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RE: Limit or Preference - 6/18/2007 11:48:28 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Hi,

On the 1st part of your post, I pretty much agree with what has been said and can only add that my own tollerance for pain can fluxuate greatly depending on my head space, my life at the time and my health.

On the 2nd though I will share a tale of caution.

I come from a rather varried background and learnt quite young how to shut down in the face of unpleasantness that I percieved was beyond my control and to just accept. I also spent some time as a working girl and am very apt at "performing as expected", the better I was , the more I was percieved to be getting off , the quicker it was over.

Sir and I had discussed these parts of my background; and he had shared me before with very plasant outcomes. This was the second time round with this particular couple and it was a great experience the first time. However,I had my reservations as this meeting was under entirely different circumstances and though I was told that nothing would procede unless I was comfortable with it, I disbelieved him; my history said there was only one way this would go ... sex was a given and being shared would be part of this. So when everyone was heading down this path, I saw it as a given and when he checked on how I was feeling I just accepted it as happening. From the outside anyone would have said I was having the time of my life, yet inside I had just shut down and was putting on the "expected performance". He was just another to be pleased, it was Sir's wishes and mine did not count.

I was unprepared for the resentment I felt ... that this man; my Sir who had become so important to me could be so like so many others, so I told him what a bastard he was...

OMFG unprepared for the storm that followed was an understatemant ... "I had betrayed him by with holding my feelings" ... "I had discarded his trust in me to be honest" ... "I had no faith or trust in his judgement or his word and the proof was that I felt the necessity to decieve him" .... "If he had wanted to damage me or destroy our relationship he could have found more direct ways than arranging what he thought was a play session that we were both looking forward to and conscenting in" ... but the big one "If he did not care about how I felt and did not want to take that in to account when making decissions than why the hell would he ask me and check that everything was ok during the evening ..." The final depth was when he asked "what sort of relationship did I envisiage us having when he could not trust me, where was the respect in this relationship" ...

I look back on this and wonder how I managed to get out of that huge hole I dug for myself and thank all the powers that be that he let me back in and did not just cast me there and then. I have made a lot of mistakes along the way and my growth and learning have been staggering, yet I still rank this one as one of the worst mistakes I have made with the biggest repercussions for our relationship because I abused and damaged the trust in the very foundation of our relationship.

I actually did what I was accusing him of. I disregarded his feelings, his words, his care of me. I went ahead with actions with total disregard for anything he had said and with no thought of the consequences of my actions. I was the victim that became my own nightmare. It still amazes me to look back and see how easy it was to change sides, and how it happened without me even noticing.

Hope this helps




_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

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warm smiles to all

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/18/2007 1:02:06 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Actually there are no other women involved...Master wants to see me with other men...sorry if there was any confusion...

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to taintedgypsy)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/18/2007 1:13:43 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy

Hi Hi,

On the 1st part of your post, I pretty much agree with what has been said and can only add that my own tollerance for pain can fluxuate greatly depending on my head space, my life at the time and my health.

On the 2nd though I will share a tale of caution.

I come from a rather varried background and learnt quite young how to shut down in the face of unpleasantness that I percieved was beyond my control and to just accept. I also spent some time as a working girl and am very apt at "performing as expected", the better I was , the more I was percieved to be getting off , the quicker it was over.

Sir and I had discussed these parts of my background; and he had shared me before with very plasant outcomes. This was the second time round with this particular couple and it was a great experience the first time. However,I had my reservations as this meeting was under entirely different circumstances and though I was told that nothing would procede unless I was comfortable with it, I disbelieved him; my history said there was only one way this would go ... sex was a given and being shared would be part of this. So when everyone was heading down this path, I saw it as a given and when he checked on how I was feeling I just accepted it as happening. From the outside anyone would have said I was having the time of my life, yet inside I had just shut down and was putting on the "expected performance". He was just another to be pleased, it was Sir's wishes and mine did not count.

