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RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 9:15:49 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		I isolate myself at times, sometimes it for my own saftey or for others, or because I need to get my head together and figure things out. It can be for a few hours or days, I once went into seclusion for 10 days, scared the hell out of my family, when I came back I was  new person, I felt incredible.
 
I have been in the early stages of relationsips where being 'isolated' was spoken of with the exception of talking to my child, I would be isolated from everyone else for xyz length of time. Personally, I think that is nuts unless you have a VERY strong trust in that person, and even then, only tempory basis.
 
As for those who basically cut themselves off from everyone else in that 'us verses them war', thats a sign of mental illness . I would be terrified for any who engaged in this or took it too seriously. Going a way for a week or two can be healthy, if you basically shun 'life' and becoem reclusive, then their are other 'issues' that need to be addressed and dealt with.  

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 9:17:50 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
we will continue to participate on the boards to hear others and expose ourselves to different ideas and ways of doing things.  However, the majority of our time will be focused on the three of us......

If you are isolating out of fear and not being able to handle views that differ from your own, then I don't think that is a good thing.  If you are isolating yourself to give you time to grow and build a strong inner core before ending your isolation, the that can be rather healthy.....


Just snipped these thoughts out to use as a springboard for my response.....In our relationship, I am not isolated from people or ideas.  I work outside the home, do the shopping, etc. so I am always mingling with people.  I read alot and am online learning as much as I can about how others do WIITWD as well. 

It is this very lack of isolation that sends my focus back to Master and our relationship because the more I see how many others think and do things, the more I cherish what we have.  I don't mean that in a purely negative way.  I just mean that the way our relationship works (our "dynamic," if you will) totally works for us and meets all our needs.  The more I am exposed to alot of other ways, the more I am convinced that we're doing it "right" for us.  Basically, I become more thankful for what we have found in each other.  

If I were isolated from seeing the world around me and, more specifically, from reading about the many trials and tribulations of others in forums such as this one, I wouldn't value what I have been given as much as I do.  Basically, the more I know, the more I find I don't really want to know.  Personally, I'd be rather happy being sort of an isolated hermit but that's not acceptable in His eyes.  He insists that I soak up the world around me ("lifestyle" and otherwise) and not have tunnel vision on just our own little realm.  Oh to be isolated with just Him..............luci   




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(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 9:24:32 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
As for those who basically cut themselves off from everyone else in that 'us verses them war', thats a sign of mental illness

"Cutting yourself off from everyone else" can be a good thing and doesn't in any way necessarily indicate an "us verses them war."  As for it being a "sign of mental illness" - I'd love to see the source material you base that statement on. 
quote:

I would be terrified for any who engaged in this or took it too seriously. Going a way for a week or two can be healthy, if you basically shun 'life' and becoem reclusive, then their are other 'issues' that need to be addressed and dealt with

You wouldn't need to "be terrified" for me in such a case.  I would love it.  I don't think I can take our relationship "too seriously."  Becoming reclusive can be a very positive experience for some - ever hear of monasteries???  Not sure what other "issues" that would necessarily need to be addressed just because someone seeks time alone to reflect.  Not everyone has the mental stability to handle it for sure.  Doesn't mean that no one can benefit from it............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 11:09:39 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		WOW! 

Have you ever just read something and the words just hit you right in the face?  you may have so much to say/type..........but can't?    That's where i'm at.

I will say this.........thank you.

~smilezz~

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 11:25:53 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		"In the general, the urge for solittude is a sign that there is after all spirit in a person and the measure of what spirit there is." - Soren Kiekeggard, "The Sickness Until Death"
 
I personally enjoy my own periods of isolation and solitude, but...they are merely periods and not a whole life.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 11:42:34 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am isolated all the time, and while I enjoy being on my computer day in and day out, I do get sick of it, and wish breifly there were people to be with other than my daddy dom and my parents, however most times I am quite fufilled not being around tons of people. it's just those breif moments when I wish there was people around that cause problems.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: .isolation. - 8/31/2007 11:55:42 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Are we confusing isolation and "alone time"? It seems most people are talking about the latter.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 6:40:34 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		I love isolation. I'm not overly social. I love being alone, sitting on the deck watching the boats go by, listening to the waves, doing stuff on my laptop or reading a book, or just being with R and my kiddo. One of the happiest days I had recently was when the local grocer I love started order online and they deliver..one less trip off the property for me!! It is healthy for me. I am calmer, more at ease, peaceful. I enjoy going out and going away with R but if he isn't around I prefer to be home.

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 7:48:47 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EternalInferno

I believe in living life to the fullest.  You can't do that isolated. 


