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need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:14:18 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

I guess it would seem that I would post this in the "ask a sub" section, but really I don't want to hear from yet another happily collared sub that I should just be patient....(nothing against all my subbie sibs.. just feeling super jealous tonight

)
Im damn tired of being patient actually. I've waited a very long long time to find the right Dom for me, and my patience is growing thin. So instead, I think I will try and engage the other side of my brain and try to run from the lonelies that way this time.

So tell me Guys, what can i ACTIVELY be doing to help narrow down the scope, cut to the chase, and get on with things already to find my Dom? Of course I have a profile here, i've met a few local Dom's ( or Dom wanna be's as the case may be) I am a little afraid to start attending events locally by myself. I have reached out to a few couples, but they all seem to be poly and frankly that ads another dynamic into the mix so don't feel completely trusting about what im hearing there either.

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, with my frusteration. I have this tendancy to hold it together.. hold it together... hold it... and then say Fuck it! and go and do something stupid. I know though, that in this case, that could be a very costly mistake.

thank you for your time,

octavia

Ps. at what point can i get some sprinkles or something for that damn vanilla thing in my avatar?

< Message edited by octavia -- 5/31/2007 8:15:23 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:30:38 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I am not a submissive, but I am a woman and I am very,very, single.
Soooooooooooo, that being said.

Be patient, enjoy your life and do all the things you can do to be happy.
Have you fullfilled ALL your educational and personal dreams at this time?
Are you ALL that you can be?
Life is not made up of all the big events, it really is the day to day events that matter.
Don't do anything stupid!
Okay, I see you are in Oregon, but there must be munches/parties/events you
can go to in Oregon or nearby.
Continue to hang out here, continue to post, continue to put yourself out there,
as much as you feel comfortable.
If you have the "means" to travel, you can certainly go to some nice large BDSM
gatherings on the West Coast or even the East Coast.
Keep your chin up!
Your life is going to be what you make it.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 5/31/2007 8:33:36 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 2

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:35:11 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Your profile is 11 days old

Try patience

Your profile is also very bland.... fill it out a bit more.

As for the cone...
1-24 = Vanilla
25-49= Curious
50-74 = Newbie
75-99 = Kinky
100-199 = Indecent
200-299 = Twisted
300-399 = Deviant
400-499 = Perverted
500-999 = Corrupted
1000-1499 = Wicked
1500-1999 = Evil
2000-2499 = Deranged
2500+ you'll have to wait and see

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 3

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:42:51 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

Your profile is 11 days old

Try patience

Your profile is also very bland.... fill it out a bit more.

As for the cone...

thanks for the cone input.
As for the patience thing. My profile may be 11 days old, but i have been waiting for over 11years. The fact that it has taken so long is 100% my fault, got distracted by a vanilla marriage. Didnt realize, just finding myself, blah blah blah. The point is I already know about the patience thing.. am trying to be patient, in the mean time, i (like many men) do better if i have something active i can do. Thats why I posted here asking for input.

Ps. if one more person posts for me to be patient.. i will spank my damn self.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 4

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:46:32 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Spanking yourself might be fun.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 5

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:47:46 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

...Have you fullfilled ALL your educational and personal dreams at this time?
Are you ALL that you can be?
...going to be what you make it.

Thank you! Yes i know, and I am trying very very hard to stay focused on becoming the me I want to be. I am pursuing my dreams. Some times it really stings when Im doing that and Im surrounded by others doing the same who have others.. and I turn with my joy to share and... there is no one to tell.
thanks for your input and encouragement

octavia

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 6

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 8:53:59 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Anytime, we need to support each other here.
Stick around and let us know how you are doing.
I don't want to minimize your frustration either.
I don't like the fact that I don't have someone special,
but I have to wait until I do.
Keep your chin up.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 7

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 9:25:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Don't wait, just be. Go out and be active, meet people in all areas of life. Announce to the world that you're open, happy and completely fulfilled as a single person.

That's usually when life fucks it up by presenting you with a great new relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 8

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 9:27:48 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

lol

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 11:47:21 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't wait, just be. Go out and be active, meet people in all areas of life. Announce to the world that you're open, happy and completely fulfilled as a single person.

