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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 2:33:08 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		After baring witness to some one hundred definition threads here on Collarme.com over the last two years, I have come to learn one thing and one thing only....

There is no difference between a slave and submissive.
There is no difference between a Master and dominant.
There is no difference between M/S and D/S.
There is no difference between vanilla and BDSM.

I get that.

It's understood.

We're all just one big huge collection of organic molecules, living, breathing and holding hands with no universal differences or inequalities to fight over.

There is no need to rehash that here.

But...

Despite that fact, I still see people using these dichotomies in their writings on these boards to communicate what seems to be some ambiguously different concepts.

So given that, I think it's evident that, even though we cannot come to terms with an universal definition, we, as individuals, have noted or established some general differences in our personal experiences and have assigned those differences to these words.

If not, wouldn't it be more productive to just leave blank spaces in between the verbs in order to save on bandwidth and typing time?

Taking that a step further and asserting that these general and individual differences do exist (Don't freak out! Stay with me here!), wouldn't it be productive and beneficial if we had one thread where we attempted to share those differences without going to logical nihilism in order to better learn about the wide variety of philosophies and unique relationships out there? Imagine...a thread with some education value for newbies beyond simply "There is no difference. Your stupid for even thinking that."

Hell, if we make an effort to speak in terms of "In my lifestyle.." or "In my personal experiences..." or "According to my definitions..." and avoid taking offense simply because someone sees our chosen label differently then we do, we might be able to get through this without pixed blood being spilled on the Ethernet.

I think we can make it through one general definition thread without the Online Oracles of O and the Pixed Prefects of Perversion duking it out in a flame war over who has the "Twuest definition."

I have hope. I have faith.

So let me get us started....

These are the definitions I associate with the following words and am attempting to communicate when I write. They are also the assumption I make when other people use the words unless otherwise specified. (Note the bolded I's. Very important if your still having some inclination of ripping them apart for their unpolitically correctness.)

Dominant - The one holding the authority in a relationship that is focused in some way on an imbalance of power.

Submissive - The one giving up authority in a relationship is focused in some way on an imbalance of power.

Master - Same as above, but communicates some higher degree of imbalance of power. (I personally don't use Master in reference to myself out out of ego reasons, but use slave in it's absence to attempt to communicate the focus on a higher degree of imbalance of power).

Slave - Same as submissive, but communicates some higher degree of imbalance of power.

Top - The person performing some action that is sexual or sensual in nature.

Bottom - The person receiving some action that is sexual or sensual in nature.

D/S - A relationship with a focus on some degree of imbalance of power.

M/S - Same as D/S, but communicates a higher degree of imbalance of power.

BDSM - A label used to identify activities or relationships that fall under the umbrella of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism as well as a label used to identify people who identify with the alternative sexualities fringe community.
 
Vanilla - A label used to identify people who's lifestyles and relationships don't identify with the alternative sexuality fringe community and activities that fall outside the umbrella of BDSM.

I would love to hear about your definitions.

 

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 2:47:25 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I Like how you described it. Personally I find Top and Dominant the same (aswel as sub and bottom)

BDSM and vanilla are different ways of life...but the people in it have much in common...relation wise.
I think we often try to make ourselfs look more complex then vanilla's for some reasons.

Compliment for your work.


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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 2:50:44 PM   
BLGirl


Posts: 209
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds good to me!

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 2:51:19 PM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		Dominant is a trait but Master is a qualification.



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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 2:55:38 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Pretty much in agreement except..........
 
quote:

Top - The person performing some action that is sexual or sensual in nature.

Bottom - The person receiving some action that is sexual or sensual in nature.


My definition of those would be people who play together but have no relationship other than play. It would not necessarily have to be sensual or sexual either.

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:07:10 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Okay, I'll play along...
 
Dominant - Partner who has been given the authority to exercise control in a relationship.

Submissive - Partner who has given authority to another to exercise control in a realtionship.

Master - Either a statement of personal ownership (ie: Master to submissive) or an honorific conferred upon an individual in recognition of their accomplishments and contributions to the community.

Slave - A term interchangeable with submissive, but used as a personal preference to denote some undefined feelings of "deeper" or "greater" submission.

