quote:

ORIGINAL: MissXtacee

I recently received the following e-mail,

“I am looking to be trained”


That was it, one sentence. I get so many of these one line e-mails I felt compelled to reply. I am posting My reply in the hopes that it will help some of the new sub/slaves. Here was My response:


BIGGGGGGGGGGG Snip

quote:

ORIGINAL: cellogrrlMK

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissXtacee

I recently received the following e-mail,

“I am looking to be trained”


That was it, one sentence. I get so many of these one line e-mails I felt compelled to reply. I am posting My reply in the hopes that it will help some of the new sub/slaves. Here was My response:


BIGGGGGGGGGGG Snip

Did he ever write back to you to thank you for your email? I think it was great!

quote:

I think a lot of sincere people, both submissives and dominants are pushing themselves away from real contact these days just because of the crappy people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

I think a lot of sincere people, both submissives and dominants are pushing themselves away from real contact these days just because of the crappy people.

Actually, I'd say I'm pushing away from online dating and more towards real contact.

Let me share how I do things in the hopes that it might help some people. First of all, despite the fact that my profile says that I'm not looking for a sub, I get daily offers of boys wanting to be my sub. Imagine if I said I was searching? I'd have to hire a personal secretary to weed through my mail!

Now what I say is that I'm not actively seeking a submissive. I have my boy and I have a few subs that I play with when the mood strikes. Now I am not closed to the idea of meeting someone else. But I am not seeking. So now and then, a pleasant and respectful email gets sent to me and I take an interest. Of course, that would be a note from someone who is in my area and meets some of my basic requirements. In this case, I email them back with my yahoo ID and I tell them they can either join me for a chat on yahoo or provide me with a phone number and appropriate times to call. About a quarter get on yahoo and three quarters give me a phone number. We chat once. If I get a good vibe, I'll meet for a drink (tip to Dommes and other women meeting people from online: get to know your bartender—or coffee server if you prefer meeting for coffee—as it can come in very useful when dealing with an unexpected creep!). Then I take it from there.

No weeks of online chatting. In my experience, it only creates false expectations.

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Thank you for bringing this up. I wonder how many other femdoms who are partnered and say "not looking" still keep one eye open? [...] in case some "delicious prey" comes walking by. It's much more fun to spend time doing it that way.

quote:

My biggest recommendation to subs here and on other web sites like this is to make yourself and your personality known through forums like these. Post, communicate, engage, make people laugh. Show your personality in what you post. Subs shouldn't wait to respond to threads, but create their own. Show a piece of yourself by reflecting on a past experience and asking a question related to it. Bit by bit readers get a sense of who you are as a person.

quote:

I have developed many "crushes" on people who post on forums. Mostly I keep them to myself. But if it became appropriate, I'd be much more likely to pursue someone that way than open myself up to hundreds of emails.

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ORIGINAL: GddssBella
Engage her mind. Don't drool over her pics. Trust me, BIG turnoff. Take her seriously, not just as an image to whack off to. Treat your approach to her as you would a job interview. Impress her.

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ORIGINAL: Spike1777

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: Spike1777

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ORIGINAL: onceburned

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Even if you are senidng out a form email take the time to put each Dommes name on it.

Oh, but that is so much work!!

If a sub wannabe is trying to send out 100 emails, adding in the domme's name might add in a whole hour to the process. Just how much sacrifice do domme's expect from a sub?

i think that our imaginary subie is doing great. He sends out 100 emails to 100 Dommes. He gets 50 responses and invites them all to a fetish party. 25 Dommes show up at the fetish party.

what a lucky subie.....twenty-five Dommes to serve at the party.............i wish that i was there.........

respectfully
little spike

No, what he would is maybe a guy or two who was posting as a woman. They'd show up hoping to see all the femdoms that were supposed to be there.

If you think 25 femdoms would show up for a party from 100 invites, that's crazy.

Akasha

Sobering fact is there are between ten to fifty Subs to every Domme. But if you want to party, i am a party slave/chef.

i could make something like chicken cacciatori, pasta, garlic bread, and a fresh salad. i love to cook and serve at parties. i have served a few times for my new Mistresses. Remember the ones i told you about, in my submissive forum. Actually the Mistress i was inflatuated with, introduced me to another Domme, Goddess S. Actually she was the one who took care of my first time, a little over the knee with Mistress coaching. i have a low threshold of pain in OTK but in flogging i love it. i like her alot and have invited her to my FemDomme group's play party/munch on Friday, i asked the head Mistress who said it was ok. Last week head Mistress had me and another slave dressed up (naked) in a toga assisting at a burlesque show helping a friend of hers Kitty Diggins(www.kittydiggins.com), cool i had a real great time.

i hope it works out, i like her a lot and we are in a M/s type loving relationship. Goddess is really cooooooooooooooooooool...................

respectfully
little spike

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Thanks for the post MissXtacee. It very much is in line with a post Eden and I made a while back on 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression

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ORIGINAL: fulfillherdesire

More times than I can count on two hands, I have written long emails telling all about myself. I have not included a laundry list of kinks. I include a nice non-penis pic when I have the option to attach a pic. I am not hard on the eyes, I have a great career; will be finishing a degree in 2006. I have skills (I used to be in construction). I can cook gourmet. All these things I try to do right, Spend hours writing nice articulate letters that show my intelligence, and still I get no answers. Many times I start a dialogue and it last maybe I or two letters then nothing.

