RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question

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RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/11/2005 3:11:33 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
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ooooh, where do you find those..I could use a few!!! (no sarasm, I was being serious!)

Do you have a few of your favorite info websites? I know your opinion of Elise Sutton, lol. I do have her book, and there are points that I greatly disagree with, but she does have a few valid ones as well. I guess its like any of the non-fiction genre. There are things you agree with, things you dont, and things that make you want to shove a mouse down the author's throat.

Have a great night

N

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/11/2005 3:27:18 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
ooooh, where do you find those..I could use a few!!! (no sarasm, I was being serious!)

You mean the men?

quote:

Do you have a few of your favorite info websites?

Acutally no. Oddly enough, I've never been big on someone else's opinion of how to be dominant. I sort of find it within myself. That doesn't mean that I haven't had influences. My mentor Rapier was a big influence on me. My dear friend LadyBeckett and I talked hours and she is a wealth of information. There have been many who I've simply chatted with learned from and hopefully gave back to.

I mostly understand power from sources outside D/s. The most influencial ones as of late are The 48 Laws of Power by Joseph Greene, The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, Tao Te Ching by Lao Tze.

As for techniques for play, my favorite is Midori http://www.beautybound.com/ because she has a deliciously wicked mind and if you ever get a chance to attend one of her workshops, I highly recommend it.

- LA

*edited because I misunderstood the question -- I think! LOL

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 7/11/2005 3:29:32 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Niran)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/11/2005 3:52:42 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
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Thank you for the website.

Yes, I meant the men. I am working on moving e out of penis mode into braincell mode. Its working. Sometimes. LOL

**edited for typo**

< Message edited by Niran -- 7/11/2005 7:32:42 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/11/2005 4:44:43 PM

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
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Goddess,
i think that finding intimace in other ways then penetration is a very big thing for me. especially since i view myself as a lesbian. i feel sooo much closer to a woman when i am pampering Her. i love to massage for long periods of time as well give manicures, pedicures, facials and other spa treatments. Keeping a good house for Her and taking care of Her choirs is satisfying too but not nearly as much as pampering Her.
kimmy
xoxoxoxo

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/12/2005 4:45:14 AM

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
Yes, I meant the men.

I usually don't look for men in BDSM Lifestyle settings, probably because I don't consider myself BDSM Lifestyle.

I usually meet men and women for that matter in regular settings and then dig a little deeper. If they aren't into WIITWD and are still a good lover/friend, then it might work out. But usually, my instincts are pretty good. I've often been pleasantly surprised that when I mention having dominant tendencies, I usually stir arousal and not just on a sexual level.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Niran)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/13/2005 6:20:53 PM

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

If they aren't into WIITWD and are still a good lover/friend, then it might work out.

What is "WITTWD"?

Respectfully
little spike

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/13/2005 7:21:25 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
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I had to look it up too.. if my search was correct its "What it tis that we do"

N

(in reply to littlespike)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/13/2005 9:37:29 PM

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Joined: 5/22/2004
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Rendering a malesub's cock useless via any chastity method which creates orgasm denial doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense if the Lady enjoys having penetrative sex with him. However, I doubt many of us would deny the advantages of controlling his orgasms!

As far as your question of what a Lady gets out of keeping her malesub symbolically castrated goes; unless she's cuckolding him or prefers to live without penetrative sex with a real cock... I can't even imagine any advantages to her.

subfever

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 4:53:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran

I had to look it up too.. if my search was correct its "What it tis that we do"

N

Almost. What it is that we do. It is a more encompassing term then BDSM and has been adopted by many kink enthusiasts. You might both be interested in the following thread on the subject. http://www.collarchat.com/m_119664/tm.htm

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Niran)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 4:59:45 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
As far as your question of what a Lady gets out of keeping her malesub symbolically castrated goes; unless she's cuckolding him or prefers to live without penetrative sex with a real cock... I can't even imagine any advantages to her.

See subfever, that was exactly what I was trying to figure out with this thread. That was my original hunch but then again, I'm not every Domme and so therefore in the spirit of understanding other perspectives, I started this thread with the hopes of garnering testimonials from Dommes who practice chastity to varying degrees.

I won't say I have gotten no insight. That would be false. DustyGold was able to explain to me about her need for service subs. I see and respect her point of view. That is about the extent of the responses here that addressed the OP directly.

I guess I was expecting a lot more since if you look at the last 200 entries or so in Ask A Mistress, you have so many boys looking for medium to long term chastity and yet, very few Dommes who want to put them into this. Perhaps those Dommes are being silent. I was hoping they'd speak up and help me understand.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subfever)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 3:42:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
As far as your question of what a Lady gets out of keeping her malesub symbolically castrated goes; unless she's cuckolding him or prefers to live without penetrative sex with a real cock... I can't even imagine any advantages to her.

See subfever, that was exactly what I was trying to figure out with this thread. That was my original hunch but then again, I'm not every Domme and so therefore in the spirit of understanding other perspectives, I started this thread with the hopes of garnering testimonials from Dommes who practice chastity to varying degrees.

I won't say I have gotten no insight. That would be false. DustyGold was able to explain to me about her need for service subs. I see and respect her point of view. That is about the extent of the responses here that addressed the OP directly.

I guess I was expecting a lot more since if you look at the last 200 entries or so in Ask A Mistress, you have so many boys looking for medium to long term chastity and yet, very few Dommes who want to put them into this. Perhaps those Dommes are being silent. I was hoping they'd speak up and help me understand.

- LA

Oops... I may have jumped to a too-quick conclusion and misinterpreted your "symbolically castrated" phrase to mean permanent or at least long-term. I very much understand the Lady's advantages of keeping her malesub in short to medium term chastity!

