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RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 8:58:39 PM

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/20/2004
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Lol..thanks...the plus side was that he and I hadn't gone too serious...not really ready for another relationship of any type...

I was under the impression he was really serious this third, fourth, hundredth time around about D/S...but I was just getting some bad vibes that he had no idea what he was talking about and me being the researcher...wanted to talk to people who were experienced Dom's and Sub's...I'm really glad to have found this board...He kept trying to tell me what to be and expect but from what I've read and from talking with everyone here...I realized he had NO clue...Lol

Not really ready for a relationship, right now just wanting to educate myself so that I will know what is going on...I'm so so new to this so I had no clue what to expect or to experience...

< Message edited by ravenblade -- 6/22/2004 9:00:53 PM >

(in reply to January)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:14:32 PM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I disagree with your assumption sub
Many Dominants DO LIKE and enjoy
the training of other Dominants and
the traits that a well trained slave can
provide to a new relationship. Your
sub opinion of what you think ALL
Masters want is hog wash sub4hire
much less Dominants in general.
That same place that you send raven
to read was more then likely wrote by
a Dominant, hence the same could
be learned in real life and those good
skills passed on to the benifit of other
Dominants the suplicant would serve.
The only skills that would need to be
unlearned are those that go against
the lifestyles ways in general and would
only compliment a slaves training gained
thru life experiances. Anyone whom thinks
they need to throw away all that they have
learned and lived for a Dominant is a fool.
I just so love it when a sub tempts to
state how I as a Dominant am suppose
to think and what I accept and how I act,
HA!JMO

(in reply to January)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:40:52 PM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Signs of a Good Master

M

Manageing both His and others Lifes successfully and Alternately.

A

Artful attitude and application of BDSM and Safe Sane Concensual.

S

Skillfully can show experiance of the Tools and Toys of the Trade.

T

Tedious to details in training of His posessions an promotes their talents.

E

Enpowering All around Him in His Essance n endearing in His everything.

R

Reveered by His Peers n Fellow Doms whom know His Deeds n Reserve.

MistressDREAD™®©reg6/2004
~Written with My FC Grey Dragon in mind~

(in reply to ravenblade)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:44:51 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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Thanking for sharing that Mistress Dread...I should tattoo that on a certain someone...LOL

I appreciate you sharing the signs..may I print a copy for keeping??

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:47:25 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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as long as you copy and paste it complete with My copywrite

(in reply to ravenblade)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:50:23 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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take the time and read thru ALL of the postings here raven and when you have gone thru ALL of the postings and read them you will have the answers as to where you can go with your desired Master for the both of you to gain the skills the both of you need with in the Lifestyle in the both of Yours desires. There are several Dominants with in These boards My self included that Train both Dominants and suplicants. But first it is wise for anyone new here to read the WHOLE contents of this forum befor posting and I always urge those whom I refer here to do such in their learning process. JMO

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 9:51:50 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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Most definetely...was going to paste it in my planner so I can remember what to look for...

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 10:01:29 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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I need to...I mostly started posting tonight after dealing with CPM. As I went over the conversation I had with him...I realize more and more...he was just making things up as we had talked...I really dont' think he cared and definetely knew anything of D/S.

I guess he figure he watch a movie and suddenly he was an expert...Lol

I'm just glad I have some great Doms/Subs here to help me with understanding more about the D/S life...I know as I talked to him on the phone...He got very angry I wouldn't accept what he was saying as gold and when I question some of the things he would try to retaliate saying I wasn't "a good slave"....He was angry I was talking to anyone about "us" and that made me very cautious there...I didn't like the isolation feeling I was getting and the fact he was agitated with each question...

I remember him saying I was suppose to be happy being at home ( I work and go to school) and not to have contact with anyone particularly regarding D/S...He went on to say..I was suppose to wait in the room (we don't live together) and he can just go out and work and hang out with his friends...That didn't sound right to me...Somethign was seriously wrong in the CPM logic...

He even tried to say that he knew what a Master was and no one else here knew what they were talking about...whatever..it really bothered me when we explored D/S earlier he refuse to pay attention to what a D/S relationship was supposed to do..

he had wanted originally for me to sign a contract excluding safe words, giving him total control of anything and excluding the part about the master taking care of the sub/slave.

