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naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 10:56:41 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:09:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My standard answer- orientations are innate while expressions of orientations are learned and shaped

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?

People who use the term "natural" as in "natural submissive" however, are usually perceived as trying to be elitist.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:10:05 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		*waits for the flood of agreement*

Not that that is a bad thing.  Quite the opposite.  It's actually a quite common feeling, discussion, sentiment, belief.  Whatever you want to call it.

I think I've seen more often than not people with the same sentiment as yours towards their particular orientation.

I for one, am not.

I've always been a little confused about what I felt I was or was supposed to be.  Although on the flip side of that, I've pretty much always known that I was bisexual.  It was just something that always seemed natural to me.

Now, as for my particular orientation in regards to BDSM & D/s....

That's something that I struggled with for a while after I learned that there was such a thing as D/s and BDSM.  I stumbled upon a rather....colorful group of people on the yahoo chats on one of my sleepless romps through the rooms causing random silliness.  And despite the particular name of the room, somehow I managed to stick around and ended up befriending a few in the room.  Slowly I was witnessing online "scening".  ( And please, lets leave out the personal opinions on online scening, please, I've heard it all )

Through which I was witnessing those that were also in the "scene" irl as well.  I had a hard time coming to terms with the things I was seeing, the kinds of things that these people enjoyed, got off on, discussed, lived.

There were a few hurdles I had to overcome personally to be able to come to realize that this was also a deep down part of myself as well.  It was a gateway into that which I had been missing in my sexual life, and the further I explored and researched and talked, I was realizing a pretty big part of myself that I hadn't until then even knew how to tap into.

Now I'm more embracing of myself than ever before, and often finding out newer and newer things about myself on so many levels, and I don't expect to ever really stop finding things, or changing.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:14:22 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		hmmmmmmmmmm... I may be the only person in the world who, as a child playing 'house' with neighbor kids, was always the dog!  
 
While I'm really not into being that kind of pet anymore...I'm all that submissive, still.
 
<blushes with embarrasement at the dog part>
bearlee

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:17:40 AM   
mellomyst


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		well if its any consulation, i used to always have my hair in pigtails, chose to sleep in the dog bed wear a harness, and wanted to play at being a puppy lol

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:18:15 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

hmmmmmmmmmm... I may be the only person in the world who, as a child playing 'house' with neighbor kids, was always the dog!  
 
While I'm really not into being that kind of pet anymore...I'm all that submissive, still.
 
<blushes with embarrasement at the dog part>
bearlee


i once read an article about how a dog's tongue can reach into places thought unreachable...and how he can just keep going and going...ah...not that i would ever wish to try that though...not into animals...but the tongue thing well, it did give me pause...hehehe...~blushes back at ya~

Edited to add...that what you shared reminded me of this, and not that i thought you were into dogs in that way...just to be clear...~grinz

< Message edited by raiken -- 11/21/2006 11:19:35 AM >

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:21:34 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
ACK!!!!!!

(in reply to raiken)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:21:47 AM   
Lady Alaria


Posts: 160
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline 		hmm...
My own personal take on this, from the pov of a bisexual dominant who occasionally switches, who has intentionally experimented with a very large field of 'what people enjoy'(I even tried out watching football for a while...), I tend to think the 'I was born a natural <something>' to be a useful fiction. I think we are far more fluid than most people _want_ to be.

Useful, in that it informs someone that this is a core personality trait, and one that has childhood precedent, and is important to your self-identity. Also useful in that it validates your self-identity.

Fiction, in that I think we are far more fluid than that. We may be born with a certain set of characteristics, but I tend to think they are more primordial than 'dominant' or 'submissive'. Or 'het' or 'gay' for that matter. The traits that we use to define ourselves now are more symbolic of what we've made of our baseline traits, not those traits themselves.

But then, I'm biased. Perhaps it's just _my_ natural-born tendency to experiment and explore, and to be fluid of possibility, though defined for convenience. I could find plenty of experimental psychological work that would superficially support my position, but it's probably pretty tenuous, arguments against would be equally valid.

From examining childhood I find myself being naturally a dominant, who occasionally bottomed(I loved 'escape artist' games as a kid), and was submissive in play with her older brothers. So maybe I'm 'naturally' what I am. Complicated.

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:28:33 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :)


i don't care...flame if yall need to...~grinz~ but i have always deferred to the men in my life.  It is just me, and by lifestyle defintion, i have never been in a vanilla relationship.  i have always gravitated toward and attracted guys who were dominant.  Just never thought to question it as i grew up, just was my way of relating, and expressing myself.  There were no great epiphanies for me, upon my first intro into the leather life.  It was just about having more creative intimacy with the man in my life.

