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RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 11:46:13 AM

Posts: 1674
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My favorite submissive male sent me a book for my birthday.

I could probably call that "tribute" if I wanted to buff up my ego. In reality it was just a thoughtful gift from a thoughtful and loving person. All the best tributes are.

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(in reply to pollux)

RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 11:46:41 AM

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Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

WHo the f$ck cares- I have never met so mant self righteous cheap ass subs - who want to jerk off at descriptions of their pending punishments and pics of their potential Domme and then become jerks a nd scurry off at the mere mention or thought gifts, tribute , payments..Pay me the f$ck for My wasted time on you- wanne be psuedo subs- Some times the intereactions are wonderful- Some time you couldnt tribute Me to interact again. I say do what ever y'all agree on. If you are so offended- just keep moving

Whatever my feelings are regarding tribute aside, I wouldn't have someone Dom/Domme/sub or slave in my life who had that sort of attitude about the time they spent with me.
A power exchange is supposed to go both ways, but this would just not work for me...
*shrugs*

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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(in reply to MissDiscipline)

RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 11:54:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

My favorite submissive male sent me a book for my birthday. I could probably call that "tribute" if I wanted to buff up my ego. In reality it was just a thoughtful gift from a thoughtful and loving person. All the best tributes are.

Yeah I guess it could just be a friendly thing, but I am not her submissive/slave, I am just a friend. But she does teach me lots of thing in the lifestyle. I could consider this Tribute. er Payback for her time with me :P
I just think that since we had only meet three times I wasn't consider as a friendly thing since we weren't really friends only getting to know each other part.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 12:57:39 PM

aidan

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Joined: 5/28/2005
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NewJustLookin, I have kind of the same situation. There's a Domme I know in New York who's one of the first people I ever got to know in the BDSM lifestyle, and she's been a mentor and guidance figure for as long as I've known her. We mostly talk online and get together once or twice a year. She doesn't expect me to give her anything but friendship and respect, but I still enjoy showing my appreciation for her attention with small gifts when we meet (like a container of her favorite fruit or some new rope) or just sending her a "thank you" note.

I do the same kinds of things for all of my friends. Admittedly I'm more inclined to do them for a Domme that I'm fond of or smitten with, yes, but the principal of showing kindess to a friend is still the basis.

I don't think of those kinds of things as "tribute", but if that's how they're viewed then alright.

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RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 5:40:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan
She doesn't expect me to give her anything but friendship and respect, but I still enjoy showing my appreciation for her attention with small gifts when we meet (like a container of her favorite fruit or some new rope) or just sending her a "thank you" note.

I distinguish between a tribute and a gift. In the terminology I use, I would call your gifts gifts. To me, sincere gifts are driven by an internal want and come from a warm place whereas tribute is driven by a fear (of dismissal, anger, rejection) or a wish to appease. Per my interpretation, if the fate of the relationship relies on the item given, it is a tribute, if not, it is a gift.

This distinction does not cover all scenarios. Specifically, my definition of tribute comes from a tribute given by smaller states to larger, more powerful states in times past. This tribute was given to remain in good graces of the larger states--it was like giving lunch money to a bully. It also acknowledged an inferior status to the larger states. I can imagine a submissive who himself wishes to give tribute (versus forced to give one) to express an inferior status. It may be a ritual for him to express his place like I do with other rituals.

So perhaps a better distinction between a gift and a tribute is whether it expresses warmth and fondness, or whether it expresses an inferior status. As I continue to critique my definitions, I recognize that a particular item given may express both. In this case, I would still call it a gift.

I do not see myself to have a lesser social status by virtue of being submissive and this is one reason the idea of tribute does not appeal to me.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to aidan)

RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 6:18:20 PM

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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I don't demand 'tribute'. But I do accept gifts. One of my dearest pets has a foot/shoe fetish. He sends me shoes... I have photos made in the shoes for him. I also send him little tokens of my appreciation in return. Some might call it 'tribute'. I call it a win/win situation.

If it were 'tribute', I would have insisted on those $125 shoes that I was teasing him about... He actually offered to buy them, but I refused to accept. We have a favorite site for shoe shopping - electriqueboutique.com - where the average price of a pair of good fetish shoes is less than $20. The Red Double Ankle Straps on my profile were only $8.99. The black ones propped up on the table were $7.50. So far, he has sent me six pairs of shoes. ALL of those, including shipping costs were less than $125! How many Financial Dommes go bargain hunting for their tribute???

(in reply to undergroundsea)

RE: Tributes done right. - 3/7/2008 6:20:06 PM

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I also have two male friends who make floggers for me. They aren't even pain sluts and do not wish to be struck with their own handiwork. Do they count?

