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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 1:19:42 PM

womyn

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Very sound advice...alas if only there were people wise and more assertive enough to communicate with their partners.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:20:50 PM

littlesui

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I was really surprised by the comments made by raised2serve - that having been raped that she found it was an experience she wanted to repeat. Given what she said, I wonder what exactly happened to her, how unconsensual the rape was and how violent her assailant was?? Having been there, my experience was anything but erotic. Although it happened a long time ago the details and images are still vivid and the fear I felt is difficult to describe - sheer terror to the point where i could no longer vocalise.

I too have been asked in the past to participate in a rape scenario and, for a Dominant I cared for, I would want to oblige but I am really uncertain how I would react and what memories and feelings this type of play might trigger. I have never been able to discuss the details of what happened and I'm not sure that I could - which is probably not a good starting point! I was asked to write a story along the scenario of a rape and ended up changing it because I simply couldn't go there in my mind. In a way I wonder whether it could be cathartic - kill or cure so to speak. Bizarrely, given my history, I do like rough sex - but maybe thats because I know, deep down, that if I said no or stop it would end - so although it's rough it's consensual.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:45:17 PM

Justme696

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If I see the work "rape'" I say "call police"
If it is not rape..call it differently.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:49:20 PM

BruisedHick

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Nah.... If I fantasize about rape, I'm not fantasizing about "forceful taking by a stranger without my express written and oral consent," I want to get raped. End of story.

Expecting others to adhere to your standard (regardless of validity in your own mind) is silly.

You don't like rape play? Don't participate. All else is deciding others' morals for them.

Have you nothing better to do?

Yours,

benji

< Message edited by BruisedHick -- 1/31/2008 3:14:08 PM >

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Post #: 64

RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:52:49 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I have never been able to discuss the details of what happened and I'm not sure that I could - which is probably not a good starting point! I was asked to write a story along the scenario of a rape and ended up changing it because I simply couldn't go there in my mind. In a way I wonder whether it could be cathartic - kill or cure so to speak.

When it happened to me, 20 years ago, I did get help. Thought it was done, gone, in my past. When bad stuff started resurfacing last year, I did write it all out, from what I could remember. I kept going back to it as I remembered details, or I remembered things that other people told me they observed. I read it over and over until it started losing its power over me. Lately I've been reading it about once a month.

Perhaps you could start with just a few sentences, and put it aside and come back to it later. I found that I felt compelled to add details as I remembered them; almost as if I did not write it down right that minute, I would forget again.

Good luck to you.

Cali

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:52:50 PM

womyn

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My my but this has been a controversial subject for all concerned. Rough sex, "rape," I say the bottom line here is open communication between the dom(mes) and sub.

End of story.

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Post #: 66

RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 2:57:12 PM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BruisedHick

Nah.... If I fantasize about rape, I'm not fantasizing about "forceful taking by a stranger without my express written and oral consent," I want to get raped. End of story.

Expecting others to adhere to your standard (regardless of validity in your own mind) is silly.

You don't like rape play? Don't participate. All else is deciding others' morals for them.

Have myou nothing better to do?

Yours,

benji

dear benji

the OP said she was scared about rape.

And as you yourself said rape-PLAY , which is soemthing else then RAPE it self
Besides that...it is word that should be used with caution. Else some one else sometime comes in here which is really raped..and you go ask her "was it good? "

so if you don't have anything to do ..... ignore me.. ;)

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 3:17:04 PM

BruisedHick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
so if you don't have anything to do ..... ignore me.. ;)

That didn't make sense, but I can deal with that.

I never said I had better things to do. Ever since Facebook appeared, I have been velcroed to my computer.

Just saying that to tell everyone to not call it rape is like the Catholics telling everyone that abortion is wrong. It is for them, but it sure aint for me.

Now, where's my coathanger when I need it?

Yours,

benji

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 3:20:10 PM

womyn

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Sorry if I sound like a broken record but I'll repeat what I said... Rough sex, "rape," I say the bottom line here is open communication between the dom(mes) and sub.

End of story.

