Favorite Silly Jokes?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Favorite Silly Jokes?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Favorite Silly Jokes?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/15/2007 7:52:50 PM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Some jokes are so bad they're funny.

Here're two of mine (the coffee is incidental):

"Waitress! This coffee tastes like mud!"
"Well it should, Sir--it was just ground this morning!"

"Waitress, I'll have coffee, no cream."
"I'm sorry, Sir, we're out of cream--could it be without milk?"

OK--your faves?

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/15/2007 9:48:37 PM

Posts: 631
Status: offline

The Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says:
"Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The hot dog vendor takes the $20, puts it in the cash drawer, and closes the drawer.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master.

To which the hot dog vendor responds:
"Change must come from within."

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/15/2007 10:31:26 PM

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

1: Do you remember your first blowjob ?
2. Yup.
1. How did it taste ?

And part two for those who can think on their feet :

2. I dunno, what were you eating down there ?
1. Under where ? (underwear)

And then a real life one. Sitting around with my Buddy Ron.

Ron : She is a nice chick but I have to teach her how to give head.
Me : Ha, now how the hell can you do that ?

Thinking I busted his balls real good because he is straight, he had the ultimate comeback. It wan't even verbal. He made the motions like he had her by the hair and was pumping her head up and down on himself. I don't care how politically incorrect this may be, but it is true and we were totally ROFL.

When did I ever care about politically correct anyway ? Hell I been clotheslined three times.

'Pushing the envelope since I got here'

T

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 12:21:30 AM

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

whenever someone is telling me their bad luck story i cut in and say the line from Young Frankenstein : "It could be worse, it could be raining". they dont find it funny but i do.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 7:46:33 AM

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

A man walks into a doctor's surgery (same start, variations below)

Man: I can't stop thinking about the green green grass of home.
Doctor: I see. Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Man: Is it common?
Doctor: It's not unusual.

Man: I'm convinced that we all live in a yellow submarine.
Doctor: Sounds like Beatles disease.
Man: Can it be cured?
Doctor: We can work it out.

Man: I can't help being a dedicated follower of fashion.
Doctor: Sounds like you've got the Kinks.
Man: So what's the cure?
Doctor: You really got me.

Man: I keep treating everyone like a hound dog.
Doctor: Ah that would mean you're an Elvis type sadist.
Man: So how can I stop this?
Doctor: Don't be cruel.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 7:52:35 AM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Where do watermelons go for Summer vacation?.....John Cougar's Melon Camp.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/16/2007 7:53:14 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to stella40)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 7:54:11 AM

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 8:42:24 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Oh, that reminds me....

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick...

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 2:37:28 PM

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

A young man inherits his grandfather's farm. He's not really interested in farming, he just loves tractors. So he starts a collection of tractors, buys two,... three, and then a fourth. Meets a local girl, they fall in love, and get engaged. A week after they get engaged he buys another tractor on credit. Only now he's spending so much time with his tractors he's starting to neglect his fiancee. She becomes unhappy. A month later she catches him trying to buy another tractor, so she gives him an ultimatum, 'It's either me or the tractors.'

He breaks down, he loves her. But he also loves tractors. So he agrees to go into therapy. The shrink suggests he sells the farm and moves to the city. So he does this.

So the couple move to the city and he becomes a fireman. Goes through all the training. His fiancee becomes so proud of him and they decide the date of the wedding a few weeks after he finishes training.

About a week before the wedding there's a big blaze in a local factory. Six crews are called to the blaze, including everyone from this man's fire station. They manage to evacuate the factory, the people are all outside watching the fire and the smoke and the fumes.

Suddenly the young man drops his hose and runs into the factory. His colleagues try to stop him but he fights them off, and he enters the factory, through all the flames and the fumes and the smoke, and he gets to the centre of the factory and he starts to inhale, and he breathes in all the fire, the flames, the smoke and the fumes until it is all gone, then he staggers back out of the factory, into the car park and blows all the fire, the fumes and the smoke out of his lungs.

The fire is extinguished. All the other firemen are amazed at this, and just stand around staring and scratching their heads.

The young man's fire chief rushes over and says, "Well, that was truly amazing. How did you manage to do that?"

"It was easy," the young man says, "After all I'm an ex-tractor fan."

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 3:02:25 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I apologize in advance....I am so, so sorry.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?.....Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?.......Tame way...Unique up on it.

_____________________________

(in reply to stella40)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 3:14:13 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/28/2007
From: Fredericton, New Brunswick
Status: offline

Q: What's long & hard on a redneck?

A: The second grade.

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 3:50:46 PM

Posts: 77
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline

There were two muffins in an oven. The first muffin turns to the other and says, "Man it's hot in here." The other muffin replied, "OH MY GOD! A talking muffin."

There were two cows in a field. The one turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that mad cow disease." To which the other replied, "Yep, that's why I'm glad I'm a chicken!"

Why don't Asians have phone books? Because there's too many Wins and there's to many Wongs and you might "Win the Wong number."

(in reply to MarkMinette)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 3:53:36 PM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Three monks decide they're not cut out for the religion business, and after much discussion, decide to open a flower shop in a small village.

Maybe it's St. Francis or something, but they excel at it--so much so that they soon start developing experimental plants. Business is good--great even, and they land a military project for a secret weapon, man-eating plants.

Sometimes luck turns her back, however. One day, the village children (kids will be kids) break into the off-limits greenhouse--and the man-eating plants devour them all.

