RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responded to?

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RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/8/2005 7:42:36 PM

SadisticPrincess

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I have a very specific set of requirements, and a pretty clear list of NO items. I've taken to putting right in my profile that I am not going to answer one liners, rude remarks, or those that were obviously not paying attention. I've gotten over the guilt of not responding to everyone.

Honesty has to be the most-desired quality in posts. Looking for play? Say so. Looking to do Activity X while the lady wears Outfit Y? Say so. Don't tell me you are looking to SERVE me, when you really want me to wear a leather corset and play with your dick. It just wastes all our time.

There is that other category, though, the ones who get off on talking to a dominant female in any way. The ones who share their crossdressing fantasy, or their childhood spanking memory, or fill out the application on the pro website without leaving a phone number.

I know there has to be a happy medium here, where both sides can offer some level of initial communication that will lead to something more. When I do my newbie classes, I offer the idea of a cover letter. Say the basic things about yourself that the other person will want to know, without reciting your whole profile. Age, marital status, geographic location, experience level, interests in AND out of bdsm are all good things to include. If something is a MUST have for you, say it outright. I was engaged in a chat with a young man who is on this forum, and after maybe 15 minutes of dragged out IMing, he admitted to being a toilet slave. Now, wouldn't it have been easier if he had said that right off? It's fine to have one fetish that you follow, but why not cut to the chase? Why not have that listed right at the top of the profile? (and why talk to Me, when I say clearly that I do not do gs or scat play? lol)

:)Francine

(in reply to balletsissypa)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/10/2005 2:34:55 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kissmike

quote:

If She does not respond,

When searching for an answer to your muse one area of research may be in the cyclical non-responses from other Dommes?! What do i mean? i have sent thoughtful, meaningful responses/requests to Dommes following the criteria above without receiving the courtesy of a 'thanks but no thanks' in return. Possibly the responses/emails you received are from subs no longer interested in being burned by making the effort. "Writing to a brick wall" becomes tiresome after a while. We all owe it to others to at the very least provide a basic courtesy reponse if we are going to break the cycle of meaningless emails. Will this happen? Not likely but at least you will not have to post here wondering why you receive mindless oneliners. myself i have emailed Dommes here on collarme who have not returned emails so go figure.....good luck...

km

I quite agree. I always take the time to write a tailored (that is not cut and paste) and thoughtful response. I get quite despondant when I get no reply. I mean how much effort does it take to click reply and say ' thanks but no'. Not replying isn't dominant it is rude.
(Ironically, the one time I did send a one liner... I got a reply. :-) )

(in reply to kissmike)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/10/2005 5:27:44 PM

Posts: 1046
Joined: 8/29/2004
Status: offline

sarbonn: It's not worth the effort anymore trying to make contact with so many fake people.

LadyAngelika: to know your bartender—or coffee server if you prefer meeting for coffee—as it can come in very useful when dealing with an unexpected creep!

Good point, anybody can go on the Internet and say just about anything about who they are. Last year, I came across a news piece about a man that murdered his subs.

My fetish is something that can be obtained outside of BDSM with or without the involvement of sex. I don’t get bent out of shape when my messages are not responded to (the two or three that I did send out), nor would my world end if I don’t make eventual face-to-face contact with someone on this board.

As far as sending my picture with my message, I value my safety/reputation over what a stranger can do with my picture. After all, an imposter with not so good intentions could be on the other side. What if it is a foreign agent? What if it is a terrorist? A murderer? Someone stationed at my same unit?

Just as it is in the animal kingdom, a predator is intelligent and would know how to catch his/her prey. One mode of operation used by serial murderers/rapists is being the smooth talker, being able to talk to people in a way to get the later to respond favorable to the former. This is equivalent to the animal kingdom tactic used by some predators of using a part of their body as bait to lure hungry prey. (In “Finding Nemo”, there is an illustration of this via the fish with the glowing body part; it is illustrated more creatively in the Sponge Bob movie with a large fish that has a phony “ice cream lady” in its mouth). Another example could be found in the Charles Eng (???) case in California, where there was speculation/suspicion that a woman was used to lure unsuspecting men and women to their deaths in the hands of Charles Eng and an accomplice.

This can work both ways; with a sub knowing how to say the right things to get a Dom to chose him/her over another. Creeps can and do say the right things, they have to outsmart their potential victim.

