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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:53:50 PM

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please explain? not sure what you mean

Just to clarify-sex means NOT professional relationship for me, not that I mind other people doing it that way, just my rule.

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 1:57:03 PM

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i think no one is saying that you should not give to one another i think it is the leeches we are talking about the ones that never work and use people for that purpose

(in reply to goddessAVA)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:11:28 PM

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I think you're trying too hard to get etched in stone parameters for male and female dominants. I've been in a few relationships in my time, and to be honest, I've pretty much experienced the spectrum in the answers to this question. I've had some women who expect me to pay for everything, taking the old stereotypical man-courting-woman procedure. I was owned by a woman who would swing by my dorm room while I was in college, take me to the supermarket, shop for groceries for me, choosing what I was going to eat, pay for it, drive me home, have me put everything away and then spend a few hours hanging out before she'd drive home. I dated a dominant once who wanted everything completely Dutch.

I really don't think there are distinctive parameters here based on gender, but more on personal desires and personal expectations.

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:21:35 PM

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The Femdom description you offer is the "exploitive model," which I think has a greater place in people's imaginations than in reality. Femdoms can't find malesubs to comport with it, and malesubs aren't really interested in such women beyond the sex symbol they represent.

As a LTR model, its nearly proposterous.

For short term and secondary relationships, the model has some limited flight capacity.

The short answer to your question, tho, is simple: the main difference between men and women is that that woman hold the sexual power in our world. Realizing this, they are able to use if for financial and exploitive gain in ways that men never could.

Using sex for power, however, cuts both ways: it can be empowering (I have the control) and demeaning (I'm prostituting myself.)

The best femdoms know how to balance everything, and they really do care about their men. They are neither prostituting or exploitive. Even the pros, like Diana Vesta and Aakasha, have a kind of nurturing quality about them.

Maledoms are arguably trying to compensate for the fact that they don't have the sexual power buy finding women who like to surrender that to them. Women, though, have it in the first place.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:22:58 PM

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Well, SimplyMichael, I think you will find its different strokes for different folks---there are Doms who expect the little lady to support them--though that is not how You nor I nor many others arrange their lives---

I have a nice large income, however, I for one expect the boy to work or have some kind of income, just as I do not expect him to fund Me, I do not expect to fund him totally---when a boy asks to meet Me, I do expect he is going to pay for dinner, I would expect that if a vanilla man asked Me out. In a relationship, I expect financial give and take. ( and that doesnt mean he gives and I take or viceversa).

I do not ask to be paid for My time, I'm not a pro--I want someone to want to be with Me as much as I do them--oh and note, not one mention of sex. Sex isnt the be all end all do all--it may be part of what happens between Me and the boy, but it isnt what it is all about----When I engage a submissive for the first time, I do not engage in conversations around sex, sexual fantasies and wanking material---if he continues, he is dropped flat--I want to do a variety of things in life.-----I can have the dynamic with no overt manifestations or I can implement manifestations--the thing that I try to stress is this is not a fantasy---there is real life out there---bills to be paid, lives to be lead---I don't walk around in stilettos, leather and carry a whip---and do not expect you will be naked and chained 24/7---however, one can expect benefits from the exchange.

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:38:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

None of them were "her" submissives- they were simply submissives local to her. And frankly considering she revealed later that she has a UM female in the house, noone else seemed to think maybe having a male you'd only known through a few parties and online come to the house and help you out might not be the best idea. This I do not understand.

After giving this some thought.
A caring and considerate submissive could have: called every day just to see how she was doing, offered to go to the
store and buy groceries, pick up medicine, etc., actually have food delivered to her home, sent roses, sent cards, sent flowers,
sent any number of items, the list is endless.
There is no excuse other than just not caring or being thoughtful.

In essence, you are saying an interested submissive male is not capable of doing what many and most vanilla, non-life style males
would do IF they were interested after 1 date?
The things listed above have nothing to do with having a UM in the home.

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 8/19/2007 2:40:17 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:41:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

None of them were "her" submissives- they were simply submissives local to her. And frankly considering she revealed later that she has a UM female in the house, noone else seemed to think maybe having a male you'd only known through a few parties and online come to the house and help you out might not be the best idea. This I do not understand.

