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RE: why cheat???? - 8/13/2007 10:35:12 PM

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Joined: 8/1/2007
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I cheated once about nine years ago. I was 19, and it was the one and only mono/closed relationship I have ever been in. I had been a year without sex, and I finally broke down and had some human interaction. Then I ran straight home and admitted it. I was a cheat, not a liar. The relationship ended straight away, and I spent another three years with the girl I cheated with. (I spent three year with her before the relationship also) Since that time I have never done anything that would be thought of as cheating. Mostly I have had one girlfriend with just a couple short exceptions. I have declined casual sex, and not felt much of a need. My girlfriends have all taken another boyfriend, girlfriend, or fuck buddy for short periods of time, but over all the desire for outside contact has been limited.

I say all that to make this point. I believe that a person who is told they can not do something that is in their nature, will probably do it anyhow, regardless of the consequences. So if you are a mono person, be mono. If you are poly, then for God's sake don't pretend to be mono, because you will only hurt yourself and those you love in the end.
~Ki

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/13/2007 10:38:34 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

why cheat????

my gf and i have discussed this situation and we both agree, it's only cheating if either or both parties hide their activities.

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to subbie4u2use)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/13/2007 11:19:35 PM

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbie4u2use

i got out of a relationship with a Dom some \time ago...it was long distance and im tlaking NY to FL...i just found out that he cheated on me with another sub. We had signed a contract and in it was that we would not play with others unless it was ok with the other party. he knew that i was monogamous from the start and expecte dhim to tell methese things....is it a Dom tendency to cheat?? please, tell me it aint so!

Yes. All true Masters cheat. Any other brilliant questions?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to subbie4u2use)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/14/2007 6:22:25 AM

Posts: 255
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Yes. All true Masters cheat. Any other brilliant questions?

Thank you Mr Disipline. Right to the point and no nonsense.
I like it.

( quietly so not to jinx - i have never had a man cheat on me)

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/14/2007 7:40:08 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP...He lacked his own personal control..thusly be grateful that you found out in this way ,than another..remember lack of self control in a Dominant type is not a desireable trait...neither is lying...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to leatherette)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/14/2007 7:41:23 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbie4u2use

i got out of a relationship with a Dom some \time ago...it was long distance and im tlaking NY to FL...i just found out that he cheated on me with another sub. We had signed a contract and in it was that we would not play with others unless it was ok with the other party. he knew that i was monogamous from the start and expecte dhim to tell methese things....is it a Dom tendency to cheat?? please, tell me it aint so!

Yes. All true Masters cheat. Any other brilliant questions?

Any other brilliant answers?..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/14/2007 9:38:38 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/19/2007
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well put :)

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 10:52:47 AM

Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

many cheat. it is b/c we deny our insticts the male instict to spread his seed. But i don't cheat it isn't cheating if you ask the person before hand. some men cheat to keep the relationship alive b/c the women withholds sex and you don't know what that does to a man.

and honey long term relationships but a strain on the man not able to have sex puts a strain on the man. so let him fool around it only keeps the relationship stronger. same goes for women.

i mean i was in a long term relationship with my ex alpha b/c she wanted to go to school. and she cheated on me many times after i gave her orders not to have sex with men. that is why i dropped her and i wanted something tanglable.

(in reply to subbie4u2use)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 10:56:20 AM

Posts: 49
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

"sure pussy is better than fresh pussy... because in the end you get no pussy"

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luna(tic?)

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 12:06:47 PM

Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My first and biggest question is why would two people who have over 1300 miles of expressway between them set each other up so completely to fail by demanding monogamy "unless the other knew about it?"

Why is that setting up for failure? Why is is so difficult to make a call and speak your intentions to the other? Seems very simple to me.

And honestly, did you ever really think that he'd actually call you up, say "sweetie, I have this really hot chick over here, and well, since you can't get here till next month, would you really mind if I fuck her brains out?"

Why again is this such an issue? If he is the Dom then he has the right to do what he does, within the perameters (sp?) that he agreed to. So why would he need to be sneaky about it behind her back? That to me sounds like a major weakness in someone and not Domly...Sneaking off rather than saying "Sweetie, put your fingers on your clit and listen to me very carefully...this is what i am going to do and i want you to think about how much it will please me while you touch yourself." yadda yadda yadda (or something of the sort)

I know I know... I'm such a doormat!!

My third question is if this relationship ended some time ago and you're just now finding out about the episode of cheating, why are you generalizing this newfound information as "Dom tendencies"?
what i got from her post is that she is afraid that this will happen again and is asking if it is commonplace, if she didn't question that i'd question her.

juliet

Maybe i sound like i have my head in the clouds with my responses here, but this is a particularly deep issue for me personally. i just can't understand why someone in control can't control themselves (if they WANT to)...why they can't be straightforward (instead of sneaky and deceptive) when they are the one in control of things.....There are ways to deal with things and ppl you profess feelings for, make promises to and ways not to.

This kind of thing can be done in a way that doesn't breech trust and that considers and includes the other or it can be done in a sneaky, snakey, i don't care about anyone but me type way.

_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to julietsierra)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 12:32:40 PM

Enlightenedespot

Posts: 43
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline

Lifestyle has no bearing on cheating. Just ask a priest.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 12:39:00 PM

Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

real funny....

