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"Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:29:42 AM

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Just a quick question about what is deemed appropriate behavior between Doms/Masters and whethere there is any type of etiquette that is commonly observed or expected.

I am brand-spanking-new to CM and actually did meet a local Dom for coffee last night. He is new to CM himself, but certainly not to the lifestyle of BDSM. Let's also say that coffee was not the only thing that was served up hot last night.

Today, I receive emails from a Dom whom I have never communicated with before, warning me to stay away from the Dom I met in person last night. When requesting that he substantiate his 'friendly warning' and allegation, he simply failed to respond further. So, I am left with the impression that I am looking at a petty case of bad-mouthing someone that he did not even know.

How common and how acceptable is this type of bad-mouthing behavior amongst Doms/Masters on CM?

Personally, I found it rather reminiscant of the highschool yard.

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:36:18 AM

NefertariReborn

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How did the email writer find out that you had been out with the Dom in the first place is the question I'd be asking. Ummmmmm it was just last night. How fast does word travel around here unless one or both of you did a thread in the meet section? And if you or He hasn't done so .....hmmmmmmmm *looks for the Ms. Holmes costume again* Curiouser and curiouser (oops sorry that's for Alice ...no tea yet I'm still half asleep.)

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:39:44 AM

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Dom Dom etiquette? confusing that there should be such a thing seperate and apart from any other modalities of etiquette. We are people you know.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:40:01 AM

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I was rather bubbly with excitement about what I experienced last night and did make mention of it in my Journal and a reply to my prior post on the "Introduction" board. "Discretion" is not an issue for me...hence, the public availability of the information.

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RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:43:55 AM

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With all due respect - disagree to a certain degree. In my eyes, a Dom/Master is in a position of dictating respect not becuase they call themselves such, but because of their innate 'honorable' behavior that stems from hlding themselves to higher principles and standards. It is thus that as a sub, I feel the natural urge to kneel, not because of some pretentious name or title.

So, yes, you are people - but people, from whom I (personally) expect a higher level of conduct, behavior and standards.

(in reply to earthycouple)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:45:04 AM

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Bad mouthing is pretty common no matter what, though I'm curious how Stranger Dom found out about Newbie dom meeting you? Gossip, gotta love it.

As far as etiquette, being dom or sub or whatever has no relevance. It's a personal relationship orientation, not a social status.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:49:41 AM

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In other words, you feel I am mistaken and driven by unrealistic, naive ideals when expecting a higher standard of principle and behavior from a Dominant individual in the lifestyle?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:53:34 AM

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I think the notion that people in this lifestyle are more honest, more noble, more open minded or smarter than the general population is a silly one. Just read the message boards. Lol.
If you had a good time with this Dom, and he seems to meet your criteria, go with that.

< Message edited by Estring -- 7/24/2007 11:54:56 AM >

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RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 11:58:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes

In other words, you feel I am mistaken and driven by unrealistic, naive ideals when expecting a higher standard of principle and behavior from a Dominant individual in the lifestyle?

The answer to that is, unfortunately, Yes! Your ideals aren't necessarily unrealistic and naive, but your expectations are. A Dominant individual is, afterall, only human, and human beings are flawed, some to a higher degree then others. You can choose to seek out the Dom, that will act as your ideal, and simply ignore the ones that do not. Good luck in your search!

Ms. Wicked

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:05:27 PM

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Yes there is an etiquette that should be followed.
If he is alone Dom to Dom its the typical handshake thing.
If he is with a sub::
First off do not extend a hand or attempt to touch or talk to another Doms Sub. Talk to the Dom and let his sub react to you. The sub may be under restrictions and you may get them introuble if you make such a gesture and she responds. In some cases even is you touch them without them letting you they can be in trouble.
Never communicate directly with his sub without permission
Respect how he treats his sub no matter how he does
Dont ask the sub for anything unless it is offered by the Dom
Respect the fact that the sub may not look you in the eye
Focus on the dynamic between them and respect it
Always err on the side of conservatisim when not sure how to interact with a Doms sub.
I have seen Doms bad mouth other Doms, hell I have been on the receiving side of that and your right it is highschool stuff and to me a sign of weakness. If he has to bad mouth someone in the hopes of bagging a sub then he must not be very secure.

