RE: How would you react, ladies?

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RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/27/2014 1:52:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mudblond

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Dudes like that have something upstairs that doesn't 'click' on approved societal norms,

Yes, it is the triumph of fantasy over empathy/realism. How else can anyone explain such dysfunctional and inept behaviour?

The guy in question tried to explain it with being "romantic", obviously linguistics have changed while I blinked...

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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to mudblond)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 8:07:12 AM

CatharsisKentUK

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Hopefully they'll change again and fast when this woman reacts to his intrusion.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 8:31:11 AM

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First, Yikes. Do you explain somewhere in this thread how he tracked her down?

I suppose there's no point in trying to point out to him that writing her through her CM profile would send her an email notification, and that it would result in approaching her in the way that she intended when she posted her profile. Whereas, some part of his mind has to know that hunting her down is intentionally bypassing the personal boundaries she intentionally set up by not giving out any of that information, in the first place.

If he asked himself to imagine writing to her and saying, 'I was so enchanted with you that I tracked you down, and now I know where you are, where you work, etc...' can he possibly imagine her writing back and welcoming him to come on over? That's why he doesn't contact her first. The horrified reaction and rejection that any reasonable person would imagine her having.

Or, maybe he should imagine some other guy on CM doing the same exact thing to him. What, he doesn't think it's flattering? What, he wants to decide for himself, what complete stranger gets to show up at his doorstep with roses? He just doesn't appreciate the Romance!

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:04:22 AM

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He didn't explain how he did it, he said by "being a bit of a geek" he managed to track her down. Seriously, I tried my best to explain to him that she won't be flattered and that it is intrusive, he didn't get it at all...

On the bright side, I decided to throw together a blog entry with a ton of resources for people that are stalked, the victims tend to be mainly women and only a few of them go to the police, I would assume that if it's kink related even less dare to ask for help and report it. Not completely selfless though, having had the dubious pleasure of a stalker for several years, I found it very empowering, almost like I'm reclaiming a bit of my own life.

Anybody who knows of some better links, I gladly add them, just thought it might be a good idea to have - while not everything - a ton of things in one place, it seems to be the elephant in the room, nobody likes to admit it happens to them, often the victim is actually ashamed, if they know it happens to others too, maybe more speak out, there is more awareness and hopefully steeper punishments for stalkers.

So yes, if anybody knows of anybody being stalked, feel free to pass it on: Resources for Stalking Victims

If anybody has more links or better links, I'll gladly include them.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:17:15 AM

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Respect! That's a good deed, to expand upon that subject of stalking and violation of boundaries. I've heard that book, The Gift of Fear, touted before.

One of the measures I have for whether someone poses a potential threat, is signals that they're not really aware of others, except as objects of their attention. For example, they aren't responding appropriately to what you're saying, they're not picking up your signals as a normal person would. Like this person you describe in this thread, they can't put themselves in the other person's place, they only know what they want to do and what they want from the other person. These are bad signs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

He didn't explain how he did it, he said by "being a bit of a geek" he managed to track her down. Seriously, I tried my best to explain to him that she won't be flattered and that it is intrusive, he didn't get it at all...

On the bright side, I decided to throw together a blog entry with a ton of resources for people that are stalked, the victims tend to be mainly women and only a few of them go to the police, I would assume that if it's kink related even less dare to ask for help and report it. Not completely selfless though, having had the dubious pleasure of a stalker for several years, I found it very empowering, almost like I'm reclaiming a bit of my own life.

Anybody who knows of some better links, I gladly add them, just thought it might be a good idea to have - while not everything - a ton of things in one place, it seems to be the elephant in the room, nobody likes to admit it happens to them, often the victim is actually ashamed, if they know it happens to others too, maybe more speak out, there is more awareness and hopefully steeper punishments for stalkers.

So yes, if anybody knows of anybody being stalked, feel free to pass it on: Resources for Stalking Victims

If anybody has more links or better links, I'll gladly include them.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:24:06 AM

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Oh, and the place where there are experienced specialists in dealing with stalkers, is in southern California, where there are many celebrities.

I don't have this information in front of me, right now, but there's one expert down there who's written at least one book, and who works with the stalking task force, down there. They may be the only place that has a dedicated stalking task force.

The behavior of stalkers is distinctive, not predictable by normal logic, because they're not based in logic, and it's important to understand, when dealing with stalking.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:26:50 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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I've been stalked. By an ex who of course knew exactly where I lived. I lived in constant fear and had the *joy* of adding our third to the cluster fuck since they left me for each other. Yahoo PMs , emails , calls, getting into the building where I lived, threatening to out me by contacting close family members. It went on. I was lucky enough, if you will, that they sent the threats by PC and I knew to print everything.

Changed the door lock on my own apartment, hid my car when parking, didn't turn on TV or radio, no lights at night. I basically became a shut in. Until the one day when for some reason I just blew my volcano button and decided to take back my life. I knew they were much more terrified of the police department than I was. After all, I had no record, they both had long and illustrious violent criminal offenses going back years.

I gave them one single warning that I would go to the police. They thought I was too meek and had no backbone. They found out rather quickly that was totally false. I had the evidence to back it up, I had filed previous complaints against them. The police department where I lived didn't take these complaints lightly. They sent 2 very large, very intimidating detectives to their new place of residence who explained the new facts of life to them.

I was one of the lucky ones, shortly after, they moved across the country never to be heard from again.

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(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:33:18 AM

LadyMondenschein

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YOU GO PoohBear!! Yaaayyy!!

