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/15/2014 12:32:18 PM

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Oh, god, you gotta care how the dishwasher is loaded, anything else is just.............frightening. Its not safe.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/26/2014 11:04:04 AM

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By all means be truthful, No one is naïve enough to believe that of the entire selection theirs is the only profile you're considering.

Previous experience is subjective, and nobody elses business until you are offered a collar, divulge only what your comfortable relating but come clean before accepting

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/26/2014 11:30:31 AM

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Bruzzer: do you divulge that your avatar is either a pic of your ex posted without her approval or something you stole without paying rights to use?

Being honest should not be only about some things. That's like being a little bit pregnant, no such animal.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Bruzzer)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/26/2014 11:52:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

MP will correct me if I'm wrong, but he doesn't seem to be coming from a dating perspective, like you and I are:

This is correct. I am not going to be looking for a girlfriend, or a lover, or a confidant. I have LP. She is the woman I will grow old with. I will be looking for a submissive. If she is talking to other Dominants, that is fine. I just think I should know this up front. Anything less to Me is starting the possible dynamic on a shaky foundation. she would know up front and immediately that I am married to LadyPact, and She will not be in control of the girl, but it would still be a relationship where she would have to interact on a person to person level with Her.

This is where I think we women who have weighed in, saying we would keep our other conversations with potential partners to ourselves, and those who would want full disclosure, are differing.
I am looking for a relationship that encompasses a D/s dynamic WITHIN a full romantic relationship. In this, I do believe is IS dating in the initial stages for me. I am not seeking merely a Dominant. I am seeking a man that is Dominant, a gentleman, a goofball, a hard worker. I am a woman. I am also a submissive, a creative mind, a hard worker, and at times, a dork. Lol. I am looking for someone to meld my life with, and become a full life partner. It is going to take many more components than just his being Dom, and compatible for me to know that He is a potential life partner. I AM looking for a lover, a confidant and someone to grow old with.

MP, ( forgive me, I did not go through the whole thread to see who else) and others are saying "I am looking for a strictly M/s D/s dynamic" Yes, personality and wants/needs/desires are important in this as well. But for them, it is NOT dating, per se.
Chances are, the women that MrP will be meeting already know this, they have discussed it, and are in enough agreement to meet.
It's a subtle difference, I think, but one that does make our first coffee date have a slightly different meaning.

Absolutely agreed. And those who are differing are also poly, which needs full disclosure, as does being married.

The ones seeking for strictly D/s interactions can view this more as an interview, but for me this is a more organic getting to know you process towards a relationship.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/26/2014 11:58:44 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Bruzzer: do you divulge that your avatar is either a pic of your ex posted without her approval or something you stole without paying rights to use?

I think this answers DesFIP's question. Dude, lose the avatar.

https://www.google.com/search?tbs=sbi:AMhZZitepQYnEG-sEm62DZAzukUuKsDRVmJSmOk2f_1UUSbpEAV7D2quaE6RQSSzg44Tv3UHs9vT-jrfY3OY3SxxcvVJsbpZEbnzt-DmJqJGbjZiuSZ3YCIWXhNQuBzYdy76TiJJCY6c1V66256VKSGOCVngFy-IEYmEDGseMg7HcDVdrecoORt9yOh2polYDLMZ8OP_1EJBxf55IZo5HfdzZ78ejGDXRFDE4b3WeqRk2px42kGg8Ytg-nh6XA7COqrqcFFqL_1mapXKfgkqQYRd2MmAo_1R9s8sP46sPC9UNvWmW-MtPu5ykC4KtN1btckl_1pnuvNF8ITI005wFCWX267nhYlLI_1gE2FfMZgFkh5qhOALvEHnvcYadXsKa0Y8gn3euca4vOaxHX1mB3m-q9FuiKKbzVQ7PQTAb6epuUkw99ke8eqXFnr2TOJ5VTNKRPVBOJBwde9W5e-4lSM1IKSGe6OhHyCJ3ADZRLQ1abksdsVybEl5zSobq1S6HHzHgE32GSBqqwDBbZLaNd-V1TsqcJ6za6gkmDjrwHo3gV1BlHw3lefj8nVaUPJu2-TaScawbRbGsTcRH6rXh-5ZaQJgZg4sctNh59YCVVsJSXFeaNLCqgOSNXXU7WXCyqFY86szVtyeXSJyXMzpNxxwSaJqhSsoinXTfPqrXSuLL7Ep9QUkN5HusiQHwmsNbwjpQ77GleHRIB52GmNJCsfglPkh13vsUo8-Pk_1jUeADbRd5v14gZVNgmyI4VQDDnKd6Yl0GZmmwZjRcN97YqONEyP1lg87RjZODvkTwUOC38cQUukRVUDGboKG7NkIYGD6B8cgxTPQC8jkRpIi6C9PW7-4KtxWf72lJgZSa92YMOJZFj_1YBnhRtElcvfe3P2luDJs_1lKQedA5qBSgav8R1mcZzJqBdP9hphtSTI7Vz2XDs87zqrkZX3GF5_1JqwrPUwWhuUuRtD7AAwZ3S4LSL36EBcj4Q7NCYAGfYFqpeZxDpTVozygcyUzkJBPV4i3vZMiKXqbvvRbWLLTbSAsQbCrYI56GQlKEkEKObehUlvgwUYQDcsxdDxb8YPGB00kZ5zMcP-e8d5CuCDGnzCM0JSqAQj5_1m8fNevrUtHQg1Zj494h6K_1CTlv3KZkdZLvEkazqNL5ivo4O9ovn2GavlPzytKEnhQ6dDm-_11iOR5qYSVxETye8G3eXLeDSTAmDcJDSi4gD8aU8ID7aKUSyf1NymHwoxvy95I2aphTXi27hornajhB29zEtoRD-nKQx8vpQ_1G2OopXXURbEv3x4VY3ZwWHYqlx-uWEqpwkhg&width=0&height=0

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: ...how up front are you about this??.. - 1/29/2014 5:54:01 PM

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

I don't say anything if they don't ask..... unless I feel like they are being a bit too pushy and wanting to move things too fast.

Sometimes they will ask me what my D/s experience has been up to this point....and in that case I will be honest and tell them that there are a few Dominants that I consider to be good friends, and I still meet, email, or chat with them....and this isn't going to change until I find someone that I feel has the true potential to develop into a more significant relationship.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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