That's usually when life fucks it up by presenting you with a great new relationship.

ROTFLMAO! That is so very true LA! I gave up trying to look so hard as well...got slapped real hard with a wonderful girl. :P

Be patient kid....your time will come. Now go spank yourself.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: need some encouragment... - 5/31/2007 11:58:02 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

The point is I already know about the patience thing.. am trying to be patient, in the mean time, i (like many men) do better if i have something active i can do. Thats why I posted here asking for input.

Ps. if one more person posts for me to be patient.. i will spank my damn self.

Well, you better wind up your spanking arm, cause here it is.

You just said, yourself, that you have not been ready over the last eleven or so years...you "got distracted" by a marriage (that's some distraction!) and have found that you took a bit of time to really wake up to who you are. While you were going through all of that, the whole universe was patient with you. You were on the path, but not awake, or awake and not on the path...and the whole being of creation sat and watched and said "It's cool, be where you are right now."

So, now that you are awake AND on the path (or at least you feel that you are both these things), you want an Umpa Lumpa and you want it NOW, Daddy! Yeah, I know how you feel. And it does not always feel good.

Practice offering those feelings up to the person you might one day offer up all sorts of icky feelings to, and meanwhile, do your best to follow your bliss from where you stand.

It might not be the advice you wanted, but maybe people keep giving it to you because it's the truth.

Oh and, PS, what makes you think you can hide from the happy subs in this forum, anyway? (wink)

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 11

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 12:54:21 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

So are you a man or a woman. You say, like many men, but your profile says female. I am thinking perhaps many men was a typo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

i (like many men) do better if i have something active i can do. Thats why I posted here asking for input.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 12

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 2:18:22 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

I guess it would seem that I would post this in the "ask a sub" section, but really I don't want to hear from yet another happily collared sub that I should just be patient....(nothing against all my subbie sibs.. just feeling super jealous tonight )
Im damn tired of being patient actually. I've waited a very long long time to find the right Dom for me, and my patience is growing thin. So instead, I think I will try and engage the other side of my brain and try to run from the lonelies that way this time.

I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, with my frusteration. I have this tendancy to hold it together.. hold it together... hold it... and then say Fuck it! and go and do something stupid. I know though, that in this case, that could be a very costly mistake.

thank you for your time,

octavia

Gotta love honesty! It can be frustrating when you see all those who are owned telling you to have patience, that a good one will come along.

So... Let me say this....
All those times when your patience has grown thin and you've made those ~stupid~ mistakes (yes, we've all been there, some of us more then others

) it's those stupid mistakes that we need to learn from.

Good Dom's as we know dont grow on trees. You cant go shop for one at the Dollar Store either. (stupid mistake # 128409800)

The best revenge is to live well. Enjoy and pursue your passion for other things.
Eventually one will turn up ... or not. And the best part is you wont really care!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 13

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 2:38:42 AM

m0rgan

Posts: 403
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

there are no answers, the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, and the only way to eat an elephant is;

one bite at a time!
kiss some frogs along the way, or desparation will lead you into stupidity, read some books, join some clubs, go to munches, do online stuff for practice! whining gets fuck all, smell the flowers on the journey, sometimes you step in dogshit while doing that, but you wipe it off and keep walking, looking for the unicorn. good luck and best wishes is all i can offer, sorry.

_____________________________

download this, the girls voice will make you damp--->

http://www.saab.com/main/GLOBAL/en/download_release_me.shtml

a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou,
beside me, in the wilderness, were paradise enough!

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 14

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 2:58:48 AM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

So are you a man or a woman. You say, like many men, but your profile says female. I am thinking perhaps many men was a typo.

Im a girl. Was mentioning that i like to take action. Not a real fan of bitch about it, then bitch about it when nothing changes.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 15

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 4:34:35 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

You mentioned being a bit afraid of starting to attend local events. Are you able to email any of the organisers and ask if they would be willing to meet you one afternoon for a coffee so that when you do go to a munch you will already know someone?

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 16

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 4:36:52 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

But you are bitching about it...