(in reply to Enlightenedespot)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 5:55:48 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbie4u2use

i got out of a relationship with a Dom some \time ago...it was long distance and im tlaking NY to FL...i just found out that he cheated on me with another sub. We had signed a contract and in it was that we would not play with others unless it was ok with the other party. he knew that i was monogamous from the start and expecte dhim to tell methese things....is it a Dom tendency to cheat?? please, tell me it aint so!

No...it is not just a dominant thing. There are submissives that cheat, dominants that cheat, vanillas that cheat.

You two signed a contract. He could not/did not want to live up to that contract. Why? Who knows...fear of losing you by wanting to change things and renegotiate, chafing at a restriction he did not really want to agree to, whatever...the point is, he didn't live up to his word of honor. Your gain for having found out.

(in reply to subbie4u2use)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 6:01:30 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

You're supposed to be fucking the one you're in the relationship with. Unless you ment long distance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterJBK

and honey long term relationships but a strain on the man not able to have sex puts a strain on the man. so let him fool around it only keeps the relationship stronger. same goes for women.

.

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to MasterJBK)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 6:13:57 PM

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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I cheated... Once.... 26 years ago just before finding the lifestyle and never did it since. I've done mono, open, poly... but all HONEST! Once you make a commitment you stick to the rules... if you can't then you are **** (I'll avoid putting the word, it only upsets the modkin, just use your imagination based on context) and aren't worth anyone being in a relationship with you.

I had just turned 15 at the time... I grew up and realised that no matter if I lost respect for them, I 'should' have more respect for Me than to stoop so low and break My word, and if I had lost respect for them THAT badly then they should be out the door anyhow. If you can't keep to a commitment... don't make it in the first place. If the situation has changed, renegotiate or end it before moveing onto something that would breach the trust that binds it. If you can't control Yourself, how can You ever hope to control another!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 6:37:16 PM

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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Interesting name, "subbie4u2use"......Seems you kinda got what you wanted...

Shake it off kid!...You seem smart, your pretty and ya got a great set of tits...Things could always be worse.

Why do guys cheat? Many reasons; all of them are valid. (kidding) Maybe he didn't respect the relationship, maybe you made it all way tooo fucking easy...Maybe he was just too far away to actually put meaning to what he was saying? It still is rough because he gave you his word.

Look hon, (the "hon" part was added to sound extra condescending) You seem pretty damn groovy...Why not get involved with someone kind of local....It makes life so much easier...Let's face it, it's rather difficult to slash some motherfucker's tires when they are over a thousand miles away...It's just as equally as difficult to get that quick blow job when you are in a pinch. So along comes good ol' what's her name and you're stuck at home crying.

Good luck, good sailing, and I hope your next relationship is close enough to tap and spank that ass at the drop of a dime....Good luck to you as well as your breastesses.

Peace.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 7:37:41 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline

daddyscherry...you got exactly what i meant in the initial post, thank you for clarifying it...
i appreciate the comments...even though they were mostly towards my breasts:-P but, initially i did want to find someone close, but he found me and had to work his butt off to get me...thats what really upset me...i wasnt the one who wanted the relationship and then when he had me, it was fun. but things happened...and now ill just chalk it up as an experience and move on....some advice i was given by a very knowledgable Dom:) some of the best i've heard yet

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 7:43:29 PM

Posts: 255
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Dear fellow girls, I do believe Mr Disipline was being sarcastic.
Would have to ask him..

< Message edited by leatherette -- 8/15/2007 8:15:05 PM >

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 7:50:37 PM

Posts: 255
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Why do guys cheat? maybe you made it all way tooo fucking easy...

Waaaiitt back it up! Domiguy? No, oh no you couldn't mean it.

You mean to say - a girl should manipulate and keep a man under her thumb?

Say it isn't so... puhlllleeeaaassseeee....

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: why cheat???? - 8/15/2007 8:19:14 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherette

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Why do guys cheat? maybe you made it all way tooo fucking easy...

Waaaiitt back it up! Domiguy? No, oh no you couldn't mean it.

You mean to say - a girl should manipulate and keep a man under her thumb?

Say it isn't so... puhlllleeeaaassseeee....

Both of our examples are in the extreme.....As a guy, a domiguy, I can assure you there is a little something about "the chase"....And it is not about the woman being manipulative...It's being able to watch her brain work in deciding if this, and I, am right for her....Now the op made it clear that this is not her situation....For many of us, we place value on the person that we are with and we would like to think that those feelings are reciprocated. If sub just shows up and makes it fairly clear that as long as I have stated my position of "King Kong Dom" loudly enough that everything that she is, is mine for the taking....Well, that smells a little to much like being pathetic than being a thinking and sentient woman. In this case it would be rather easy to take that person for granted....If I wasn't soon cheating ....She would probably soon be facing some fairly serious fucked up shit...Not because I am dominate but simply because I do not care. Either way, it is going to end rather poorly.

Now the reality is I would probably not be interested in what she has to offer...Unless of course her patheticism was overshadowed by her hotness.

I believe I have mentioned in the past exactly how shallow I am capable of becoming.

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(in reply to leatherette)

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