But I do see both sides of the issue.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 3:29:53 PM

Vampyrefledgling

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I'm choosing not to write the reply that is making my fingertips itch. I will say that one should be careful with his words. Inflammatory speech will get you a response, it may just not be the one you wanted.

Womyn is right. Open communication is the only possible solution or advice to offer.

~Fledgling

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Post #: 70

RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 3:53:28 PM

MadRabbit

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I wonder how long this thread will go on before the left hand catches up to the right.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 4:06:07 PM

Leatherist

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forced by someone you know and want from-violent sex.

From a stranger-rape.

Simple.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 4:08:56 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

forced by someone you know and want from-violent sex.

From a stranger-rape.

How about a 3rd one Leather? forced by someone you know and don't want from - rape

Cali

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 5:12:37 PM

Masterjac3

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First off luv,a true Master takes time to learn about the inner workings of the sub so as to learn what she likes ,what she likes, and how fast or slow she wants her limits to be expanded,if at all. Also ther is a BIG differance between play-rape and actual rape. If he was truley a MASTER he would be in control but only of what he knows you like or want to try. Any more questions you can find me at the " Y " as masterjac3

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 5:18:02 PM

MissMagnolia

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Twue and twuely in one post??? Oh god, where is my shotgun???

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 6:13:04 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ggonknees

i think this is the idea i have around what this is (but didn't have a term for it, or was even sure it 'existed')

In other areas of life, it's generally referred to as "prior consent."

As kisshou mentioned, it's well worth making sure the two of you are on the same page here.

If not, it's likely to go to hell, and the consequences will be that you will be screwed, and dealing with the fallout from that mistake, regardless of whatever legal consequences you might want to inflict on him for the miscommunication. I've no problem with the notion of prior consent, but it's a pretty unworkable angle to give prior consent to something when you're neither certain what you have been giving your consent to, nor certain whether you actually gave it. That's a recipe for a field day in court, and it will neither be yours, nor his.

So, yeah, talk it over with him.

I've crossed the line of ongoing consent with my girl (i.e. done things that she didn't consent to at the time they happened), but with prior consent (i.e. what you're talking about; the prior decision that he can ignore the lack of ongoing consent) and with subsequent approval (i.e. got her all hot and bothered for a long time, once she recovered; and she is usually borderline asexual).

In that context, it served to affirm that I am willing and able to keep her in the role we both desire for her.

That may be what your man has in mind. But there's at least one major difference. I had known my girl for years when I did it, and real-time. You have only known him for a few months, and only a week of it real-time. If the guess is off, he's got a lot of cleaning up to do, at best. Certainly it would be a good idea for you to think carefully about how you might respond to such a thing.

Some women love it when a man is willing to cross certain lines, in effect to take what is his (rather intrinsic to M/s for some of us).

But she will still be hurt just the same if he decides to cross the wrong lines.
Do you know which lines that would be in your case?
Equally to the point: does he?

Health,
al-Aswad.

P.S.: Mentioning this issue, and also that you love punishments, makes it seem like the two of you are looking for different things.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 6:14:30 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

You can't rape the willing. ;)

Many a court has ruled differently over the years.

Health,
al-Aswad.

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We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 6:15:42 PM

sweetwenchie

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rape is no laughing matter... unless you are raping a clown.

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Post #: 78

RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 6:32:02 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesui

I was really surprised by the comments made by raised2serve - that having been raped that she found it was an experience she wanted to repeat.

It happens. It's rare. It's occasionally healthy.

Got to love the diversity of human wiring, n'est-ce pas?

quote:

I am really uncertain how I would react and what memories and feelings this type of play might trigger.

Based on how you describe it, I'd have to advise caution and tons of trust; such things can trigger more than just feelings.

quote:

In a way I wonder whether it could be cathartic - kill or cure so to speak.

It's been so for a couple of people I know, but that was done with the utmost care, and it certainly isn't for everyone.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: Rape and training - 1/31/2008 6:33:17 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I wonder how long this thread will go on before the left hand catches up to the right.

Well, it's been going on for three years, why stop now?

(Just noticed that myself... thanks.)

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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Post #: 80