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RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 2:15:40 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

i heard this and at one time was under the protection of a master how did not use me nor did he let anyone touch me. he protect me from a naive who would not leave me alone he was my friend and mentor and this was when i was a domme and i am still a domme . his kindness was so wonderful he ask nothing of me and still was an honorable man as was his wife.

mons ( it does happen anyone asking for anything esle is not there to protect you

mons

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 81

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 7:22:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Texy
Sometimes on the boards, I get the impression that people forget what it is like to be new to the lifestyle, less than a year new I'm talking about.

It's more that people in the lifestyle, even when new, holler and shout about being responsible adults who should be able to do what they want...and THEN try and say they don't possess any of the intelligence or judgement which a responsible adult should (but enough that they can choose a protector/still do whatever the heck they want).

quote:

I'm learning that collars are not given lightly nor should be taken lightly, and that process usually takes at least 6 months in real time or more before that decision can be made. Can it take less time than that? Sure, but I can't be owned until I've actually meet someone in real time. Yes, I don't get the sending a few messages over a day or two and being collared on collarme. Along the same lines, I don't have a to be collared by anyone right now to be happy, but hey, I'm still newish!

People can and do give and take collars lightly all the time. What matters is that everyone understands what it does mean for them in that moment and what expectations come along with it.

quote:

I'm learning that I have to take care of myself and be responsible for myself. How can I take care of someone else and their needs or take direction from someone else if I can't even manage to take care of me?

To me this is another case of "How did you get through so much living life withOUT knowing this already?"

Diversion:
I suppose that's why so many get into "this" and then think it's such a bigger/cooler deal than vanilla life- somehow they got away with not knowing all those basic life skills and understandings before "this." Then they get into "this" get all these great dawnings and realizations (which to me are really life basic common sense stuff) and think it's somehow all due to being part of "this."

The only good news being that life eventually shows them that being into "this" won't solve anything and won't make it any easier to be who you are or maintain a solid long term relationship.

I guess if people just admitted right off that they don't have the skills that a responsible adult should have and shouldn't really be getting into "this" yet, I'd be a lot more open and accomodating.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Texy)

Post #: 82

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 7:37:44 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I guess if people just admitted right off that they don't have the skills that a responsible adult should have and shouldn't really be getting into "this" yet, I'd be a lot more open and accomodating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. It's big girl/big boy pants thing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 83

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 7:46:31 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I guess if people just admitted right off that they don't have the skills that a responsible adult should have and shouldn't really be getting into "this" yet, I'd be a lot more open and accomodating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. It's big girl/big boy pants thing.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 84

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:19:01 AM

CitizenCane

Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Titles, rituals and protocols don't necessarily have any correlation to character, experience or ability. Nor do they indicate a lack of these things. There are perfectly honorable and upright doms who mentor, train or protect submissives- and also predators who make the same claims. There's no simple set of terminology that will tell the two apart- and, sadly, even a period of close personal interaction may not do the trick. There's no substitute for keeping your eyes open.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 85

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:20:54 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I guess if people just admitted right off that they don't have the skills that a responsible adult should have and shouldn't really be getting into "this" yet, I'd be a lot more open and accomodating.

This is exactly how I feel about it. It's big girl/big boy pants thing.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

If someone has the ability to effectively pick a protector, then how come they just can't pick a dom? If you suck at picking a dom then wouldn't it be logical that you'd pick a sucky protector?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 86

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:26:51 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
If someone has the ability to effectively pick a protector, then how come they just can't pick a dom? If you suck at picking a dom then wouldn't it be logical that you'd pick a sucky protector?

Some times protectors are just good friends who are watching out for your well being, it has nothing to do with picking a top. Don't be judgemental, just becuase you have not needed someone to 'protect' you, doesn't mean you won't or that you should judge others who do appreicatre someone keeping an eye out for them.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 87

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:28:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
Some times protectors are just good friends who are watching out for your well being, it has nothing to do with picking a top. Don't be judgemental, just becuase you have not needed someone to 'protect' you, doesn't mean you won't or that you should judge others who do appreicatre someone keeping an eye out for them.

Why not?

Why the need to call someone a "protector" instead of a "good friend helping out"?