Of course, "short and medium term" are both relative to a malesub's age and libido...

Now, I'll sure be surprised if Goddess Dusty Gold is the only Lady to step up to the plate on behalf of the Chastity Team!

subfever

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 3:52:44 PM

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As an afterthought, it occurred to me that what is perceived as short, medium, or long term chastity could very well be relative to the Lady's libido level too!

subfever

(in reply to subfever)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 6:50:34 PM

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Exactly! Keeping my boy chaste for 24 hours is long term for me. What can I say? I fully enjoy being the glorious and powerful slut that I am!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to subfever)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/14/2005 11:21:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Exactly! Keeping my boy chaste for 24 hours is long term for me. What can I say? I fully enjoy being the glorious and powerful slut that I am!
- LA

LOL, yes, I agree that if I'm really into my boy, 24 hours is enough chastity.
I'm absolutely in agreement that chastising a boy would feel more like punishing myself and therefore not preferable. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/15/2005 7:21:28 AM

Niran

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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This thread has been running through my head since I first posted in it. I love stuff that makes me questions why I do what I do. I see it like this. Its part of the TPE. Before the submission, the man was able to come when he chose, how he chose and so on. For 8 years, e did what he wanted, how he wanted, and if he was in a good mood, I might benefit from it too. I was the queen of the fake orgasm. It went like this-breathe hard, breathe hard, squeeze vaginal muscles 4 times, make funny cat sound, flop onto bed.

As I said before, e is sexually driven and even more ego driven. So much so that it has caused him to make some stupid stupid choices. Thats not anything we want to talk about here, of course. The question is"Why do I use orgasm control?" I use it because I can. He handed me over control of his sexual pleasure. I asked him last night if he wanted to change that, and he almost looked panicked. He said "Nooo...!!!" If I want to have sex, then we do. If I don't want to, then we don't. He has to earn the right to orgasm. If he doesn't work at pleasuring me, there is no pleasure for him. My days of faking it are over. If he is aroused, and I am not in the mood, he does have the opportunity to try and arouse me. I do not punish him for "daring to become aroused" when half the time I walk around naked. If he can do it, thats great. If he cant, then *shrugs* Oh well.

There is much much more than just the sexual aspect here though too. He is responsible for my pedicure, the brushing of my hair in the evening. If we are in the shower together (time permitting of course) he is responsible for washing me. He does my shaving as well. If he uses inappropriate behavior, these are some of the things that get taken away. If he truly misbehaves, he gets spanked. This is not a sensual spanking with the flat of my hand, either. I use a paint stirrer from Home Depot (its been sanded, yes) There are other things that go on as well, and I dont think anyone really wants to know, lol.

To sum up the question-Why do I control his orgasm? Because it works for me. Sexual pleasure is his for the taking, providing that he works for it. There is a line in Real Women Dont Do Housework (http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/8396/introduction.html) that I love-"As a general rule, you will elicit the best behavior from your husband if you keep him on the edge between frustration and satisfaction" Of course, this is not true for everyone, but I found that it works nicely for me.

Does this help answer your question??

Niran

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/15/2005 11:49:10 AM

RosaB

Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
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I can't believe I spent half an hour writing my post and it just disappeared on my. grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Lets just say I agree with most of the ladies, I want to enjoy a full strong sexual exchange with the man sub or otherwise.

But I do use short term denial, (could be just the duration of a hour could be a week), with service submissives mainly that I'm not romantically involved with. To me it would be cutting off my hand to spite my face to not enjoy deep passionate sex. Even though it's been darn near a year since I've actually felt what a penis feels like when it's inside. that was explained in the other post, too long to go into again. let me hurry up and post this before its lost as well. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Rosa

(in reply to Niran)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/15/2005 3:37:49 PM

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quote:

Does this help answer your question??

Absolutely! Thank you. This is the kind of insight I was hoping to get :) Now you got me thinking...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Niran)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/15/2005 5:06:00 PM

Niran

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/17/2005
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*grins* YAY!! I did good!!

*laughs* Seriously, I am happy that I could shed some light.

N

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/16/2005 6:52:53 AM

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Joined: 2/24/2004
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<waves a cheery gm to Angelika & the other sisters>

G'morning all:

Figured I'd chime in. Personally, I love sexual intercourse. I could never understand how some dommes totally seperate penetration from the sexual gratification curve. Perhaps some of them see it as a weakening in their power base? As if enjoying it makes them less "dommely"? Piffle. I'm secure enough to admit what, where, how, & when I like something, irregardless of what someone else may think about it.

Back to the topic at hand. Chastity devices are fun. Orgasm denial is fun. I hate to say it, but whoever coined the phrase "Control the orgasm, control the man." was bang on. It's simply the way males are wired. I'm over simplifying, but it's essentially true. Men rarely think with the big head, just the little one. Using chastity or orgasm denial does eventually work because it becomes ingrained into their psyche. The whole mind set settles into a pattern that they're loathe to break. It's comfortable and reassuring to know that if they perform well, they get release. Sort of the "reward" program mentality, but it works. The trick is make it your schedule, not his.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: To cum or not to cum, that is the question - 7/16/2005 7:05:38 AM

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Well speaking from my view of things if I dont get sexual satisfaction in a relationship every week or maybe less or a little more then I become dis-satisifed. I enjoy submitting but I also enjoy the kinky sex. I had orgasm control and it was a turn on but it would not be months more a few days as like many of you my Mistress at the time enjoyed sex and enjoyed watching me.

Its a thing of control to not let a male orgasm. I could be controlled without orgasm denial but it added an extra reason to behave and not be cheeky hehe.

(in reply to GddssBella)

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