It seems like today it is more a social event and everyone just hugs and kisses all over the place. My slave is under strict orders not to let anyone touch her or to look into another Doms eye unless I approve it. That also means other subs touching her also.

William

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:12:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes
In other words, you feel I am mistaken and driven by unrealistic, naive ideals when expecting a higher standard of principle and behavior from a Dominant individual in the lifestyle?

I dunno about naive, but it is certainly unrealistic to expect dominants to behave any differently than other people.

While lots of people in the scene CREATE social groups in which one's personal relationship orientation becomes actual social status, they tend to be fairly exclusive and self-contained and hold no application socializing within the scene in general.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:12:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking

Yes there is an etiquette that should be followed.
...
I have seen Doms bad mouth other Doms, hell I have been on the receiving side of that and your right it is highschool stuff and to me a sign of weakness. If he has to bad mouth someone in the hopes of bagging a sub then he must not be very secure.

William

William!

Thank you for this feedback as I find the displayed acceptance (which is a seeming complacency) of dis-honorable behavior between Doms/Masters to be very obscure.

Masters/Doms who are in expectation of respect from submissives just on the pure merit of their 'innate dominance' are seemingly highly comfortable with disrespect from other Masters/Doms. How is one to understand and come to terms with the dichotomous standards displayed in that type of behavior?

Kristen

(in reply to PAcpllooking)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:13:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes

Just a quick question about what is deemed appropriate behavior between Doms/Masters and whethere there is any type of etiquette that is commonly observed or expected.

Might I suggest a copy of Miss Manners?..all the ettiqute you ever need to know...doesnt matter what "role" they condiser themselves to be.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:18:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking
The sub may be under restrictions and you may get them introuble if you make such a gesture and she respondsp

Any decent relationship in which a master puts social restrictions on a slave also ensures that other parties are informed of such restrictions- thus avoiding the other person feeling involved in a dynamic they did not consent to and avoiding awkwardness for the slave as well. It's usually best to just hang a sign around their neck.

quote:

In some cases even is you touch them without them letting you they can be in trouble.
Never communicate directly with his sub without permission
Respect how he treats his sub no matter how he does
Dont ask the sub for anything unless it is offered by the Dom
Respect the fact that the sub may not look you in the eye
Focus on the dynamic between them and respect it
Always err on the side of conservatisim when not sure how to interact with a Doms sub.
I have seen Doms bad mouth other Doms, hell I have been on the receiving side of that and your right it is highschool stuff and to me a sign of weakness. If he has to bad mouth someone in the hopes of bagging a sub then he must not be very secure.

It seems like today it is more a social event and everyone just hugs and kisses all over the place. My slave is under strict orders not to let anyone touch her or to look into another Doms eye unless I approve it. That also means other subs touching her also.

William

To the OP, realize that these rules are pretty much NOT at all how people act except in very small groups of people who are all informed and desiring of such rules. 99% of the time, we act just like any vanilla group does and the same manners and etiquette should be obeyed.

To William, does she just always look down then to make sure she doesn't look at a switch? Is she not allowed to go to work where not making eye contact would be a problem? What about family members? Do you have to ask if they are a dominant before you give permission?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PAcpllooking)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:20:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes
Masters/Doms who are in expectation of respect from submissives just on the pure merit of their 'innate dominance' are seemingly highly comfortable with disrespect from other Masters/Doms. How is one to understand and come to terms with the dichotomous standards displayed in that type of behavior?

Kristen

Because then they'd have to actually care about how THEY acted as well, and it's much more about having the world treat them like they want, and not how they should treat the world.

