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respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 7:47:21 AM

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Master Damian has really instilled within me the need for respect and nonjudgementalism within this lifestyle and within ones's true self, period.

i am, as my (O/our) ad plainly and clearly states, looking for O/our desires. Master Damian has assigned me the task of this search and mostly it has been fun and i have meet some grand and beautiful people.

in my search for a sub to gift to Master when i am absent from Him, i have encountered some submissives who are just rude, crude, socially unattractive and downright so disrespectful that i wonder who they think they are calling themselves submissive at all?

one sub told me i was sick and that i must seek help . . . .

i do know that many Master's have their slaves do their "footwork" . . . . have others encountered such open hostility for their desires?

i am interested in hearing from slaves, subs mostly but the input of the Dom might be helpful for those of us who are put to the task as Master has done and graciously, i love doing so.

any input?

respectfully,
shy (Master Damian's slave)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 8:05:56 AM

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Hi,

I have to say, I don't understand your post too well. Are you looking for sympathy or help? What kind of help? Based on your subject tagline, I thought you wanted some respect for the gift of ESP!

In case you're looking for advice on recruiting, this topic has been addressed on another thread:

http://www.collarme.com/forum/lost_on_what_to_do/m_9877/tm.htm

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 8:19:53 AM

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I understand your posting all you are asking have any one else encounter rude and unpolite subs who claiming to be submissive. My answer is yes I have which mostly been on line. I have also meeet some very polite subs who was traained well by their trainer or master. The subs I have had in the past I require them so be polite and adress those as sir and mam. They are not require to adress them as their owners. I feel we have lost the art of being polite to others in sociaty period. I wish you luck with your search for youe Master

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 8:46:02 AM

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It is important for you not to get caught in another person's game. If a person is rude, just realize they are telling you who they are.

Most of us are downright polite, kind, and communicate well -- after all, it is our desires and pleasures that are being granted. Our, means both the dom and the sub.

You will be frustrated but then, frusatration is a given in living our lives through participation and interaction. We take chances and we continue to take chances and sometimes the outcome displeases us.

But what would life be like if we did nothing?

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 10:08:44 AM

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thank God Master does not allow me to get caught up in the games of these contencious "subs."

i use to complain about HNG's who paraded in cloak as Dom.
i have encountered the opposite and understand the Dom's plight is just as difficult.

i am frustrated initially and do not let it go farther for Master will not allow it.

and yes, 98% are very respectful and polite, and i surely make a habit of informing them, thanking them and encouraging them for their politeness and respect.

thank you for the gracious reply.
shy (Master Damian's slave)

(in reply to italianalala)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 10:15:05 AM

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thank you January,
this girl is not looking for sympathy or help, both of which i get well enough from Master along with the proper guidance to keep on focusing.
i am looking for input.
anything anyone would like to share ... maybe their horror story, maybe their awesome expereince of being Gifted or maybe .... well, the replies i have received are encouraging.
this girl always likes encouragement from like minded travelers on the journey.

shy (Master Damian's slave)

(in reply to January)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 10:40:32 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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slavedesires,

I can't help but notice a bit of a contradiction:

You wrote: "Master Damian has really instilled within me the need for respect and nonjudgementalism within this lifestyle and within ones's true self, period."

Later you wrote: "thank God Master does not allow me to get caught up in the games of these contencious 'subs.'"

Seems to me like you are making some pretty harsh judgments on the submissive nature of those who are offended by your lifestyle choices. Because a sub isn't polite, it doesn't make them fake.

Personally, I don't buy into the nonjudgmental thing. I judge every action, activity and person I encounter. How else could I improve myself if I don't make value judgments on the things I encounter? How can one know where wants to be if one can even decide if things are of value or not?

Respect, on the other hand is a very different story. And while I will give respect to (almost) any lifestyle choice, it doesn't mean I won't judge it as wrong for me.

All that said, you might want to have a look at the lack of respect you are showing to those who were impolite to you. If you judge they have not earned your respect, there is nothing wrong with not giving it to them. Just try not to be hypocritical.

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/15/2004 1:38:04 PM

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There are a few other threads about courtesy that you might find useful slavedesires. I'm a little short of time right now or i would search for them for you, maybe i can later today.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 6/16/2004 9:08:44 PM >

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/16/2004 8:01:53 PM

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thank You Sir for your reply.... i do appreciate what You have said.

my use of the words "she" or "subs" in in reference to some on this web site and on another one and also from IM's. it is used collectively except in reference to one particular ub.

i used the word "contentious" ot describe severl subs because the word contentious means the "act of contending" which is to "be combative, quarellsome, opposing, striving", etc.... and from what her profile says and the words she uses (the particular one i am thinking of right now), she believes in the 4 agreements of Don Ruiz.
i do not judge her lifestyle, she judges mine and the One who owns me.

when subs write back to me and say ... "fuck off you freak" ...i think the words speak very loudly and yes, with gross disrespect.
i judge the response Sir, not them. The response is contentious and lacks respect.
but when the correspeondence gets to be half dozen return (and some lengthy) emails, i think i have a better handle of who they might be and might be able to, at that point, make a fairly accurate assessment of their nature.

i have kept all correspondence and even when i was greeted with "fuck off your frreak" i responded respectfully and i might have to say, kindly. why should i respond in kind?

i understand how this might all sound hypocritical to You for i did not fully explain the whole course of communication and i will not do so for it would expose someone that might be gnuinely very sweet and submissive, but with words has judged me (U/us) and and has been grossly disrepectful to U/us and i have been polite and kind in return.