(in reply to MsStarlett)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 10:55:22 AM

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From: Seattle, WA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

I also have two male friends who make floggers for me. They aren't even pain sluts and do not wish to be struck with their own handiwork. Do they count?

I'm responding to this topic because the current one about tribute doesn't reflect my experience of it.

My boy is a toymaker, primarily slings but he's working on harnesses and is experienced in making other things. I purchased two pieces from him before we started dating. During a recent convention, I yanked him across the dealers' room and tested out another vendor's toys on him. When we got back to his booth, I asked him what he really thought of them before I bought anything from them.

"Oh, I could make you any of that, and better given some of the colors they had."

*blink* "Oh, you could? Alright, how much would that run me?"

He gave me a look. "I'm not going to charge you for them."

... "Oh. OH. Right. Um."

"I'll make you anything you want. You're my Sir."

"meep. I mean, yes. Of course. I *cough* knew that. Right. Yes."

"Granted, I'll hope that you'll beat me with them."

"Well, duh."

He's not the richest guy in the world so I'm a little surprised, but at the same time I'm quite thrilled. I love it when people make me things, so the idea that my boy is going to make me custom toys just because I commissioned them from him sends me into whole worlds of happy. I'm trying not to let this go to my head: this is particular to our dynamic, I don't want to expect it of everyone I play with and I'm aware that he offered.

Please note, though -- that was last weekend so I haven't received anything from him yet past the offer. However, just that is enough to please me for now.

(in reply to MsStarlett)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 1:45:17 PM

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From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha After all, how will she know if he's doing it just because she told him it is expected? She will never know!

I just glanced over this old thread so I might have missed it where another pointed out the obvious: Sometimes this ^ is the whole point, as that's the kink itself. They are both getting off on knowing the sub is doing it because they were told to.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 2:12:50 PM

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Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea:
I distinguish between a tribute and a gift. In the terminology I use, I would call your gifts gifts. To me, sincere gifts are driven by an internal want and come from a warm place whereas tribute is driven by a fear (of dismissal, anger, rejection) or a wish to appease. Per my interpretation, if the fate of the relationship relies on the item given, it is a tribute, if not, it is a gift.

This distinction does not cover all scenarios. Specifically, my definition of tribute comes from a tribute given by smaller states to larger, more powerful states in times past. This tribute was given to remain in good graces of the larger states--it was like giving lunch money to a bully. It also acknowledged an inferior status to the larger states. I can imagine a submissive who himself wishes to give tribute (versus forced to give one) to express an inferior status. It may be a ritual for him to express his place like I do with other rituals.

So perhaps a better distinction between a gift and a tribute is whether it expresses warmth and fondness, or whether it expresses an inferior status. As I continue to critique my definitions, I recognize that a particular item given may express both. In this case, I would still call it a gift.

My first occasion of a gift specifically sub to Domme falls right on the edge, as I see it. We'd never met face to face, only by email, photos, and many phone calls, despite being in the same town. In our discussions of preferred activities for play, I'd spoken of having a limited selection of floggers. Almost upon arrival, just after greetings, he pulled out a new riding crop and gave it to me, rather as if it were a single rose, saying something like, "A little something for your toy bag." And as I thanked him, he blushingly admitted, "Well, I love having my balls cropped."

Yes, in the course of the scene that followed, he got his wish. Meanwhile, I learned how useful the crop is to me: in terms of reach (from either end or side of a body, I can get to many more senstive spots), easy accuracy of target, range of sensations available, range of noisiness, and ergonomically easy on me.

I'm not pro, have no plans to go there. I rather like the term tribute, in a nation-to-nation sense, as applied to ProDomme/client relationships. Yet..while this gift had an ulterior motive, it was nonethless thoughtful of him. There are moments when I would call it both.

Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 3:25:32 PM

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From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Ladies, what are some of the generous gifts (of spirit also) that you have received, without coaxing or demanding?

For our first Christmas together, the boy bought me a pair of beautiful diamond and gold drop earrings. Not the cheesy plated gold, either -- these things are solid!

I was shocked, especially since I had never asked for any sort of gift from him... I hadn't even given him a Christmas gift because to be quite honest, I feel a lot of guilt when receiving presents from people. But he wanted to do something special for me, to completely shock and surprise me... and, well, he totally got me there.

The other time was when he gave me my engagement ring. No coaxing, no demanding, just... bam, there we are sitting in the snooty Mexican restaurant at Epcot Center, waiting for the fireworks show to start, when he pulls out a ring box and asks me to marry him. White gold with a twist band, teardrop-cut pink sapphire, and two accent diamonds on either side. Pink sapphires, by the way, are my favorite jewel.

Since these gifts were almost exactly one year apart, I now joke with him that it's almost time for his yearly tribute of diamonds.

Although I have to be careful, because he's so eager to please he'll probably take me seriously one of these days...