This is  my philosphy as well.  Rob actually deals with isolation better than I do, when we first moved out to the country he was perfectly happy being away from  people,  I struggled with it and felt incredibly lonely until I decided to get off my ass and  get back to being the social bunny that I am.  Solitude, a far cry from isolation, is something I do enjoy, especially if I'm writing but I still like to know that life is a phone call away or a drive. Rob is actually a very social person as well.

When I think of isolation I think of groups like David Karesh and Jim Jones who isolated their family units from society to feed them  their own  brand of crazy.  

It comes down to the reason behind the isolation.


denika

(in reply to EternalInferno)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 8:14:43 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		[A couple of recent threads made me type this.  I don't even know what I am asking really or if there is any answer so if anyone does respond it's a plus.  It's probably pretty pointless as a post and just random ]
 
they are far from pointless ..smiles.
and our random shared thoughts tend to be the ones that give us clarity, I find..
 
someone isolating another person> to me, is a redflog ( well I meant  redflag..typos can sometimes also be a view into our moods lol so I left the typo  grinz )
......was saying>  the one doing the isolating of another, is typically working from a place of fear and insecurity in themselves. ( I base this only on the people or friends in my life who have experienced this and/or talked with me about it, and probably is not without exception ) ..
 
there was another thread recently that dealt with wanting ( or not) ones submissive to better themselves and grow.......this was also in my thoughts...the isolation factor...if not from others, isolating them from the ability and sources to grow and learn seemed a warning flag to me.
 
when talking about  isolating yourself>
I agree with several others here who have added that " times of isolation" doesn't have to be a negative... 
 I sometimes like being by myself..quietly with my thoughts....introspective....and meditating is a way of healthy isolation...quieting the mind to hear more clearly...
 
I can also relate to your feeling isolated because Darcy is away..  ( my son and grandkids are 3000 miles away...as well as Master).. Darcy is close..maybe not physically, but he is there with you  in all other ways.
 
It use to be really hard for me to sit in a house that was empty and without noise ( tv  radio  childrens noise) ..or sit in a crowded diner by myself without a companion along..
 it was my perspective, I learned eventually....I focused on the aloneness...but I wasn't really alone...I had me and had my thoughts....
Now I still take a book and a notepad and pen, if Im going to dine alone...sometimes Im reading, sometimes my mind is just wandering through my thoughts...sometimes I sketch or write random thoughts down. 
 
I think we all need others...people, friends, relationships in our lives....to keep us growing, inspired, motivated, thinking..feeling...sane!
 
someone touted some geniuses of our time, that created and invented in complete isolation...
well..
there is the adage:
theres a fine line between genius and insanity..
 
as Barbra sings>   "People...people who need people................................"
 
ok...back to mopping and dusting..
 
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 8:54:05 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

Did you know him in life? One filled with regret
So soon we all forget, we ever met
Do you know my name? Sing a light refrain
For a man estranged
I won't deny that I'm inclined to isolate
Dearly Beloved, Dearly Beloved, Dearly Beloved I can't relate-
I can't relate to you, I can't relate to you...

(Graffin/Gurewitz)

As with almost everything else, isolation is a factor that can build some, and destroy others... Be wary of extrapolating "me" to "everyone"

(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 9:15:17 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You're assuming all people isolate for bad reasons. Not so. Introverts isolate because they need alone time to recover from stress. And although isolating someone against their will is abusive, isolating someone for a month or two while they concentrate on learning new things helps the learning process.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 9:32:43 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Sometimes self-imposed isolation is healthy, for short term coping process.  Perhaps to prove to yourself or others that you are capable of being by ourself and with yourself.

Then there are those, that within a longer timefram actually begin to depend on themselves with higher value and ability than others on the 'outside'.

With this, becomes the burden of 'arrogance'.  We see it all the time, single women who at one time were recently divorced and thinking they were unable to cope and voila, within time (years? months?) they are telling the world 'I don't need a man anymore' and live forever single (good or bad or indifferent, it shuts you out from a possible relationship with other human beings aka social-health).

The second frequent isolation tactic is men who do so, out of bitter disregard for anyone's ideals.  This arrogance is toxic and formulated with a dash of selfish intent and a constant or repetative battle for those who's point of views seem 'argumentative to such person's ego.  This ego, which has become their best friend now turns one from a temporary hermit into  social outcast material.  Their own arrogance fights any upper or equal of value communication thoughts from others.  This is where paranoia begins.  A lazy man's version of narcistic ego retention (aka, rely on yourself and ONLY yourself and I will be safe mentality). 

