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UllrsIshtar -> RE: pain (11/12/2016 11:18:17 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick
Here's a follow up question. Do you find that what hurts the most varies depending on who does it to you? I don't mean because one person spanks harder, but does it matter who does it to you. I find it doesn't really hurt more, but I get off more when the Fella does shit to me. Something about being tortured by the father of my child sort of thing.
It depends on what it is. I am both a masochist and an endurance bottom.
There's some kind of pain that just registers as pleasure for me, no matter what (heavy thud, punching on the ass, etc). With that sort of stuff, it matters very little to me who's doing it to me, because the thing itself is just nice.
I could do that sort of play with a Top I don't really like or respect, and as long as he did it right, I would still enjoy it, and enjoy it for its own sake about the same then if somebody who I really loved did it. However, in that type of play with somebody I don't respect (where it's the sensation only that counts, not my interaction with the Top) there needs to be no actual D/s component at all involved. Just strictly pain play, and don't try to Dominate me. At that point I'm really more in charge of the whole interaction though, because I'm basically just directing a Top to give me what constitutes to an erotic massage to me, even though the type of stuff I like in such a scene most people would already consider 'hardcore'.
If I respect the person, but don't have a real bond with him. there could be some D/s roleplay involve, but in the end I'd still very much be the one in charge, even if we play it differently, because I'd be very specific about what he is and isn't allowed to do.
Then there's other pain that I hate for the pain itself, but love to experience suffering for somebody else.
My endurance scale, where the pain becomes more real, and sometimes so real that it's not really at all mixed with pleasure for the sensation in and of itself anymore, needs a bond with the Top. The stronger that bond, the better the play, because the reason I like to go to that place of 'real' suffering is for his pleasure, so if I don't give a rats ass about the guy, and therefore don't care about his pleasure, it doesn't work because I don't get off on the pain for its own sake, I get off on experiencing the pain for him. D/s is essential for that type of play, because I need to fundamentally feel submissive to the guy, even if we're not doing any hardcore D/s play in that specific scene and it's more casual laughing and giving each other shit kinda tone.
In those kinds of situations, the men I play with basically have full consent to do anything they want. I don't direct the scene, or limited them, or have a wishlist of any way. The only real limits are legal stuff, and whatever limits my husband places on them (like scar risks).
Usually when I play with people I have a bond with, those two scales tend to mix up, and have quite a bit of overlap. It's not like we're just constantly either in "this pain gets me off without caring for the guy" land, or in "I hate this pain, but I love feeling it for him" land. It just kinda all blends together, and we go from one to the other and back a bunch. Ideally until it's really hard to tell when I am enjoying the pain for its own sake, and when I'm enjoying it because he's enjoying it.
However, with people I don't have a bond with the endurance play is always off-limits for obvious reasons.
I also don't always want to play hardcore. I can enjoy soft, gentle, sensual sensation play just as much, and hardcore extreme pain stuff. It all depends on my mood, and the energy I've got with the person I'm playing with that night.
Anyways... I don't know if any of that made any sense... it's hard to talk about this stuff. [>:]
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