I was unprepared for the resentment I felt ... that this man; my Sir who had become so important to me could be so like so many others, so I told him what a bastard he was...

OMFG unprepared for the storm that followed was an understatemant ... "I had betrayed him by with holding my feelings" ... "I had discarded his trust in me to be honest" ... "I had no faith or trust in his judgement or his word and the proof was that I felt the necessity to decieve him" .... "If he had wanted to damage me or destroy our relationship he could have found more direct ways than arranging what he thought was a play session that we were both looking forward to and conscenting in" ... but the big one "If he did not care about how I felt and did not want to take that in to account when making decissions than why the hell would he ask me and check that everything was ok during the evening ..." The final depth was when he asked "what sort of relationship did I envisiage us having when he could not trust me, where was the respect in this relationship" ...

I look back on this and wonder how I managed to get out of that huge hole I dug for myself and thank all the powers that be that he let me back in and did not just cast me there and then. I have made a lot of mistakes along the way and my growth and learning have been staggering, yet I still rank this one as one of the worst mistakes I have made with the biggest repercussions for our relationship because I abused and damaged the trust in the very foundation of our relationship.

I actually did what I was accusing him of. I disregarded his feelings, his words, his care of me. I went ahead with actions with total disregard for anything he had said and with no thought of the consequences of my actions. I was the victim that became my own nightmare. It still amazes me to look back and see how easy it was to change sides, and how it happened without me even noticing.

Hope this helps




i have to tell you...that when Master 1st suggested me being with other men in His presence it kinda took the wind out of my sails...I thought *MAN!...another guy that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself*...i just can't seem to get that mindset out of my head....


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to taintedgypsy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/19/2007 11:03:11 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav


i have to tell you...that when Master 1st suggested me being with other men in His presence it kinda took the wind out of my sails...I thought *MAN!...another guy that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself*...i just can't seem to get that mindset out of my head....



bringing this one back up because it obviously correlates with your current topic on love and sexual monogamy. your Master wishes to share you physically with other men, you view this in your mind as him not feeling you are "worth" keeping to himself. these are your feelings, not his, based on your unique emotional wiring.

i'm in a M/s dynamic where my Master shares me regularly with other men. if he did not find me to be a slave of great worth and value, he would never share me as he would be too ashamed to do so. it is because he finds me to be so valuable and special that he finds such great pleasure in having me serve others, in "showing off" his training and having these men remark to him on what they feel is the high quality of his slave. it's a pride thing, in addition to being a matter of perversion, which is a whole other topic. bottom line...your Master may wish to share you because he finds you worth sharing, something he can boast about and take pride in.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/20/2007 10:05:23 AM   
gemy


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		okay, i was reading along and all was good, then i got confused.  the op said her Master wants to share her with other Men.  somewhere along the line sharing the op with a girl came up.  sharing a sub with Men has totally different emotional and sexual responses then with another girl.  for one thing, if the op is not bisexual, the playing field has drastically changed. so, where did i get lost?

gemmie

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/20/2007 3:35:58 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hey guys... Master just left about 30 mins ago...He  ennded the session before i had the oppurtunity to use my safe word...my head is kinda fuzzy right now for some reason so i'll write more laer...

< Message edited by imthatacheyouhav -- 6/20/2007 3:44:48 PM >

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/20/2007 3:59:02 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

#2...Master would like to see me with other men...He has described this to me and definetly wants it to happen...oddly...before He had a chance to tell me this...i  had told Him how that kind of thing really bothers me. You see i have issues with "not being wanted"....i am and have been working on that its better than it ever has been but is a process. so when He said He wanted to "share" me...i was like...*oh great!... another man who doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself*.... He says thats not even close to what He is thinking when He envisions sharing me... He says its like He has this great Corvette and He wants to see other men drool over it or whatever ...LOL so...Master is not pursuing this because of my hang up...i feel really bad about that...He has wanted this kind of thing for a long time...i think He wants to "change my mind" about the .."oh great another man that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself" before He were to have me actually be with other men.....Master seems to view it as a limit ...i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling...because i am bringing Him pleasure by obeying Him...so whose limit is it anyway? because like i said...i'll do it.....and is it really a limit ?.....


