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Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relationships - 11/3/2006 12:47:01 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

Good afternoon,

I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.

I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?

Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika

The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.

Wakan Tankan Nici Un

Post #: 1

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 12:53:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_576306/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#576397
Master, boyfriend, husband

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723
Marriage and Ds

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668
Ring or collar, what's the difference?

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Marriage and bdsm lifestyle

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Marriage and femdom

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 2

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:03:23 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,

I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.

I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?

Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)

PERSONAL preference ONLY;

I don't believe in the marrying of Masters/slaves; but that is just me. The only reason why my first master and I married is because he became sick with only months to live. We married for our unmentionable at that time and that was the only reason.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 3

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:14:07 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Again this is only my opinion/preference/requirement for me only. I do not see them separated at all. My feelings and dedication are not tied to some ceremony whether a marriage or collar one. I could not imagine them being separate. I am what I am. I just need both of us to aknowledge and show each other we are going to be dedicated to each other for the long run as best as we can. I do not need a piece of paper or exchange vows with a party with cake for that to happen. I want more tangible proof of day to day life to convince me.

I was not married to my former Master and had no desire to. I do like the thought of being able to call my Master my husband as it would be easier in social circles and other things but it really had nothing to do with M/s. I would only insist on getting married if we brought umentionables into our life and/or he wanted me to quit my career and these reason are for legal protection.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:19:53 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Well there is a real problem with reconciling the roles we have socialized into us of husband and wife with the roles we have learned of as Master and slave. I've seen several methods of doing so.
Some take the husband and wife roles to be the primary relationship between them with the Master and slave roles being secondary
Others (Myself and my slave included) make the Master/ slave relationship the primary and the husband and wife roles are secondary.
Some prefer not to intermix the two at all, others still mix them on a time schedule.

It really ends up being a matter of what fullfils the people most. How much M/s time do you need, how much h/w time do you need.
How can you reconstruct the socialized version of the husband and wife roles to fit more closely with the chosen relationship of Master and slave? (as example folks comparing their D/s to a 1950's marriage, a 1930's marriage, 1800's marriage,....)

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 5

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:34:34 PM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

Nicely stated Archer

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 6

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:40:36 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

How do you keep those roles seperate? Though I see an obvious difference in the roles this is the delima that I keep facing in my mind.

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika

The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.

Wakan Tankan Nici Un

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 7

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:52:16 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

Good afternoon,

I have been thinking about marriage and M/s relationships alot lately. For me the role of wife is very defined as is the role of slave,however; the roles are very different in some ways. As are the roles of husband and Master.

I am wondering if I am alone in this. Are there others who struggle to find the balance between being half of a married couple who is also either D/s or M/s? How do you find a balance within the roles? How do you keep the roles defined?Does one role come before the other? Why?

Thank you in advance for your imput and I hope that my inquiry made sense. (I've sat here for about an 20 minutes trying to figure out how to word this post)

PERSONAL preference ONLY;

I don't believe in the marrying of Masters/slaves; but that is just me. The only reason why my first master and I married is because he became sick with only months to live. We married for our unmentionable at that time and that was the only reason.

That is my preference as well.

I would never marry my slave because I would feel that that changed our roles. Plus I have a husband all ready, don't need another one but more slaves are good.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 8

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 1:58:16 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

we do not see these roles as being separated. i am a mother, wife/slave it is indeed a hard balancing act and we do equate our lifestyle to be that of a retro life circa 1920's maybe. before the rule of thumb was made illegal (chuckles) we are christans and incorparate that in our lifestyle, god made woman for man, making him lord over her. Not to say that a woman can not be the Domme or Top since i have had male subs myself before and am hoping to have a certain one return under my collar again. Even though Master and i are married, when we have others in our life, as we believe in poly lifestyles, that doesn't mean that i am over or above or any more important anyother slave or sub Master may have, as i fullfill certain roles in His life, that i would not be able to do with out having that legal title of wife....... to each their own, that is the beauty of this life.
~rhia~
btw welcome to CM hope you enjoy this forum as much as i have.

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 9

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 2:01:30 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

"Marraige is punishment for shoplifting in some cultures"
Mike Myers, "So I Married An Axe Murderer"

So seldom an opportunity arises to use that quote.

I dont really see them as being antithetical. Relationships are what people make of them.

Good luck!

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 10

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 2:14:35 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Bah! Marriage. That can just be waaaaaaay to permament. Atleast my belief in what marriage should be is waaaaay too permament.