I just had a really uncomfortable feeling...I'm glad that this has led me to this board and I plan on reading more of the posts so I can one day be a better Sub/Slave or Mistress if that's where the path takes me.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 10:49:52 PM

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Joined: 4/30/2004
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MistressDREAD, a lot of your posts i don't agree with, but everything You've said in this thread is right on target. i hope the poster takes them to heart and learns from them.

As for the "Master" in question being a bad Master. That's not necessarily true. He just may not be the one for you. Also, just because you're not into the things He is doesn't make Him unsafe. Master and i are into a lot of things that even a person in the lifestyle might frown upon. If you're not into it, then it's time to move on.

Also, instead of hitting yourself over the head with a hammer (metaphorically of course), look at the relationship and learn from it. This relationship should show you what you want out of your next one, what you want and don't want. Also, you may want to seriously consider making out a contract that includes yours and their limits. That way they can't say you never told them something (or vice versa)

< Message edited by kirameaMW -- 6/22/2004 10:50:07 PM >

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/22/2004 11:09:13 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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The CPM was not really into it for the D/S...I discovered there were more underlying issues that were involved...apparently he was using D/S as more of a cover...I think if he was truly as interested as he said he was..he would be taking the time to learn, to grow and to understand his role as a Master... He has a past history with assault and a very bad history with women from what I've discovered and I think what happen was that he was looking for a type to use and abuse and I guess he figure D/S would make a good cover story...It was really no lost than for me. Rather the stories are true or not...i don't know and really don't care...I do know that I'm better off without him.

I should have tape record the conversation, it was actually more funny than sad...and from his tone..it was very obvious that he has no clue what he was talking about...I'm not too sad about the lack of a relationship from him....I got offline and he had left a pretty nasty voicemail on my cellphone....and I don't mean nasty as in turn on nasty either..

The only plus side was that up till now I was never really interested in D/S relationships...he and I had talked about it...and I thought it was interesting and something I was willing...but I think the end result was that I discovered a side to myself that I liked and for him...it was more talk than show...

I'm glad he did what he did...otherwise it wouldn't have led me to this site...and the chance to interact and learn from everyone here...

Otherwise...it would have never crossed my mind to explore and learn...So we have to give him credit for doing one good thing....Lol

He can't really be credit for being a Master...he wanted to just use and then dump and move on and use someone else....He didn't like the idea of taking care of anyone other than himself and well...I learn one thing for sure...A real Master takes interest in his slave.

This case...I think it was just another game of CPM...a friend who knows him as well as I ...gave me a rundown of his relationship with other women and well...I'm the first he's explored D/S and apparently he has a very bad history when it comes to relationships....They were telling me he seems to have a "lot of personal problems".

I can't say I regret it...and I can say I'm safe for it too....I have a serious issue that he wasn't thinking of my safety...and what he tried to get me to agree to was very questionable..

there is a fine line between D/S and abuse...and what he was wanting was abuse...In the voicemail, he was telling me to not talk to anyone about this or I would regret it...so needless to say...I'm glad that things didn't work out with him.

< Message edited by ravenblade -- 6/22/2004 11:17:40 PM >

(in reply to kirameaMW)

Night everyone - 6/22/2004 11:11:17 PM

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline

I'm fixing to get some sleep...I have a long day ahead and work to take care off..

Thank you for your wonderful support, help and advice...Looking forward to reading more of the posts here and participating in the convesations....You're helping me learn more about myself and a side of myself I never thought I had and it's very liberating.....

(in reply to ravenblade)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:18:59 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

Now comes the part I have been avoiding. raven, I don’t think you should make any major choices until you know your own desires. (Here is a 55-gallon drum of worms I am opening) I don’t believe that a person is in their heart-and-soul a switch. I am not a person that speaks of ‘true’ Doms or subs. That ‘true’ concept is an elitist label from a vocal minority. Many of the leaders in a community are not speaking for the majority anyhow. But I do believe that a person is not a switch, they are just playing the role.

Steps softly as to not smush the worms crawling around....you said a mouthful about opening it, Kurt.