You are correct Sir, it did sound like i was making gross assumptions regarding her (this one particular sub) nature, i think i can fairly well say she is not only disrespectful and impolite but very rude and contenious in the way she has responded to me and i have been nothing but kind. and have one last unread message waiting for me as i wrote.
i will read it and probably not respond.... for such disrespect requires neither my time or attention to respond. Yes, Master has told me generally what it says.

Sir? You may ask for my correspondence and see for Yourself.... i have amazed Master Damian with my kindness and patience toward one particular sub.

When i send email Sir, i tend to realize that many times subs are under pressure to say something, or they do not want to understand, or they might say the first thing on their head and heart, or they may just be impolite or disrespectful or judgemental for they still need mentoring and guidance, or they simply are just head strong and bratty....there are so many reasons why people respond the way they do. So i try to take the words they use and create some form of teaching tool and unless i take some time to help them understand in some kind and patient way that the nature of their reply is not welcome for it is judgemental and disrespectful.... but, i will NOT return the same to them.
i have called attention to words they use and they have no idea the value of them at times. tis something i am learning.

for example..... "arrangant" , in reference to Master, many subs see self confidence as arrogance when they are insecure themselves. i am sure Sir some would call You arrogant rather than self confident. Which characteristic is most truthful of You and which do You prefer to be characteristized? if You are not arrogant, then is it not judgemental, for she has no proof other than Your words?
Just attmepting to let You understand how i think.

i will examine my words, Sir, that i am not contentious or hypocritical or judgemntal. My words must reflect my motives and yes, i am still lerning how to do this.

graciously,
Master Damian's shy

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/16/2004 8:08:59 PM

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thank you proudsub....
i understand the importance of curtesy and respect, i will take the time to look up such threads. you are kind to offer your time and energy.

i will repeat:
i am interested in hearing from slaves, subs mostly but the input of the Dom might be helpful for those of us who are put to the task as Master has done and graciously, i love doing so.

do others encounter such things as i do when they look for a Gift? or what about the search for a poly sis? that must be difficult as well . . . is it?

graciously
Master Damian's shy

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/16/2004 8:57:58 PM

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Hello,

I take issue with the idea that being involved in the BDSM lifestyle as either a Dom, sub, or SwITch automatically gives a person social graces. It doesnt.

People who are rude, contentious, argumentative, disrespectful, impolite, etc., will simply use their position in the lifestyle as an excuse to allow them to have a lack social graces.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/16/2004 9:41:35 PM

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Here's one of the threads i was thinking of slavedesires:

http://www.collarme.com/forum/tm.asp?m=6220

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 9:49:53 AM

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Something that I churn in my head now and then, is the assignment of a submissive or slave to 'find' another submissive or slave. While I completely agree that they have the right to do so, and I have no moral qualms with poly relationships... I took a moment and put myself in the mindset of a submissive (best as I am able, which admittedly isn't to great.)

I asked myself "if I was in search of a dominant male, and I had a submissve female write me and tell me how great her owner/lover/master was, would I be interested or not?" Obviously, there are some women who would - but I think that for the kind of interaction necessary, especially when we are in a medium (online) where a woman can open an account and have, literally, one hundred letters a day from interested prospects - why on EARTH would I respond to a woman who's husband didn't take the time to contact me directly? To me, it would seem that an additional slave simply isn't important enough to the man that he'll take an hour out of his week to put an ad up, make a few inquiries, etc. To take this a step further, if the expectation was something long term, live in, or other relationship that requires a great deal of time, energy, and effort - and he doesn't even take the time to write me on his own, why should I bother?

Perhaps the answers to those questions are that the type of person who -would- bother are going to be the kinds of people who really have no other alternatives because they lack in social graces, intelligence, or have other issues (the list is of course, a mile long.) Essentially, if something is worth having, it is doing right. If I want a relationship with a woman - I don't send another woman (or another man) to recruit that relationship.

Again just my opinion.

Stephan

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http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to slavedesires)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 11:15:45 AM

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quote:

To me, it would seem that an additional slave simply isn't important enough to the man that he'll take an hour out of his week to put an ad up, make a few inquiries, etc. To take this a step further, if the expectation was something long term, live in, or other relationship that requires a great deal of time, energy, and effort - and he doesn't even take the time to write me on his own, why should I bother?

Well, Sir, I guess there are all kinds of ways to look at things. One issue at work with those who react negatively could be that they are they type that *romantasize* BDSM relationships. They are looking for love with kinky sex, committed monogamous relationships, etc.

