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RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:08:59 PM

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Do you feel that you will be embarassed with your cousin in this? What is it that you feel besides feeling she broke her word... which I personally question... given the fact that she gave her word on something based on a deception from her mother. What would you do if you were in your slaves position?

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:10:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

The thing that worries me, is, if things continue merrily along and at some point later she says "I'll do whatever you decide ultimately, but this is the situation: _________________" how can I take that with any faith? I'm sympathetic given the situation, but plans and commitments were made.

If she is naturally submissive, then it is likely that she is not "selectively" submissive. Many submissives find it hard to say "no" especially to people who exert authority and influence over them. Part of your task as a Master is to help her to work her way through precisely such situations as these, to help her to work out priorities, and to trust your judgement as well. It's too early in the relationship to expect these things to come with "pat" solutions. Life is full of shades of gray. You can just Dominate here, or you can exercise your influence and gain her respect and trust, but you probably can't do both

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:10:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her

Actually, she used to lock the door as soon as she'd get home simply to get away from her. She is being guilted into this by her mom. He used to go through all her belongings. I met him, he wouldn't even make eye contact, shake my hand, or introduce himself to me.

quote:

you said you have never even met this cousin!! , how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her???

Since when it being a Master about making the best decision for her? I thought it was about making the best decision for us as a Master/slave couple. It's not always easy following through with that. When she doesn't want to do somthing, or is in a tough spot, I'd love to be able to get out of that situation of having to decide what to do. If I allow her to get out of commitments to me, or to her role as a slave, time and time again, how does that even help her if being a slave is what she wants to be? It seems to me that it dishonors us both and what we say say we stand for as a couple.

I dont see how makeing something already hard on her even harder so you can go to a party of someone you havent even met is makeing the best dessision for the relationship (heck you could go without her no problem it doesnt really effect you exept you have to go alone) seems you where makeing the desision that made you happiest no matter how badly it effected her....

((takes a deep breath deep deep breath))

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:11:47 PM

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I can understand how you feel. I really can... but to push right now... with everything as it is... not enough time away from the family dynamics and such a short time with you... well... this is where maturity and life situations sometimes overrule the M/s dynamics unless you want her to choose between you and family right at this emotional moment.

(in reply to LadyHeart)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:12:17 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You look at it like life sometimes throws a curve ball at us we didn't expect or plan for and you compensate. Does she respect you at other times? Look at the relationship... only you can do that. If she challenges you in other ways... consider that after this evening is dealt with. Building up anger and questions and such with just this one problem might be going overboard. The way I see it... she was lied to and she is now put is a bad situation and all her love and loyalties to everyone is challenged. I don't know how old she is... but that could be a factor too.

She is 26 if I remeber correctly

Magik's slave

That's correct. She's 26, I'm 31.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:15:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I dont see why she needs to be punished it seems like she was put in a rather sucky unfair situation and did the best she could.. from what I see her party turned out to be running later and his party turned out to be starting earlier and he wanted her to go to her party and leave fast even if that ment not seeing her grandfather at all?? Maybe Im sensative because my gradfather just passed and all I have is my Nana now and Im very close with her I dont get to see her much and if Master where to tell me I couldnt see her on a specail occasion a rare time I get to see her I would have reacted much the same!!

Magik's slave

And I understand that, and personally I would've just said I understand and go to my party, but he wasn't exactly taking that for an answer. So instead of him raging around for weeks possibly being an ass and feeling betrayed it's best to calm down, talk it out, and if he feels she deserves corner time or whatever, it will be over and done with and they can move on with their lives.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:18:42 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Do you feel that you will be embarassed with your cousin in this? What is it that you feel besides feeling she broke her word... which I personally question... given the fact that she gave her word on something based on a deception from her mother. What would you do if you were in your slaves position?

Yes, since the relationship with my cousin is new and we were invited to meet her family and friends, it's embarrassing to say the very least. I also can't go because it's in an area she's familiar with driving, and I'm not. See, I normally drive a pretty new car but since it's in the shop I have an old junker I'm driving and the GPS goes with the new car. I also find it harder to navigate the roads at night. Additionally, I lived most of my life until 2007 in a town that has no freeways and is on an island so this sort of driving is all new for me. I really need that GPS crutch if I'm going to go anywhere adventurous and new to me. So it turns out both of us aren't going, and she knows that.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:21:22 PM

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Is there a reason you couldn't go with her to her family gathering and then have left to go to your own. Could have avoided all this had that happened. Can you ride with someone else?

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:22:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart
If she is naturally submissive, then it is likely that she is not "selectively" submissive. Many submissives find it hard to say "no" especially to people who exert authority and influence over them. Part of your task as a Master is to help her to work her way through precisely such situations as these, to help her to work out priorities, and to trust your judgement as well.

This is a very good point. I hadn't considered that maybe she is just a pushover to people in general. Unselective submissive is how I personally define doormat. My mom is like that. I don't want that. When you try to please everyone at once, you do a less than half assed job for all conserned and just wind up stressed yourself. Thumbs down to that. Any ideas on what can be done to keep someone from being unselectively submissive, or, can anything be done?

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to LadyHeart)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:23:08 PM

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See your upset with the whole situation is getting cloudy because now you cannot go to the party you wish to go to and that in itself angers you. I really hope you all can work this out... but fact is... you're a big boy... you can drive even in a new area in the dark and cost one hundred dollars for the gas if that party and standing is that important.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:24:11 PM

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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Ask for directions???? Map Quest it??? Go with her to her grandfathers party leave there together at the end and show up at your cousins party a little late??? Or compromise take the amount of time (how late you would be if you stayed the entire time at her grandfathers) and devide that in half then leave that amount of time early and be that amount of time late?? there are ways to compromise!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:24:32 PM

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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That's an easy one... you make her safe with you... guide her into feeling stronger as she learns maybe for the first time to stand up for herself. Sometimes you giving her permission to be strong and having a foundation with you will make her strong.