After giving this some thought.
A caring and considerate submissive could have: called every day just to see how she was doing, offered to go to the
store and buy groceries, pick up medicine, etc., actually have food delivered to her home, sent roses, sent cards, sent flowers,
sent any number of items, the list is endless.
There is no excuse other than just not caring or being thoughtful.

In essence, you are saying an interested submissive male is not capable of doing what many and most vanilla, non-life style males
would do IF they were interested after 1 date?
The things listed above have nothing to do with having a UM in the home.

It is a difference between a caring individual and one that is selfish all about their needs so to speak. empathy goes a long way

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:48:55 PM

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I can NOT believe this, but I actually agree with you latexbaby.
There is no excuse for a simple phone call or sending a card, IF you
are interested in someone and know they are sick.
I often get e-cards from virtual strangers when I don't feel well.
Not even 1 e-card, that is sad.

Here is the thread: Just an Ordinary Rose

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 8/19/2007 3:10:55 PM >

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:55:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

The best femdoms know how to balance everything, and they really do care about their men. They are neither prostituting or exploitive. Even the pros, like Diana Vesta and Aakasha, have a kind of nurturing quality about them.

I'm not a professional dominatrix. I have a career in marketing, totally unrelated to kink. I also support my husband financially - he doesn't have a job or have to pay for anything.

Akasha

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(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 2:57:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Susan,

I am not interested in blame or right or wrong, just exploring the differences, real or imagined.

Michael, eventually someone will explain the differences, between how Male and Female
Dominants are treated and perceived.
We will have to wade through the background, history, society, expectations, who, what,where
and when posts.

Michael asked what are the differences.
Not why they are treated differently.
ok...I will go out on a limb and actually only respond to that part of the question >" perception" ...
( this is my perception over the course of 15 yrs..and will say it is changing most recently, as I look more closely into the Domme views through CM ) but prior to this changing, I have felt/perceived>
Male Top = mostly physical and casual and void of the emotional commitment.
Male Dominant = emotional, mental with emphasis on leadership and ownership...
Sadist = mostly Top oriented to be able to keep the boundaries in place in order to apply the sadistic.

Female domme/w male sub> a Top disposition and mostly perceived as having multiples who serve her, and overall sadistic tendancies & humiliation/degradation playing a big role as well, running throughout the relationships..the lines blurr about the emotional and mental caring( vs the male dominant w/female sub) and lean toward the service sub/slave ownership to take care of her needs.. I have not heard much about the femDom who is nurturing, mostly getting the idea that she's rough and tough and has boys that want it that way ( submission btw to male subs seem to also be about the physical and humiliation )

femDomme w/female subs> tend more toward the emotional and mental..but still multiple and poly relationships and subs/slaves... not hearing too much about the intimacies but underlying less sadistic and more intimate ( than femdom w/male)...

I do not know or have heard much about MaleDom/w male sub....so no comment on that one.

as I said> you asked for perception..I am not saying I agree with the above ..and frankly, have been on my own quest to further my knowledge about the same> because I'm sure my perceptions are narrow or misguided at times...and have seen evidence to that fact more since signing onto CM.

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(in reply to MistressDoMe)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:08:11 PM

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Just simply socialization of gender roles.

Speaking personally, I favor a dynamic that focuses heavily on the "slave" and "service" aspects and is largely the exact opposite of what I have been taught as "proper Southern gentlemen behavior".

I want her to carry the groceries. I want her to open the door for me. I want her to do the dishes while I relax and read a book. I want someone who is my own personal vision of what a "slave" is.

In addition to the slim odds of finding a partner roughly my age for this kind of dynamic, it will require a lot of unlearning old habits on my part and becomming comfortable with having these things done for me.

Despite my rational mind, it still bothered me to have someone carry my bags and open the door for me. It made me feal awkward and uncomfortable, that these were the things I was "supposed" to be doing.