Top - An individual taking the active role for the express purpose of imparting any of the variety of B/D and/or S/M upon another participant(s).  This role may or may not include the exercise of control during the finite length of the scene.

Bottom - An individual who is the object of a Top's craft, which may or may not include ceding control during the finite length of the scene.

D/S - A relationship dynamic characterized by the assignment of authority to exercise control to a specific partner(s), and the responsibility to accept that control by another partner(s).

M/S - Functionally indestinguishable from D/s (and its various manifestations), but generally associated with feelings of "greater" or "more" acceptance of control from the submissive partner(s).

BDSM - An umbrella term coined for the purpose of building a sense of community amongst disparate interests that include Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism.

Vanilla - A broad term meant to include all those who do not self-identify with the BDSM community.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:07:41 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SL4V3M4YB3

Dominant is a trait but Master is a qualification.



Just asking for the benefit of discussion, what are the qualifications?

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:09:10 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Okay, I'll play along...
 
Dominant - Partner who has been given the authority to exercise control in a relationship.

Submissive - Partner who has given authority to another to exercise control in a realtionship.

Master - Either a statement of personal ownership (ie: Master to submissive) or an honorific conferred upon an individual in recognition of their accomplishments and contributions to the community.

Slave - A term interchangeable with submissive, but used as a personal preference to denote some undefined feelings of "deeper" or "greater" submission.

Top - An individual taking the active role for the express purpose of imparting any of the variety of B/D and/or S/M upon another participant(s).  This role may or may not include the exercise of control during the finite length of the scene.

Bottom - An individual who is the object of a Top's craft, which may or may not include ceding control during the finite length of the scene.

D/S - A relationship dynamic characterized by the assignment of authority to exercise control to a specific partner(s), and the responsibility to accept that control by another partner(s).

M/S - Functionally indestinguishable from D/s (and its various manifestations), but generally associated with feelings of "greater" or "more" acceptance of control from the submissive partner(s).

BDSM - An umbrella term coined for the purpose of building a sense of community amongst disparate interests that include Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism.

Vanilla - A broad term meant to include all those who do not self-identify with the BDSM community.

John


Thanks, John. I find yours to be more detailed and accurate then my own.

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:11:50 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Forgot Switch.

C-D

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:14:24 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Forgot Switch.

C-D


That's a good point. I was mostly trying to focus on the dichotomies. For me, I find switch to be the most ambiguous one of all, because I've seen it used equally to reference some kind of mixture of Top/Bottom/Dominant/Submissive/Master/Slave

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:16:32 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Forgot Switch.

C-D


Switch - A partner who either:  A) Fulfills the Dominant role in one relationship, and the submissive role in another.... or.... B) Alternatively fulfills either the Dominant or submissive role in a relationship based upon personal criteria.
 
John



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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:21:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I will simply add that one person can be ALL of those things.  Which is part of the complexity of such definitions.

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:22:11 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Indeed.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:24:46 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		vanilla's can play most roles to in the bedroom
( or would that be Top or bottom then?)

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:27:33 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

vanilla's can play most roles to in the bedroom
( or would that be Top or bottom then?)


It's a matter of conjecture, since there's no universally accepted right or wrong answer.  But in general, I would say that they were Topping and bottoming.  But they might deny that, and choose not to be associated with BDSM at all.
 
But it's true that in terms of sheer numbers, there are more vanillas engaged in BDSM than Leather folk.  They just don't call it that because they don't want to be associated with it, or they're unaware of it.
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:28:03 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		I agree for the most part except for top and bottom. The nature doesn't necessarily have to be sexual or sensual. I personally am a masochist, a bottom, and the sole purpose of the sessions is to have that pain induced adrenaline rush.... the genitals or arousal have nothing to do with it. 

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:31:47 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

But it's true that in terms of sheer numbers, there are more vanillas engaged in BDSM than Leather folk.  They just don't call it that because they don't want to be associated with it, or they're unaware of it.
 
John


I think that's why it's kind of important to include the abscense of chosen identity as the criteria for vanilla, because, with the inclusion of kink into mainstream porn, the things that we do become less and less exclusive.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:33:31 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		Dominant - someone who, in an authority exchange relationship, exerts the authority.