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Ти артистична в неволі,
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RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 4:49:01 PM

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My birthday is next week and I want some prezzies dagnabbit!

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RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 5:19:56 PM

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if i could post images on here...

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RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 5:46:57 PM

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From: London, England
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Well... I like to bake. And I recently started making sweets and confectionary... so I like to make things for people sometimes. If it's something special then I might buy coloured card and that shiny ribbon stuff and make a little gift box for it, too, lol. I made marzipan fruits for someone once. That was a lot of fun. :D

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 6:04:25 PM

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Joined: 5/10/2005
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i wouldn't consider it tribute, it was simply a gift to the woman i love, but i've sewn for my Domina. We haven't seen each other since they've been finished but i made her a pair of flannel pajama bottoms with skulls on them since she mentioned that she spends her downtime in pajama pants for comfort and we both have a thing for skulls. i did also make sure there was a pocket for her cigarettes because, well, she smokes, and it seemed important to help her relax as she chooses. She heard about the pants and seemed well pleased with the idea.

There is also another gift waiting for her. It too is tailored to her tastes, although not as literally. i won't share what that is yet, though, since she's begun visiting the forums. ~smiles~

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RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 7:50:11 PM

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Joined: 6/17/2007
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I think things thate are hand-made are much sweeter than things bought as gifts. I had a sub make me two wood & leather paddles with my name on them.
I also have subs who know my habits - what kind of alcohol I like, that I drink Dr. Pepper constantly, what kind of cloves I smoke - and they'll just pick something up for me.....once a slave brought me 2 cases of Dr. Pepper AND laundry detergent - I thought that was ADORABLE. I know many subs like to buy sexy things, but he bought me things that were more useful ;)
I also have my wish list that I only give out if someone asks for it - but I leave it pretty open to possibilities. One example is I have down that I like unique garter belts - that leaves it up to the subbie to pick it. I also found this great site that makes custom wax seal stamps - I have it written that I'd like those, but whatever design/words go on it are up to the subbie.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 7:53:59 PM

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Joined: 6/17/2007
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quote:

electriqueboutique.com

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Ladies, what are some of the generous gifts (of spirit also) that you have received, without coaxing or demanding?

For our first Christmas together, the boy bought me a pair of beautiful diamond and gold drop earrings. Not the cheesy plated gold, either -- these things are solid!

I was shocked, especially since I had never asked for any sort of gift from him... I hadn't even given him a Christmas gift because to be quite honest, I feel a lot of guilt when receiving presents from people. But he wanted to do something special for me, to completely shock and surprise me... and, well, he totally got me there.

The other time was when he gave me my engagement ring. No coaxing, no demanding, just... bam, there we are sitting in the snooty Mexican restaurant at Epcot Center, waiting for the fireworks show to start, when he pulls out a ring box and asks me to marry him. White gold with a twist band, teardrop-cut pink sapphire, and two accent diamonds on either side. Pink sapphires, by the way, are my favorite jewel.

Since these gifts were almost exactly one year apart, I now joke with him that it's almost time for his yearly tribute of diamonds. Although I have to be careful, because he's so eager to please he'll probably take me seriously one of these days...

That is toooo cute!!! Lucky woman :)

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/6/2008 8:54:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softandshy
There is also another gift waiting for her. It too is tailored to her tastes, although not as literally. i won't share what that is yet, though, since she's begun visiting the forums. ~smiles~

ya know...

(in reply to softandshy)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/7/2008 2:41:01 AM

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There are some things at least in this sub's life that he would like to think is his idea..a fitting tribute is one of them.How far along into the relationship that my light bulb will turn on is another matter.I am not cheap..i just want to be sure of everything and that shouldn't be held against me.

(in reply to MsHonor)

RE: Tributes done right. - 4/7/2008 4:03:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

Well... I like to bake. And I recently started making sweets and confectionary... so I like to make things for people sometimes.

Me too! We have so many people who are important to us... good friends, neighbors, family, the local fire & police stations, and yes, even my subs who make my floggers... there is no way I could ever afford to go by Christmas gifts for them all - nor be able to figure out something special and unique for each of them year after year. (I always think gifts should be special in some way.) So I bake.

Every year, right after Thanksgiving, my kitchen turns into a bakery. I make Banana Nut bread and a special Sweet Potato spice cake (It's a lot like a carrot cake), cookies by the gross and now, chocolate truffles that have been dubbed 'chocolate orgasms'. The ingredients run me about $250 to $300 even when I buy the stuff at Sam's and my true investment is spending so much time in the kitchen... but I really enjoy the happy faces when I deliver platters of goodies to my peeps. I've even have a few people who just start rubbing their hands together and grinning at me in November asking "So, started baking yet?"

(in reply to sodsta)

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