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:30:32 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

 
ACK!!!!!!



Hehehe...thought that would get a rise out of you...~playful grinz~

(in reply to Bearlee)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:31:10 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

My standard answer- orientations are innate while expressions of orientations are learned and shaped







What she said. I agree with this totally.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:40:23 AM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		i think i might have mentioned this in another thread a while back, but as a kid, though i loved being Cinderella, i much prefered to play her when she was put upon and had to clean the house. 

i've had the leaning since i was barely cognizant and had fantasies about being tied to the railroad tracks by those cliched melodramatic villians.

when i was young and uncertain i used to throw myself at boyfriends' feet when we fought and would then feel terribly hurt when they thought i was a weirdo.

it took me well into adulthood to know what i actually wanted.


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As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 11:40:38 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :)

No, I was not born submissive or a slave. I was however, raised in a home where the men were men, and the women were women ( and each had their respective roles in regards to gender ).

As I got older, and the whole debate of womens rights and equality erupted, I chose to stay with the ideas and ideals that I had been brought up with.

My first exposure to anything regarding actual D/s, M/s came when I met my first Master. He introduced me. Since then, I have been exactly where I chose to be  

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 12:14:57 PM   
LadyMarmalade1


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		I grew up a mixture, I was independant but at the same time very submissive but also a feminist.

Some how the submission started to disappear and the dominance that was always there emerged.  My sub, coca, helped it to come out completely. I feel like it was who I was always meant to be but held it back. It's interesting.

(in reply to Kalira)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 12:15:59 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		Looking back.. yes.. my orientation seems to have always been submissive.. but to say I "knew" I was a submissive way back then.. nope.. those were things you learned as you got older. :)

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My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 12:47:31 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellomyst

i have known that i was submissive ever since i can remember even it was a game of cops and robbers as kids in the playground (to be caught and told off for being naughty). i was always one to be told what to do and always enjoyed it. so i have always known that i would be trully happy to be controlled, anyone else that was born what they are? i hope noone finds this offensive, its only a question :)


Yup.

I pretty much ran my little neighborhood and my circles of friends throughout school from kindergarten to now in graduate school. It was never harsh or even necessarily what I was trying to do, I just seem to have sway over some people and I'm not a follower so its either leader or alone in a lot of cases.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to mellomyst)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 3:17:49 PM   
Hisgirlforever


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2006
Status: offline 		I have only really begun to reflect on my "play" as a child and teenager.  I was always submissive, I remember lying under the picnic table with the neighbor boy when I was in kindergarten and him being the Dr. and me being the patient that couldn't move :) I too loved to pretend I was a dog, I would wear the dog’s collar and leash and I made a tail with an old sock and I would even beg at the table for pork chop bones.

Ok I should stop before I really embarrass myself   I am just now coming to realize that being submissive and wanting to live in a household were my husband makes the decisions and is boss is ok and it doesn’t not mean I am a freak.  Ok maybe a little freaky :)

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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 3:18:34 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		have always been submissive...and have always expressed that submission, whether i wished to or not. so i don't agree that the expression of dominance or submission is necessarily a conscious choice, or even something shaped by one's environment. obviously as a child i didn't know the word submissive or what a D/s lifestyle was, i just knew that i was different. couldn't say no to people, couldn't bear to disappoint anyone, desperate to please others no matter the trouble or harm to myself.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 3:21:37 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirlforever

 I too loved to pretend I was a dog, I would wear the dog’s collar and leash and I made a tail with an old sock and I would even beg at the table for pork chop bones. 


I'm NOT the only one???  Who knew? 

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RE: naturally d/s ? - 11/21/2006 4:11:24 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

have always been submissive...and have always expressed that submission, whether i wished to or not. so i don't agree that the expression of dominance or submission is necessarily a conscious choice, or even something shaped by one's environment. obviously as a child i didn't know the word submissive or what a D/s lifestyle was, i just knew that i was different. couldn't say no to people, couldn't bear to disappoint anyone, desperate to please others no matter the trouble or harm to myself.


I'm sorry; did you think I said it was a conscious choice?

It certainly isn't for me in terms of everyday matters.

But in terms of BDSM and Ds with my slave, founding those relationships was very much a conscious and purposely thought out process but it flowed from a natural way we found ourselves interacting. We could have stopped the relationship, we could have limited our time together only to specific scene occasions but we chose to live 24/7.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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