If this was me, this would constitute me putting what I want on the back burner until the issues were dealt with. I would consider my orders to be harmful towards you.

The next question would be "What can I do to help you overcome your own issues and mindset regarding this?"

However, unfortanely I cant speak from experience so its hard to give advice, but perhaps a suggestion would be baby steps.

Rather than jump headfirst into sharing you with another man, I would probably ask for help from a friend to set up a situation that was intimate and sexual, but not directly sexual.

Then when it was over, I would do everything in my power to reinforce the fealing that you are in fact still wanted and desired by me.

Please keep in mind that I am breaking my own rule of trying to speak only from experience in regards to advice and this purely a hypothetical suggestion.

_____________________________

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(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/20/2007 6:01:24 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav
#1 ...
I have decided that i would like to ask Master if He would indulge me in some extreme (well extreme to us anyway)play the next time Him and i are together for atleast an overnight...if He agrees i would beg His indulgence to allow me to suggest a senerio. If Master allows that i would suggest Him beating me..bound...not bound...both...it matters not, but to get me to the point that i say my safe word...He is very leary of playing too rough...He vocalizes this and i can tell by His body language and expressions...i would like to show Him where i stand as of now with my pain threshold. So Master will know where it is instead of "wondering" where it is ...and if He chooses to build on that then of course he can...
 I don't think that's the way I am supposed to use my safeword.  There's a difference between 'I can't take anymore pain.' and 'I think you've amputated my finger.  We need to put it in some milk and go to the hospital.'  When I get to the first point, I don't have the right to stop the scene.  When I am physically or emotionally harmed, I can stop the scene with my safeword.  I'm not sure why you would ask your Master to push you to the point of physical or emotional harm, so I think maybe you use it differently. If you are trying to find your pain tolerance, then I think experience and experimentation are your best options.  That doesn't -have- to involve being beaten until you safeword out, but it could.
quote:


#2...Master would like to see me with other men...He has described this to me and definetly wants it to happen...oddly...before He had a chance to tell me this...i  had told Him how that kind of thing really bothers me. You see i have issues with "not being wanted"....i am and have been working on that its better than it ever has been but is a process. so when He said He wanted to "share" me...i was like...*oh great!... another man who doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself*.... He says thats not even close to what He is thinking when He envisions sharing me... He says its like He has this great Corvette and He wants to see other men drool over it or whatever ...LOL so...Master is not pursuing this because of my hang up...i feel really bad about that...He has wanted this kind of thing for a long time...i think He wants to "change my mind" about the .."oh great another man that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself" before He were to have me actually be with other men.....Master seems to view it as a limit ...i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling...because i am bringing Him pleasure by obeying Him...so whose limit is it anyway? because like i said...i'll do it.....and is it really a limit ?.....
 That's not how I would define a limit for myself.  A limit is something that -will not- happen.  Like...I will never molest an UM.  It won't change.  It won't be pushed.  It's not happening. I think it's a very fuzzy area.  You think this will hurt you, but you are willing to do it.  So should you define limits as things you are not willing to do or things that will harm you?   I think for me it is better to define limits as things I will not do under any circumstance and leave the rest of that gray area up to my Dominant.  I would do something that would harm me for my Dominant if that's what he requested.  I would never cross a limit for him or any other person. I find the idea of being shared hot so it's hard for me to relate to how you are feeling.  My dominant does NOT want to share me and sometimes that makes me feel insecure.  So we're in different boats in this regard. I do hope that you request a lot of discussion before under going something that you think may harm you.  