It was you that entered & remained in a marriage where you were unfulfilled. It was you that fell into a grove & traveled it for X amount of years & now... all of a sudden you jump out of this rut & suddenly you expect immediate gratification of having your very own dominant & curse the subs who have their own? The D/s world doesn't owe you back wages for time served in the vanilla world.

Many of these girls spent the last 11 years (or more) actively looking for their dominant & they have every right in the world to carry on about how wonderful life is with their partner.

First tip... dump this shoulda, coulda, woulda attitude & live in the present.You can't change those 11 yrs & if you continue resenting them & yourself for existing in them... you'll carry so much negative energy around that you will repel any dominant you encounter. You are accountable for your actions & choices.

I have been aware of my role for 20 yrs now. In all those years I have not had one sub after another... I spent many years single. Yeah, imagine that... a non-pro, fairly attractive, female dominant who isn't into financial or material gain was completely single for several years because I couldn't find a submissive that matched me in those special ways that so many like to talk about. So while I was single I continued to work on improving myself. I built friendships. I did many things & had many wonderful experiences that I wouldn't trade for an instant & then one day... I finally met someone to share all that I had become with.

You may not want to hear it but it is the one thing you need to hear & apply to your situation... be patient. SO there... you didn't hear it from

quote:

yet another happily collared sub

you heard it from a dominant.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 17

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 4:46:42 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Im a girl. Was mentioning that i like to take action. Not a real fan of bitch about it, then bitch about it when nothing changes.

And this bitch-about-it-inaction thing is something you attribute to women in general?
Perhaps Im not getting the gist of your meaning, but it seems like you are saying "Im unlike other women in that I prefer to take action." That, coupled with this last statement suggests you are saying that "women bitch about things instead of taking action". I just want to understand your implication.

I would also caution against equating "having patience and working on yourself" with "not taking action". In my own experience, and under certain circumstances, I have found them to be about as dissimilar as possible.

Being still, present in the moment and remaining open may not seem like a "doing" (and there is certainly something to be said for stillness and presence as intentional non-doing) but it can be, especially for those who don't find this sort of being a naturally comfortable thing, quite a feat.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 18

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 6:02:43 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't wait, just be. Go out and be active, meet people in all areas of life. Announce to the world that you're open, happy and completely fulfilled as a single person.

That's usually when life fucks it up by presenting you with a great new relationship.

Yes, the Universe has quite the sense of humor. Sick, sadistic, though - but still a sense of humor.

To the OP - as a man, I was instantly attracted to a woman who was able to play the slugbug game, hold a serious conversation and yet make me laugh me by dumping her half-finished plate of lasagna on mine while I wasn't looking - just because I said "Yes, I'd like to try some of that..." She had her stuff together, she was obviously intelligent, well rounded and in the end, an extremely compatible person that I chose to own and call my own. We're still together after 4 years, married, did the Brady Bunch thing and all that.

The moral? I liked a woman who was herself, who knew who she was and who wasn't pining or so obviously desperate for a relationship.

This is the time for you to be YOU to find out about yourself. Your profile says you're looking for someone to "bring out the submissive side." I would counter by saying that what you will find is that when you know your submissive side by knowing yourself, you'll find the "dominant, brilliant, sexy Lover" you seek.

Good luck to you.
Kindest regards,
EO

_____________________________

Some of my thoughts on Ownership:

http://extremeowner.blogspot.com/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: need some encouragment... - 6/1/2007 6:18:27 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I can speak to this from two very different places. A few years ago I felt a compulsion to couple. I felt that having a partner was something that was missing from my life and that somehow my life was worse because of it. It was a boohoo no one loves me sort of thing. Things have changed. Here's what I've done: 1) changed the way I think; 2) made myself busy with other things. I can pretty much say at this point that I enjoy being by myself. I never thought I'd be able to say that AND mean it. I'm busy working two jobs and that really cuts down the time I have to worry about being single and no one choosing me or wanting me. And in the process I've found that by focusing on things that are important to me it has made me a calmer, more controlled person. If/when an awesome person steps into my life.....I think I'm ready.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

Post #: 20

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