Why the need to have a "good friend helping out" rather than just be a mature responsible adult with "good friends"?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 88

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:28:53 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I wasn't judging...just asking a question that seems logical to me.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 89

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:29:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
I wasn't judging...just asking a question that seems logical to me.

To be clear, I totally am judging.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 90

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:30:59 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I am judging too. I think that adults should not act like children who need parents. It just perpetuates the entire subs are weak thing.
Aileen, I will protect you. I hope you don't mind a doggy collar for your collar of protection.....

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 91

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:35:47 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Mmmmm...bow wow katy.
I wasn't judging because, personally, I could care less.
It's not something I would ever do. I tend to like to choose the people that I interact with.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 92

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:37:29 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why the need to call someone a "protector" instead of a "good friend helping out"?

Because that's not nearly as romantic.

quote:

Why the need to have a "good friend helping out" rather than just be a mature responsible adult with "good friends"?

Personal responsibility is out. Codependance is in.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 93

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:39:25 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

My parents are protective me(even at my age), but they are still my parents.

Not my 'protectors'.

My children are protective of me also - but they are my children.

If someone needs a protector and naming them as such, that is trying to remove personal responsibility.

And that isnt healthy.

And judging isn't 'wrong' - it's how we shape our own lives because we are viewing through our personal morality. Telling someone what they can and can't do however, when they haven't asked for it (non consent) is placing ones morality on someone else, and that is wrong.

But that's just simple opinion

Peace

< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 5/30/2007 8:40:31 AM >

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 94

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:48:18 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Why the need to have a "good friend helping out" rather than just be a mature responsible adult with "good friends"?

It's nice to have good friends who care enough about you that they've "got your back".....it's altogether different to need to have "protectors" to get you through normal, everyday life. I would think that dating and forming relationships should fall under the everyday life category and wouldn't require "protection". If one is not adult to date or form reltionships without having "protection", I would think it would be fair to say that they are not ready for adult social interactions.

Yeah....I'm squarely planted in the "judgmental" category.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 95

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:50:22 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Yeah....I'm squarely planted in the "judgmental" category.

If we ever get bored we can start a thread for judgmental betches!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 96

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:56:24 AM

astarri

Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

This is to all the "I'm a grown woman and do not need anyone's help" ... that is great.

I would ultimately like to say that i am the best person that i could ever be and i have nothing else to learn in life. Reality, however, is that yes i am lacking a few skills that i probably should have learned when i was younger and i certainly have more to learn as i age. In some areas i am very competent and am able to guide those around me lacking in those skills.

For example ... the big picture often eludes me but i am able to help people with the "in the moment" particulars that many get lost in. I see nothing wrong with leaning on people when you need to or being leaned on. It is reciprocal and hence a relationship.

I have never had the need or desire for a protection thingy but to each their own.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 97

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 8:58:52 AM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri

This is to all the "I'm a grown woman and do not need anyone's help" ... that is great.

I would ultimately like to say that i am the best person that i could ever be and i have nothing else to learn in life. Reality, however, is that yes i am lacking a few skills that i probably should have learned when i was younger and i certainly have more to learn as i age. In some areas i am very competent and am able to guide those around me lacking in those skills.

For example ... the big picture often eludes me but i am able to help people with the "in the moment" particulars that many get lost in. I see nothing wrong with leaning on people when you need to or being leaned on. It is reciprocal and hence a relationship.

I have never had the need or desire for a protection thingy but to each their own.

Yes........we all have and need our friends. Friends are one thing, but what we are talking about here is something other than friendship.

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 98

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:00:00 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

The next time someone takes a shot at you, or stalks you, harasses you, etc then you ladies can come and talk to me. I take a LOT of personal responsibility, I have guy friends who took on the role of 'protector' on their own; I'm glad to have them look out for me and for my son. Why the term 'protector' because its an accurate term for them, most of the time they are called 'big brother types.'

Since NONE of you have the right to judge, you aren't sitting behind a bench, look at yourselves. If you were stalked, etc YOU would want someone to look out for you as well. I just lucked out to have guy friends who care that much for me.

Grow up, ladies. Everyone is as lucky as you are to have avoided trolls and stalkers.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 99

RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:00:35 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I would like to ask those who feel a need for protection if they feel the same way regarding meeting, dating and forming vanilla relationships? Do you see the same need for it there...and if not, why do you think this is any different and would require such?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to astarri)

Post #: 100

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