SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005 Status: offline
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What does the phrase "Pushing someone's (BDSM) limits" mean for you? (whether you are a Dominant , or a submissive.) After reading a few threads today, it occurred to me this is one of those phrases (for me anyway) that I see and hear so often, that I think I am positive I really know what it means - when actually, it's not very clear to me what it really means. The phrase "Safe, Sane and Consensual" is kind of like that for me, too - I know what "consensual" means, but I think what constitutes "safe" or "sane" could be up for grabs...(but that's a whole other, separate discussion I guess.) Anyway -I was talking with someone about a month ago about this, and they told me: "Well, it should be obvious what it means" Actually, it's not. And I hear this phrase tossed around blithely a lot, as if someone saying it is some "auto-guarantee" that should make someone else feel "instantly safe", in someone else's hands (and for some people, I think it also means that they think you should be willing to take that statement at face-value, without asking any "follow-up" questions.) They can say, for instance: "I'll test your limits - but not "cross" them" OR "I'll push your boundaries, but not violate you" - And so on. Hmmm. And? - What's that mean, exactly? Boundaries are, well - boundaries. There is something static (as opposed to movable) implied in the word "boundary" (to me). Not that I mind (occasionally) pushing them (or having them pushed). **Do you tell someone else when you think you have a right to "push" them, and just when you're going to do that? Or just consider "pushing" them to be an automatic "part of the BDSM and D/s deal"? I am not arguing "Pro" or "Con" here, just wondering about it. Something about the phrase just strikes me as slightly strange. Not the idea, necessarily, but the way the idea is worded strikes me as a little weird. Who do I write to about this? hehe....just kidding. For me, it means someone might end up getting a few extra swats with a strap (than they thought they were going to maybe get) during a "scene" - but certainly not violating any agreed-upon "Hard Limits." Although apparently for some folks, from what I've read, some think it's okay for someone to "push" even their "Hard Limits" (or maybe, were I in "submissive" mode, I'd receive more swats than I thought I was getting (I am a Switch). Different strokes for different folks, and all of that - but I am wondering what people think. **I am just not too clear on what the word "Push" means - does it mean violate? Increase someone's capacity to tolerate pain or discomfort? Or what? Maybe I am "hair-splitting" - but this whole topic area really has me thinking, for some reason. What does "Pushing someone's limits" mean for you? Do you think someone needs to tell you if they are going to do it before-hand, or do you consider it to be their/Your "right" to practice this anytime? Just wondering. Thanks for any replies. P.S.* I have to get to sleep in a few minutes, as I have a very busy day tommorrow, but this topic was on my mind, and I thought it was a thought-provoking enough question that I didn't want to forget about it posting it - but I will check in tommorrow and read replies. And thanks to anyone who posts a reply. -Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/3/2007 12:25:08 AM >
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"Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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