LadyAngelika has a good “online to face-to-face” plan on evaluating potential subs. On the other side of the coin, the ideal sub may not know how to express himself/herself and may get overlooked – perhaps in favor of said creep. Just imagine the irony of that.

_____________________________

As long as I have a face, beautiful women have a place to sit.

http://herfacechair.blogspot.com/ & http://twitter.com/herfacechair

Final Say: http://vox-ultima.blogspot.com/2011_08_01_archive.html

(in reply to lytton)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/10/2005 6:29:27 PM

Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

Some subs seem to have a fantasy of being totally worthless.

Mass mailing one liners is just another way to prove one is indeed,not worth bothering with.

(in reply to herfacechair)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/11/2005 11:24:28 AM

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lyttonI mean how much effort does it take to click reply and say ' thanks but no'. Not replying isn't dominant it is rude.

Thanks for your opinion, but I disagree. I don't think it's rude for me to not respond when the person who wrote did not even read my profile. Most of the ones I refuse to respond to are in other countries or across the country. My profile specifically mentions no long distance or "will relocate" possibilities. I respond to all but one's that tell me they are in that situation. They should not expect a response from someone who has already stated that they won't respond to those situations.

Oh yeah, I also did not respond to the few that were married and fucking around on the side. Trust me, it's better that I don't respond, anything I would write would most definitely be rude, and I'll make no apologies for that.

Purr

(in reply to lytton)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/11/2005 3:07:55 PM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
Some subs seem to have a fantasy of being totally worthless.

Mass mailing one liners is just another way to prove one is indeed,not worth bothering with.

Now there's an interesting way to look at it!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Gemeni)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 8:25:47 AM

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

Personally I don't respond at all to one liners. Or posts that I consider to be 'mass marketing' --those that lack any personalization. They are easy to pick out. Like one time I had quickly put up a profile, stating very basic interests and finished it by saying I would update it very soon with a more details. Well I got a 'stock' response from some guy saying 'I loved they way you expressed yourself in your profile. Very thought provoking'...blah blah blah going on and on about how impressed he was with My profile. It was quite funny because I knew there was basically not much on My profile, so I felt that he was just sending out that standard email to lots of Mistresses.

I hadn't realized how many submissives feel it is rude for a Dominant not to respond. Maybe I should put a statement on My profile... "I only spend My valuable time responding to emails that catch My attention. If I haven't responded to your email, then you can try again to capture My attention, or you can assume that W/we are not a good match and look elsewhere. Thank you for your time! " How does that sound?

_____________________________

Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda

(in reply to kc692)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:01:46 AM

Posts: 46
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

well said.. I have many email that I answer daily explaining My position.. I am not looking to own a sub/slave.. Im here just to guide advise and ocassionally I take some control in a subs life, but not many even read the profiles.. great advice!!! You sound very much like Me.. I answer mails but it takes awhile. but I just found the boards and had to reply to Your message. >^;^< The Lioness

(in reply to MissXtacee)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:11:31 AM

Posts: 46
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

smiles shy.. great post yes you never know what info you can give can have a lasting effect especially to newbies in the lifestyle.. I answr any questions I can and I respond to the im down on my knees type emails too. I cant answer .. others can do that but thats not Me. not saying its wrong to not answer. thats personal prefrence. I am here to guide and advise. I will answer any questions I can.. I remember My first D/s room.. P/people took time to listen to Me , talk to Me answer My pestering questions. its those type that keep this lifestyle alive.. if I can give half back to another person Im willing to do so. take care and be well >^;^< The Lioness

(in reply to sarbonn)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:15:47 AM

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni
Some subs seem to have a fantasy of being totally worthless.

Mass mailing one liners is just another way to prove one is indeed,not worth bothering with.

When will people learn... Open note pad. Write pretty much what you want. Then save. Then paste into the email screen. I do warn you though. Read the persons profile and change the spefic parts that are related to them.

