Is it a lie to use a fake name?

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Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 7:45:20 PM

kossack

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

Based on a previous post, I've been trying to think about how much info I give out.

I have always used my real first name. To me, it feels like a lie to give out a fake name. However, if you know what one of my hobbies is and my first name (and google) you can find out an awful lot about me.

So, would you care if your were talking with someone and didn't find out till a 2nd or 3rd date what her real name was? Would that feel like a lie to you? Is that paranoid? (I don't give out my first name until I've e-mailed someone a few times, and try not to be too casual with my hobbies, but I'm just trying to think this through.)

Post #: 1

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 7:46:48 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Hell no, I don't give or use my "real" name until I know ya well.

You don't owe "strangers" off the internet a damn thing.
Of course you open up and share intimate details {if and when}, you are comfortable
doing that.

That information should be given when YOU feel comfortable sharing it,
not just handed out carte blanche.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/29/2007 8:08:01 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 7:56:37 PM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

I have always used my middle name, due to the fact that using my first name, in combo with knowing my occupation, would make it too easy to track me down. I consider sharing full names as something to be done only on the brink of intimacy, after you've had a chance to talk and discuss a lot, and after several meetings. And then I have no qualms about asking to see the driver's license of the other person, so we have equal honesty status.

I actually prefer to go by my middle name when in "non vanilla" mode. It seems to help free me of my workaday inhibitions, and give me permission to enjoy myself more. So even after full disclosure of names, I still want to be called by the name they already know me as.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 7:59:01 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Depends. Are you going to be honest and upfront about it?

I wouldn't meet someone off site for a date unless I knew their real name, which I would give to a friend in case I didn't call them that night. But I also wouldn't out my name until I've gotten to know someone through e-mails and phone calls for awhile first. It's a pretty tricky balence of maintaining your need for privacy for safety's sake and their need to know about your for their safety's sake.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 8:42:24 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I dunno, "SusanofO" isn't my real name, hehe (but it's close to my real name. Not that nics matter. Dealing with someone in a one-on-one relationship is a different matter, IMO).

I became quite involved with a Dom earlier this year who I found out, even after we became what I considered extremely close, was using a fake name with me, and it really bothered me that he couldn't seem to reveal to me his real name (especially since he knew mine).

He said he had good reasons, and they seemed plausible, but it still really bothered me. It made me feel like I was dealing with some under-cover CIA agent. We broke up partly due to that, in fact.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2007 8:48:13 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 8:53:13 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kossack

Based on a previous post, I've been trying to think about how much info I give out.

I have always used my real first name. To me, it feels like a lie to give out a fake name. However, if you know what one of my hobbies is and my first name (and google) you can find out an awful lot about me.

So, would you care if your were talking with someone and didn't find out till a 2nd or 3rd date what her real name was? Would that feel like a lie to you? Is that paranoid? (I don't give out my first name until I've e-mailed someone a few times, and try not to be too casual with my hobbies, but I'm just trying to think this through.)

The first concept to think about is that professional writers use pen names.

Clear and honest communication is key. A lie would be that I didn't tell them Pandora is a scene name, or if they gave me Bob as their name but they turned up with an ID when I met them that had an entirely different name. Folks who are involved with me are provided with my birthname when they make arrangements to meet me in person. In turn, I ask them what name would be on their identification, and we talk about their concerns with regard to privacy.

I'll share with you a story. I've been active in the BDSM community for 12, going on 13 years now. Early on, I worked professionally and used the name Pandora, and that's how a majority of folks grew to know me. My mother and brother even know the name. I have taught using this scene name. In 2004, when I ran for my leather titles, I stuck with Pandora because that's how everyone knows me. Someone I work with that has a grudge caught wind of my being kinky and holding an international leather title and decided to email my entire executive board outing me to them. Corporate counsel and HR was involved. It was only because I use a scene name and don't tie what I do in my personal life with my employer that I managed to keep my job, make a living and continue doing the things that I love.

I share my birth name with people who are in the need to know. My chosen leather family and my partners know. I am also willing to validate who I am to play partners up to and including providing ID, references and verification of employment. If that's insufficient, then perhaps that person isn't someone that should be involved with a person having my level of community exposure.....

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 8:56:25 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I don't think it's a lie to use a fake name if you tell the person that you are getting involved with that it IS indeed a fake name and that you're willing to tell them your actual name after you meet and feel more comfortable.

But to use a fake name and let a person believe it's your actual name, I think, is wrong.

<I'm really Marie>

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 8:59:30 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Funny I don't even think of "Mia" as a fake name, it is more of an alias.
Like Pandora, I have used it for years.

In my case about 12 years, "Mia" is my internet name, not fake at all, it
is my stage name.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/29/2007 9:01:04 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 9:02:44 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

My first name alone makes me uniquely traceable. I used to give it out, but I very rarely do now after a communication that went freaky. Then I gave a false name. For a while I didn't say it was a false name, then tried letting people know it wasn't really my name, but then they really wanted to know what the real one was (frankly, so would I).