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/22/2007 12:57:09 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		  This is an acct of a scene i had with Master Weds June 20th
i'm not a writer as you will be able to tell from this acct. i was only attempting to put the experience in words.


                                                                                                                                                    He called me and said "I'm almost on your street." I hung up the phone and got on my knees, forehead to the floor and waited, naked and kneeling. I heard the door open. I heard my Masters foot steps, and then His voice. He said "very nice." I was shaking, not out of fear, but just from the excitement of being in His presence. He asked me "who is your Master?" i answered *You Master* He asked me "who owns you?" i answered *You do Master* my head was swimming...i was barely able to stay down i had so much energy running through me. Master inspected me for a moment...running His hands over my back, putting both hands on my bottom feeling its shape. Master lifted my head by the hair and kissed me and told me He loved me. Master wanted to move to my bedroom, so i put my hand up for Him to lift me from my knees. Master looked down at me and said "no, crawl." i was shocked, but just lowered my head and began to crawl down the hallway to my bedroom. When i got to my bedroom door i stopped and knelt there. Master looked down at me and said "open the door" i did ..He went in 1st and i followed still crawling, and shut the door behind me. Master had me kneel at His feet, He was almost straddling me, in fact He was straddling my head. I was kneeling my head between His ankles and my hands wrapped around His ankles....He began to talk to me...and then the whipping started.Master began to whip me with a long solid wooded stick(dowel) about a half inch around. some of the strikes caused me to "see" something that resembled floating pieces of broken mirror. When some of the strikes would cause me to rise up, Master would put His hands between my shoulders and push me back down to the floor. Master used the wooded stick on my bottom and upper back thighs then switched to His belt. Masters belt is a fairly heavy leather belt and hurts... Master (having me in the same kneeling position with me holding His ankles) started to whip me with the belt.... He stopped after a time and examined me...Master noticed some blood had been drawn so He ended the beating. i didn't know this at that time though...i just knew Master had stopped and i heard Him leave the room( i was still kneeling) i heard Master coming back down the hall and when He came in the room i felt Him approach me...He had ice in His hands and put the ice on my wounds. Master looked at me and said "Thats farther then i wanted to go with you." ( i was to use my safe word this day if i needed it) after a few moments master stood in front of me and undid His pants. Master grabbed me by my hair and shoved Himself in my mouth. Master treated my mouth as if it were my p*ssy. He had me move down to His testicles and had me lick and suck them until He came. Master then had me get on the bed belly down and He started flogging me. my back, my freshly wounded ass, and upper thighs. i LOVED the flog and almost was in a hypnotic state from the rhythm of it....then Master changed to His belt and the pain intensified again....Master...then laid with me...held me...made love to me...made me cum so hard i think i did pass out for a sec.... GOD i love this man....PLEASE God...don't let my heart get broken

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/22/2007 5:51:26 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling...because i am bringing Him pleasure by obeying Him...so whose limit is it anyway? because like i said...i'll do it.....and is it really a limit ?.....



It is neither a limit nor a preference. This is codependent behavior, going against a deep emotional issue to please someone else. It is controlling behavior, extremely manipulative in a passive way. Doing this to please your Master is off-the-charts unfair to him, and dooming of the relationship.

So you do this one thing one time to "please" him. What will you do next? And after that? And then what? It is a continuous and vicious cycle. You martyr yourself and eventually you will have explosive feelings of contempt for this man whom you only want to "please". He will be confused (and most likely annoyed, at the very least) at your behavior, you will become even angrier at his less-than-nurturing response, and in the end you probably comfort yourself for awhile before the next "explosion".

He thinks the situation has resolved itself, but it is only in hiding, waiting for his next command that seems, to you, less-than-loving. He doesn't know how you feel about it since you have martyred yourself for him. All he knows is that you agreed to do it in times past and so you must be ok with it. It is a fair assessment on his part.