So I will keep on trying. There is one Lady in this thread that I tried to start communication with, to no avail. I will keep trying. Maybe I just need to write longer letters. But...it gets very discouraging and trying. So many pros and fakes so little time......j

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

quote:

ORIGINAL: fulfillherdesire

More times than I can count on two hands, I have written long emails telling all about myself. I have not included a laundry list of kinks. I include a nice non-penis pic when I have the option to attach a pic. I am not hard on the eyes, I have a great career; will be finishing a degree in 2006. I have skills (I used to be in construction). I can cook gourmet. All these things I try to do right, Spend hours writing nice articulate letters that show my intelligence, and still I get no answers. Many times I start a dialogue and it last maybe I or two letters then nothing.

So I will keep on trying. There is one Lady in this thread that I tried to start communication with, to no avail. I will keep trying. Maybe I just need to write longer letters. But...it gets very discouraging and trying. So many pros and fakes so little time......j

Ok, not trying to be rude here, and maybe we just have different view points, but here goes....you say you cannot count on two hands the long thought out emails you have labored over only to not get answers..I have received two of your emails. ( I am assuming I am the Lady you are talking about, smiles) The first asked for permission to send me a picture of yourself. I will say I was pleased that you stipulated that it would be a g picture when you asked, BUT, my profile clearly has a directive in it that I REQUIRE a picture to communicate. So, if you cannot send a pic when initiating an email (which I do not understand why), at least you could say more than "may I send you a picture, g-rated, as I may be moving to your area.?" Now, as it was a polite email, even though I do not make a habit of answering those that do not follow directions, on the off chance that for some reason you needed to reply to one, I sent you an email saying, I require a picture to communicate so you could send me a picture. When you sent me the picture, you reiterated that you could not send one when initiating communication, then said something along the lines of I hope you like the picture, I think it shows my personality, and thank you for replying. I will tell you, it was very polite, which is a change, but that was all it said. Nothing about your interests as a person, etc. nothing about yourself at all. I was just supposed to look at your picture and formulate questions to draw you out. It seemed that, although polite, there was no effort on your part, just "here's my pic" "hope you like" "thanks for answering". What in there would garner an answer or an ongoing communication starting? I am not saying this to flame you, but to let you know what at least one Domme thought of it, so that, when you communicate with the next one, maybe there will be more evident thought put into the communication from their perspective.

It is not that I would not like to communicate with you...I just didn't see anything about "YOU", which is something I would like to know about. Because you were polite and nice, I answered you because I understood why you didn't follow the directive(which is something I rarely do). If you would like to email and tell me about yourself, and give me some info as to what makes you "you", I would like to communicate more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsPurrmeow

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Thanks for the post MissXtacee. It very much is in line with a post Eden and I made a while back on 10 Steps For Making A Good First Impression

This link is not working for me today. Has it been changed?

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I believe there might be a dynamic on the Internet (and would be interested to hear from others) where sub men may initiate contact, but expect the femdom to take the reins from there. He may send an introductary email, but it's either very short, or kind of "here I am". Even if an email exchange begins, often the sub tends to maintain a position of "what do you want to know?" or "ask me anything". It seems like the femdom is expected to assume the role of pursuer to some degree, and she should direct the conversation and ask the questions.

There is a sort of submissive "posturing" that goes on, where he essentially presents himself for review/consideration, then, hypothetically, "stands there," and waits to find out what next. Waits for the questions, her standards, her to put the gears in motion to move things to the next level or stop.

What is more rare is an introduction or early correspondence that has an equal amount of information from the sub along with questions about the femdom (not all related to bdsm), and showing a real appetite for information about her. Not much real "pursuing," if you will.

Do some subs feel it is inapprorpriate to be the one driving some of the questions, initiating conversation, offering up information that may not be solicited but is nonetheless interesting or anecdotal? Do subs prefer to offer themselves up, and let the femdom do the pursuing?

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: GentleLady

I agree that those kinds of emails can be the hardest to respond to. What I do is to reply back asking for more specific details based on what they have said. For example I would ask what kinds of corporal punishment and how often. Was the punishment a regular thing or only when it was deserved? What did the submissive do to warrant punishment and how did it make him feel? I would also ask how the submissive sees himself submitting when he lives that far away and what he is hoping will happen.

The quality and depth of detail in the answers will tell Me something about how much real time has actually been experienced and what kind of real time interactions have taken place. It also should open up other areas of specific questions. Questions about how he has been trained can be more revealing then questions about what he has been trained to do.

Hope this helps some.
Gentle Lady