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:25:24 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Is there a reason you couldn't go with her to her family gathering and then have left to go to your own. Could have avoided all this had that happened. Can you ride with someone else?

It's a 1.5hr drive each way, in the opposite direction as where she is. Also, the family gathering was set to start 1.5hrs before my cousin's. I suppose there is some chance I might have been able to get a ride, but it seems like a big imposition for a drive that far.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:26:52 PM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Do you feel that you will be embarassed with your cousin in this? What is it that you feel besides feeling she broke her word... which I personally question... given the fact that she gave her word on something based on a deception from her mother. What would you do if you were in your slaves position?

Yes, since the relationship with my cousin is new and we were invited to meet her family and friends, it's embarrassing to say the very least. I also can't go because it's in an area she's familiar with driving, and I'm not. See, I normally drive a pretty new car but since it's in the shop I have an old junker I'm driving and the GPS goes with the new car. I also find it harder to navigate the roads at night. Additionally, I lived most of my life until 2007 in a town that has no freeways and is on an island so this sort of driving is all new for me. I really need that GPS crutch if I'm going to go anywhere adventurous and new to me. So it turns out both of us aren't going, and she knows that.

No one can pick you up? how about a cab?

All that has been said are true about family relationships, especially between moms and daughters...it can be ugly, and you feel you have no choice. If you can't go to your party, I'd take the time to think all this out. If this is the first glitch...I would just find a way to move past it....she probably feels bad enough. She's probably going through the party miserable worried about returning to you. If you can manage it, call her, let her off the hook, and save the anger and disappointment for another real offense.

If you can't do this, I still think it's best to talk to her, and if you feel punishment is necessary, do it...then move on...don't sit around letting this fester and possibly taking it out on her in even worse ways.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:28:44 PM

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That's a tough situation and I am sorry you are both in it... but I really don't see where it can all be blamed on disobeying you and breaking her word. Yes maybe she did... but if you love her... you need to understand all of her even when it is a real pain in the ass... otherwise... there won't be a lot of hope for the relationship. Just as you are testing and questioning the situation and her... she is of the situation and you.

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:29:38 PM

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHeart
If she is naturally submissive, then it is likely that she is not "selectively" submissive. Many submissives find it hard to say "no" especially to people who exert authority and influence over them. Part of your task as a Master is to help her to work her way through precisely such situations as these, to help her to work out priorities, and to trust your judgement as well.

This is a very good point. I hadn't considered that maybe she is just a pushover to people in general. Unselective submissive is how I personally define doormat. My mom is like that. I don't want that. When you try to please everyone at once, you do a less than half assed job for all conserned and just wind up stressed yourself. Thumbs down to that. Any ideas on what can be done to keep someone from being unselectively submissive, or, can anything be done?

You haven't been together all that long, from what a previous post stated. But isn't it your job to make her a strong confident slave? and a strong confident person should follow

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to akbarbarian)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:32:02 PM

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

See your upset with the whole situation is getting cloudy because now you cannot go to the party you wish to go to and that in itself angers you. I really hope you all can work this out... but fact is... you're a big boy... you can drive even in a new area in the dark and cost one hundred dollars for the gas if that party and standing is that important.

I probably could if someone's life depended on it, but my driving skill really isn't that safe when I'm at a disadvantage. It just doesn't seem worth the risk if I don't have a navigator, or the GPS. It's a lousy time to have my car in the shop. I could be a "big boy", overestimate my current ability, and rear end someone on the road while trying to figure out where I'm going or I could play it safe. I'm learning the road, but it takes time. For those who haven't lived their lives in a town with no freeways, you have no concept. Frankly, I'm amazed that when I arrived I could drive in CA with an AK license. I am extremely unqualified behind the wheel, but at least I know this and take precautions.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:32:50 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

That's a tough situation and I am sorry you are both in it... but I really don't see where it can all be blamed on disobeying you and breaking her word. Yes maybe she did... but if you love her... you need to understand all of her even when it is a real pain in the ass... otherwise... there won't be a lot of hope for the relationship. Just as you are testing and questioning the situation and her... she is of the situation and you.

She is damed if you do damed if you dont kinda thing and it is sucky that he is makeing it worse, so is her mom, but if this continues no matter who did what he is going to have one broken and hurting slave!!!

OH and Lockit check your message box on the other sideof CM you got mail!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:34:40 PM

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Do you feel that you will be embarassed with your cousin in this? What is it that you feel besides feeling she broke her word... which I personally question... given the fact that she gave her word on something based on a deception from her mother. What would you do if you were in your slaves position?

Yes, since the relationship with my cousin is new and we were invited to meet her family and friends, it's embarrassing to say the very least. I also can't go because it's in an area she's familiar with driving, and I'm not. See, I normally drive a pretty new car but since it's in the shop I have an old junker I'm driving and the GPS goes with the new car. I also find it harder to navigate the roads at night. Additionally, I lived most of my life until 2007 in a town that has no freeways and is on an island so this sort of driving is all new for me. I really need that GPS crutch if I'm going to go anywhere adventurous and new to me. So it turns out both of us aren't going, and she knows that.

No one can pick you up? how about a cab?

That would run me about $100 each way.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to DrkJourney)

RE: Being loyal to your word - 7/7/2007 7:37:29 PM

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
She is damed if you do damed if you dont kinda thing and it is sucky that he is makeing it worse, so is her mom, but if this continues no matter who did what he is going to have one broken and hurting slave!!!

I don't like the situation myself. Can you tell me how, specifically, you think I'm making it worse and what exactly I could do in detail to improve things for us both?

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

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