But still....despite those fealings....I liked it a lot

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:15:57 PM

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~FR~

Speaking strictly to the OP subject, I tend to see more similiarities than differences in the power of men and women who are dominant in D/s and BDSM. Many gross generalizations to follow within a very subjective and limited scope. That's the disclaimer. ::grins::

I believe that women tend to be more nurturing with their power but less flexible in whom they will bestow that power on. I think men are more likely to be willing to mold someone to what they seek and tend to be more forgiving of errors. I think female sadists are harsher with their skills than their male counterparts and will dish out more in a given session than than a male.

Also, I think dominant women gain confidence and surety quicker than dominant men. In other words, once a woman recognizes her dominance, she is more likely to go with it than question it than is a man partly because a woman doesn't have to get passed the societal laws of not hitting a man whereas a man first has to shed the idea that a man hitting a woman is abusive whether that woman wants to consent to such or not. On the other hand, a woman does have to get passed notions that they can't be powerful because that's not what the little woman is 'supposed' to do and it's okay for a man to be in charge because that's what is expected of men.

On the whole, I think most dominant men want service in a variety of areas but don't really care about micro-managing all areas and a woman is more likely to want to manage more areas and be pickier on 'how' things are done. I also think that men tend to assume that sex and sexuality are automatically included in service and more women tend to think it's a negotiable subject. I think men are more comfortable with 'big picture' and women tend to know that if the little pictures aren't examined, the big picture is going to be grainy.

I can't defend anything I've said, they are just my own feelings on the subject so any and all can feel free to disagree with everything I've said and I won't argue the point.

Celeste

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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:25:25 PM

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No way-- he carries the groceries, he opens the doors----none of this equality crap--bring on the Southern Gentleman!!---Well some of it--smiles

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 8/19/2007 3:42:11 PM >

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:28:29 PM

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Yeah, fuck this equality crap! (Even though its not really prevalent at all in my ideal dynamic) Now let me open the door to the kitchen so you can cook up some of these groceries I brought in! Dont forget my beer. I got work tommorrow while you stay at home and take care of the kids like a good woman.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:47:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Yeah, fuck this equality crap! (Even though its not really prevalent at all in my ideal dynamic) Now let me open the door to the kitchen so you can cook up some of these groceries I brought in! Dont forget my beer. I got work tommorrow while you stay at home and take care of the kids like a good woman.

heh, nice try, first of all, no way I am going to cook while you scratch your crotch- and OBTW I make more money than you-- beer never enters My home, unless its gourmet-- and submissives seldom get alcohol--you can serve dinner off the silver trays located in the buffet---and I have raised My UM all by Myself--BY CHOICE

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:53:03 PM

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Well, we should get you a medal, but I fail to see how any of this applies to My dynamic and My way for My relationship.

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(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:53:08 PM

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I don't necessarily disagree with the idea that female Dominants can see submissive men as a mere "accessory" (I am sure some do, and some of the men like it that way, too, and maybe many don't, I dunno) - but Geez C'mon. Simply Michael: Can you honestly put forth the idea in all seriousness, that many male Doms don't see female submissives as a mere "accessory" as well? Gimme a break.

Sorry - not trying to be mean, or anything - not every single last one of them do - but a good portion of male Doms, I think do just that ("I will use you as my _cktoy, slut", etc) - but, I felt I just had to mention this.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/19/2007 4:04:21 PM >

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RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:56:01 PM

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I'm really glad to see the majority of this discussion has served as an oppurtunity for female Doms to grind their "Anti Male" axe.

Edited to Add : Not you, Susan

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 8/19/2007 3:57:45 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:58:17 PM

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I am not anti-male, nor am I grinding any Axe. (I actually like being used as a _ucktoy). He. hehe.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/19/2007 4:05:14 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/19/2007 3:58:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Well, we should get you a medal, but I fail to see how any of this applies to My dynamic and My way for My relationship.

It does not and that is the point Michael is trying to make, there are differences and at the end of the day---it is what works in that relationship at that moment and nothing more.

Oh and PS, I am soooooooo not anti male----I adore them--but MY WAY. heh

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 8/19/2007 3:59:50 PM >

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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