I firmly believe that until you have experienced the switch mentality - you don't know what it is like to be a switch. Please, please do not think you know what you are talking about until you have been there. It's so frustrating to others who HAVE been there. Being a switch is just as much a choice/inclination/inborn trait as being totally dominant or totally submissive. Please avoid stepping on another's kink else the worms begin to crawl in your own underwear.

I will say this to the originator of the thread. When you experience a dom like this "couch potatoe" you are describing, it is frustrating as hell, and I do know what that is like because I have been there. The problem is not always lack of negotiation - that can be done exhaustively and the dom still falls short of not only the submissive's expectations, but probably his own too. I completely understand the mentality of this sweet submissive who may be thinking "dammit, if he isn't going to do this right, I'm going to and I won't treat my subs this way!" This is a very natural thing to think - so do not berate yourself for it.

However, that does not necessarily make you a switch. It may just mean that you are a pissed off and frustrated submissive. That is understandable. You thought and expected one thing and then got something else. That may or may not be your fault, but either way, it's the reality of the situation. Remember, the word "submissive" is not a synonym for "doormat". In a BDSM relationship, both/all parties must be getting their needs met (I didn't say wants, desires, although that would be great too) or they will not find the relationship fulfilling and probably leave it quickly.

I wish you the best..and I agree that you should take some time to think about and explore what you want and what your deepest inclinations are. That is exactly why I have taken a year to think and explore - which is supposed to be up in November, but I don't know that I will be finished and ready to move forward even then. And here's some advice...try to avoid serious relationships during the time you are exploring. They can cause incredible problems and keep you from reaching the goals you have set.

It may sound selfish, but think about yourself for a while...decide what you want and need from BDSM and go from there. Submissives tend to try to hurry up and find the perfect Master - who does not exist, just as the perfect submissive does not exist. The power of the craving to serve is so damn strong at times, but you can learn to "control" it and express it appropriately and with the right people. Don't hurry yourself.

Best wishes to you. I forgive you, too, Kurt. Watch that worm crawling in your shorts, there.

< Message edited by MistressKiss -- 6/22/2004 11:20:59 PM >

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to AutumnSpell)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:28:01 PM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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Lol..okay I'm supposed to be sleeping but couldn't resist replying...Lol

One good thing about this whole experience with the CPM is that it's open a door to myself that I never thought or would have thought of exploring..as far as serious relationships...I am in NO way in a hurry for well..a few very good reasons outside of the D/S realm.

My biggest goal posting was that I had some serious problems with CPM because a lot of his comments were setting off warning signals (outside of the D/S realm) and well...knowledge is power....

I'm so new to this that I wanted to be able to know if he was telling the truth or not...I can tell you right now...Nothing he has said is the truth...He is and showed to be an obvioius imposter with less than honerable intentions...

There is a fine line between abuse and d/s and he wasn't heading for the d/s side...

I'm very excited about exploring this part of myself that I never thought I was or could be ...as to whether I'm a sub/slav or Mistress...to be honest I really don't know...I have never experienced this with anyone...I never even thought of this...so this is a new world for me...and I'm very anxious to learn, particularly mentally and scholorly wise.

Physically...this was a first and new experience for me...and as much as I wish it was under better circumstances...had he not flub like he did...I wouldn't have been posting here tonight...meeting all of you great individuals and learning so much!!

*hugs* thank you so much...a much wiser ravenblade

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:29:43 PM

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKiss
Watch that worm crawling in your shorts, there.

Hey... that's not a worm!

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:31:38 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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LAUGHS...hey there were no size implications in my post....you're the one who opened said can of worms. If they crawl around sausages or snakes that is their business!

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to AutumnSpell)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:43:40 PM

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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hehe... well I knew I was playing with fire when I said that.

I was standing there with this shiny new can opener. Watching the sun glint off its bright clean blade, before sat this huge can resting gently on top of a large bees nest. What could I do?

hehe, But I have not yet had much experience talking with someone who is a switch. I have many submissive friends, a few Dominant ones but the rare combination of both has not fallen out of the sky into a discussion with me. Perhaps someday I will have that experience and they can put the words into the right order and I will see from their perspective.