If I were seeking a Master and looking for a poly relationship, I personally would prefer to be approached first by his other slave. It cuts out the wondering if she is fully aware and if there are possible jealousy issues. Plus, from my own relationship, should Master feel he ever needed another to fill a certain aspect of his life, I would hope he would have me to the initial leg work. Where you mention that she may receive hundreds of letters, I would feel myself lacking in my duties to make Master's life easier if I wasn't able to save him the hundreds of letters he may have to write to even find *one* person worth actually exploring.

Once someone was found that was a true possibility, of course the dominant needs to take the time to get to know them, but for a poly relationship to work (even if it is one with a dominant and two non BI slaves), the slaves also need to be able to get along. There is a difference between being jealous of adding another and wanting to make sure the person is sincere with both you (the other slave) AND your dominant.

Sadly, I have known people whose plan was to become the only sub or slave in the relationship in time. They *play nice* with the other slave because they have come to wish to be a sub or slave to the dominant that they met (online, in mail, at a party, whatever). I personally have very good instincts over all, and Master relies on them. If I am not comfortable that the person can enter his home and not cause problems in the long run, I save him time, energy and frustration.

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Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 11:26:34 AM

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very interesting reply Sir.

i have thought about being the recipent of such a request. for me it would be an honor ~~ it would mean that a female submissive, a woman, thought of me well enough that she would like for me to expereince a play or scene with her Dom for the expereince of learning. i have also thought about how i might reply ... "thank you girl for the offer, may i learn more about your Dom? . . . . i have considered my options girl and i do thank you for the information and am honored you considered me as your gift to your Dom, but i wish to decline. good luck in your desires and endeavors ..." so much more respectful than ..... "fuck off you pathetic bitch" or "you are so sick, get help"

we have a local submissive munch in our area and many times i have heard requests..... "my i play with your Dom? i like the way He does______ (fireplay or singletail, etc)" is this not in essence the same but instead i ask, "would you like to play with my Dom to expereince His ____ procedure?"

it seems that asking for such a Gift on line is sleezy or trashy in some way, yet it is done in real life all the time!

i am also shared. it is so fucking intoxicating for me to have Master watch me as i submit to another, in whatever form or fashion it occurs.

for me to call Master and say to Him, "may i beg that You be home tonight about 8pm for my gift" is the most intoxicating thing Him and me.
what is a gift? it is something given to another out of love and respect. and i trust Him to treat my gift kindly and generously and with utmost respect.

Master is way too busy guiding, mentoring, teaching and training me to find another girl for an occasion of play/scene. i am sure all Doms know how difficult it is to find their one.
if He wanted a vanilla fuck, hell, He'd get that easy enough.
it has taken me countless hours, times of frustration and times of accomplishment to find 2 incredible subs to be my gift to Master. He spends time on me rather than on another "play toy" which says something about who He is in relation to me .... He is committed to me and i to Him and i will do whatever it takes as His slave to bring us our desires.

Poly relationships exist and thrive because of trust, respect and communication that is genuinely honest and open. for a Dom to go behind the back of his girl to find another to play with . . . . . well i just read a forum today .... master has my heart but he lied to me .... that is what you will never find one such as me writing.

W/we are not poly but we do share and that is our journey right now.
Many Doms share their subs/slaves at local munches, many subs/slaves are intoxicated when their Dom's use another...and the benefit of being bifem is totally awesome.
i gift the sub and i in return get to play with the one i choose for Him, for He gifts her back to me.

Surely there are more subs and slaves who have had this same journey as i.

graciously,
Master Damian's shy slavedesires

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 2:03:57 PM

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This is a slightly different take on the same subject. When i had to leave my first r/l Dom he moved back to the UK. He asked me to help him find a sub there because he didn't have a computer and could only use one when visiting relatives there. Also his spelling is so dreadful that i don't think a spell checker would even know what word he was trying to spell. I did contact several subs that looked like they fit his criteria and gave them his phone number, but i don't think anything came of it.

dang had it right the first time lol

< Message edited by proudsub -- 6/17/2004 3:45:46 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 6:55:59 PM

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There are a couple of issues for me.

While I have definitely enjoyed being the recipient of such a gift from a submissive, I do have to say that posting on a message board trolling for partners has an element of desperation and/or neediness which tends to make it less appealing to me.

Meeting somebody in real life, circling, flirting, etc., and ultimately ending up doing The Nasty I find really attractive, answering an email and trying to push it there does not.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/17/2004 8:11:47 PM

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quote:

I do have to say that posting on a message board trolling for partners has an element of desperation and/or neediness which tends to make it less appealing to me.

I didn't see this post as a troll. I think she is looking for input from others in the same situation.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 6:46:11 AM

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thank you proudsub . . .

i am looking for input from others in the same situation.

should this be posted on the ask a submissive section?

does anyone know how to change and reapply this thread to taht section?

and btw..... i love doing this for Master.

slavedesires, Master Damian's shy

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 7:50:05 AM

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quote:

should this be posted on the ask a submissive section?

does anyone know how to change and reapply this thread to taht section?

I don't think you need to move the post, everyone reads this section and some doms may have input too.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to slavedesires)

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