The village can't tolerate this, of course. They hold a town meeting, and nominate the largest, strongest man they have, Hugh, the blacksmith, to "run those rogue clery out on a rail"!

Which brings us to the moral...

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

(in reply to MarkMinette)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 5:04:09 PM

Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline

Quasimodo is being chased down the street by a gang of children. "I haven't got your ball!" he cries out.

Quasimodo walks into a bar and orders a double Scotch.
"Bells?" asks the barman.
"You mind your own business." Quasimodo replies.

A mother finds a pile of BDSM magazines under her 14 year old son's bed, so she decides to confront him about them the moment he gets home from school.

She shows him the magazines and demands, "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"Please Mum," he replies, "Can I have a spanking?"

< Message edited by stella40 -- 6/16/2007 5:07:38 PM >

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/16/2007 6:19:20 PM

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

whats yellow, lives in the refrigerator, and is dangerous?

shark infested custard!

kitten, who giggles at this one every single time

(in reply to stella40)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/17/2007 3:05:35 AM

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

It's the aniversary of the first printing of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", and the clerics of the cathedral decide to hire a quasimodo lookalike to ring the bells for six months, to celebrate this fact. On the first day, A hunchback turns up, and he seems to have the perfect look about him, so he's immediately asked about his campinological skills. He runs up the belltower, ang begins swinging from clapper to clapper, kicking the bells, and generally playing out the most complex of peels. The Clerics watch all this from a cctv set up, and they decide that they have their man. The hunchback, in an attempt to seal the deat then headbutts the largest bell, making it ring louder, and swing further than it ever has before. The crowd, that has gathered around the cathedral begin cheering wildly, and as the hunchback turns to his new found fans, the bell swings back, and clips him on the back of the head, shunting him our of the belltower and into a 140' drop.
The crowd parts as the hunchback hits the paved courtyard below, and the police, and clerics, both rushing to the scene, arrive there simultaneously. The policeman asks the clerics "Did you know this man?"
"Well," they replied "His face rings a bell"

Oh dear, wasn't that bad...
but wait...

The next day, despite the fact that the Clerics had had to take a page advert in Le Monde cancelling their previous advertisement, another knock at the door brought with it.. the same Hunchback? After a few shrieks of fear, the man explains that he is the twin brother of the man who died yesterday, and goes on to explain that ringing the bells at Notre Dame had always been their dream, and had his brother got the job, they'd actually have taken it in turns, without the clerics knowledge. He knew they weren't looking for anyone any more, but he pleaded for the chance to live out his dream, especially in the light of what happened before. Hesitantly, the Clerics agreed, and before they could say another word, He runs up the belltower, and begins swinging from clapper to clapper, kicking the bells, and generally playing out the most complex of peels. The Clerics watch all this from a cctv set up, barely peeking out from between their fingers. Finally, the brother headbutts the largest bell, making it ring even louder, and swing even further than it had yesterday. The crowd, that has gathered around the cathedral begin screaming now, and as the hunchback turns to see what the matter is, the bell swings back, and clips him on the back of the head, shunting him our of the belltower and into a 140' drop.
The crowd parts early as a second hunchback hits the paved courtyard below, and the police, and clerics, both rushing to the scene, arrive there simultaneously. The policeman asks the clerics "Did you know this man?"

"Well," they replied "He's a dead ringer for his brother"

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to adoracat)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/17/2007 3:29:10 AM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Three guys are caught by a tribe of headhunters in deepest darkest africa:
A black guy
A middle eastern guy
a very white norwegian

The headhunters walk up to the black guy and start pinching him all over, oohing and aahing---

the head man says, here is the deal, we are going to boil you alive eat and your heart. Now, you have a fine ebony skin, very delicate---and your bone structure---
Well, we could bone you and stretch your skin out and make a canoe fit for a king, so in honor of this, we will give you one last request....

Give me a knife, the guy says...
Knife????? confused, they go OK
He slits his own throat, saving himself the agony of boiling alive.

They go up to the middle eastern guy and it is the same routine---pinching poking--

the head man says, here is the deal, we are going to boil you alive eat and your heart. Now, you have a fine bronze skin, very delicate---and your bone structure---
Well, we could bone you and stretch your skin out and make a canoe fit for a prince, so in honor of this, we will give you one last request....

Give me a knife, the guy says...
Knife????? confused, they go OK
He slits his own throat, saving himself the agony of boiling alive.

They go up to the white guy

the head man says, here is the deal, we are going to boil you alive eat and your heart. Now, you have a good thick skin, big boned --
Well, we could bone you and stretch your skin out and make a good bang around canoe for a hunter or something, so in honor of this, we will give you one last request....

Give me a fork, the guy says...
Fork????? really confused, they go OK

Repeatedly stabbing himself in the chest he cries out, 'FUCK YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN CANOES!!!!'

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to RubberWitch)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/17/2007 6:21:09 PM

Posts: 101
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, you need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."

So.......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "

Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"

Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells
back,"Ma - There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, and then starts yelling,
"Ma - Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/17/2007 7:04:39 PM

onmykneesforhim

Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse screamed and cried for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the   chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, she searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length rope hoping she still had time to save her friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.  After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, she too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save her life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift her out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled her up and out, saving the chicken's life.

The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral!)

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/17/2007 7:19:10 PM

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Hahahaha... i do not have one to share... but that was funny!!! (Also makes me glad i shave)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Eldritchdancer)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games >> Favorite Silly Jokes?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.047