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:39:36 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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Thank you LM , was pretty tough dealing with two people who supposedly loved me. But they knew how severely depressed I was at the time, and it was all a game to them. They found out no matter what, I wasn't going to let them win, I couldn't and keep what little sanity I had at the time.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to LadyMondenschein)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 9:49:06 AM

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That's so rough, tiggerspoohbear. You were really strong to survive it and remain determined to fight for yourself.

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 10:25:11 AM

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It is good to see women on CM explaining their abusive, controlling, & manipulative experiences by men and maybe some of the men on CM will read it. Most won't see it as their problem or even care, but hopefully someone will read it and maybe curtail how they present themselves to women they are interested in or how to handle being rejected by them.

< Message edited by SweetAnise -- 2/28/2014 10:26:51 AM >

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(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 2/28/2014 10:42:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear

Thank you LM , was pretty tough dealing with two people who supposedly loved me. But they knew how severely depressed I was at the time, and it was all a game to them. They found out no matter what, I wasn't going to let them win, I couldn't and keep what little sanity I had at the time.

I think depression is a result of getting stalked, it's the unknown terror and you can't quite put a finger on it, that you never know what's going to happen but there is always this threat looming over you...

I wish I would have known all this stuff, because when the guy who stalked me got weirder and weirder, I told him I am not comfy being internet friends with him anymore and cut contact, he had said some really disturbing things (nothing threatening but stuff that made me wonder if he wears a white hood and burns crosses) and I just deleted everything (luckily not quite everything, turned out I missed the odd thing) because I was so disgusted when he showed his true colours... Big mistake!

Oh and when the shit really hit the fan, I also finally decided to look at the profile of the internet messenger program he used, anybody surprised that it said female? Wish I would have done that before and not be too trusting.

Seriously, if it helps a single woman, I feel I am taking some of my life back. When it happened I felt like I was the only one it ever happened to and tried to figure out what I had done wrong...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/2/2014 7:32:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't see it as him seeking a relationship, which involves two people.

I see it as wanting to realize a fantasy of a relationship, which only needs one person.

There are at least two other discussion threads where I could use this post of yours, sexyred1, but I don't know if we're allowed to do that.

Sadly, I've come to the conclusion that there are a bunch of people out there like this. Fantasists, conjuring up a dream lover with whom they are carrying on an imaginary affair, based only in part on an actual flesh-and-blood personage they've latched onto one-sidedly.

When to know when it's a harmless infatuation or a potential threat to the point of posing a danger? You can't predict what someone is capable of, so there is no way to know with any assurance. Most of us have heard about Vincent Van Gogh severing a portion of his own ear, but what if his inner torment hadn't been turned inwardly into self-destructive (ultimately suicidal) behavior?

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/3/2014 3:39:13 AM

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Vincent also had a mental illness, not particularly helped by the fashion of the day, drinking Absinthe, which included high doses of wormwood, an ingredient that can cause (in high enough doses) hallucinations, since manufacturing alcohol was a bit less regulated and the artists didn't have much money, I don't think they always drank the highest quality, but more something compared to moonshine...

People being obsessed with their idea of how a person is, instead of the reality of that person, isn't something new. Now throw in the internet where people talk to each other without seeing body language, for somebody who's not too stable, it's very easy to read something into it that just isn't there, then add kink or fetishes to it (something that makes it even more difficult to find a relationship) and you got a potential recipe for disaster.

Though stalkers aren't always motivated by desire, some are actually seeking revenge for perceived slights, become obsessed and whatever a person will say or do, they will always imagine it is directed at them. The problem is, that they believe they are right, they see themselves as the good guys, it's a massive disconnect from reality.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/3/2014 4:13:46 AM

ExquisiteStings

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Hi Lady C

Don't knock Moonshine(Mondenschein); it's actually quite good when made correctly. Numbs one's lips nicely...lol..of course, I've never had more than a few sips whilst visiting friends up in TN.
It's bathtub gin I'd be more afraid of.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/3/2014 4:20:29 AM

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If an expert makes it, I have little doubt that it can be good, but you wouldn't buy it from some suspicious character selling it out of the back of a truck or in a dark alley... Well at least I wouldn't, going blind is not very high on my agenda ;)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/4/2014 8:26:29 PM

srotu

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well i hope he gets the point i had a co worker and she and i used to go on cam in yahoo down in S Fl ahd had someone spot her he kept coming into our job. a adult video store. he kept pushing her and myself and another co worker had to um explain that she was not intrested in him even if she had shown her tits and ass online.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/4/2014 9:54:58 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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Yup, yahoo camming at its best and worst! I do indeed remember those days. I used to go on cam myself but I was always clothed. Seen too many women become "flavors of the month" as I called them. Only to be replaced the next whatever time by someone willing to go farther just to get that camera count up.

What was done wasn't right, never will be. There's an obvious reason why yahoo had to shut down.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to srotu)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/6/2014 8:53:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

The fact that he reacted badly when you told him it wasn't a very good idea speaks more to his general lack of good sense than even having this idea in the first place.

i find this to be a very astute point in an all around excellent comment, your description of his reaction Lady C makes me think this stalker needs serious therapy.

(in reply to SpaceSpank)

RE: How would you react, ladies? - 3/6/2014 1:42:16 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteStings

Hi Lady C

Don't knock Moonshine(Mondenschein); it's actually quite good when made correctly. Numbs one's lips nicely...lol..of course, I've never had more than a few sips whilst visiting friends up in TN.
It's bathtub gin I'd be more afraid of.

Good moonshine is wonderful stuff, goes down smooth as silk,kicks like a fucking mule.
Flip the jar upside down or shake it up, watch the bubble beads that form and go up on the side of the bottle. The smaller the beads, the quicker they disappear, the better the shine.
It's that simple :-)

_____________________________

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HST

(in reply to ExquisiteStings)

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