So, my dear, my best advice is to get over yourself. Tell him, be frank, and if it pisses him off after you've explained it fully, or if he insists on it anyway, perhaps you should withhold play until you both understand each other better.





_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/22/2007 7:05:35 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		you did well in describing the scene hon, you were obviously overcome and very spacy by the end!

I don't find any alarm bells in this account ... I usually try not to draw blood but sometimes it happens and I am sure that's what your Master meant when He said it was farther than He intended to go. you didn't safe word so I'm guessing you have a high tolerance to pain ... and your Master wisely decided He would not continue to push. That is entirely within His discretion and I find it reassuring that He made this choice. He took care of the wound with the ice - again, good, it shows He is a caring Dominant. I would have avoided that area with the flogger - mainly as I wouldn't want to risk contaminating the leather with blood - less of an issue if it is only ever used on you and no other subs and He presumably cleaned it afterwards. The sexual part ... well obviously He enjoyed what He did to you and you have consented to the sexual nature of the relationship ... my Master gets excited when He spanks or flogs me too! i love finding Him so aroused by that. And He held you and loved you ... I hope He stayed around long enough to make sure you were well grounded before He left you. So I am a bit confused as to the last statement ... why are you in fear that your heart will be broken? Or is that an inbuilt response in you due to previous relationships? I think you've still a long way to go in rebuilding some self-esteem ... that takes time and a willingness to shed old baggage and consciously exercise a new way of thinking about yourself.

Good luck hon!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Limit or Preference - 6/22/2007 9:31:48 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

you did well in describing the scene hon, you were obviously overcome and very spacy by the end!

I don't find any alarm bells in this account ... I usually try not to draw blood but sometimes it happens and I am sure that's what your Master meant when He said it was farther than He intended to go. you didn't safe word so I'm guessing you have a high tolerance to pain ... and your Master wisely decided He would not continue to push. That is entirely within His discretion and I find it reassuring that He made this choice. He took care of the wound with the ice - again, good, it shows He is a caring Dominant. I would have avoided that area with the flogger - mainly as I wouldn't want to risk contaminating the leather with blood - less of an issue if it is only ever used on you and no other subs and He presumably cleaned it afterwards. The sexual part ... well obviously He enjoyed what He did to you and you have consented to the sexual nature of the relationship ... my Master gets excited when He spanks or flogs me too! i love finding Him so aroused by that. And He held you and loved you ... I hope He stayed around long enough to make sure you were well grounded before He left you. So I am a bit confused as to the last statement ... why are you in fear that your heart will be broken? Or is that an inbuilt response in you due to previous relationships? I think you've still a long way to go in rebuilding some self-esteem ... that takes time and a willingness to shed old baggage and consciously exercise a new way of thinking about yourself.

Good luck hon!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

yeah i noticed i kinda trailed off at the end of the acct also...i should rewrite that because the love making afterward was fun...my bottom wasn't where i got the cuts..it was the upper back part of my thigh so the flogger was SAFE!...LOL and i don't know if it's possible for me to have a more caring Master...we were talking under a shade tree in the park yesterday and Master told me that He loved me...and that was more important to Him then any of the other stuff we do...Master left a few minutes after we finished...with in about an hour of Master leaving...i got incredibly sad...almost manic...i can't explain it...but it SUCKED BALLS....i actually felt that i was just not meant for this...that i am in WAY over my head...almost like "what was i THINKING?" i was convinced i didnt want my Master anymore...and was gonna just stop all this silliness and go back vanilla. I couldnt form a cohesive thought if you paid me...i'm not sure exactly why i decided to take a nose dive into insanity but i was much better by morning...my eyes looked like TOTAL crap from me crying so bad ...but i was much better in the morning. I also got to see Master the day after the whipping for a couple of hours ...it was very nice.......so...over all i liked it

< Message edited by imthatacheyouhav -- 6/22/2007 9:34:05 AM >

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 52
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