A truly dangerous and selfish sort to have a conversation with. 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: .isolation. - 9/1/2007 9:33:58 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		What a beautiful picture you painted of your homelife.  It sounds heavenly to me.  i love being on or at the water.  It's very calming for me.  Only, i would also love to be on one of those boats going by.........One day, maybe......
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
___________________________________________________
"Quantum Physics Says: You'll never find me if I stand still."


quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie
I love isolation. I'm not overly social. I love being alone, sitting on the deck watching the boats go by, listening to the waves, doing stuff on my laptop or reading a book, or just being with R and my kiddo. One of the happiest days I had recently was when the local grocer I love started order online and they deliver..one less trip off the property for me!! It is healthy for me. I am calmer, more at ease, peaceful. I enjoy going out and going away with R but if he isn't around I prefer to be home.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: .isolation. - 9/2/2007 3:39:07 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		It doesn't sound like many of you come from the country, where people of all walks of life tend to live relatively isolated lives and mind your own business is a matter of social etiquette.

Living in the buckle of Ontario's Bible Belt does not afford me much opportunity to socialize. I simply do not have enough in common with those who preach the bible.

But I have family and friends with whom I visit, and friends as far away as Ireland and Australia with whom I talk quite frequently.

As for whether a slave is isolated or not, seems to me that is a matter for her and her master to decide before becoming a slave and master.

Or is this "sub/slaves are pathetically incompetent and need others to tell them what relationships to enter" week?

If that is the case, should such individuals be involved in bdsm in the first place? Are they not so mindless that anyone could talk them into anything, regardless of whether isolation is involved or not?


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: .isolation. - 9/2/2007 4:58:19 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I wanted to thank everyone who has taken time to respond.
I just wanted to highlight that I believe that Estring is correct.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

Are we confusing isolation and "alone time"? It seems most people are talking about the latter.


I think alone time, time to meditate - those moments away are important.  But I was speaking about total isolation.
 
smilez - it was really wonderful to see you post here - It made me smile and I do hope you are both well.
And many thanks to Kyra for posting beautifully as always.
Cyndi - I am beginning to really look forward to your posts.
And to Bob - I lived in the country until early this year - for future reference.
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: .isolation. - 9/3/2007 11:28:22 AM   
PainCompliant


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline 		My first experience with isolation was about 3 days.  I was totally naive and no idea of what what happening, but then realized that by the time 24 hours had passed I was totally dependent on my captor, and after two days or so I was broken to the point of obeying him without thought or questioning.  Since them I have been hooked.  No other approach to control has been anywhere near as real or as effective.  Longest I have done in isolation is 7 days.  For business and other reasons I can not do much more than that.  Point is that isolation, for me at least, has been an extremely effective tool.  The longer I am isolated the more impact it has on me.  And once I am pleading for release before a negotiated release date, demanding it, and it doesn't happen, it becomes as real as I am looking for.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: .isolation. - 9/3/2007 12:25:01 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		I guess it all comes down to context. I have a subbie friend, whom I persuaded to come out of the closet and come out to play.

She decided she wanted a Master, and I wasn't appropriate, apparently, because she'd have to share me.

So she advertised and was approached (supposedly) by a couple, but she has only spoken to him.

He wants her to duck out of public postings, not communicate with scene friends, etc. until he gets around to seeing her.

After a few weeks of regular emails from her and occasional emmails from he goes 'dead'.

She is going frantic, desperately wanting to please, but not knowing where to turn.

Not a new story, I guess  lots of you have heard that, or been there.

But imposing limits, effective scene/cyber isolation on a prospective subbie before you've even met them.

Still less before there is any formal agreement seems irresponsible to me.

Irresponsible of the Dom to demand it, irresponsible and unwise of the subbie to accept it.

(in reply to PainCompliant)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: .isolation. - 9/3/2007 1:45:17 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		i guess you could say i live a semi-isolated life...i'm a houseslave, am not permitted to venture out into the world alone (am actually usually locked inside when he leaves the house), don't have any friends outside of my Master, can only browse certain websites, etc. however i am able to communicate with others via approved online mediums such as this one, and i do leave the house to go walking, grocery shopping, etc., i am just with my Master when i do them. the first year + plus our relationship, i was kept pretty much completely isolated...no contact or communication with anyone at all unless he was by my side or it was someone he had commanded me to serve. no contact of any sort with family or anyone from my pre-slave life. it was harsh at times but it was necessary for my training at that time. now, about 6 years later, our dynamic is firmly established, expectations are clear, we're comfortable, there just isn't a need at the moment for total isolation. tho i could see him going there again for some special, life-altering circumstance.

but i like my semi-isolated life. it gives me maximum ability to grow as the sort of slave he wishes me to be, which includes being completely dependent, vulnerable, powerless.

(in reply to sirguym)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: .isolation. - 9/3/2007 5:34:21 PM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		are you referring to doms who put subs "under consideration" in isolation?
 
 
Sir's girl, who find this distasteful

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 40
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