stella40
Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline
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Thank you both to Lady Pact and Diurnal Vampire... you've both inspired me to come up with the words I really wanted to say here. Very wise words indeed.
You know, words are very beautiful things. If they are put together with enough thought they can make us sound eloquent, articulate and informed. They can arouse thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, experiences, which can be pleasant, unpleasant, downright disgusting, funny, offensive or enlightening.
Words are also very beautiful because they are universally available and they come cheap. And words that aren't backed up by either reasoning, thought or action not only stay cheap, they become worthless.
I've read the OP a few times, and realise it can be taken in any number of ways. I've also read the responses and subsequent postings which confirms that the OP can be taken in any number of ways.
I have no doubts as to the veracity of what is being written, it's all true, and no doubt everything what has been stated are experiences which are first hand knowledge to any and every Domme who has a profile on Collarme.
I by my own unique position don't feel addressed by the OP. Despite falling into the submissive camp, my position here is neutral.
The OP disturbs me. It disturbs me for a number of reasons.
It disturbs me to think that what is being written about, all the situations, are the single most predominant ones in the experience of the poster. She is right, of course, in what she writes, and is also perfectly within her rights to post such views on this forum. However...
..it also disturbs me that she has chosen to generalise, to attempt to classify male submissives in such a fashion. Yes there are many who no doubt fit these stereotypes, but I'm also sure that there are just as many who don't. There are those who have responded with the view that aside from the Domme they are forming a relationship with they don't have to defer to any other Domme. And do you know what? They do have a very valid point to make here.
But what is equally disturbing, if not more so, is how the OP poster sets herself up as the Spokeswoman For All Dommes. This is yet another generalisation, and one I feel that most Dommes here, including many of those Dommes who spend many hours here writing very interesting, informative and intelligent postings, don't need. And there are such Dommes, this forum on Collarme is so blessed to have so many of them in abundance, I've already given two such examples, and be sure I can come up with many more. I can also come up with another list of such Dommes who don't contribute to these forums, Dommes who have messaged me privately, who have gone out of their way to express kind words.
I could, if I wanted to, come up with a counter posting and write about the trends among Dommes who feel that all they need is a suitable title, a profile on Collarme with a suitable photo showing the suitable attire with a suitable flogger or riding crop to demand and expect deference from all and sundry, but I won't.
I won't because I know that for everyone BDSM is a learning curve, and that includes me. And yes, not just submissive men make those mistakes found in the OP, I guess all submissives at some point make such mistakes and I have been one of them. And I guess that many Dommes have also made mistakes too in their experiences.
I won't because I'm not here to preach to the masses, I'm not here to dwell on the mistakes of others, I come here looking for the good in others, and I am rarely if ever disappointed.
Therefore I'm not in anyway offended or upset by the OP, in fact I see it as a rant, and being honest I feel it's a very well written rant. Really. I feel the OP poster should have her own column in a national newspaper or Sunday magazine.
I won't also because I respect myself and through this I respect other people. Sure I've had disappointing experiences, I get abusive messages from time to time, but I find better than to rant and rave about such experiences to all and sundry I'd much rather say to myself 'oh well', let go, and move on. In my opinion people here come to read more interesting postings than me bitching and whining about other people.
But that's just me, who I am, and the way I feel. It doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has to be like me or even remotely similar.
There is no contract here in BDSM, there are people, there are roles, both dominant roles and submissive roles, and there are people who play these roles better than others. There is more than enough respect to go round for everyone, but as with love, charity, kindness and so on respect starts with the self, not with other people.
I may be mistaken, but I feel that respect, or lack of respect was the single most fundamental issue of the OP. Personally I feel that respect isn't tied to who you are, or even who you say you are or claim to be, respect comes through in the way you perceive yourself and project yourself to others.
Therefore if you feel that you are not being respected, rather than posting (as some people do on these forums) it may simply be better to pause for reflection and ask yourself why. Or just simply accept it as a part of the whole BDSM experience and move on.
_____________________________
I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)
If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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