I have sent just one liners. Why write whole essays for? Dommes expect too much in the first email. I thought thats what profiles are for?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:16:02 AM

Posts: 46
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

sorry sarbonn that was to shy lol need to learn these boards. I agree though alot of sincers subs/slaves and Dominants are getting tired of teh games and the wanna bes, but for ever five players there are.. there is a sub or a real Dominant that needs advice or has questions.. that is what keeps Me . if I can help one real one among all teh players .. thats what matters .. take care >^;^< The Lioness

(in reply to sarbonn)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:32:44 AM

Posts: 46
Joined: 9/23/2004
Status: offline

smiles.. frank hang in there .. W/we were all ew at one time.. teh Lady and Mistress have given great advice.. in your profile.. just be open and honest be yourself.. dont try to be what you think the Mistress expects you to be. because the real you will always come out.. so be yourself with her from the beginning. I am sure as time goes on and you get to know Her and she you.. there will be things that will change. She will mold and guide you to what she expects. but for now go slow.. talk to P/people Dominants and submissives. dont be in a rush to be collared. and Dominants rush to collar.thats one mistake some make tha three weeks or months later the collar is removed. than there is the emotional pain to overcome . take the time to get to know E/each O/other/ if Y/you cant be good friends than you wont make a good Dominant and sub.. friendship first D/s second.. D/s is a learning process. you have a lifetime to learn. I have been practicing online for 7 years almost and just breaking out with some munches and such, but Im still growing and learning in the lifestyle.. noone knows everything. dont be afraid to ask questions. only stupid question is the one not asked. good luck and I wish you well on your journey. >^;^< The Lioness

(in reply to faithfulsub2cuck)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 11:23:34 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I have sent just one liners. Why write whole essays for? Dommes expect too much in the first email. I thought thats what profiles are for?

I, for one, dont expect an essay for a first mail but one liners show a lack of effort to me.
It may stem from disallusionment, shyness or whatever reason but if supposed to be making an effort to get to know someone through mail then I would think it is surely best to chat a bit and maybe ask a question or two. Pique the Domme's interest and give her something to reply to.
Included in this posting is advice from Dommes.... up to anyone what they take from it... seems a bit silly to ignore it all tho' if it is a Domme you wish to find.

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 11:45:24 AM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Nice legs, Oumae!

(in reply to Oumae)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 11:49:56 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

Lol...why ty LaM...... least I think its safe to say ty as no caps

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:01:29 PM

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

[/quote]

I, for one, dont expect an essay for a first mail but one liners show a lack of effort to me.

Oumae
[/quote]

I wonder what the Femdom consensus is regarding what the ideal length of a malesub's initial approach should be.

subfever

(in reply to Oumae)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:06:01 PM

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

Hmm... it seems that I need to learn how to do partial quotes here...

(in reply to subfever)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:09:23 PM

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

You took'em down? I was being serious. Like for ONCE.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae

Lol...why ty LaM...... least I think its safe to say ty as no caps

(in reply to Oumae)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 10:46:45 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

I, for one, dont expect an essay for a first mail but one liners show a lack of effort to me.

Oumae

quote:

I wonder what the Femdom consensus is regarding what the ideal length of a malesub's initial approach should be.

subfever

subfever,
If you don't put the slash in your opening tag, it will work fine. {quote} to open and {/quote} to close. I used the wrong bracket so it would show up.
I don't think there is really and ideal length. I will not answer a long email that is obviously a cut and paste that can be sent to any Domina. I will answer a shorter one that shows an interest in Me by addressing Me personally and offering something that seems sincere and makes the boy stand out. It's an individual call.
I received an email today that seemed very familiar, as did the user name. I checked My email and sure enough he had written a very similar letter on June 10th. And, yes, I keep them, because I like to be able to refer back. I answered that email, asking several questions and never got a response. I let him know today that I had already heard from him a month ago, and copied and pasted My response of that date back to him. I am willing to bet I will not get an answer. I am also willing to bet I will hear from him again in August.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/13/2005 10:48:31 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to subfever)

RE: Wondering why your e-mails are not getting responde... - 7/13/2005 11:44:15 PM

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting
I have sent just one liners. Why write whole essays for? Dommes expect too much in the first email. I thought thats what profiles are for?

Actually, if a sub reads my profile thoroughly, it's possible to actually send me a GOOD one-liner. The problem I have is when the one-liners make it obvious that they didn't bother to read it at all.

The fact that it's only one line isn't the problem. The fact that they haven't bothered to invest 30-60 seconds in my profile tells me all that I need to know. I DO respond to well thought-out one liners, because I do understand about shyness and nervousness.

Purr

< Message edited by MsPurrmeow -- 7/14/2005 10:29:17 PM >

(in reply to Oumae)

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