Giving the false name was problematic when I finally told them my name. A name is intimacy, and when I told them that "Sarah" wasn't my real name, they felt duped and lied to. It's not a method I would recommend. MySweetSubmssive is clearly a screen name, and while some submissives would want to know my name (and I'd like to share it!), a screen name is a way to maintain safety while not giving the appearance of being shifty or deceitful.

MSS

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 7/29/2007 9:09:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 9:36:53 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

I dont share my first name untill I know someone very well, I have a rather unusual name so I am very carefull about giveing it out.(I mean if my name was mary it would be different I mean there are a lot of mary's out there)

ms

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 9:42:16 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Honestly, does anyone believe that feastie is my real name? I wouldn't think so. However, I don't share my real name, which is quite unique, with anyone until I feel comfortable about it. I haven't tried tracking myself down on the net, but I probably could, given a hobby of mine.

I knew a man that went by his middle name...and when we dated and he gave me his cell number...i wasn't aware of that...so when i got his voice mail and he used only his first and last name, which i didn't know either...lol (man that makes me sound stupid), i thought i had the wrong number.

Just to clarify, he was someone I'd known from the local group for a couple of years, we just apparently hadn't gotten around to talking about names!

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 9:43:42 PM

violetaelf

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

I personally always say that 'violet' is my scene name and I much prefer it to my real name. I give my real name only to those that I've became good friends with... but still ask them to call me by my scene name most of the time, just because I prefer it.

If you're honest about it.. it's not a lie, and it's only your business as to why you prefer not to give out your real name if that's your choice. Be honest about how you feel and then if a person is smart, they will respect your decision...

'violet'

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 10:26:54 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

What parent in their right mind would name their cute baby daughter "sublizzie"??? Of course this isn't my real name. It is a derivative of my first name though. So I can honestly tell someone, if they ask, that my first name is lizzie. After I get to know them they'll learn that I actually go by my middle name. In my local community I am known by a completely different scene name, but many people also know and use my real name. But these are people I know, not ones I'm only emailing or IMing.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/29/2007 10:34:24 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

~FR~

I like my real name so it's the one I use. I had someone threaten to out me once and it just made me laugh and ask them who they thought they were going to out me to since all my friends and family already know my lifestyle. That said, I have no problem with those who chose to use a scene name because they have much more to lose than I do.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 12:03:29 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It's funny, I have always used my real name when meeting someone in real life. Never even thought about not using it. My slave used her real name with me before we met as well.
I did meet a slave in Brasil years ago who used a fake name for about the first month that we talked online. She wrote for a major magazine there, so I understood her caution. It didn't bother me at all.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 12:23:07 AM

georgejames68

Posts: 72
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline

I don't consider it a lie to use a false name, as many, many people do and it does allow some security and safety. The thing that gets me riled is to find that the person I'm talking to has a "screen" name, an "e-mail" name, a nickname, another Screen and another nickname, and still you end up finding that their real name is something totally else.

If your searching for a companion/wife as I am, and your talking to several ladies, you can get totally confused with all the names. You know you've talked to someone and suddenly they show up in IM with a completely different name and wonder why you don't recognize them as if they're the only person in the world you could possibly be communicating with. I've never yet had a woman, (whom I've asked), say that I'm the only one SHE is talking to, most have several guys going at once, it's the name of the game until you find who, (male or female), you think is the "right" one for you! I totally agree that "real" name exchange as well as some proof is required before actually meeting! George

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 12:23:40 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I'm Donna. Pretty much everyone knows that here, by now....so that's that. I don't worry much. My whole name is on messenger. I figure if someone wants to harm me they'll find what they want to know anyway....otherwise I'm a big sap for being trusting, I suppose...

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 12:25:16 AM

BiggerThanJesus

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Let's face it, there's a double standard when it comes to giving out names. Mainly for safety reasons, which is understandable.

If you're a woman, you can give out all kinds of fake information (name, age, fake picture, anything) but if you're a guy, you have to provide everything right off the bat (name, phone number, e-mail, MySpace account, copy of driver's license, stool sample).

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 12:53:58 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

you can keep the stool sample.

Really.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to BiggerThanJesus)

Post #: 19

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 3:12:33 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiggerThanJesus

Let's face it, there's a double standard when it comes to giving out names. Mainly for safety reasons, which is understandable.

If you're a woman, you can give out all kinds of fake information (name, age, fake picture, anything) but if you're a guy, you have to provide everything right off the bat (name, phone number, e-mail, MySpace account, copy of driver's license, stool sample).

Wait, you're not Jesus? Oh, I'm sorry....BiggerthanJesus. LOL My bad.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to BiggerThanJesus)

Post #: 20

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