M/s - worse case scenario you can just walk. Heck, you can walk when ever you feel like it. Marriage on the other hand! So complicated

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 11

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 2:45:16 PM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

Until more laws are changed a M/s, D/s relationship, long term, perhaps loving, perhaps monogamous still means that if/when one partner is ill, hospitalized, incapacitated or otherwise needs someone else to make decisions for them unless you are legally authorized to do so, you will be told to "stay in the waiting room". In a worst case scenario, if there are "unmentionables" and the female partner is ill long term, or dies, the unmentionable may or may not be taken away from the father partner - unless of course other legal papaers have been taken care of. If the slave stays home there are insurance concerns, and other work-related benifit problems, just as the gay and lesbian communities have faced all along. Gradually some states are trying to make changes, but for now in the good old US of A, unmarried life partners still have few, if any, real rights, and often the state or very unsympathetic relatives will get to make the choices that would be best made by the person who knows us best and loves us.
I know this is not the type of question you were asking, but it is still an important consideration.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 7:55:44 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer
It really ends up being a matter of what fullfils the people most. How much M/s time do you need, how much h/w time do you need.
How can you reconstruct the socialized version of the husband and wife roles to fit more closely with the chosen relationship of Master and slave? (as example folks comparing their D/s to a 1950's marriage, a 1930's marriage, 1800's marriage,....)

Oh, and just imagine trying to reconcile that it's the Master who is the wife. *chuckle*

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 13

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 8:03:58 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Eventually, the plan is for Angel and I to marry. WAY down the line, but the plan is there. I dont see there being a problem keeping our roles in check. Mainly, aside from what we then call one anotehr, if the relationship is defined before the marraige there realy isnt a reason to change that afterwards. IF I was a dominant girlfriend, and he is collared this way, I dont see why making our union legal in the eyes of the law and of God should make a different in how we interact. But maybe thats just me. I do know that some people believe that the husband and the wife have certain roles to play in a household. In that case, whose to say whichof us need be the "husband" and which the "wife"? I am the 'man' in our relationship now, so why should that change?

Im not sure that helped. I dont have a struggle, we both understand and embrace our roles as they are, so moving them to a more permanent and legally binding venue isnt a big thing.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/3/2006 10:48:39 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

How do you keep those roles seperate? Though I see an obvious difference in the roles this is the delima that I keep facing in my mind.

We all have different roles that we fullfil during the day, but that doesn't diminish that you are still submissive to your Master at heart; that you are always still his sub. In a past relationship, although I was married to my Mistress, I still felt submissive to at least some degree pretty much all of the time. I think its something that because you are asking the question, you can readily work things out with your Master. Its really a matter of communication and deciding together how you'd both like things to be.

As others have mentioned, and I truly agree with them that your legal status is important as are medical and other benefits that you may be entitled to if you were married and aren't available to you as his live-in submissive. For those very reasons, if you are committed, getting married to your master would seem to me to be a very logical thing to do! Even even if you don't marry in some states there is a common law marriage statute that will cause you to be considered as legally married without your consent, once you've been living together for the minimum length of time (which varies from state to state). The latter is something I strongly suggest you consider and investigate as well.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 15

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 5:32:53 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Ive enjoyed reading this thread.
Id never considered a time rationed D/s h/w thang. We sort of have both all the time. They fluctuate. When the D/s is in ya face! i guess its D/s space, but then there are just periods of cohabiting. But im on the look out for que's, and doing my damdest to ellicit them, by flirtin my ass off. So i would say for us, they are intertwined. The tide might go out, but it allways comes back in.
School events, are easier to attend, as wife/vanilla role. But i can serve him, defer to him still, be respectful etc etc.
So, generally they're mixed, but you can isolate them at will if you chose to.
He particularly likes to throw a real D/s challenge for me, in the vanilla community, which is a short cut, to pushing me. So you can 'play' with it too. I also return that favour. By exposing what i am to him in public, whilst he's talking to his mum on the phone is usually a good laugh.
littleone

< Message edited by Sirandlittle1 -- 11/4/2006 5:37:50 AM >

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 16

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 5:37:58 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I would never marry a slave. My sub perhaps but not if he was a slave. It just wouldn't work.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)

Post #: 17

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 5:45:31 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I'm Masters slave because I am submissive to my partner. A Master slave relationship is a very defined recognition between us that we hold and maintain dominant and submissive roles within our relationship. "Slave" also means we live in a way that involves the kinks and dynamics within bdsm.

I'm Masters wife because we got married. Being Masters wife means I had my name taken away and his name put in its place, his name being like a collar in a way, like a brand, that everyday people can recognise that I am his.

I've never had a struggle with what either word means "Slave' or "wife" to me they both mean, "I am his". What's left to think about?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 18

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 7:14:56 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I have been His property for many years. I have been His wife for almost 11 months. There is no question as to who i am in this relationship. Being married has not changed who i am, has not changed who He is........the balance as to how we live, what we do, is exactly the same. He is Master, i am His slave = That's the definition, and that will never change.

I am extremely proud to be His slave, i am equally as proud to be His wife. I can get all girly and giddy and say: We're married! when it comes down to it.......i am slave, first and always....THAT! makes me beam even brighter! i am who i always have been, being married has not changed that.

Happy Saturday...
~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 11/4/2006 7:19:08 AM >

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to nikaa)

Post #: 19

RE: Questions regarding marriage and D/s or M/s relatio... - 11/4/2006 7:41:49 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

~ quick reply ~

I don't see the problem with marriage within a D/s or M/s relationship. You are who you are regardless of what you do to cement your relationship civilly.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 20

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