And having an expectation that a sub will respect someone just because they happen to be a dominant is ridiculous as well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:26:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And having an expectation that a sub will respect someone just because they happen to be a dominant is ridiculous as well.

Has this belief been communicated to the more then 2/3 of Doms/Masters (and in this instance, I use the th terms "Doms" and "Masters" as a label and not as an actual description) who write emails to submissives that lead one to believe a frontal phlobotomy is a common requirement to join CM?

Unfortunately, judging by their emails and behaviors, there are many dominant individuals here, who do not share your views.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:27:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes

With all due respect - disagree to a certain degree. In my eyes, a Dom/Master is in a position of dictating respect not becuase they call themselves such, but because of their innate 'honorable' behavior that stems from hlding themselves to higher principles and standards. It is thus that as a sub, I feel the natural urge to kneel, not because of some pretentious name or title.

So, yes, you are people - but people, from whom I (personally) expect a higher level of conduct, behavior and standards.

Good luck with that. They are just people and have the same frequency of being a slacker jerk as any other group of people.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/24/2007 1:01:34 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:31:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And having an expectation that a sub will respect someone just because they happen to be a dominant is ridiculous as well.

Has this belief been communicated to the more then 2/3 of Doms/Masters (and in this instance, I use the th terms "Doms" and "Masters" as a label and not as an actual description) who write emails to submissives that lead one to believe a frontal phlobotomy is a common requirement to join CM?

Unfortunately, judging by their emails and behaviors, there are many dominant individuals here, who do not share your views.

We call those Horny Net Geeks, or HNGs for short, and they exist in all walks of life. And I certainly don't respect them. Not only do I not respect them, I openly mock them when they pester me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/24/2007 12:32:21 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:49:27 PM

Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline

William!

Thank you for this feedback as I find the displayed acceptance (which is a seeming complacency) of dis-honorable behavior between Doms/Masters to be very obscure.

Masters/Doms who are in expectation of respect from submissives just on the pure merit of their 'innate dominance' are seemingly highly comfortable with disrespect from other Masters/Doms. How is one to understand and come to terms with the dichotomous standards displayed in that type of behavior?

Kristen
[/quote]

LOL, yeah the million dollar question.
Here is what I have found to be true from my own experiences. Now I do not want anyone to think I am saying that all groups or all events are like what I have run across but I wish someone would direct me to events or groups who are not like the following::

When I have gone to parties and events and acted in what I feel is the way one should act I have been pretty much ostrized and told to lighten up. People who we didnt know just walked up and started touching, making comments etc. Which I found to be pretty disrepectful and when my slave sometimes had to almost run to hide behind me because some sub made a move to hug her needless to say they treated her badly afterward.
So, unless you can find a group who acts differantly then you need to accept the groups dynamic and go with the flow.
I have choosen not to participate with groups like that. I have interacted with groups in Illinois, California, Nevada and Penn. all had the same flavor to them.
So in answer to your question, either you deal with it and hopefully find someone who isnt like that or you dont interact.

William

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

RE: "Etiquette" between Masters (?) - 7/24/2007 12:51:59 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tr8nmyholes

Unfortunately, judging by their emails and behaviors, there are many dominant individuals here, who do not share your views.

First of all, you're committing the cardinal sin of judging all Dominants, or the lifestyle, based upon what you're exposed to at any online community (including Collarme). Online bears little to no resemblance to real time.

The second cardinal sin is to project some special qualities upon Dominants unrelated to control. We're no better, or worse, than the general population at large. I'm fond of saying that the lifestyle does not descend upon us like the Holy Spirit, "making" us any more honorable, communicative, (insert your favorite rhetoric here) than we already are. The lifestyle makes us nothing, we make the lifestyle.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment or the snickers of others. Get beyond the erotic fantasy novel quickly.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to tr8nmyholes)

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