It could very well be my ignorance, I most certainly admit to not having much contact with anyone who has switched. But I will keep watching the sky and let you know

___________________
Be good

Kurt

(in reply to MistressKiss)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/22/2004 11:46:08 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Well, you keep hanging around here with us and you'll get some good experience with them... There are a few of us around that seem to be pretty "stable"....

looks at that...laughs...can being a switch be stable?

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to AutumnSpell)

RE: Relax, ravenblade - 6/23/2004 12:07:56 AM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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Hi ravenblade, here's a thread that you might find informative about abuse:
http://www.collarme.com/forum/m_1874/mpage_1/key_abuse//tm.htm#10262

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to ravenblade)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/23/2004 1:17:38 AM

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From: Santiago, Chile
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ravenblade

What do I need to do to find a good Master should I go that route?? Can you tell I need to be taught and trained??

Whoooahhhh hang on a moment here....

Now, I'm the first to admit when I am hurt, it comes out in weird ways. I look at my life, I look myself in the mirror, I write, I agonize, and on a Sunday afternoon I buy two litres of cheap beer (sort of like fourty ounce bottles ;)) and when the headache comes on monday morning, I find I feel 100% better.

It sounds like you love the man you're with (or at least have a strong interest in him) even in spite of the less then perfect D/s relationship. That's way ok! You don't need to pack up and leave because he doesn't have you quivering with desire - but as others have suggested, talking to him now and then is a good way to fix this.

To be honest, it sounds like you have an idea or a fantasy of what you want - but he's not giving it to you right away. This is VERY normal. It takes a lot of time to develop the trust and mutual understandings required to make a successful D/s relationship. In Hollywood, people fall in love with a glance, and live happily ever after. In reality, they fall in lust and spend the next three months trying to figure out if they can stand to be around each other outside of the bedroom. D/s isn't any different.

Take a little time, and spend that Sunday getting hammered - and when you have a headache, it'll be surprisingly easy to figure out what it is you really do want. If it's a different owner, then DONT go looking for him while still living with the current. I don't touch a slave or sub with a ten foot pole if she's still 'in a relationship but not happy' because it tells me she doesn't mind lying to get what she wants.

If you decide the man you are with really does make you happy - then find a way to make life work with him, either as a Sub, Switch, Domme, or whatever kinked version you come up with. By your profile, it seems like you already did that.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to ravenblade)

RE: Signs of a Good Master - 6/23/2004 7:00:04 AM

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Joined: 6/20/2004
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Voltare,
I appreciate the advice...I had loved him at one time...but this is someone who tried to tell me it was okay for him to not take care of me, and do anything he wants irregardless how hurt I got....He and I are no longer together and I had called him last night and it got pretty ugly....Afterwords he left a pretty nasty (and not turn on nasty) message on my voicemail...so this is really more a case of wanting a not so healthy control..

From the sound of him...his fantasy is to control and abuse without getting in trouble with the law...This is a case where reality...I may be dealing with a possible abuser not a player or participant.

Personally..I don't want to end up in a hospital or in court filing any type of charges against him when the saniest thing is to just walk away. It says a lot when you try to talk to someone and rather than having an adult conversation, they began to threaten you and your family and using swear words to "get their point across".

I really don't think he is happy I broke his ultimate fantasy of trying to commit domestic abuse and letting him get away with it. From talking with him and the messages he left...he is an obvious control freak and someonoe who doesn't know where to draw the line.

LOL..I have one request...Can we stop talking about the CPM now?? LOL

Woke up this morning, happy and fufilled and realizing I'm way better off without him, now that I have better information than what he gave me...

Personally...If he had been a real "Master" he would have taken better care of me and not use threats and fear. He was a guy who didn't want to have responsibilities and basically wanted to do what he wanted without having consequences or thinking of the impact on others.

Maybe he'll come to his senses and realize he crossed the line way way too much...I don't know...That's his journey that I can't take for him...Maybe D/S wasn't for him and he was just looking for something to fufill his desire to control and this wasn't it...I do know that he did kept making one point over and over..He didn't like the idea of having responsibility and wanted to just do whatever he wanted and walk off without caring what happen to someone.

Empowerment is good for the soul...

< Message edited by ravenblade -- 6/23/2004 7:02:40 AM >

(in reply to Voltare)

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