quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Like I said discapline is teaching, I think what should be done here is talking lots and lots of talking there is no substitute for it, are you looking for an ok to punish her well that is a different thing and no i dont think punishment would do anything but make things worse spanking her grounding her putting her in the corner, will further any resenment she feels, your best recorse at this point is communication! You came here looking for us to agree with you that your slave was all wrong, but the truth is that isnt the case many people take the blaim here and you are one of them, I dont see why punishing her will do any good!!

Magik's slave

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
This is a M/s relationship that is approaching four months old.  What do I do in such a situation?  What would you think of it, as a Master, or as a slave?

I think you guys still suck at communicating without a lot of passive aggressive tug of war going on and not much listening without fear at all.

I think making "promises" before hearing the whole situation is stupid.  I think needing her assurance that she'll obey what you decide shows already that you've got serious stability issues still to work on, birthday parties are pretty much the least of your worries.

Finally, I think she was wrong to refuse.  She ATTENDED his birthday, she was there (though I'm surprised you didn't go with her).  So she wasn't there for the cake and gifts???  So what.  She saw him and was there to wish him well.  That's more than a lot of people overseas get to do before they die.

But this is obviously a very sensitive issue for her.  My guess is that once again she was feeling confused and scared and pushed into a corner, and rather than being able to openly express them, she lashed out and pulled away.  Now you're hurt and seeking justification.

Kinda EXACTLY like what happened with the "going to bed"fight you had a few weeks ago.

Work on the communication issues.  You both suck at it right now and until you get those cleared up, you'll continue to have all these other fights and issues crop up.

quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

If you are a couple....why weren't you invited to go with her?  Just asking because it would help to clarify things more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
Good question.  I tried introducing myself and shaking his hand, but he shrank away and didn't say a word.  I've met her brother, and he's the only member of the family that's ever spoken to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her

Actually, she used to lock the door as soon as she'd get home simply to get away from her.  She is being guilted into this by her mom.  He used to go through all her belongings.  I met him, he wouldn't even make eye contact, shake my hand, or introduce himself to me.

quote:


you said you have never even met this cousin!! , how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her???

 
Since when it being a Master about making the best decision for her?  I thought it was about making the best decision for us as a Master/slave couple.  It's not always easy following through with that.  When she doesn't want to do somthing, or is in a tough spot, I'd love to be able to get out of that situation of having to decide what to do.  If I allow her to get out of commitments to me, or to her role as a slave, time and time again, how does that even help her if being a slave is what she wants to be?  It seems to me that it dishonors us both and what we say say we stand for as a couple.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I just avoided the issue and sat pouting so that when I didn't get what I wanted and life didn't treat me well, I could come online and try and show how sucky everyone else is"

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

I actually have met my cousin, but only once and only recently.  What you are pointing out is true, that there are reprocussions or at least what sounds like guilt or threats to her not doing what her family wants.  I don't think there should be reprocussions, and if there are, I think there are strings that ought to be cut.  I'd like to see her have a relationship with her family where she doesn't have to do what they say, and they won't be offended or come down on her.  I'd like to see her have more independance versus her family is what I'm getting at, and if she doesn't, well then it starts to look like a case where I can make plans as long as her family objects.  Other people having veto rights versus your slave really sucks.  I certainly haven't let my family come between me and someone I'm with, and I expect the same.  Shouldn't I?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Hmm yes, deflect it once again and say *I* am the one with the problem and that *I* can't give good advice- gee that's not the song you were singing a few weeks ago when you came here last time when you were having these same identical issues.

I used those words in order to be harsh and in order to show you just how ridiculous it is.

But you're still being defensive and avoiding your issues.  I just got back from a fabulous party with my partner I've lived insanely happy with for a year.  Exactly why am *I* the one who should look at things when I'm not the one who keeps making threads like these?

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her

Actually, she used to lock the door as soon as she'd get home simply to get away from her.  She is being guilted into this by her mom.  He used to go through all her belongings.  I met him, he wouldn't even make eye contact, shake my hand, or introduce himself to me.

quote:


you said you have never even met this cousin!! , how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her???

 
Since when it being a Master about making the best decision for her?  I thought it was about making the best decision for us as a Master/slave couple.  It's not always easy following through with that.  When she doesn't want to do somthing, or is in a tough spot, I'd love to be able to get out of that situation of having to decide what to do.  If I allow her to get out of commitments to me, or to her role as a slave, time and time again, how does that even help her if being a slave is what she wants to be?  It seems to me that it dishonors us both and what we say say we stand for as a couple.

   Okay, here's the thing..I can completely understand the intensity of your reaction. she made a promise to you, and didn't keep it. That being said, it was not a simple situation. If it was simply a friend and not a family member (much less one she had lived with), it would be a different story, I would agree with the punish her, she needs to learn a lesson mentality. But it sounds like she didn't know the situation was going to evolve the way it did. As for her taking the time to shoot you a message, clearly this is upsetting her, and i'm assuming she didn't have to leave the house to do so. It probably took her less than ten minutes total.
 
   With family, it doesn't matter if you dislike them and their actions 99% of the time, they're still family. Her mother sounds like a controlling individual (as mine is). Intellectually, i know that it doesn't matter what i do, it isn't going to please her. Emotionally, is an entirely different story, i do still want her approval and there's always this small place in my heart that thinks if i do the right thing, act the right way, etc, i could get it. Being involved in a relationship with a significant other and that type of family member... The thing is, in that type of situation you always know you're going to disappoint someone, and that isn't an easy thing to deal with. Her mom was there (physically speaking), and in that moment what was going through her head was probably that it was her mother's reactions she was going to have to deal with first. It's harder to deal with a person's reaction when they're right there in your face. i'm sure she knew you were going to be upset, but again.. in that moment, it was the lesser of two evils. i'm sure she's regretting what's happened, and not because she thinks she's going to be punished, but because she knows she let you down.
 
     i don't know if this helps you at all, but thought it might give you a view you hadn't considered. The relationship is about what's best for both of you, but sometimes you have to put things in perspective. Sit down calmly, talk to her about it, not just from the viewpoint that you're disappointed because she failed you in whatever ways, but also about what she thinks you could do to help prevent the family/Master type conflict in the future. i've been in that type of conflicting situation, and having support from my significant other helped immensely, whether it was a phone call, having him by my side, whatever. It's definitely not an easy thing to deal with, and i wish you both luck.
 
Just my two cents, as always, take it for what it's worth...
 
-a