hizgeorgiapeach
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KMsAngel
georgia, has he got some form of dementia? as dementia progresses, the person's world will shrink and shrink until they no longer do what they used to do in life. their world revolves tightly around them. think of it as a 2 yr old who is completely egocentric (but with an entire life history that YOU remember but they don't) - they can't help it, and with a 2 yr old, you don't expect any different.
it's incredibly difficult to disassociate the person NOW with the person you knew. They still look like dad, speak like dad, wears dad's clothes and smell like dad....
Dementia, no - severe brain damage from multiple strokes, starting with the really massive one 3 years ago, yes.
Lately things have taken another downhill slide. He's apparantly developing another lung infection - really, Really bad for someone who also suffers from COPD/Emphasymia - and the nurse is worried that he's on the way to developing pnumonia. In the past couple of weeks, he's gotten weaker than he was - and he hasn't exactly had a lot of strength for 3 years now since the first of the strokes.
Between his AD and his DNR, there's only so much that can be done for him, legally. The hospice company, the nurses, the doctor, even myself on several levels..... we're not here to prolong his life, or help him "get well" again.... we're here to try and keep him relatively comfortable until the inevitable end gets here. And yet, even with the AD and DNR in place, there's part of me that inevitably worries..... when the end Does get here, is someone going to say that his end was hastened because I didn't do enough, or didn't do something Right, or simply didn't Care enough?
I hate it that I end up feeling guilty over something that I KNOW is a normal emotional responce to this type of situation. I hate it that there's nothing TO be done - either to fix the situation, or to stop those all tooooo normal emotional responces.
(On the up side - at least I'm getting a Little more time off, what with currently having a semi-permanent roommate that I never intended to have. With J living here while he gets his act back together, he's been willing to deal with some of dad's crap so that I don't have it 100% on my shoulders..... and is even willing to stay home all weekend at the end of this month so I can go away for a couple of days despite not having respite time due until mid-October. Granted he's not doing so for Free - I'm going to be paying him - but at least he doesn't expect to get paid the exorbitant rate I'd have to pay a nursing center out of pocket to put dad in for 2 days, or to have sufficient hospice aides come by to make certain that things were dealt with!)
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