Submissive - someone who, in an authority exchange relationship, cedes the authority.

Switch - either someone who can fulfill both the dominant and submissive role in a relationship, or someone who can fulfill both the top and bottom role in a scene.

Master - either someone who chooses to be part of the Gorean philosophy or someone who chooses the TPE format for their D/s relationship.

Slave - either someone who chooses to be part of the Gorean philosophy or someone who chooses the TPE format for their D/s relationship.

Top - someone who is literally "on top" during a scene, who gives the sensations in a sadomasochistic sense.

Bottom - someone who is literally "on the bottom" during a scene, who receives the sensations in a sadomasochistic sense.  nb also could be the person tied up in a rope/bondage scene.

D/s - either the relationship between a dominant and a submissive or the term for the dynamic that occuers in that relationship.

M/s - the relationship that occurs between a Master and a slave, or the term for that dynamic.

BDSM - an acronym encompassing different areas of kink designed to create a sense of solidarity and community with those who identify as kinky.

Vanilla - a term used by those within the "BDSM community" to denote those who are not part of that self defining community, creating an "us and them" mentality (and in some cases a feeling of superiority amongst those who identify themselves as not vanilla)

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 3:46:41 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		You missed out Mistress - how sexist!(That was humour btw before anyone jumps)
 
Domination(Insert here Dominant/Master/Mistress/Dominatrixetc) - Authority Figure.  The only extra 'quantity' a Master/Mistress would be that they have something no one else has, whether that is an ability or property etc.
 
Submission/Slavery(Insert submissive/slave/pet/girl/boy/boi/etc) - has the authority defered from them to another.
 
Switch - a person who decides on their orientation dependant on their relationship.
 
Sadist enjoys giving pain.
Masochist enjoys recieving pain.
 
The above are orientations.
 
Sadism is the act of giving pain.
Masochism is the act of receiving pain.
Top/Bottom are the actions of play.
 
The above are actions.
 
BDSM is an acronym of Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.  They are acts used during play and it does not include orientations.  Generally used to describe a authority or kink person/relationship.
 
Kink - something unusual to an individual that they personally enjoy.
 
Fetish - something that causes sexual release in an individual when participating.
 
Vanilla - used to try and seperate BDSM for any other relationship that someone thinks isn't BDSM.
 
Fake/Wannabe - someone elses somebody.
 
the.dark.

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RE: The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions - 11/1/2008 4:06:51 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		These are the definitions I personally use... compare and contrast at your leisure.

Dominant - general term for those exerting control / authority in any form of a power exchange relationship irrespective of kinks, fetishes, etc.

Dom/me - title refering to a dominant in a consciously and/or deliberately limited power exchange relationship.

Master/Mistress - title refering to a dominant in power exchange relationship which is not consciously or deliberately limited (that is, though practical limits will exist, there is no attempt to create limitations, i.e. "no limits").

Submissive - general term for those submitting to another's control / authority in any form of a power exchange relationship irrespective of kinks, fetishes, etc.

Sub/Subbie/submissive - title refering to an individual in a consciously and/or deliberately limited power exchange relationship.

Slave - title refering to a submissive in power exchange relationship which is not consciously or deliberately limited (that is, though practical limits will exist, there is no attempt to create limitations, i.e. "no limits").

Top - an individual who takes the active directing role in a fetish play "scene".  May not necessarily be a dominant.

Bottom - an individual who follows the lead of a Top in a fetish play "scene".  May not necessarily be a submissive.

BDSM - acronym for Bondage Discipline Sado Masochism, also variously used to refer to the "lifestyle"

D/s - acronym for Dominant / submissive, may refer to power exchange relationships which are often consciously conditional in nature (negotatiated limits, limited contracts, limited in terms of time/place, etc.)

M/s - acronym for Master / slave, may refer to power exchange relationships which are generally not conditional in nature, (i.e., "no limits").

No limits - much disputed term, refers to either to submissive individuals (often slaves) who do not seek to impose any deliberate limits on their dominant, the relationship or the manner in which they serve.  May also refer to relationships which attempt to follow this philosophy, often Master / slave types.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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